Love and Forgiveness: The Unforgiving Servant

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A Call to Forgive

VIDEO: signs of forgiveness:

35 lSo also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother mfrom your heart.”

This text represents
Matthew 18:35 ESV
So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

Matthew’s Advice to a Divided Community

So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

pleads for humility, forgiveness, and mercy

So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

Matthew locates a story of a king and his servants.

Tax Farming:
I’m a “Forgiveness Aspirant,” not an expert.
(Test-trial-success-reward)
I’m WAY better at holding a grudge than I am at letting it go,
but for the most part, I want to be gracious and I really do believe that forgiveness is primary expectation in Christian life.
Matthew locates a story of a king and his servants.
Not holding a grudge and not getting bitter and not wanting to get even when someone wrongs us is the exact opposite of what comes natural to us and what we feel like doing. 
We want to see them come begging for forgiveness.  We want to make them agonize a bit before we forgive. We’d often rather hold onto a grudge and let bitterness poison our spirit before we’d forgive – especially considering some of the things that have been done to us by our enemies and even by our friends and family.
I know that despite the hurt, we all need crawl our way back into the Light. You can’t move on to the new life until you’ve either unpacked the old one—or burned it down to the ground.
Tax Farming:
Jesus was so serious about this truth that he also said in , “If thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee: leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother and then come and offer thy gift.” (offering for sins against God.
And while you’re there, if you remember that you are not right with your brother, Jesus says stop what you’re doing; leave your sacrifice before the  altar; go get right with your brother; and then come and get right with God.”
You see forgiveness is such a powerful thing in our lives. It is the easiest thing to receive and the hardest to give out. But if we just remember the story of the unforgiving servant, what we realize is that when we truly have an understanding of what I have been forgiven of, it is easy for me to use that toward others. It is not only necessary but freeing from the hurt in my own heart. The only way to heal from a hurt in life is to forgive. And what we find in forgiveness is that the prison it truly frees is me!
(Test-trial-success-reward)
Matthew’s Advice to a Divided Community.
This text represents Matthew’s Advice to a Divided Community.

It begins and it is framed by Peter’s initial question on how often he should forgive.

How often should we forgive?

Lord, how often ywill my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?

Lord, how often ywill my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? z

Lord, how often ywill my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?

If you have been wounded in your past; if you have been victimized, I want you to know that we stand with you and in no way do we want to give you the idea that you’re wrong for your feelings.
If you are presently in a harmful situation I don’t want you to think that I am encouraging you to take more abuse.
I am looking that this text and I am speaking about the tendency for us to hold on to hurts.
It is interesting to me this parable is sandwiched in-between Peter’s trying to wiggle out of forgiving and a statement on divorce and in particular divorce related to a hardened heart. So this is a story about hardness, stubbornness,
Jesus’ answer? seventy times seven

DISCLAIMER:

If you have been wounded in your past; if you have been victimized, I want you to know that we stand with you and in no way do we want to give you the idea that you’re wrong for your feelings.
If you are presently in a harmful situation I don’t want you to think that I am encouraging you to take more abuse.
I am looking that this text and I am speaking about the tendency for us to hold on to hurts.
It is interesting to me this parable is sandwiched in-between Peter’s trying to wiggle out of forgiving and a statement on divorce and in particular divorce related to a hardened heart. So this is a story about hardness, stubbornness,

“seventy times seven,” which is forever and ever forgiveness; repeated/perpetual forgiveness. Bernard Brandon Scott, “The King’s Accounting: ,” Journal of Biblical Literature 104 (1985): 429

