1 Peter 3:1-7 Wives and Husbands

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

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Introduction

In today’s text, the Apostle Peter continues to instruct on human relationships in the church. In Chapter 2, he described how Christians should relate to one another, and specifically to authority, in human institutions. To sum that up, all human institutions, and their governments, are ordained by God and He has done so for His glory and for our benefit. Therefore, we should willingly and happily submit to human authority in the same way that we are willing to submit to the Lordship of Christ.

Human Nature:

Robert Mounce points out that human nature makes it difficult for people to submit to one another. It goes against the grain of our self-interest. Yet society cannot exist without order. We remember the chaos in the time of judges when everyone did as he saw fit.

Feminism

R.C. Sproul was helpful in pointing out that this text and some of Paul’s writings have come under attack as a result of the Feminist movement.

Some feminists have attempted to refute the writings of Paul and Peter as being chauvinistic and as being cultural anomalies. Some female academics will claim to affirm the Bible as the word of God, then go on to challenge these writings.

Both Peter and Paul base their teaching on the facts and order of creation, not the culture of first century Palestine.

Its important to note, that no where in the Bible does God say that women are inferior to men

In recent years, women have gained equality in the work place, in politics and in society. Women have been and are successful leaders in business, academics, politics and government.

Within the family however, there is a division of responsibility, with the husband being the loving head of the family, and the wife willingly submitting to his leadership.

Honoring God in the family

In the text today, Peter moves on to discuss how our family relationship, specifically within the institution of marriage, should be. Marriage relationships should be a model of the relationship between Christ and His Church, which is referred throughout the OT and NT, especially in Revelation, as His Bride.

Note that Peter spends six verses on instructions to women and one on instructions to men. In the first Century context of this writing, and arguably now, women had a more difficult lot in life and so he gives more attention to them.

Peter’s purpose in writing this

What prompted Peter to write this? Of course, the short answer is the Holy Spirit, but the Apostles never wrote anything without a specific purpose and to make a specific point. The situation here is that that God’s people were involved in different types of social relationships and they were dealing with different problems. In the earlier text, we see that these Christians were troubled by ungodly authorities, either in the government or their workplaces. In this text, we find women and men, who had turned to Christ, were still married. In some cases, both are believers, in other cases, one is a believer and the other is not. Does ungodly authority give us license to be disobedient or rebellious?

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Key Question/Interrogative: How should husbands and wives relate to each other?

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Answer/Imperative: Wives should relate to their husbands as the Church relates to Christ. Husbands should honor and protect their wives as Christ honors and protects His Church.

Transition:

As Christ leads His Church, the husband leads the family. As the church loves and obeys Christ, so the wife loves and obeys her husband. This is the case regardless of whether one member of the marriage is an unbeliever.

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1 Peter 3:1–2 NASB95

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First Point: A woman’s witness :

The passage begins with “Likewise” or in the same manner. Just as we are to be subject to divinely ordained human authority, the relationship between a husband and wife is divinely ordained.

“be subject” is direction to women. They are to willingly make themselves subject or subordinate to their husbands unless it puts them in danger.

“if some do not obey the Word”. In other words, if the husband does not obey the instruction of God through His Word. The Word, Logos, can be a reference to Christ, as He was preached through the law and the prophets, through Himself and the Apostles. This, of course, refers to husbands who are not Christian.

“won without a word.” There is a saying attributed to Francis of Assisi: “Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary”. Its a useful saying in this context, but there is more to it than is implied by this quote. We are expected to proclaim the Gospel any way we can, and we are absolutely expected not only to use words, but to use The Word, the Bible, as well as our conduct.

Abuse

Under no circumstances should a woman remain with an abusive husband. Paul, in 1 Cor. 7, allows for separation, but not divorce. In matters of physical abuse, this is a matter for the police, primarily, since God ordained civil authorities for this very purpose. While the church has a role in mediating the conflict, the police must be called in to address any violation of criminal law.

There is a pitfall here. There are many cases where the example of godly women led their husbands to Christ, but that does not mean then that the woman should be the spiritual leader of the family, the Bible is consistent throughout that that role is for the husband. Often, because they came to salvation late, some men yield the leadership of their families to the spouse - this is not God’s intention.

Lessons for us:

It does not matter who got saved first or longer, the husband is the ordained head of the family and when he comes to Christ, He needs to immediately take over His responsibilities to the family and prepare himself for that role. Wives can and should assist in this, and should encourage their husbands to assume this responsibility. This brings us to our second point.

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1 Peter 3:3–6 NASB95

Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

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Second Point: True beauty

The word “adorning” or “adorn” is used three times in this passage. It is derived from the greek word, Kosmos

κόσμος [kosmos /kos·mos/] n m. Probably from the base of 2865; TDNT 3:868; TDNTA 459; GK 3180; 187 occurrences; AV translates as “world” 186 times, and “adorning” once. 1 an apt and harmonious arrangement or constitution, order, government. 2 ornament, decoration, adornment, i.e. the arrangement of the stars, ‘the heavenly hosts’, as the ornament of the heavens. 1 Pet. 3:3

Strong, J. (1995). Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon. Woodside Bible Fellowship.Third Point: Honoring women (v 7)

It refers to how we present, or represent ourselves.

