Colossians 3:18-4:1, Christ - the Lord of the Family
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Also, keep a finger in Eph 5.
Christ, the Lord of the Family (Part 1)
Big Idea - In God’s great love for us He has given my family instructions.
Colossians 3:18-4:1
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.
4 Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.
Introduction - The beauty of reading and preaching through scripture one verse and chapter at a time is this...
Hook - Well isn’t this an awkward way to start a sermon in 2019… Telling wives to submit to their husbands.
You are forced to read and deal with issues that you would naturally avoid. Todays passage has some hard teachings. Teachings that are hard to say and hard to hear.
This is the beauty of reading through scripture one verse and chapter at a time. This is the beauty of preaching straight through scripture.
My human tendency in preaching would be to avoid a passage like this, but preaching and reading through chapters at a time bring you to important topics that are uncomfortable, but very helpful.
When you feed yourself spiritually each day, use your devotional books, but be sure to read through scripture.
Hook - Well isn’t this an awkward way to start a sermon in 2019… Telling wives to submit to their husbands.
Hook - Well isn’t this an awkward way to start a sermon in 2019… Telling wives to submit to their husbands.
Unless you want an un-winnable fight - No man in his right mind in todays climate is drawn to tell women to submit to their husbands.
God calls wives to follow their husbands lead.
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
gives a further explanation of this passage
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
We call this word submission -
English Standard Version Chapter 5
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
We see this very difficult word mentioned in both passages today - Submission.
Men, if you are not aware this word raises the angry hairs on the back of your wife’s neck.
Illustration - A guy I know walked into a ladies class at a church I use to serve in. The female teacher had not arrived yet and it was getting close to class time starting. He thought he would get a laugh out of the ladies. He announced that he was going to be the substitute for the night and that they were going to be discussing the topic of “submitting to their husbands”. No one laughed but him, all he got were dirty looks. He quickly exited the class.
This is a hard subject for many reasons, but here we are - teaching the whole council of God. I trust that God will give us grace today. So we will honor Him and our wives.
1A. Submission means to voluntarily place yourself under the leadership of another.
So lets deal with this verse and then get on to challenging the men.
-In this case, a wife is to follower her husbands lead.
says in verse 22 that a wife is to follow her husbands lead, as she follows the Lords lead.
1B. What these verses do not mean.
-That women are second class citizens or lesser than value. Bearer of God’s image just as well as a man bears the image of God.
-That husbands are given permissions to mistreat, boss around, or take advantage of their wife.
-That wives are called by God to follow the spiritual lead of someone else’s husband. Just her own.
-That a if a husband asks his wife to sin she should follow. She should refuse sin.
What this verse does mean.
-This verse does not excuse in any way - verbal or physical abuse of a wife.
1C. What this verse does mean.
That in the order of creation, God in His wisdom created roles.
These roles compliment each other. There is purpose in these roles.
Example -
Speaking of the Trinity
The Father and the Son share the same essence and rank, and yet in their relationship, the Son submits to the Father. While the Father never submits to the Son. No inferiority. No inequality. Yet, there are different roles in the God head. The Spirit of God submits to the Father and Son, and has a different role in the God head, but is in no way inferior to the other persons of the God head.
Not only is there equal value in the 3 persons of the Trinity, We also see that there is equal value within the marriage.
There are different roles in marriage, but not diminished value for anyone.
Christ’s value is not lessened because He follows the Father’s lead.
A wife’s value in a marriage is not diminished because she submits to her husband.
In reality, she is doing what Christ did when he submitted himself to the Father while on earth.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Ephesians 5:22-24
, Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.
Helper is someone who makes the other better.
Wives - You know your husbands need help. We husbands need all the help we can get. As a wife, one of your rolls in marriage is to help your husband be wise, help him see a situation brewing before it is a problem, have his back if someone is against him … He needs your help.
As a Christ follower, many of you wives can hear the cautioning voice of wisdom or God’s Spirit before your husband can. Some of our wives are very sensitive to whether or not something pleases the Lord or not. Is sinful or is over the line.
How does submission work itself out in marriage?
Your husband needs you to be an active help in your marriage. He needs you to speak up. He needs you to share what God is laying on your heart.
Never to nag, but to be actively invested.
So we see that submission is not inactive, but rather an active role that God has called you to.
God desires you to submit to your husband, and in that submission be active in how you support Him and your family. Your husband and your family needs you. How does submission work itself out in marriage?
