Faithlife Sermons


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You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

You get to work and find a 60 MLnutes news team waiting in your office.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the

You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.

Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels.

Your 4-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.

You realize you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant.

You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humor is putting crazy glue in your Preparation H.

You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.

Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens in your dresser drawer.

It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.

You spend $75 at the hair dresser's and when you get home your dog starts barking at you.

You wake up to the soothing sound of running water.. .and remember that you just bought a waterbed.

The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

You v;ake *<zp and your braces are stuck together.

You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.

Your income tax refund check bounces.

You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

You wake up and discover that your waterbed broke.. .and remember you don't have a waterbed

You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.

Your Aunt Maudie who has two poodles and a chihuahua tells you that her doctor just recommended plenty of rest in a warm,  dry climate.. .and you live in Arizona.

You receive a 150-page booklet on how to save money.. .from PG&E.

Air line food starts to taste good.

Your mother approves of the person you are dating.

Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.

You have to borrow from your Visa to pay off your MasterCard.

You realize that you have memorized the back of your cereal box.

Nothing you own is actually paid for.

Everyone loves your driver's license picture.

Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.

You compliment the boss1 wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't wearing any.


The health inspector condeims your office coffee maker.

The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes—and no one has touched it.

You look out the window of the airplane and the B.F. Goodrich blimp is gaining on you.

The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.

People think you are 40.. .and you are.

You notice dandruff.. .on your unbrella.

The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.

You are pigging out at McDonald's by yourself and the manager orders the nunbers on the sign outside changed.

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