The Solution to Self Centeredness-part 4
THE SOLUTION TO SELF-CENTEREDNESS
How in the World Will We Live - Part 4
2 Timothy 3:1-2
"... In the last days it is going to be very difficult to be Christian. For people will love only themselves and their money." 2 Timothy 3:1-2 (LB)
I. EXPRESSIONS OF A SELF-CENTERED CULTURE
* Individualism: "Others don't matter!"
"An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends." Pr. 18:1
* Secularism: "God doesn't matter!"
"The wicked tell God to leave them alone. They don't want to know His will for their lives." Job 21:14 (GN)
"A wicked man, in his pride, thinks that God doesn't matter." Psalm 10:4 (GN)
* Narcissism: "All that matters is Me!"
"In his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his own sin." Ps. 36:2
II. THE EFFECTS OF A SELF-CENTERED CULTURE:
* Disintegrating families
* Superficial relationships
* Frustration and despair
III. THE SOLUTION TO SELF-CENTEREDNESS
* Build strong relationships.
"In God's plan men and women need each other." 1 Cor. 11:11 (LB)
"... You are a member of God's very own family ... and you belong in God's household with every other Christian." Eph. 2:19 (LB)
"Let us not give up the habit of meeting together... instead let us encourage one another." Heb. 10:24 (GN)
* Give yourself away.
"God has ... given us new lives from Christ Jesus; and long ago He planned that we should spend these lives in helping others." Eph. 2:10 (LB)
Jesus said, "... Only those who throw away their lives for my sake and for the sake of the good news will ever know what it means to really live!" Mark 8:35 (LB)
* Practice self-denial.
"Look out for each other's interests, not just your own. The attitude you should have is the one Christ Jesus had." Phil. 2:4 (GN)
Jesus said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me." Matt. 16:24
THE SOLUTION TO SELF-CENTEREDNESS
How in the World Will We Live - Part 4
2 Timothy 3:1-2
January 6th 2003
I've been exploring the Vancouver Public Library online lately and checking out what kind of resources are available. This week I wanted to see what magazine articles I might find on self centeredness and I was surprised to find over thirty different topics just under the category of "Self". Self actualization, self analysis, self assertion, self awareness, self confidence, self control, self defense, self determination, development, self discoveries, self enrichment, esteem, self expression, self fulfillment, self help, self identity, self image, self improvement, self indulgence, self love, self realization, self reliance, self respect.
We are a very self conscious society. The baby boom generation has been called the Me generation. We are preoccupied with ourselves.
We shouldn't be surprised at that. 2 Timothy 3:1-2 (Living Bible) "In the last days it's going to be very difficult to be a Christian for people will love only themselves and their money." There are three forms of self concern are individualism, secularism, and narcissism.
Individualism -- others don't matter
Secularism -- God doesn't matter
Narcissism -- all that matter is me
Individualism -- "I've got to do what's best for me." The motto is "Do Your Own Thing". The theme song is "I Did It My Way". Are people in our society becoming more considerate or more rude? Rude, sure. What's the cause behind that? Individualism. It says, other people don't matter.
Proverbs 18:1 "An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends." He only thinks of himself.
Secularism says God doesn't matter. I've discovered that for most people it's not that they don't believe in God, they just think He's irrelevant. Most people that live around you don't deny that God exists. They just are not interested in Him. They ignore Him. They don't need God. Job 21:14 "The wicked tell God to leave them alone. They don't want to know His will for their lives." They basically say, "God, You stay on Your side of the fence and I'll stay on mine and never the twain shall meet. You don't bother me, I don't bother You. You handle the world, I'll handle my own life." Psalm 10:4 (Good News) "A wicked man in his pride thinks that God doesn't matter." NIV "In all his thoughts there's no room for God." Can we become so full of ourselves, we don't have room for God? Sure we can.
Narcissism is the philosophy that's all around us. All that matters is me. All that I'm interested in is my goals, my dreams, my desires, my self fulfillment, my happiness, my career, and nothing else matters. Everything becomes evaluated by the question, "What's in it for me?"
I went into a gas station the other day to get gas. I saw a sign and thought this is the sign of our times, this is the classic expression of our times -- "Serve yourself". That explains most of our society. Serve yourself. Live for yourself. Do your own thing. Advertisers play on this narcissism in our life, they play on our desire to only think of ourselves. Burger King says "Have it your way". Tim Horton's says, "always got time for Tim Horton's." McDonald's says, "We do it all for you".
