Naomi, Mother-in-law Extraordinaire

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Naomi experienced lots of hardship, but continued to love and shape others in motherly love.

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Introduction:

I’m In Hell (by Frank)

by Frank
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The heat wave going across the east coast has allowed me to have some colorful conversations with the people I talk to at work. A simple question like how is the weather can bring about some hilarious responses. One of them inspired the title of this post.

Difficult Personal Challenges Seem To Combine

It is funny how,” when it rains it pours,” in the situations we face in life. Never have I had the experience of having one thing go wrong at a time. (If you have I would like to give you the person of the year award.) Usually I get kicked when I am down just to have another situation pick me back up to be kicked down to the ground again. I could kind of emphasize with what this lady was referring to.
�� Photo By Katinka Kober

Don’t Let Personal Challenges Burn You

She had some tough situations all going on at the same time. Imagine having your house foreclosed on two days after you are diagnosed with cancer, while finding out your oldest son just died in a car accident. Talk about being kicked while you are down.
This woman is not alone. It is common for us to know someone or a particular family that tough things just continue to happen to. Today our story is about just such a woman. Stand with me as we read the beginning of her story.
Ruth 1:1–18 NRSV
In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land, and a certain man of Bethlehem in Judah went to live in the country of Moab, he and his wife and two sons. The name of the man was Elimelech and the name of his wife Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion; they were Ephrathites from Bethlehem in Judah. They went into the country of Moab and remained there. But Elimelech, the husband of Naomi, died, and she was left with her two sons. These took Moabite wives; the name of the one was Orpah and the name of the other Ruth. When they had lived there about ten years, both Mahlon and Chilion also died, so that the woman was left without her two sons and her husband. Then she started to return with her daughters-in-law from the country of Moab, for she had heard in the country of Moab that the Lord had considered his people and given them food. So she set out from the place where she had been living, she and her two daughters-in-law, and they went on their way to go back to the land of Judah. But Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back each of you to your mother’s house. May the Lord deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me. The Lord grant that you may find security, each of you in the house of your husband.” Then she kissed them, and they wept aloud. They said to her, “No, we will return with you to your people.” But Naomi said, “Turn back, my daughters, why will you go with me? Do I still have sons in my womb that they may become your husbands? Turn back, my daughters, go your way, for I am too old to have a husband. Even if I thought there was hope for me, even if I should have a husband tonight and bear sons, would you then wait until they were grown? Would you then refrain from marrying? No, my daughters, it has been far more bitter for me than for you, because the hand of the Lord has turned against me.” Then they wept aloud again. Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her. So she said, “See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.” But Ruth said, “Do not press me to leave you or to turn back from following you! Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die— there will I be buried. May the Lord do thus and so to me, and more as well, if even death parts me from you!” When Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more to her.
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Pray
In our culture, Mother-in-laws get a bad wrap. Television always portrays them as being nosy, controlling, and interfering. They are often referred to in a derogatory manner. However, this is not always the case. I have known others who have had poor relationships with their own mothers, benefit from a relationship with their mother-in-law. Some have been abandoned by their mothers or their mothers have passed away and their mother-in-law is precious to them. This is the kind of mother-n-law we see in Naomi. I have titled her...
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I. Naomi, Mother-in-law Extraordinaire

Not only is she a great mother-in-law, but she is a mother-in-law under extreme conditions. Her life is fraught with hardship. However, I find Naomi to not be a singular woman, but to be an example of good mothers in general. As we walk through Naomi’s story this morning, I wish to highlight some of the struggles and blessings of motherhood.

A. Mothers live lives of Adversity

Lets walk a moment through Naomi’s story as she obviously qualifies as a mother of adversity. Things were not all bad in the beginning. In many ways Naomi made a good marriage. Elimelech was a man of some substance. He was an Ephramite. Ephraim were a rather royal line since they were the offspring of Joseph. Later in the story we learn that he was a land owner and as such was most likely a man of some substance. However, at this point in time there is a...
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i. Famine