Women are exhorted to be godly and this is primarily an internal attribute, vice external.

Women naturally want to appear attractive to their husbands and the key to this is godliness. they are to be respectful (the greek connotes to fear, here), and pure, modest.

Lessons for us

Peter is not preaching against makeup or attractive, modest, dress. He is pointing out that her inner light, the light of Christ, is what makes a woman truly attractive. External dress should complement that inner light.

Immodest, of flashy dress can draw attention in a tempting or sinful way, since ALL men are graphically or visually stimulated. Flashy or immodest dress tempts to lust and can draw unwanted attention. Men are jealous of their wives, just as Christ is jealous of His church and we need only look at how God rebuked the children of Israel for their lust, and how He punished those who tempted them to lust, to understand that causing temptation is sinful in and of itself.

The question for unmarried women is: what kind of man do you want to attract? Do you want to attract a loving, godly husband, or do you want to attract a lifetime of trouble?

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Wives are to conduct themselves in a manner pleasing to God:

1 Peter 3:4 NASB95

but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

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The example of Sarah

God has provided us wonderful examples of this principle in action throughout the Bible: Sarah, Rachel, Rebekah, Mary - Peter calls out just one of many:

Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him Lord.

She followed him from Ur to the promised land

Abraham got Sarah taken into Pharoah’s harem, but forgave Abraham and continued in a loving respectful relationship.

God overlooked Sara’s response when God informed her of Isaac’s coming birth.

It is Sarah’s devotion to God and her husband that should be the example to all women.

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Bottom Line: The dress of Christian women should reflect their relationship with Christ.

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1 Peter 3:7 NASB95

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

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Third Point: Husbands treasure your wives

Adam, as a poor example

Perhaps the best way to explain this is with a bad example.

Genesis 3:6 (ESV)

6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.

This is an often overlooked bit of text in Genesis . Note what the last part of the verse says: Eve gave some of the fruit to Adam, who was WITH her, and he ate. Make no mistake about this, Adam was with Eve, and he stood by, while Satan seduced her. Not only did he do nothing to stop it, he enthusiastically joined her in the sin. Now while Eve was first in the transgression, Adam fully understood what it was she offered him, and who it was coming from (not God). Adam failed in his responsibility as a husband - he could have gotten her out of there, he could have told her not to believe what the serpent was saying, he could have reminded her that the Creator had forbidden them the fruit, but instead, he joined in the sin. Adam massively failed in his responsibility both to God and to Eve.

Explanation

“honor the woman as someone weaker” On one level, Women are not as physically capable of defending and protecting themselves as men and so Peter instructs husbands to honor and protect their wives. On another level, men and women have different emotional and intellectual tendencies. When we talk about the process of thinking, these are called biases and blind spots. Many of these tend to be different between men and women - this is why God created us in His image, male and female. Husbands are to expected to help their wives to understand and vice versa, wives help their husbands with their bias and blind spots. Not only that, they will have different insights and perspectives on the problem.

Husbands are encouraged to exercise the same servant-leadership that Christ exercised and demonstrated when He washed the feet of the disciples in John 13.

This is why the marriage unit, as one man and one woman, makes a whole. This is only one reason why this whole concept of same-sex unions, or marriages, is not only sinful, but destructive. Two partners of the same sex, have the same tendencies, and won’t be able to help one another in this manner. Moreover, since they are in deliberate, unrepentant sin, this will muddle all their thinking and decision making. Suffering particularly will be any children in this unit, since God’s ordained family unit is a man and woman as husband and wife, which provides a balance and a whole. Children who are raised in a same-sex relationship will lack an understanding of the sex not represented in that relationship.

Husbands and wives are heirs of the grace of life, together. We are alive and preserved by God’s grace, all of us and we need to be grateful for that.

A relationship with God as it’s center

This brings us to an important point: a godly relationship is a relationship with God at its center. A marriage relationship with God at its center will be characterized by worship, love, submission and respect. Conflict between husbands and wives does not glorify God, it takes the focus of the relationship off the main thing, Love God and love one another. If we fail in either of these things, we fail to glorify God.

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Conclusions

Conflict is a fact of any marriage, since the marriage unit is composed of two sinners, but God’s instructions will help work through the rough spots and cover a multitude of sins.

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God must be in the center of any human relationship, and the way to do this is through His Word.

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Christ and His bride, His church, are the model for the marriage relationship. Christ loves, honors and protects His bride, and His bride follows Him, loves Him, obeys Him, and glorifies Him in loving submission.

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God ordained marriage for our benefit - it gives us balance, accountability, love, and encouragement as we fulfill His plan for us.

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Gospel Appeal

Do you know Christ? Have you turned to Him in faith and away from your sins? This is the first pre-requisite for a solid, successful marriage.

This lesson from the Bible is not a self-help class. A successful, happy marriage must have as its foundation a faith in Christ.

Christ calls you. If you have not put your faith in Christ, I encourage you to do so today, without delay.