How to have a good friendship

Start with Self

Healing

Commitment to Jesus

2) Commitment to Jesus

How Mature Are You?

3)How Mature Are You?

Learn to Genuinely Care for Others

2) Commitment to Jesus

3)How Mature Are You?

4) Learn to Genuinely Care for Others

Healing:

Forgiveness of others and oneself. Jesus’ blood was and is enough. God paid the highest price for our renewal and heart change.

(NKJV)

34 Jesus answered them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. 35 And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. 36 Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.

John 8:31–32 NKJV

31 Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

John 8:34–36 NKJV

34 Jesus answered them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. 35 And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. 36 Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.

Commitment to Jesus:

Pray and ask God for wisdom on choosing a good friend. A good friend will help you get closer to God the opposite is true.

How mature are you?

Pg 25 About stages of life

Boundaries

If we are constantly frustrated with not having our own needs met then we are not a very good candidate for positive friendships. We will become a taker instead of a giver. Which = selfishness.

SLIDE Selfishness which is a cause of failed friendships

A. Selfishness

• Self-contempt. having a poor self-image

having a poor self-image

• Self-centered. absorbed with one’s own needs and desires

absorbed with one’s own needs and desires

• Self-conscious. shy, uncomfortable with attention of others

shy, uncomfortable with attention of others

• Self-deceiving. not honest about facts and feelings

not honest about facts and feelings

• Self-defensive. always justifying actions

always justifying actions

• Self-pitying. focusing on personal sorrow

focusing on personal sorrow

• Self-pride. perfectionistic

perfectionistic

• Self-righteous. judgmental

judgmental

• Self-serving. controlling and manipulative

controlling and manipulative

• Self-sufficient. not making quality time to nurture friendships

not making quality time to nurture friendships

Learn How to Genuinely Care for Others

Biblical Counseling Keys on Friendship B. Root Cause

Wrong Beliefs:

“I wish I had a friend who gave me a feeling of belonging and made me feel significant.”

“I need a friend who will give me unconditional love without wanting to change me.”

Right Beliefs:

God is the only Friend whose love is always unconditional. Because He loves me, He plans to change me … sometimes through my friends.

Instead of focusing on getting friendship, I will focus on giving it. My joy and significance will be found in serving and befriending others as an extension of the Lord’s love.

“If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” (John 15:10–12)

SLIDE

Hunt, J. (2008). Biblical Counseling Keys on Friendship: Iron Sharpening Iron (p. 5). Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart.

Boundaries

How do we have healthy, safe, and positive relationships?

Option 1 This person demonstrates: responsibility, self control, freedom, and love

Option 2: this person is irresponsible, manipulative, controlling of others, and out of control.

Which one would you rather be friends with? What is the difference between these two people?

Boundaries!

Boundary = a rule or standard that you put in place for yourself. It is an established limit—a line that should not be crossed.

Biblical Counseling Keys on Boundaries Title Page

We cannot be or do everything for anyone, much less everyone, so we must choose who we will be and what we will do regarding the individuals God brings into our lives. Jesus established boundaries for His relationships by … prioritizing the Father … discipling the twelve … and being intimate with the few.

Biblical Counseling Keys on Boundaries B. What Is the Purpose of Personal Boundaries?

Personal boundaries convey:

— What you are

and

what you are not

— What you like

and

what you don’t like

— What you want

and

what you don’t want

— What you believe

and

what you don’t believe

— What you will choose

and

what you won’t choose

— What you will endure

and

what you won’t endure

— What you will accept

and

what you won’t accept

— What you will give

and

what you won’t give

We have all kinds of boundaries.

— What you are

and

what you are not

— What you like

and

what you don’t like

— What you want

and

what you don’t want

— What you believe

and

what you don’t believe

— What you will choose

and

SLIDE

what you won’t choose

— What you will endure

and

what you won’t endure

— What you will accept

and

what you won’t accept

— What you will give

and

what you won’t give

Hunt, J. (2013). Biblical Counseling Keys on Boundaries (pp. 4–5). Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart.

We have all kinds of boundaries.

Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries define a country, nation, state, city, home. Without them we don’t have any of those. I have a yard which is a boundary that is defined by my title deed and my fence line. and if anyone crosses my yard they might be alright depending on their intention, and my 200lb dog.

SLIDE 1 and 2 Annie

However if they cross my door and I don’t know you and your intention then its going to get ugly.

Physical boundaries also consist of your other areas such as your body.

What you will touch and who will touch you. I try to avoid frontal hugs from woman. I also will not be alone with another woman were there is no one else around. I will ride in a car alone with another woman who isn’t family.