Living in farm country, we can somewhat sympathize with their plight. It is difficult to know exactly what the issue was, whether lack of water, blight or whatever. This fact tells us a little more about this story. The story begins with “in the days when the judges ruled...”. Those were not good days for Israel as a general rule. In fact, if you look back at the book of Judges we find...
Judges 17:6 NASB95
In those days there was no king in Israel; every man did what was right in his own eyes.
Judges 1:1 NASB95
Now it came about after the death of Joshua that the sons of Israel inquired of the Lord, saying, “Who shall go up first for us against the Canaanites, to fight against them?”
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We also know that one of the ways God directed them when they were doing wrong was to close up the waters and a bring pestilence upon the land. So we can guess that this was during one of those times.
Elimelech should have had more going for him that others less fortunate than he, however he chooses to go to Moab to escape the famine. This does not seem to be the choice of many. The reading of the story makes it sound like this was his decision alone. This is an extreme measure since Moab was never very friendly to the Israelites. They refused them to pass through their land when they came up from Sinai. There were never very good relationships between the two nations, however Elimelech chose to move there anyway.
One reason for this desperate action may be due to the second hardship for Naomi.

ii. Frail children

They may have had money, but the kids appear to be sickly. We know this by their names. Children were named based on descriptions about them. So we find...
Mahlon - “sickly”
Chilion - “failing”
Under these circumstances, Elimelech may have moved thinking his sons had a better chance of making it through the famine. With two boys of poor health, it was quite a feat and they were soon...
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iii.

iii. Uprooted from home to travel into enemy territory

This would not have been an easy journey. It was approximately 50 miles and they had to journey around the Dead Sea to get there. The journey would have been through mountainous country and they would have to cross the Jordan River which could be deep and treacherous in places. After 7-10 days, they would finally make Moab, but it is not clear how far into Moab they went before they settled.
Iv.

iv. Settles as a foreigner

Things appear to be better in Moab as they do settle. However, once again hardship hits. Elimelech dies and it appears to be rather suddenly. Some say he died within the year of the move, though I was unable to confirm that. Some believe this was due to his action to leave Bethlehem and come to Moab. Essentially, he was acting outside the will of God. There is really no way to know this for sure. Whether or not this was the case is not essential to this sermon, so we will not take time to evaluate it. All we know is that now Naomi is living as a foreigner, in a foreign land and is...

v. Widowed

This becomes a real problem as it is not easy for a woman in that day to make it on her own. They are usually not in a place to make money for themselves. However, as sickly as her sons are, they must be sufficient to make a living. However, they do not make an effort to return home. It is possible that they are...

vii. Stranded

Perhaps due to the poor health of her sons, they are unable to return without the help of Elimelech. Whatever the case, they settle and the boys seem to be well enough to marry and they seem to marry well. Here again is another hardship for Naomi as she...

viii. Watches sons marry foreign women who worship idols

Jewish tradition states that these woman (Orpah and Ruth) are of royalty. They are suppose to be daughters of King Eglon of Moab. It is possible this was some covenant arrangement of Elimelech. There is no way of knowing, but such alliances were made. However, the Moabites were idol worshipers. Not only that, but they were worshipers of Chemosh and practiced child sacrifices. This must have caused some concern for Naomi. (Some scholars believe that this story shows that Naomi was not in agreement with the move and if this was the case, this may have been one of her concerns. Time goes by and ten years finds them still in Moab (though to sojourn indicates they had only expected to be there a short time). Now hardship strikes again. Naomi’s...

ix. Sons die without producing heirs

Now Naomi finds herself stuck in a foreign land with no men and two daughters-in-law to assist in supporting. She is definitely a woman struck while she is already down.
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Naomi’s life was one of adversity, but I am convinced that the position of mother is always one of adversity. It begins with discomfort and then labor. The pain we feel in bringing a child into the world is definitely loaded with adversity. There is nothing worse than needing to work and struggling with morning sickness. Then we live through mid-night feedings and totally restructuring our homes for a year or so as our children go through the terrible twos. Of course, there is also the added tension of mom and dad finding out what they agree and do not agree on as far as discipling the children. As mothers we go from our children telling us everything to those teen years when they tell us nothin’! Just when we are totally dependent on them to reach the items on the kitchen cupboard top shelf, they move away. Then there is the tension experienced as they date various people and sometimes people we are concerned about. There are the struggles for funds to pay for college or weddings. Then the frustration of them never visiting often enough. Naomi’s struggles were perhaps on the surface more difficult than these, but it does not take away from the fact that all mothers struggle with adversity.
As mothers-in-law, it can be especially tough. We are to receive a new person into our family, receive them as a son or daughter, but we do not always have a choice of who is brought into our family. We sometimes see things our kids do not see that we know will cause them great hardships, but we have no recourse but to accept them. In many ways, the position of mother is one of adversity. It is not easy being a mother.
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Adversity is not the only thing mothers live with.

