Faithlife Sermons

I hate my marriage

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So I've been with my wife for 6 years, married for 3, and from the beginning, folks warned that we were a mismatch, but I'm very stubborn & wanted to prove our love to the world!

At this point, it's interesting to see the fo talk of "changing in the 20s", as I was 23, she was 30 when we married. I wouldn't say that I've "changed" in the last 3 yrs, but I've definitely "learned." I've learned that neither of us truly comprehended each others needs, or our own needs when we committed to each other.

I've learned that she IS a needy, dependent person & can not care for herself physically & emotionally. I meant it when I said, "for better for worse," & as her family's screwed up & she doesn't have many friends, I'm her sole support structure. (Ok, that's not true, we have a great faith community at church, but they're not engaged with us/her on a daily basis).

Through different situations, where I've needed her, she's let me down, or been unable to support me in endeavors, family crises, educational goals, etc., though she tries. Because of this I've stopped trusting her ability to be a partner, & have started to wall myself off from her emotionally. At this point I feel like a robot & try to have no feelings.

What should I do?  I think I hate my husband, I have only been married for two short months and I think I want to leave him.  We started having problems before the wedding but now things have gotten to the point that we don't even have sex or sleep in the same room.  We don't talk and when we do we fight.  We have a two year old son and I think that we really only got married because of him.  How can we try to make this work?  I can not even remember the reasons why I fell "in love" with him.  What should I do?

I Hate My Husband

I hate my husband of 13 years. Five wonderful kids. He is an abusive workaholic. I'm worthless, lazy, too stupid to earn money myself [a lot of money]. My youngest is only 3 and oldest is 12. He is never home. I don't believe in divorce. There is no way out. No hope. No life.

Just a moment to vent....anonymously! 

1. Opens cupboard doors but refuses to close them.

2. Leaves wet towels on the bed after showers

3. Leaves dirty socks on the floor or tucked into shoes.

4. Pretends not to hear the baby crying.

5. Doesn't understand what it means when I say please help.

10. The Laundry. For nearly a decade, I just threw our laundry together and did it all. He got used to the fact that I did that. But when I hit an average of six to seven loads a week, I started resenting it. Now he splits laundry duties - but two people + children generate a heck of a lot of laundry.

9. Scheduling everything. Scheduling is important because it assures us that we get time together. But I hate the lack of spontaneity. I hate having to make sure reminders are left out so that important days are not forgotten for me, for relatives and for our marriage.

8. Sharing the bathroom. Everyone has a pet peeve and sharing a bathroom is one of them. There's a great deal of personal space that's lost in a marriage. More evaporates when kids are born. Sharing a bathroom often means that when I'm in the shower, he's going to use the facilities. Annoying!

7. Peas. Yes. Peas. He hates them. So I don't prepare them that often. Being married sometimes means giving up favorite foods because one partner or the other doesn't like them. I miss having peas. I could make them, but it's wasteful if I'm the only one eating them. Green beans are no replacement for peas.

6. Snoring. We both do it. But it wakes him up whether he's the one doing it or not. So then he tells me to roll over. One night, I was already up and in the bathroom and I heard him telling me to roll over. If snoring wakes him up whether it's me, the dog or himself - I'm the one that has to be woken up and told to move - even when I'm not there!

5. Assumptions. You know what they say about assumptions and I hate that about marriage. If one partner always does something, the other just assumes they do. They don't ask why. They don't offer to take over the responsibility. They don't even offer to split it. They might do it grudgingly and with stomping feet when asked, but who wants to bother with that response?

4. Repairs. When I was single and something broke, I called someone. Since I've been married, he says "I'll fix it." Problem is, he doesn't fix it. I don't know how to fix it. He doesn't fix it. But he doesn't want anyone called to repair it. So what happens? You spend six months with a broken knob off the dryer and have to use pliers to turn it on!

3. Cheerleading. You have to be your partner's cheerleader. You really do. But some days, you have trouble getting yourself out of bed much less cheering someone else on. If you're grumpy though, they won't leave you alone until you tell them what is 'wrong.' If the 'wrong' thing is it's just a bad day --- oh pfft. Just say Rah Rah and move on!

2. Absolution. Marriage requires a lot of give and take. But sometimes you just get tired of saying 'Oh that's just so-and-so.' Or you get tired of hearing 'you never said that.' The latter more than the former drives me nuts. I did say it. I wrote down when I said it. Why don't you listen when I said it? They say 'I'm sorry.' Is that supposed to just fix it?

1. And the number one thing I hate about marriage? Sorting through the garbage. If he's pissed at his mother, he yells at you for doing something remotely similar. His expectations are a lot higher of you than they are of the rest of the people in your life. He listens to them when he can't remember what you said. Some days, it makes you just want to scream. Why do I bother!!??!! You know, that intellectually he has to probably cope with the same issues from you - but hey, this is what I hate about marriage - let him make his own list!

OL> When she “binds” my socks for storage, she makes it so I need to inside-them-out before I can put them on.  This wastes critical weekday morning preparation time.

She says hurtful things outloud, that for the sake of our son, she should only say in her head, such as “you’re driving me crazy” and “why did I have children.”

WTH (white trash habit) #14: she brings “home only” plates, drink glasses and ceramic coffee cups into even the shortest car rides.

she has no stamina for aerobic activity (bike riding, running for more than 15 minutes)

have been married for over 10 years now. I got married when I was 21 years old and she was 20. Magically, she got pregnant shortly (about 1 month) after our wedding. now we have 2 children whom I love completely and am very proud of. My marriage , on the other hand, is miserable. I work outside the home and she is a house wife (she hates that title). When I come home from work I find that I am expected to clean the house (I usually do this on Saturday and/or Sunday). when I say clean the house I mean: dust, sweep, clean bathrooms, laundry, mop, etc. On Weekdays I am expected to help the children with their homework and possibly make dinner depending on who has what practice that evening.

I do not mind helping with the housework, but shouldn't she be doing something. From where I stand all I every see her do is watch TV, talk on the phone, and talk a nap. While she is doing these (except the nap) she is bitching at either me or the children. Add to this that nothing I do seems to be good enough to satisfy her lust for more things. I make a damn good living and still can not seem to make enough to quench her thirst for "keeping up with the Jones". Add to this that throughout our marriage I have been verbally abused, degraded both publicly and privately and basically taken her ****.

As an added bonus she put on weight with our first child and, I guess, decided she liked it because she added a little more. Now she weighs in at about 300 pounds. I know this is shallow sounding but quite frankly is a consideration. Not to mention she doesn't seem to like sex. Which is fine because I am not attracted to her.

Now, I will admit that I am not without fault. Yes, I have cheated on my wife (I have had 2 separate one-night stands). I have lied. Starting about 1 year ago I basically stopped caring about her.

However, I have always strove to do the best I can and to provide the most and best that I can for my family. I don't expect to have a picture perfect marriage like "Leave it to Beaver" or anything like that. However, I would like to have a partner in life that works with me in achieving goals and solving problems. Instead I have a task master that ******* at me trying to get what she wants without having to do anything herself.

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