BC we are very image conscious. The Province Newspaper is probably the only paper in Canada that has a section called "Image". I picked up a copy of the Province and counted over twenty ads for plastic surgery -- reduce certain parts of your body, enlarge other parts ... you're worth it! All that matters is me.
Psalm 36:2 "In his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his own sin." If I look good, I must be ok. If I look ok, I must be ok.
What are the effects of this preoccupation with self in our society?
i. Disintegrating families. Everybody in the family is off doing their own thing. Dad has got his activities, moms got her friends, kids got their interests. How many constant your family have dinner together this week?
ii. Superficial relationships. I've got no time for closeness. I'm too busy with my own goals. I can't afford to let a relationship interfere with my career, my plans or my goals.
iii. Frustration and despair. The result is we have many very, very lonely people.
If you place yourself at the center of your universe, pretty soon your world becomes meaningless. Self-centeredness never satisfies. There's more to life than just you. If you make you the center, if you make yourself a little god, pretty soon you realize life is meaningless. Even Christians can get caught up in that. It's easy to be influenced, to think only of yourself. Yet selfishness only causes trouble.
Proverbs 28:25 "Selfishness only causes trouble." If that's true, and it is, what's the solution to self-centeredness? How can I counteract the constant influence in my society where everything around me and the advertising of culture is constantly saying, "Think only of yourself." What's the antidote? There are three antidotes:
1. Build strong relationships
2. Give yourself away through service to other people
3. Practice self denial (that's not a word we hear very often; it wasn't listed in the library. In all that list I never saw self-sacrifice, self giving, self denial -- none of those words were in there.)
1. BUILD STRONG RELATIONSHIPS
Get interested in other people. Cultivate some friendships. You need other people to give you balance in the society so that you're not so self centered. You need other people. You need relationships. You say, "I don't have time for relationships." Then you're too busy. You need to make time for relationships for your own psychological health, for your own spiritual health, you need other people.
1 Corinthians 11:11 (Living Bible) "In God's plan men and women need each other." NIV version "Man is not independent of the woman and woman is not independent of the man." That means the feminists who says "I don't need men" and the chauvinist who says, "I don't need women" are both wrong.
If it weren't for men there would be no feminist movement. If there were no women there would be no chauvinists. Every woman came from a man. Every man came from a woman. The Bible says "In God's plan men and women need each other." Many of these liberation movements are really, at the core, simply selfishness. I want to do my thing, and forget you!
Caring about somebody else is the fastest way to get your focus off yourself. Care about somebody else. Build some relationships. I remember when I first fell in love with Lara. Prior to that basically all I thought about was myself. But when I fell in love with Lara, the only person I could think of was her. I don't ever remember thinking about myself. It was "What can I do for her?... How can I please her? ... How can I make her happy? ... What can I buy her?" I was in love with her. That's what love does. Love gets the focus off yourself and onto other people. It makes you a giver, not just a taker.
One of the purposes of the church is to build relationships so you're not selfish. It's called fellowship. Ephesians 2:19 "You are a member of God's very own family and you belong in God's household with every other Christian." Circle "family". I believe that one of the antidotes you need in a selfish society is a church family. Everybody needs a church family. You need a place where you could belong and become and be what God wants you to be. We're not Lone Rangers out here. When we don't have relationships, when we get too busy for them, we tend to see only ourselves. The best place to build relationships is in church.
Hebrews 10:24 "Let us not give up the habit of meeting together. Instead let us encourage one another." He's saying let's don't give up meeting together; you need to get together with other Christians. Not just attend. You need to participate. You need to share, to belong. Accountability keeps us on track. We need to encourage each other. You can't encourage anybody else in a meeting this size. That's why we need small groups so people know you and you know others. You support each other and you help each other and you pray for each other and you encourage each other. For your own emotional health, you need these kind of relationships.
That is one of the reasons I don't believe in television church. Television church makes passive people. It's too easy. You get up in your pj's, turn it on, watch tv, flip it off -- no interaction with anybody else. It requires no involvement, no commitment. You don't have to interact with anybody else. You don't even have to get dressed to participate. And part of the benefit of church is the interaction you have with other people. We're already too passive as a society.
You need to build strong relationships. That's the first antidote to counteract the flow that says live for yourself.