B. Mothers live lives of Sorrow

Now, Naomi is not only a mother of adversity, but she is also a mother of sorrow.
It is one thing to grieve the loss of home and income, however, it is even harder to suffer the loss of loved ones, especially husband and children. Naomi’s situation is one of incredible sorrow. Not only has she lost her home, but now she has lost her husband and both sons. She has no children left. Only someone else who has experienced the loss of all in their family in such a short time can even begin to know what this sorrow was like for Naomi. I am sure there were days that she lamented that she was still alive when all those she loved so dearly were gone from her so soon.
As mothers, we suffer a lot of loss with our children that causes sorrow. There is the loss of the ability to pull them on our laps and hug them. The loss when they are reluctant to accept our opinion anymore. The loss when they first move away from home. And it is another loss when they find that one who will become their wife. Now instead of turning to us, they turn to them. Though when the right match is made, in time we are blessed by the new addition. Worst of all is when mothers outlive their own children.
Two of the most difficult paths I have trod as a pastor is to walk alongside a couple mothers through the loss of their children. One mom I sat with as she gave birth to a child stillborn. Another I walked alongside for several months as her 4 year old died of leukemia. There is no way to describe this kind of loss for a mother (or father for that matter)!
So mother’s are no strangers to loss and sorrow. It is part of the job! Despite the losses...
Mom’s are also

C. Mother’s are Loving and self-sacrificing

Naomi demonstrates this well. Despite her adversities and her losses, she looks with love upon her daughter’s-in-law and makes self-sacrificing choices on their behalf, even though they are not blood relatives.
Naomi looks around her. She has no one left of her family but daughters-in-law. This is more of a burden than a blessing at this point. As the oldest, she is the head of the household. Now she has the welfare of these two young ladies to consider, but she is a foreigner still. There really is nothing left to hold Naomi in Moab. The famine is past and the weak sons are gone. So Naomi...

i. Chooses to return home alone

At first glance, it appears she is considering taking her daughters-in-law with her, but I am not sure that is the case. I suspect she was intending all along to go on by herself. With her sons and husbands gone, there is nothing in Moab for her. She has a better chance of finding help by going home among family and friends. However, her daughters-in-law have more going for them here. They ARE among friends and family in Moab. They are young and able to remarry here, however in Judah they will be looked down upon as foreigners and perhaps even mistreated.
This could not have been an easy decision for her. It would be scary and intimidating to make that long trip alone. It would not be safe for a single woman on the trail. Not only that, but their youth would make them better able to work for food. They may have been Naomi’s responsibility, but she had a better chance of getting food for herself through them. Naomi seems to be genuinely fond of the girls. Despite her apprehensions of the trip ahead, and her need for help bringing in food, she makes a choice that is hard, but is in the best interest of Orpah and Ruth. They are to go back to their families and she will go on alone.

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Self-sacrifice is part of motherhood. It does not matter if it is our children or our children by marriage. As mothers, we want the best for them and we make hard choices of sacrifice. We give items we need to them to help them. We give dollars we need to them to help them. We give time we need to be doing other things to them to help them out in their hours of need. Mothers love and out of that love, we sacrifice our needs for the needs of our children.
She makes a choice that is hard, but is in the best interest of Orpah and Ruth. They are to go back to their families and she will go on alone. Self-sacrifice is part of motherhood. It does not matter if it is our children or our children by marriage. As mothers, we want the best for them and we make hard choices of sacrifice.
Just when motherhood sounds miserable and hard, we get to the plus side of motherhood.