Jesus’ answer: seventy times seven, which is forever and ever forgiveness; repeated/perpetual forgiveness.
Bernard Brandon Scott, “The King’s Accounting: ,” Journal of Biblical Literature 104 (1985): 429
Tax Farmers Trial-Success-rewards
It begins and is framed by Peter’s question on how often he should forgive. Jesus’ answer seventy times seven, which is forever and ever forgiveness; repeated/perpetual forgiveness.
Bernard Brandon Scott, “The King’s Accounting: ,” Journal of Biblical Literature 104 (1985): 429
If you have been wounded in your past; if you have been victimized, I want you to know that we stand with you and in no way do we want to give you the idea that you’re wrong for your feelings.
If you are presently in a harmful situation I don’t want you to think that I am encouraging you to take more abuse.
I am looking that this text and I am speaking about the tendency for us to hold on to hurts.
It is interesting to me this parable is sandwiched in-between Peter’s trying to wiggle out of forgiving and a statement on divorce and in particular divorce related to a hardened heart. So this is a story about hardness, stubbornness,
By the way Jesus, isn’t saying that we’re to keep tally or that there would ever come a point where forgiveness would be exhausted.  No Jesus is saying that our forgiveness for others should be unlimited. 
It is a plea for humility, forgiveness and mercy.

This is hard.

It is perhaps not so hard to forgive a single great injury.
But to forgive the incessant provocations of daily life?—to keep on forgiving the bossy mother-in-law, the bullying husband, the nagging wife, the selfish daughter, the deceitful son—

Matthew locates a story of a king and his servants.

Tax Farmers Trial-Success-rewards
the parallel passage () the challenge to forgive appears without the narrative of the unforgiving servant.
Matthew was a tax collector, so this story is very relevant to him.

A “twice told tale” of the King’s forgiveness with the servant’s lack of it

a story of a king and how he relates to his servants and a story of how God deals with those who do not forgive.

What the heavenly father will do to to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.

Oh great

me no likey

Will do… to every one of you

Let the Holy Spirit sink that in...

if you do not…from your heart...

What does this mean?

Not forgive?

if you do not?

from your heart?

“Don’t do likewise!”

a negative example:

It should emphasize to us the King’s mercy and not his revenge.

The main point of the parable is :

33 And shouldn’t you have (dei) had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’
“Dei” being, YOU, nature

“everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive”

C.S. Lewis

The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world. Marianne Williamson

. . . you must make every effort to kill every taste of resentment in your own heart—every wish to humiliate or hurt him or to pay him out. The difference between this situation and the one in such you are asking God’s forgiveness is this. In our own case we accept excuses too easily; in other people’s we do not accept them easily enough.

But even if he is absolutely fully to blame we still have to forgive him; and even if ninety-nine percent of his apparent guilt can be explained away by really good excuses, the problem of forgiveness begins with the one percent guilt which is left over. To excuse what can really produce good excuses is not Christian character; it is only fairness. To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.

How can we do it? Remembering where we stand

Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning our words when we say in our prayers each night ‘forgive our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.’ We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it is to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves. There is no hint of exceptions and God means what He says.
C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory (New York: Harper Collins, 2001; Originally published 1949), 181-183 (paragraphing mine).
It is a plea for humility, forgiveness and mercy.

This parable lists three things we need to pay attention to, let’s go through them:

Matthew locates a story of a king and his servants.
Tax Farmers Trial-Success-rewards
the parallel passage () the challenge to forgive appears without the narrative of the unforgiving servant.
Matthew was a tax collector, so this story is very relevant to him.
the parallel passage () the challenge to forgive appears without the narrative of the unforgiving servant

A “twice told tale” of the King’s forgiveness with the servant’s lack of it

heavenly father6 will do to everyone of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

a story of a king and how he relates to his servants and a story of how God deals with those who do not forgive.

a story of a king and how he relates to his servants and a story of how God deals with those who do not forgive.

What the heavenly father will do to to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.

Oh great
me no likey
Will do… to every one of you
negative example—don’t do likewise

negative example:

Let the Holy Spirit sink that in...
if you do not…from your heart...
What does this mean?
Not forgive?
if you do not?
from your heart?

“Don’t do likewise!”

the king’s forgiveness with the servant’s lack thereof

A negative example

a negative example:

A negative example

A “twice told tale” of the King’s forgiveness with the servant’s lack of it.

It should emphasize to us the King’s mercy and not his revenge.

a story of a king and how he relates to his servants and a story of how God deals with those who do not forgive.