2. GIVE YOURSELF AWAY.
Give yourself away through some kind of service. Ministry. I'm convinced that to be spiritually and emotionally healthy and balanced, that everybody needs some form of service on at least a weekly basis, where they voluntarily give themselves away without receiving any personal benefit in return. I think you need it as a balance in our culture. I think everybody needs someplace. You have 168 hours this next week. God doesn't want you to spend them all on yourself. But I think you need a place of service where you say, "I'm going to give myself away." Sunday School teacher, Little League coach, hospital visitation, community volunteer, any of the ministries in our church, something where you give yourself away without any personal benefit in return. You need it for your own health. You need it for balance.
We have a class coming up soon called 301 that teaches you how to find a place of ministry here. There's numerous different ways to serve through the Salvation Army.
Ephesians 2:10 (Living Bible) "God has given us new lives from Christ Jesus and long ago He planned that we should spend these lives in helping others." There's so many people who have an identity crisis today. Who am I? Where am I? Where am I going? Where did I come from? Why am I here? What am I supposed to do with my life? It's very obvious. "Long ago He planned that we should spend these lives in helping others." That's what God wants to do with your life. You're never going to find fulfillment in simply living for yourself. You find self fulfillment by giving your life away.
A number of years ago, the Salvation Army held an international conference. They called it a Congress. There's going to be a Congress happening in Vancouver in April. It's an enormous event in the Salvation Army world. But at this particular Congress they were expecting the founder of the Salvation Army, General William Booth, to come and speak. But he got sick and he couldn't come. So he promised he would send a telegram from London. The telegram to the international conference was to give the vision and the direction and to set the goals and the basic objectives for the organization for the next decade. When the conference received the telegram, the convention center was packed with people. Everybody was anxiously anticipating what Mr. Booth was going to say to the conference for the vision and the direction for the decade. When the man opened the telegram and began to read it, he started frowning because there was only one word on the telegram -- "Others". That's the focus.
What's your word? What's the word that drives your life? Money? Success? Fame? Power? I want to suggest to you that those things will ultimately not satisfy. In fact, look at what Jesus said in Mark 8:35. Why should I care about serving others? "Jesus said only those who throw away their lives for my sake and for the sake of the Good News will ever know what it really means to live." If you're not giving your life away, you're just existing. You're not living. Only those who give their lives away in service, know what it means to really live. I doubt if Mother Teresa ever worried about low self esteem. I can't imagine her sitting in a corner saying, "Poor me! My world's falling apart! I'm so depressed!" I don't see her battling depression or low self esteem. She didn't think of herself less. She just didn't think of herself at all. She concentrated on others.
The world says, "Get all you can." And Jesus Christ says the exact opposite -- "Give all you can." And in giving you understand what real life is all about. There is no greater fulfillment than giving your life away for the kingdom of God, for God's work -- helping others. The more helpful I am the more happy I am. Helpfulness and happiness go together. You've got 168 hours this next week. I challenge you to invest part of it in unselfish service somewhere -- in your church, in your community, somewhere.
3. PRACTICE SELF DENIAL
This is not a popular word. Most people don't want to a message on self denial. But it's in the Bible. Everyday you need to find at least one opportunity -- at least one -- where you can choose to do the thing of conviction, rather than the thing of convenience. You need it for your own good. Where you choose conviction over convenience. Where you choose to do the right thing rather than doing the easy thing. Everyday you need to find something where you can help others, rather than just help yourself.
Philippians 2:4 (Good News) "Look out for each other's interest, not just your own. The attitude you should have is the one Christ Jesus had." Circle "look". The word in Greek is scopos from which we get the word microscope, telescope. It means to survey, to get a large view. He's saying pay attention to the needs of those around you. Be sensitive. Be considerate. Be aware of what's going on. Pay attention to the needs of your husband/wife, children, friends, the people at work. Look out for other's interest, not just your own. You come home and you're tired and you want to flop down on the coach and turn on the tv and veg.
In a society where everybody else is saying, "Live only for yourself, think only for yourself, look out for number one" we, as believers, must be different, go against the flow, and not just think of ourselves. Jesus said that defines what a Christian is. That's what it means to follow Me." Matthew 16:24 "Jesus said, `If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me.'" He says it several times in the Bible and many places it says, "He must deny himself daily". In other words he must make it a daily habit.
Every once in a while does no good. If you just deny yourself every once in a while, between times you're just as self serving as everybody else. Self denial is not one grand decision made once and for all. It's a daily decision of small choices, often painful choices, in which I choose to put other people or God's will ahead of my own. Sometimes it's invisible.