1D. Personal Example - Let me give you 1 example of how it has worked out in my marriage. In your marriage this will look different.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Christ’s value is not lessened because He follows the Father’s lead.
Illustration - In my marriage I tend to take laid back position. It’s not my disposition to throw my weight around. However, My wife by nature is a goal setter. She by nature takes an active position in our relationship. This is simply a difference in personality. Susan is very conscientious about our family. If there is a problem that needs to be addressed in our family, she has identified the problem, come up with a solution and made a fix before I even know that a problem exists to be dealt with. She makes wise, great and efficient decisions.
Illustration - Inside my marriage I take a laid back perspective. My wife by nature is a goal setter. Susan is very conscientious about our family. If there is a problem that needs to be addressed in our family, she has identified the problem, come up with a solution and made a fix before I even know that a problem exists to be dealt with. She makes wise, great and efficient decisions.
Problem - In being laid back my tendency is to give up the decision making and leadership to her. Why wouldn’t I let her make a lot of the family decisions since she is so capable?
It’s wrong for me to throw that responsibility on her because God has called the Husband to lead. When I don’t lead I place her in a bad spot. If she takes the lead it places me in a bad spot.
This is how we have combated this tendency.
1E. Illustration - How does this work out in my marriage?
What does it mean for a wife to be a help mate
That God has called wives to follow their husbands lead.
Helper is someone who makes the other better.
Wives - You know your husbands need help. We need all the help we can get. One of your rolls in marriage is to help him be wise, help him see a situation brewing before it is a problem, have his back if someone is against him … He needs your help.
As a Christ follower, many of you wives can hear the cautioning voice of wisdom before your husband can. Some of our wives are very sensitive to whether or not something pleases the Lord or not.
Your husband needs you to be an active help in your marriage. He needs you to speak up. He needs you to share what God is laying on your heart.
God desires you to submit to your husband, and in that submission be active in how you support Him and your family. Your husband and your family needs you.
Illustration - How does this work out in my life.
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.That God has called wives to follow their husbands lead.
-My wife sees a situation that needs addressing.
(Remember she has already come to the conclusion and worked it all out in her mind.)
-She gives me time to see if I see the same thing.
-If I am missing something, she will privately bring the situation to my attention.
-If I am not taking the lead (sinful) I will respond by saying...
I would say, What do you think we should do?
Here is where the rubber really meets the road. She not only knows what to do, but she knows how to get it done more efficiently than me. She will be tempted to naturally step in and start to lead.
-But she refuses to lead. In wisdom she says, I don’t know, what do you think?
-I say, I don’t know, let me think and pray about it.
Now Susan has to wait. She has to be patient.
-She waits and prays and does not take over the leadership.
-All while she could have had this whole thing fixed 2 days ago.
-She waits for me to come to a wise conclusion.
-If I forget about it or don’t want to deal with it, she brings it back up.
“You know that situation we talked about 2 days ago?” You have any more thoughts about it?
-When I come to my conclusion on what should be done, sometimes I take care of it myself - sometimes I go to her to kick the idea around and get her input.
-The situation with the girls, the house, with the neighbor … This is what I’m thinking.
-I want her 2 cents. She brings wisdom. She does her roll as a helper very well.
-She doesn’t try to change my mind if we differ.
-She lets me lead.
-In her choosing to not lead and be quiet - she forces me to lead.
1F. Character Transformation
Some of you who about making efficient decisions are thinking, why go through all that dance and waste of time? Let her make the decisions. She is obviously good at it.
-God is not about efficiency. -God is not about streamlining.
-God is about changing our character.
-It’s not about how fast the job gets done.
-God is about how your heart was transformed.
Ladies, Why do you bow up when the word submission is raised and men why do you want to gloat when submission is mentioned? You need a transformed heart.
1G. Master
That God has called wives to let their husbands lead.
That God has called wives to let their husbands lead.
Some wives don’t have a husband that is laid back when it comes to leadership in the home. Your husband is more assertive. To be a helper, to help him be better - you will need to offer wisdom when you are led.
-I appreciate you natural leadership. I respect your willingness to get out in front and lead our family. Could I share with you some thoughts about the situation with our children?
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
The word Lord used in this passage means Master.
Wives - Let me share with you something that is hard to say and will be even more difficult to hear.
The passage could be translated, wives follow your husbands lead, this is what your Master wants.
Wives - Let me share with you something that is hard to say and will be even more difficult to hear.