D. Mother’s are loved

Naomi had lost her sons, however, she was still loved. All those things that made her a good mother also made her a good mother-in-law. There is every indication that Orpah and Ruth’s families were still alive. Naomi encourages them to go back to their parents, however we find these women reluctant to do so. They loved their mother-in-law. They did not wish to leave her in this hour of sorrow. These actions shine light that Orpah and Ruth would probably each be good mother’s in their own right.
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Orpah puts up some argument, but eventually acquiesces to Naomi’s will to return to her family. However, Ruth is made of even stronger stuff and gives the reply we all love to hear.
Ruth 1:16–17 NASB95
But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. “Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the Lord do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me.”
Ruth :
If you desire to be the favorite among your in-laws, this is the response to give. I promise, it will work every time.
Mother’s play a unique role in the lives of their children and whether they deserve it or not, children always love their mothers. If children do not feel love from their mothers, they keep trying to gain that love and approval from their moms. I heard a radio counselor talking to a woman once who kept going back to her mom’s house even though her mom mistreated her terribly. The counselor asked, “Why do you keep going back?” The woman said, “Because she is my mother and I love her. I just want to do something to please her so she will love me back.”
I would much rather be loved for being a good mother than being loved just because I am the mother. However, that is the case. Mother’s are loved, whether they deserve it or not.
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Next we see that...
I would much rather be loved for being a good mother than being loved just because I am the mother. However, that is the case. Mother’s are loved, whether they deserve it or not.

E. Mother’s are Influential

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E. Mother’s are Influential

We may not always feel like we are, but the truth is we have more influence that we often understand. Naomi is a great example of this. She has had significant influence upon Orpah and Ruth. So much so, that they are willing to stay with her. However, Naomi once again uses her influence for good.

i. For Orpah

Naomi’s influence leads her to return to her family. This was obviously the right choice for Orpah. I truly believe if it was not, she would have held on and went with them. However, I suspect that Orpah had a desire to stay.

ii. For Ruth

I believe Naomi’s influence was greatest of all. Not because Naomi had greater influence, but because of who Ruth was. Ruth chooses not only Naomi, but Naomi’s God. This tells me that Naomi was living her faith in this foreign land. It is possible that Elimelech wasn’t though the name Elimelech means “My God is King.” But this may be a title of pride. Many people will declare this today, but do not actually live it. However, Naomi is evidently living it in a way that makes Ruth desire it. She is strongly determined not to go back to her god and her ways, but to adopt Naomi’s God, Naomi’s people, and Naomi’s ways. This is a strong reference for Naomi and how she lived.
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As mothers, we need to be aware of our influence and be careful to use it wisely. It is easy to fall into the trap of using it to control. There is nothing more devastating then a mother who uses her influence to control. It is important that we use our influence to guide in the way that is best for our children and not our own desires.
But next we see that...
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F. Mother’s aren’t Perfect

Naomi did a lot of things right, but she was not perfect. When she gets to Bethlehem, she struggled and made some mistakes. First of all, she would have been...

i. Tired

from the long trip. Mother’s get tired. We all know this. Mother’s juggle a lot these days, probably more so than any other time in history. At no other historical point (except war times) do I see mother’s carrying the full load of working outside the home full-time, usually still carrying the full load of housework and taking care of the needs of husbands and children, plus having a full place in cultural responsibility. Even in the past when women did work outside the home, culturally there were things they did not do as it was not permitted, but now there are no holds barred. Women are soldiers, women vote, women are in lead corporate roles and governmental roles, etc… We get tired. Naomi was tired. She was dealing with all this loss and now she has traveled back over rough terrain to come home again. She then makes an...

ii. Anxious outburst after travel

People are all around excited to see her return and she responds...
Ruth 1:20–21 NASB95
She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. “I went out full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the Lord has witnessed against me and the Almighty has afflicted me?”
Ruth 1:
I can just imagine Ruth thinking, “well I like that! I choose to come with her and I am nothing!” It would feel like a slap in the face to Ruth. Grief is kind of like that. And for Naomi, between her fatigue and probably a release of a lot of tension from the journey, she is experiencing...