I will not look porn

I will not get into fights with other people

I will remain a virgin until I am married.

Biblical Counseling Keys on Boundaries C. What Are Different Kinds of Personal Boundaries?

Sexual boundaries authorize you to:

• Determine whether or not you will allow a person to touch you sexually

• Determine areas of appropriate sexual expression and activity

• Determine how you will respond in the heat of passionate temptation

• Determine personal purity that preserves sexual activity for a committed marriage relationship

• Determine the parameters you will place on your thought life regarding sex

• Determine what you will allow yourself to watch, listen to, and participate in that is of a sexual nature

SLIDE

Biblical Counseling Keys on Boundaries C. What Are Different Kinds of Personal Boundaries?

Sexual boundaries authorize you to:

• Determine whether or not you will allow a person to touch you sexually

• Determine areas of appropriate sexual expression and activity

• Determine how you will respond in the heat of passionate temptation

• Determine personal purity that preserves sexual activity for a committed marriage relationship

• Determine the parameters you will place on your thought life regarding sex

• Determine what you will allow yourself to watch, listen to, and participate in that is of a sexual nature

Biblical Counseling Keys on Boundaries C. What Are Different Kinds of Personal Boundaries?

Sexual boundaries authorize you to:

• Determine whether or not you will allow a person to touch you sexually

• Determine areas of appropriate sexual expression and activity

• Determine how you will respond in the heat of passionate temptation

1 Thessalonians 4:3–4 NKJV

3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,

Hunt, J. (2013). Biblical Counseling Keys on Boundaries (p. 2). Dallas, TX: Hope For The Heart.

Biblical Counseling Keys on Boundaries Title Page

We cannot be or do everything for anyone, much less everyone, so we must choose who we will be and what we will do regarding the individuals God brings into our lives. Jesus established boundaries for His relationships by … prioritizing the Father … discipling the twelve … and being intimate with the few.

Mental Boundaries

SlIDE

Philippians 4:8 NKJV

8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Phil 4:

There are certain movies or TV shows that I avoid. Like Seal Team. I quit watching it because the main character was cheating on his wife and I don’t want that in my mind. I was watching Designated Survivor until Nexflix took it over and made it volgar.

There is vary little that I can watch on TV

SLIDE

Emotional Boundaries

We are always responsible for our own feelings. No one made you feel that way. You allowed your emotions to feel that way.

Good emotional boundaries mean that you do not let your emotions determine your boundaries!

You tell yourself how to react instead of your emotions telling you how to react. That comes with maturity.

SLIDE

Biblical Counseling Keys on Boundaries C. What Are Different Kinds of Personal Boundaries?

Emotional and mental boundaries equip you to:

• Evaluate the appropriateness of your emotions in light of God’s Word and deal with them accordingly

• Investigate truth for yourself and disengage from those who try to manipulate or hurt you and whose ideas and values are contrary to your own

• Guard against letting emotions rule you by focusing your mind on God’s thoughts and on His character

• Keep your emotions governed by God’s truths and His perspective on events in your life

• Experience natural human emotions and agree or disagree with others without fear or shame

• Respond emotionally to others and communicate your own thoughts and opinions in a Christlike way

God tells us to hold our thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ.…

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

(2 Corinthians 10:5)

SLIDE

Spiritual Boundaries

Spiritual boundaries help us focus on what is God’s will vs my will.

SLIDE

Biblical Counseling Keys on Boundaries C. What Are Different Kinds of Personal Boundaries?

Spiritual boundaries allow you to:

• Experience a right relationship with God through trusting Christ

• Live in a way that pleases and honors God

• Distinguish God’s will from the will of others that has been imposed on you

• Commit to being controlled by Christ, not by people

• Avoid spiritually abusive, manipulative, or divisive people

• Lead a victorious Christian life

God has established spiritual boundaries through His Word.…

SLIDE

Psalm 119:11 NKJV

11 Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You.

These boundaries lead us into freedom and victory:

A TENNIS player isn’t free to play tennis if there is no baseline. A baseball player isn’t free to play baseball if there is no foul line. A football player is not free to play football if there are no sidelines. There are some “nots” in athletic games in order for the game to be maximized. The reason that God allows boundaries is to create the opportunity to take full advantage of freedom.331

SLIDE

Where do I start?

Evans, Tony. Tony Evans' Book of Illustrations (p. 112). Moody Publishers. Kindle Edition.

Pg 32 in the book describes a few areas

Pg 32 in the book

Truth is you are starting to create healthy boundaries here from Teen Challenge.