It should emphasize to us the King’s mercy and not his revenge.

The main point of the parable is :
the main point is vs 33:
33 And shouldn’t you have (dei) had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’
“Dei” being, YOU, nature
“everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive”
C.S. Lewis
C.S. Lewis
“everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive”
“everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive”
C.S. Lewis
The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world. Marianne Williamson
. . . you must make every effort to kill every taste of resentment in your own heart—every wish to humiliate or hurt him or to pay him out. The difference between this situation and the one in such you are asking God’s forgiveness is this. In our own case we accept excuses too easily; in other people’s we do not accept them easily enough.
But even if he is absolutely fully to blame we still have to forgive him; and even if ninety-nine percent of his apparent guilt can be explained away by really good excuses, the problem of forgiveness begins with the one percent guilt which is left over. To excuse what can really produce good excuses is not Christian character; it is only fairness. To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.
This parable lists three things we need to pay attention to, let’s go through them:
C.S. Lewis We all agree that Forgiveness is a beautiful idea until we have to practice it.

Took pity on him, canceled the debt, and let him go.

Took pity on him, canceled the debt, and let him go. Three things. Let’s go through them.

Take Pity

take pity on the person who has wronged you
If you want to avoid the feast of fools, if you want to avoid being twisted and being put into prison by your anger, the first thing you have to do is take pity on the person who has wronged you. That doesn’t just mean you feel sorry for them. This is a very important word in the Bible, this word that’s translated sometimes “have compassion,” sometimes “take pity.”
If you want to avoid the feast of fools, if you want to avoid being twisted and being put into prison by your anger, the first thing you have to do is take pity on the person who has wronged you. That doesn’t just mean you feel sorry for them. This is a very important word in the Bible, this word that’s translated sometimes “have compassion,” sometimes “take pity.” The word literally means to have your heart go out to somebody.
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

If you want to avoid the feast of fools, if you want to avoid being twisted and being put into prison by your anger, the first thing you have to do is take pity on the person who has wronged you. That doesn’t just mean you feel sorry for them. This is a very important word in the Bible, this word that’s translated sometimes “have compassion,” sometimes “take pity.” The word literally means to have your heart go out to somebody.

have your heart go out to somebody
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation
The word literally means to have your heart go out to somebody.
If you want to avoid the feast of fools, if you want to avoid being twisted and being put into prison by your anger, the first thing you have to do is take pity on the person who has wronged you. That doesn’t just mean you feel sorry for them. This is a very important word in the Bible, this word that’s translated sometimes “have compassion,” sometimes “take pity.” The word literally means to have your heart go out to somebody.
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation
What does it mean to have your heart go out to somebody? It’s a good, vivid term. What does it mean?
identifying with them, you’re putting your heart in them, in their shoes, in their life, you are feeling something of what they feel
You identify with the perpetrator.
To have pity on somebody who has wronged you means you deliberately do the internal work of reminding yourself of how much you have in common. You put yourself in their place and you empathize, you sympathize.
What does it mean to have your heart go out to somebody? It’s a good, vivid term. What does it mean? It means you’re identifying with them. It means you’re putting your heart in them in a way (in their life, in their body), and you feel something of what they feel. Isn’t that what it means? You identify with the perpetrator.
“I’m really the same.”
That is not the sort of thing your heart really wants to do. Your heart wants to accentuate the differences between you and the perpetrator, the wrongdoer, but according to the text, what you must do if you’re ever going to avoid the jailhouse of anger is you have to actually identify, as much as you can, with the person and say, “I’m really the same.”
To have pity on somebody who has wronged you means you deliberately do the internal work of reminding yourself of how much you have in common. You put yourself in their place and you empathize, you sympathize. That is not the sort of thing your heart really wants to do. Your heart wants to accentuate the differences between you and the perpetrator, the wrongdoer, but according to the text, what you must do if you’re ever going to avoid the jailhouse of anger is you have to actually identify, as much as you can, with the person and say, “I’m really the same.”
Some years ago, I read an article (which I often refer to because it’s so good) that said when you are bitter towards someone … In a sense, you stay bitter toward people by caricaturing them, creating one-dimensional, distorted views of them. That’s how you stay angry at them. What do I mean? Well, have you ever had a cartoon drawn of you?
What does it mean to have your heart go out to somebody? It’s a good, vivid term. What does it mean? It means you’re identifying with them. It means you’re putting your heart in them in a way (in their life, in their body), and you feel something of what they feel. Isn’t that what it means? You identify with the perpetrator.
To have pity on somebody who has wronged you means you deliberately do the internal work of reminding yourself of how much you have in common. You put yourself in their place and you empathize, you sympathize. That is not the sort of thing your heart really wants to do. Your heart wants to accentuate the differences between you and the perpetrator, the wrongdoer, but according to the text, what you must do if you’re ever going to avoid the jailhouse of anger is you have to actually identify, as much as you can, with the person and say, “I’m really the same.”
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Some years ago, I read an article (which I often refer to because it’s so good) that said when you are bitter towards someone … In a sense, you stay bitter toward people by caricaturing them, creating one-dimensional, distorted views of them. That’s how you stay angry at them. What do I mean? Well, have you ever had a cartoon drawn of you?
Over on the East Side tonight, Steve Shaffer was saying in one of his … He was leading worship, and he said somebody on the street did a little cartoon sketching of him. It was a painful experience because, even when the cartoonist is actually being kind of goodwilled toward you, the cartoonist has to exaggerate certain features.
If your ears are kind of big, they make them a little bigger. If your nose is big, they make it bigger. The brow. The circles under your eyes. I mean, that’s what cartoonists do, even when they’re trying to be nice. It’s taking one or two features and sort of blowing it up. That’s what you do in order to stay angry at somebody.
So if somebody has lied to you, you’re mad at them. Somebody says, “Well, why did they lie to you?” You say, “Because she’s just a liar!” See? Because you think of her as a liar, you think of her completely in terms … You’ve reduced her to the lie. “She’s just a liar!” What if somebody says to you, “Yeah, but … do you ever lie?”
You’re a real-life human being, but when you think of the person you’re mad at, “She’s just a liar!” What it means to make your heart go out to somebody is to deliberately (instead of saying, “I would never do that,” and, “How different I am”) say, “No, I’m not different.
You can’t exclude yourself from the community of sinners, and you can’t exclude the person from the community of humans
Perfect. You can only stay mad at somebody if you continue to feel superior to them and tell yourself you’re superior to them. First of all, you exclude yourself from the community of sinners. You refuse to admit that you may not do exactly the same thing that person did, but you do things like that.
You would do things like that, or you could. You’re capable of it, if you had the chance. You can’t exclude yourself from the community of sinners, and you can’t exclude the person from the community of humans.
Miroslav Volf says, “Forgiveness flounders because I exclude the enemy from the community of humans even as I exclude myself from the community of sinners.”
You’re a real-life human being, but when you think of the person you’re mad at, “She’s just a liar!” What it means to make your heart go out to somebody is to deliberately (instead of saying, “I would never do that,” and, “How different I am”) say, “No, I’m not different.” In one of his essays on forgiveness, Miroslav Volf says, “Forgiveness flounders because I exclude the enemy from the community of humans even as I exclude myself from the community of sinners.”
Miroslav Volf says, “Forgiveness flounders because I exclude the enemy from the community of humans even as I exclude myself from the community of sinners.”

Cancel the debt

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation
You would do things like that, or you could. You’re capable of it, if you had the chance. You can’t exclude yourself from the community of sinners, and you can’t exclude the person from the community of humans
Cancel the debt
you grant forgiveness before you feel it
You would do things like that, or you could. You’re capable of it, if you had the chance. You can’t exclude yourself from the community of sinners, and you can’t exclude the person from the community of humans
What that means is over the years I’ve had a couple of mishaps with chairs.
What that means is over the years I’ve had a couple of mishaps with chairs.
I go to somebody’s house … Especially, if they have kind of nice, maybe, antique furniture
According to the Bible, you grant forgiveness before you feel it...No! If you wait to feel it before you grant it, you’ll never grant it; you’ll be in prison.
Jesus says in:
, “If you’re standing and you’re praying and you have anything against anyone, forgive them.”
Right there. It’s obviously an act of the will or Jesus couldn’t have said that. That’s what it means to cancel the debt.
You say, “But that would really hurt.” Yes! You suffer.
When there’s a loss, either the person who brings the loss pays, or the person who experienced the loss pays. It’s one or the other. You can either make the perpetrator pay, or you can forgive, which means you pay.
When there’s a loss, either the person who brings the loss pays, or the person who experienced the loss pays. It’s one or the other. You can either make the perpetrator pay, or you can forgive, which means you pay.
What that means is over the years I’ve had a couple of mishaps with chairs.
I go to somebody’s house … Especially, if they have kind of nice, maybe, antique furniture
“How does that work,” you say, “if we’re not talking about money?” Well, when someone really wrongs you, there’s always a loss. You’ve lost reputation, or you’ve lost some opportunity you didn’t have and you never will get again. There’s a real debt. It’s not a monetary debt, but there’s a debt. You feel it, and you feel the person owes you. You feel the person is liable to you, but what are you going to do? There are two things you can do. Only two things. What we just said.
When someone wrongs you, there is always a loss.
“How does that work,” you say, “if we’re not talking about money?” Well, when someone really wrongs you, there’s always a loss. You’ve lost reputation, or you’ve lost some opportunity you didn’t have and you never will get again. There’s a real debt. It’s not a monetary debt, but there’s a debt. You feel it, and you feel the person owes you. You feel the person is liable to you, but what are you going to do? There are two things you can do. Only two things. What we just said.
One is you can make them pay. You can try to hurt them. You can gossip about them. You can slander, always under the guise of, “Let me warn you about this person.” You can slice up their reputation, or when you see them, you can be cold. Or maybe you just withdraw your friendship, or you just berate them, or you really tell them off and you try to make them feel horrible.
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

What does it mean to have your heart go out to somebody? It’s a good, vivid term. What does it mean? It means you’re identifying with them. It means you’re putting your heart in them in a way (in their life, in their body), and you feel something of what they feel. Isn’t that what it means? You identify with the perpetrator.

Or at the very least, in your heart, you root for them to have a bad life and you rejoice (do you remember Buechner was talking about it?), you savor anything that goes wrong in their lives. If, either directly because of you, or indirectly, the person suffers enough, you start to feel like they have paid, but if you make them pay, it puts you in jail. It twists you. It makes you more like Satan than like Jesus.
Well, what’s the alternative? You pay. “What do you mean I pay?” When you want to slice them up, you just refuse.
You identify with the perpetrator, and you remember the king’s compassion (we’ll get to that in a second), and you refuse. When you want to berate them and just tell them off and make them feel bad, you refuse
You may tell them certain things they don’t want to hear, but you’re certainly not there to try to make them unhappy and suffer. Most of all, when you feel like rooting against them in your heart, when you feel like just replaying the tapes and just boiling in your heart against them, you refuse. It’s an act of the will. You say, “Well, what does that do?”
Jesus says in , “If you’re standing and you’re praying and you have anything against anyone, forgive them.” Right there. It’s obviously an act of the will or Jesus couldn’t have said that. That’s what it means to cancel the debt. You say, “But that would really hurt.” Yes! You suffer.
Refuse, cut off the oxygen to anger.
You may tell them certain things they don’t want to hear, but you’re certainly not there to try to make them unhappy and suffer. Most of all, when you feel like rooting against them in your heart, when you feel like just replaying the tapes and just boiling in your heart against them, you refuse. It’s an act of the will. You say, “Well, what does that do?” What it does is it cuts off the oxygen to the self-pity and to the self-righteousness and to the self-centeredness and to the anger.
You may tell them certain things they don’t want to hear, but you’re certainly not there to try to make them unhappy and suffer. Most of all, when you feel like rooting against them in your heart, when you feel like just replaying the tapes and just boiling in your heart against them, you refuse. It’s an act of the will. You say, “Well, what does that do?” What it does is it cuts off the oxygen to the self-pity and to the self-righteousness and to the self-centeredness and to the anger.
What it does is it cuts off the oxygen to the self-pity and to the self-righteousness and to the self-centeredness and to the anger.
Bit by bit by bit, if you grant forgiveness, eventually, the anger will recede, and you’ll feel forgiveness. This is the place that I hope you’ll listen, if you haven’t yet. I hope this is the one thing you’ll get, because this is completely contrary to what you’ve probably learned almost anywhere else.
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation
“Oh, I can’t forgive this person. I have to seek justice.” But when you go (not having forgiven) and pursue justice, you will find that, though you may say, “I’m doing it for other people’s sake, or for his sake, or for God’s sake,” you’re actually doing it for your sake. You’re not actually trying to wake them up; you’re trying to make them hurt.
Jesus says in , “If you’re standing and you’re praying and you have anything against anyone, forgive them.” Right there. It’s obviously an act of the will or Jesus couldn’t have said that. That’s what it means to cancel the debt. You say, “But that would really hurt.” Yes! You suffer.
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

According to the Bible, you grant forgiveness before you feel it.

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

No! If you wait to feel it before you grant it, you’ll never grant it; you’ll be in prison.

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

According to the Bible, you grant forgiveness before you feel it.

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

No! If you wait to feel it before you grant it, you’ll never grant it; you’ll be in prison.

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

What does it mean to have your heart go out to somebody? It’s a good, vivid term. What does it mean? It means you’re identifying with them. It means you’re putting your heart in them in a way (in their life, in their body), and you feel something of what they feel. Isn’t that what it means? You identify with the perpetrator.

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

What does it mean to have your heart go out to somebody? It’s a good, vivid term. What does it mean? It means you’re identifying with them. It means you’re putting your heart in them in a way (in their life, in their body), and you feel something of what they feel. Isn’t that what it means? You identify with the perpetrator.

To have pity on somebody who has wronged you means you deliberately do the internal work of reminding yourself of how much you have in common. You put yourself in their place and you empathize, you sympathize. That is not the sort of thing your heart really wants to do. Your heart wants to accentuate the differences between you and the perpetrator, the wrongdoer, but according to the text, what you must do if you’re ever going to avoid the jailhouse of anger is you have to actually identify, as much as you can, with the person and say, “I’m really the same.”

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Some years ago, I read an article (which I often refer to because it’s so good) that said when you are bitter towards someone … In a sense, you stay bitter toward people by caricaturing them, creating one-dimensional, distorted views of them. That’s how you stay angry at them. What do I mean? Well, have you ever had a cartoon drawn of you?

Over on the East Side tonight, Steve Shaffer was saying in one of his … He was leading worship, and he said somebody on the street did a little cartoon sketching of him. It was a painful experience because, even when the cartoonist is actually being kind of goodwilled toward you, the cartoonist has to exaggerate certain features.

If your ears are kind of big, they make them a little bigger. If your nose is big, they make it bigger. The brow. The circles under your eyes. I mean, that’s what cartoonists do, even when they’re trying to be nice. It’s taking one or two features and sort of blowing it up. That’s what you do in order to stay angry at somebody.

So if somebody has lied to you, you’re mad at them. Somebody says, “Well, why did they lie to you?” You say, “Because she’s just a liar!” See? Because you think of her as a liar, you think of her completely in terms … You’ve reduced her to the lie. “She’s just a liar!” What if somebody says to you, “Yeah, but … do you ever lie?”

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Some years ago, I read an article (which I often refer to because it’s so good) that said when you are bitter towards someone … In a sense, you stay bitter toward people by caricaturing them, creating one-dimensional, distorted views of them. That’s how you stay angry at them. What do I mean? Well, have you ever had a cartoon drawn of you?

Over on the East Side tonight, Steve Shaffer was saying in one of his … He was leading worship, and he said somebody on the street did a little cartoon sketching of him. It was a painful experience because, even when the cartoonist is actually being kind of goodwilled toward you, the cartoonist has to exaggerate certain features.

If your ears are kind of big, they make them a little bigger. If your nose is big, they make it bigger. The brow. The circles under your eyes. I mean, that’s what cartoonists do, even when they’re trying to be nice. It’s taking one or two features and sort of blowing it up. That’s what you do in order to stay angry at somebody.

So if somebody has lied to you, you’re mad at them. Somebody says, “Well, why did they lie to you?” You say, “Because she’s just a liar!” See? Because you think of her as a liar, you think of her completely in terms … You’ve reduced her to the lie. “She’s just a liar!” What if somebody says to you, “Yeah, but … do you ever lie?”

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Some years ago, I read an article (which I often refer to because it’s so good) that said when you are bitter towards someone … In a sense, you stay bitter toward people by caricaturing them, creating one-dimensional, distorted views of them. That’s how you stay angry at them. What do I mean? Well, have you ever had a cartoon drawn of you?

Over on the East Side tonight, Steve Shaffer was saying in one of his … He was leading worship, and he said somebody on the street did a little cartoon sketching of him. It was a painful experience because, even when the cartoonist is actually being kind of goodwilled toward you, the cartoonist has to exaggerate certain features.

If your ears are kind of big, they make them a little bigger. If your nose is big, they make it bigger. The brow. The circles under your eyes. I mean, that’s what cartoonists do, even when they’re trying to be nice. It’s taking one or two features and sort of blowing it up. That’s what you do in order to stay angry at somebody.

So if somebody has lied to you, you’re mad at them. Somebody says, “Well, why did they lie to you?” You say, “Because she’s just a liar!” See? Because you think of her as a liar, you think of her completely in terms … You’ve reduced her to the lie. “She’s just a liar!” What if somebody says to you, “Yeah, but … do you ever lie?”

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

You’re a real-life human being, but when you think of the person you’re mad at, “She’s just a liar!” What it means to make your heart go out to somebody is to deliberately (instead of saying, “I would never do that,” and, “How different I am”) say, “No, I’m not different.” In one of his essays on forgiveness, Miroslav Volf says, “Forgiveness flounders because I exclude the enemy from the community of humans even as I exclude myself from the community of sinners.”

Perfect. You can only stay mad at somebody if you continue to feel superior to them and tell yourself you’re superior to them. First of all, you exclude yourself from the community of sinners. You refuse to admit that you may not do exactly the same thing that person did, but you do things like that.

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

You would do things like that, or you could. You’re capable of it, if you had the chance. You can’t exclude yourself from the community of sinners, and you can’t exclude the person from the community of humans

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

What that means is over the years I’ve had a couple of mishaps with chairs.

I go to somebody’s house … Especially, if they have kind of nice, maybe, antique furniture

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

When there’s a loss, either the person who brings the loss pays, or the person who experienced the loss pays. It’s one or the other. You can either make the perpetrator pay, or you can forgive, which means you pay.

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

“How does that work,” you say, “if we’re not talking about money?” Well, when someone really wrongs you, there’s always a loss. You’ve lost reputation, or you’ve lost some opportunity you didn’t have and you never will get again. There’s a real debt. It’s not a monetary debt, but there’s a debt. You feel it, and you feel the person owes you. You feel the person is liable to you, but what are you going to do? There are two things you can do. Only two things. What we just said.

One is you can make them pay. You can try to hurt them. You can gossip about them. You can slander, always under the guise of, “Let me warn you about this person.” You can slice up their reputation, or when you see them, you can be cold. Or maybe you just withdraw your friendship, or you just berate them, or you really tell them off and you try to make them feel horrible.

Or at the very least, in your heart, you root for them to have a bad life and you rejoice (do you remember Buechner was talking about it?), you savor anything that goes wrong in their lives. If, either directly because of you, or indirectly, the person suffers enough, you start to feel like they have paid, but if you make them pay, it puts you in jail. It twists you. It makes you more like Satan than like Jesus.

