Faithlife Sermons


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Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

You answer the door before people knock.

You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

You have to watch videos in fast forward.

The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the


You lick your coffee pot clean.

You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't




Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You chew on other people's fingernails. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee. Cocaine is a downer. All your kids are named "Joe." You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. When you find a penny you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll

have a cup."

Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. Instant coffee takes too long. You channel surf faster without the remote.

When someone says, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop." You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.

You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

You don't get mad, you get steamed.

You help your dog chase its tail.

You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.

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