In our society that says, "Express yourself. Assert yourself. Indulge yourself." Jesus says, "Deny yourself." I call that counter culture. He says "Deny yourself. Take up your cross." In those days a cross was not a pretty little emblem, not some little tatoo that Madonna wore. In those days it was an instrument of death. It was an executioner's tool. Nobody took up their cross unless the Romans were going to nail them to it. He's saying "If you want to follow Me, you've got to die to selfishness."
What does it mean to deny yourself?
When you can watch your peers and those close to you prosper and succeed without feeling jealous but rather rejoice in their success, then you know the meaning of deny yourself.
When you can see other people attain goals you've failed to reach and see others receive rewards and recognition that you'd like to have without being envious, that's denying yourself.
When you see other's people's needs being met with abundance while your needs are far greater and you don't question God or fail to be grateful for what you do have, that's denying yourself.
When you choose to serve your wife or husband or children and put their needs ahead of yours, that's denying yourself.
When you share your faith at work or school knowing that you may be insulted or put down, that's denying yourself.
When you don't seek praise or fish for compliments and approval from others and when you can live without constantly being recognized and applauded, that's denying yourself.
When you draw out the other person in conversation rather than telling your stories and opinions, that's denying yourself.
When you tell the truth, even at personal expense, that's denying yourself.
When you pay your fair share of taxes when everybody else is cheating, that's denying yourself.
When you can accept criticism willingly and learn from it with a teachable attitude, that's denying yourself.
When you place the comfort of others ahead of your own comfort, when you allow others to do a job that you know you're better trained to do, when you submit to authority over you in deference to God even though you don't understand or agree, that's denying yourself.
When you can be content with less than the best of circumstances without griping or complaining, when you can accept interruptions that God places in your schedule and patiently endure irritations, that's denying yourself.
When people break promises to you and let you down and you refuse to become bitter, when you are misjudged unfairly and your motives are questioned and you don't retaliate, that's denying yourself.
When you are content to let God settle the score and content to wait for your reward in heaven, that's denying yourself.
When you have the attitude of Jesus Christ, that's denying yourself.
Why do I do a message like this? Because the more I thought about it, the more I've come to the conclusion that the fundamental challenge of life, the biggest battle you will ever face, is the face to win over self centeredness. It is life's fundamental challenge. It makes the difference between a winner and a loser, a believer and an unbeliever, a giver and a taker.
It's the only way to live.
Jesus said, "Only those who throw away their lives for My sake and the sake of the good news will ever know what it means to really live." You will not find fulfillment in pursuing simply self interest. Jesus said this is the only legitimate way to live. What's the alternative? The alternative is to stand before God one day and try explaining to Him why your theme song was "I did it my way". I want to challenge you to make three radical counter culture steps today. In a society that is going 180 degrees the opposite direction.
1. God, I'm going to start building strong relationships. We need other people to give us balance. We're in a society that says, "Think only of yourself". As you care about others you get your focus off you. Join a small group.
2. I'm going to give my life away in service. I'm going to find someplace where I can on a voluntary weekly basis do something that I personally don't receive any benefit from and even though I don't have time for it, I'm going to make time for it because I need it emotionally, physically, socially, psychologically, and most of all spiritually. I need to do some things each week that I don't receive personal benefit from. I just do them unselfishly in service.
3. Then practice self denial daily. Every day look for that moment, that opportunity that you can say "The convenient thing to do is this, but I'm going to do this even though it's harder, not fun, because it helps others. It's denying myself." Jesus said that's what it means to be a follower of Christ.
As we close I want to tell you a story and we'll pray. I read this week about a couple of hikers coming down the Himalayan mountains. They found a body lying in the snow. One of the men wanted to stop and help the man, but his companion refused saying, "We're going to die ourselves if we burden ourselves with this guy." The first man said, "I'm not leaving." So his companion went on ahead without him. The man lifted the frozen guy onto his back and began carrying him down the mountain. Gradually that man's body heat began to revive the frostbitten fellow. He revived and soon they were walking together side by side. A few hours later they caught up with his former companion and found him dead, frozen in the snow. As I read that I thought, "What a parable of life! That the one who tried to save his own life lost it and the one who was willing to lose his own life for another saved it." That's what it means to follow Christ.
Prayer:
Would you pray in your heart right now, "God help me to build strong relationships. Help me to find a place of service where I can give my life away. Help me to practice self denial daily in a society that says, Think only of yourself." We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen