Sermon Tone Analysis

Intro

A couple years ago I had the opportunity to go out to Colorado and officiate a wedding.

The wedding was for one of the girls I had in my youth group when when I was a youth pastor in Colorado.

So as I was wrestling through trying to figure out a good wedding sermon to give, I kept coming back to the idea that marriage is a death.

Everything in life dies when you get married,

Your single life dies

Your friendships die

Your relationship with your family dies

Your freedom dies

As I was bouncing these ideas off of Mandee she looked at me with a horrified look on her face and said, you cant say that at a wedding!

Its a wedding not a funeral

But here is the thing, unless we understand what must die in marriage we will never experience the resurrection of all these things

In marriage your single life does die, but out of that death comes the new life of being united with your spouse - no longer single, but now fused together in the covenant of marriage

In marriage your friendships die.

You no longer relate to people as a single person, you are no longer your own person, but now every relationship has to die and be resurrected in the light of your marriage.

One big struggle for young married couples is trying to keep old relationships alive when your marriage calls them to die.

This of course does not mean you cannot still be friends with your friends from when you were married, but it means that the friendship must not be resurrected in the reality of marriage.

There is a death to family relationships

When a father’s daughter gets married, he is no longer the man of her life.

That relationship must die in order for the marriage to succeed

This is often why “in-law” relationships are so difficult within a marriage because there is a refusal to let the previous relationship die, and thus no resurrection into the new relationship.

Part of the reason this death and resurrection framework is scoffed at, is because we have bought into the lies our culture tells us about marriage.

Marriage is sentimental -

our view of marriage looks more like a hallmark card than what the bible says, and then we get discouraged or even embittered when we find out that our marriages don’t align with our sentimental preconceptions.

Marriage is not sentimental, I like what Tim Keller says

“Marriage is glorious but hard.

It’s a burning joy and strength, and yet it is also blood, sweat, and tears, humbling defeats and exhausting victories.”

Marriage is many things, but its not sentimentality.

To swing to the other end of the spectrum many think marriage is really just a practicality.

Marriage is pratical

It makes sense to get married, you get better insurance, tax breaks, bank loans, two incomes… you can accomplish more together than you can apart.

Yet any marriage that is set up on this foundation is doomed to fail.

Because marriage is so much more than pragmatism, it is far more glorious than that.

The reason marriage is so difficult to fully understand is because its a mystery.

Spouses should be friends - yet its more than a friendship

Spouses should work together - yet its more than a partnership

Spouses are to love one another - its its more than just love

Spouses are to be intimate - yet its more than just physical or emotional pleasure.

There is something about marriage that is far greater and far more glorious than just a man or a woman being committed to each other.

This morning we will be looking at Ephesians 5 22-33, where Paul address husbands and wives giving them very practical advice and wisdom, yet he constantly ties the marriage into the greater mystery.

In some mysterious.

way, all marriages reflect the divine love of God toward his bride, the people of God.

Now the fact that Paul quotes Genesis 2 in verse 31 gives us a great clue as to how we should understand this mystery of marriage.

The Clue: The Garden Wedding

Before God created Eve he created Adam.

Adam came first, he was made from the dust of the ground,

When you see your kids playing in the dirt you can remind them that they are acting like God, for he was the first one to play in the dirt.

From the dirt God formed Adam and breathed life into his nostrils

When Adam was created he was given headship over all creation, Part of this headship was naming all the animals (To name something is to have authority over.

God does a lot of naming in creation and thus has authority over all creation, He then wants Adam act the same way, so Adam names the animals

However, in the process of naming the animals Adam noticed that that all the boy animals have girl anmials by their sides.

They have helpers, they have mates, they have lovers.

But Adam didn’t have anyone by his side.

God then speaks in Gen 2.18

God also see’s that its not good for Adam to be alone, so he said he would make a helper for him.

He would give Adam, this dirtbag, a very special gift

God was about to make the crowning glory of his creation

God was about to make the most beautiful part of his creation

God was about to make the most glorious part of his creation

He was going to give Adam a helper, a girl, a wife, a bride!

However, for Adam to have this bride, this wife, this glorious creation, he first had to die.

So for Adam to experience the glory of his bride, he must first die for her to come into being

The Hebrew word for “deep sleep” represents a death sleep.

So God caused a death sleep to fall upon Adam.

While Adam was in this death sleep God tore open his side and took from him one of his ribs.

After taking the rib God closed up the flesh where it had been

God did not leave Adam in his death sleep with his side ripped open.

God himself closed up his side, he healed his body, from where the rib had been removed.

Here we start to pick up the clues of what marriage is all about

The Adam see’s Eve as his own body, bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh

So after God closed up the flesh, he took the rib and from it formed a bride for Adam.

You see, Adam’s body was torn open so that Eve might come into being

Adams side was pierced by God himself in order to bring about a bride that would help Adam with his mission.

There is another bride in the bible who was formed from her husbands side

There is another bride who is called the body of her husband

There is another bride who found life by her husband being torn open and dying.

You see, the first marriage between Adam and Eve was one that looked forward to the greater Adam, who is Jesus, and the greater Eve, who is the Church.

Marriage is a Living Symbol of Christ and the Church

And the mystery we feel around marriage is that fact that every marriage in a very real way represents the union Christ has with his church.

This is been the model from the first marriage until the last, when the bride of Christ is joined to Christ has a glorified bride.

So seeing the mystery of marriage for what it is, a living symbol of Christ and the Church.

Where the wife symbolizes and represents the church, and the husband symbolizes and represents Jesus allows us to understand what Paul says in Eph 5.22-33

I want to first bring out the obvious of what this does not say.

It does not say, “Women, submit to men, as to the Lord”

Nor does it say, “Wives, submit to husbands, as to the Lord”

This verse does not in any way say that women must always be in submission to men.

What does it say?

“Wives (not women), submit to your OWN husbands, as to the Lord”

This does not mean, as some have interpreted it, that wives are to treat their husband like the Lord, but rather the wife’s role within the marriage relationship is to glorify God by representing the bride of Christ by faithfully submitting in all things to her husband, as the church is to faithfully submit in all things to Christ.

As Adam was the head of Eve, and Christ is the head of the Church, so husbands are to be the head, the leader of their wives.

Does this mean that a wife has to submit to her husband in everything, no matter what?

NO!

Paul goes out of his way to say you are to submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

If your husband want you to do something that would violate God’s instruction than you don’t need to submit, for that is not as unto the Lord.

Now, does this mean that wives must always obey and never push back?

never wrestle?

never voice their opinion?

NO!

The bible is full of stories of the people of God faithfully wresting with God (the psalms, Jacob literally wrestles with God)

Submission is not mindlessly following your husband, but rather its faithfully empowering him to lead as God has called him to lead.