iii. New waves of grief

She has returned home and her family whom she left with are no longer with her. Coming home without them probably brought on fresh waves of grief. Sometimes in our grief we say things that come out harsh and inconsiderate. I have a friend I have felt a bit frustrated with, but I know this is probably the case with him. His dad has had bouts with cancer since before I even met him, some 37 years ago. He was cancer free for a lot of years, but was diagnosed with cancer again some 10 years ago. He recently died. His son has been writing on Facebook criticizing God for not healing his dad and for stealing his dad from him. This frustrates me since his wife lost her dad when she was in college. Her dad was working on kiln at a lumber mill and it collapsed in on him. She and her husband are my age and her husbands dad died only recently. He has had his dad much longer than her, and yet he keeps crying out how God robbed him with no thought the all the years he had with his dad that she did not have with hers. I knew both fathers. They were both good men.
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The truth is, no one is perfect. Mom’s included. There are times we get tired. There are times we are anxious. There are times when we grieve and in all those times, we sometimes blurt out things that hurt those around us. When we fail, the worst thing we can do is feel like failures or punish ourselves. We need to give ourselves grace just like we would give to others. We pick ourselves up. Brush ourselves off. Ask God and others for forgiveness and move on.
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Next we come to what I think is the most important, as it drives all the other attributes in their best capacity. That is for us to be...
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G. Wise Mothers of Faith

I believe Naomi was a woman of faith. I believe that is what drew Ruth to her and why Ruth chose to remain with Naomi. I also believe that Naomi saw God at work when she discovered Ruth was working in the field of Boaz, one of their kinsmen-redeemers. Boaz was obviously the more generous of the two kinsmen. The other kinsmen was closer, but he had taken no action to fulfill the law of the kinsmen-redeemer. If he had, he would have approached Naomi right away to do so. Naomi saw God at work and she jumped on board with it. As mother-in-law, she then became a...

i. Mentor

to Ruth. She mentored Ruth in the ways of her people and of God
As mothers of young children, we coach our children in their learning to be adults. However, as they become adults, we move from coaching to mentoring. These two terms are often seen as the same thing, but they are note. Here is a definition to help us see the difference.

Mentoring and Coaching: Similar but Not the Same

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The terms mentoring and coaching often get used interchangeably, which misleads the audience. While similar in their support of someone's development, they involve very different disciplines in practice.
Mentoring consists of a long-term relationship focused on supporting the growth and development of the mentee. The mentor becomes a source of wisdom, teaching, and support, but not someone who observes and advises on specific actions or behavioral changes in daily work.
Coaching typically involves a relationship of finite duration, with a focus on strengthening or eliminating specific behaviors in the here and now.
Then comes the best of all. We become...

H. Blessed Grandmothers

Naomi did not have the privilege of being grandmother to her son’s children. However, due to her good mothering skills, she was allowed to be grandmother to her daughter-in-law’s child(ren).
Ruth 4:16 NCV
Naomi took the boy, held him in her arms, and cared for him.
Ruth 4:
Unbeknownst to Naomi, she was given a special blessing since...

i. Obed-Royal lineage

Obed was the grandfather of David who would one day become the king of Naomi’s people and many years later, another grandchild would be Savior to the world.
Naomi started out as a mother of adversity, but ended a blessed grandmother of kings.
Our love and influence as moms has no end. There are always grandchildren and great-grandchildren that are blessed through our love and influence.
Naomi started out as a mother of adversity, but ended a blessed grandmother of kings
Conclusion:
Conclusion:
There are many hardships in motherhood, but I am convinced that they are always over shadowed by the blessings. God has blessed the role of mother. When we do it right, there is no other person in a child’s life that has as much influence in the life of our children. I pray that in you have been a blessing in the life of your children and that you will continue to be so in the years to come.
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Let me close with a prayer of blessing for you mothers.
Dear Lord,
Bless every mother and every grandmother with the finest of your spiritual blessings today. Confirm in her heart and spirit the work of her hands and the love that she has so freely given to those children under Your care. Validate her worth daily so she has no reason to doubt whether she is loved, valued, and cherished in the eyes of her Heavenly Father.
Create in her a deep sense of your protection and trust, so that worry and fear will disappear as she places her loved ones into Your care. Let her know that every prayer she has prayed and every encouraging word she has spoken on behalf of her children/grandchildren has been transformed into sweet, fragrant offerings before Your throne.
Whisper deep within her spirit the sweet words she longs to hear from You—that nothing can ever separate her from Your love. Help her to nestle daily into the promises of Your Word, standing with faith on the things You declare are true. Let her know that You reward faithfulness, but that true success doesn’t lie in her accomplishments or accolades. Let her rest in the knowledge that she has done all she can—and that she and those she loves—truly belong to you. Bless her with a servant spirit so she can teach her own the joy of hearing one day, “Well done!”
Amen!
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I. Mother of Adversity
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