You will always struggle to submit yourself to your husband if you are not already submitting yourself to Christ as you master.
Let me say this another way.
-If you have a kind husband and you struggle to submit to Him, it may be that your real struggle is not against your husband, but in your submission to God.
Please understand that your struggle in submission to your husband is understood by Christ.
Many times submission hurts.
*** Yet it was the will of the Lord to crush him;
he has put him to grief;
2. Husbands are called to love their wives like Christ.
Christ followed in submission to the Father when it was crucifyingly difficult.
Following someone’s leadership can be a challenge.
Christ asks us as Christ followers to do hard things.
Where is the hope in submission and hope in Christ.
Tra
He asks us to submit to hard things.
He submitted himself to the Cross when His father asked him to.
Transition - Husbands not only has God asked you to fully submit to Him, but He has commanded you to love your wives like Christ.
2. Husbands are called to love their wives like Christ.
19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
gives us a commentary on this verse in Colossians.
Jesus submitted himself to the Father
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
Jesus submitted himself to the Father
Jesus submitted himself to the Father
Men, I call this command to love your wife like Christ “the Impossible command”
Why? In my broken state, There is no way I’ll ever come close to loving her like Christ loves His people. I am too much of a mess to be able to love her with the power and purity of the Messiah.
However, I must do the best I can.
In what ways can I love my wife like Christ loves His people?
2A. Be Gentle
How does Christ love His people?
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
vs. 29 - Cherish her
In our impatience, in our anger, in our pain, in our focus - we as men have the tendency to be harsh.
Harsh with your words, harsh or rough physically, harsh relationally
To be gentle:
When you are in a hurry slow down around your wife.
When you are angry - tell her quietly you are angry and need some distance.
When you are in pain - tell her softly you are really hurting and can’t talk at the moment.
Don’t put your hands on her unless you are giving her affection.
Sometimes being gentle means - stopping what you are doing, looking her in the eye, listening and encouraging.
Be Gentle
Another way to love well is to …
2B. Cherish your wife.
, In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
Cherish means to deeply value.
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
What we cherish is most important to us.
Cherish your wife by telling her those qualities that she has that you are grateful for. Look for her strengths, consider how those strengths effect your children and your marriage. In prayer thank the Lord for her.
If you feel like your heart is getting hard toward cherishing your wife ask God to help you cherish her. Ask God to help you perform acts of love for her.
Show your wife that you cherish her.
Transition- Finally
2C. Serve Her
Look for areas of life that your wife is passionate about... art, food, children, travel, shopping, gardening … create an experience that she will enjoy and join her in it.
Do a task for her that she doesn’t enjoy. One of the things that Susan likes for me to help with from time to time is cleaning the bathrooms. Not my favorite thing. One of the best ways to serve her.
In Christ’s submission to the Father HE also served His Church ( His Bride). He gave Himself up for her. Christ did something for us that we didn’t know we needed.
2B.
Example?
Transition - Christ did something for us that we didn’t know we needed.
3. Gospel - Christ took the punishment for our sin on Himself.
He offers you forgiveness of Sin.
He asks that you allow Him to be your Master and that you trust in Him.
4. Close
Christ has been anything but harsh with us as his children.
vs. 29 - Cherish her, Appreciate her strengths
Give yourself up for her/prefer her/serve her
Serve - Give yourself up for her/prefer her/serve her
Be gentle with her
2A.Jesus submitted himself to the Father
Take note how many times the term “the Lord” is used.
Do a word study on this…“Master”
The theme of the letter is Christ, this passage shows that his tentacles covers the whole part of our life. Our social relationships must be transformed by Christ.
Submission - voluntarily place yourself under the leadership of another.
***What does “in the Lord mean. = As God has appointed/directed
You will always struggle to submit yourself to your husband if you are not already submitting yourself to Christ as you master or Lord.
Let me say this another way.
-If you have a kind husband and you struggle to submit to Him, it may be that your real struggle is not against your husband, but in your submission to God.
Husbands - Your wives will sin against you. You will only be able to love your wife unconditionally if you already completely love your God who does not sin against you. Isn’t it interesting that God’s command for husbands and wive’s is so sanctifying. God directs wives to give up control. God directs husbands to lead and to transform their hearts to a place of great affection.
Husbands Eph 5:25-33
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Illustration of womens faces being burned with Acid in India to get more money from the family.
How submission worked in my home or leadership worked in my home.
21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Eph 5:21