Well, what’s the alternative? You pay. “What do you mean I pay?” When you want to slice them up, you just refuse. You identify with the perpetrator, and you remember the king’s compassion (we’ll get to that in a second), and you refuse. When you want to berate them and just tell them off and make them feel bad, you refuse

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

You may tell them certain things they don’t want to hear, but you’re certainly not there to try to make them unhappy and suffer. Most of all, when you feel like rooting against them in your heart, when you feel like just replaying the tapes and just boiling in your heart against them, you refuse. It’s an act of the will. You say, “Well, what does that do?” What it does is it cuts off the oxygen to the self-pity and to the self-righteousness and to the self-centeredness and to the anger.

Bit by bit by bit, if you grant forgiveness, eventually, the anger will recede, and you’ll feel forgiveness. This is the place that I hope you’ll listen, if you haven’t yet. I hope this is the one thing you’ll get, because this is completely contrary to what you’ve probably learned almost anywhere else.

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

According to the Bible, you grant forgiveness before you feel it.

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

No! If you wait to feel it before you grant it, you’ll never grant it; you’ll be in prison.

Jesus says in , “If you’re standing and you’re praying and you have anything against anyone, forgive them.” Right there. It’s obviously an act of the will or Jesus couldn’t have said that. That’s what it means to cancel the debt. You say, “But that would really hurt.” Yes! You suffer.
Jesus says in , “If you’re standing and you’re praying and you have anything against anyone, forgive them.” Right there. It’s obviously an act of the will or Jesus couldn’t have said that. That’s what it means to cancel the debt. You say, “But that would really hurt.” Yes! You suffer.
Tim Keller Forgiveness and Reconciliation, 2008
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation
When there’s a loss, either the person who brings the loss pays, or the person who experienced the loss pays. It’s one or the other. You can either make the perpetrator pay, or you can forgive, which means you pay.
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation
“Oh, I can’t forgive this person. I have to seek justice.” But when you go (not having forgiven) and pursue justice, you will find that, though you may say, “I’m doing it for other people’s sake, or for his sake, or for God’s sake,” you’re actually doing it for your sake. You’re not actually trying to wake them up; you’re trying to make them hurt.
So you’re telling them off, and you say you’re seeking justice, but you’re actually seeking vengeance. Forgive before you pursue justice, you’ll never really pursue justice. You’ll be producing vengeance, and you actually won’t get anywhere.
So you’re telling them off, and you say you’re seeking justice, but you’re actually seeking vengeance.
forgive before you pursue justice, you’ll never really pursue justice. You’ll be producing vengeance, and you actually won’t get anywhere.
So you’re telling them off, and you say you’re seeking justice, but you’re actually seeking vengeance.
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation
forgive before you pursue justice, you’ll never really pursue justice. You’ll be producing vengeance, and you actually won’t get anywhere.
The great irony is you have to identify with the perpetrator so there’s no more ill will and cancel the debt and do that hard inner work of granting forgiveness before you feel it and forgo vengeance and forgo harming the person to make up for your pain.
Jesus says in , “If you’re standing and you’re praying and you have anything against anyone, forgive them.” Right there. It’s obviously an act of the will or Jesus couldn’t have said that. That’s what it means to cancel the debt. You say, “But that would really hurt.” Yes! You suffer.
The great irony is you have to identify with the perpetrator so there’s no more ill will and cancel the debt and do that hard inner work of granting forgiveness before you feel it and forgo vengeance and forgo harming the person to make up for your pain.

Let them go!

Yeah right…easier said than done. I know that you are probably sitting there staring at me, sort of saying, “How? How do we do this?”
The first resource, and this isn’t a resource most people in our individualistic, American society even think about, is according to the Bible (the New Testament), your community, your church is a resource for helping you, for disciplining you, for supporting you, for holding you accountable to forgive and repent, and to keep your relationships straight, so people don’t just start to avoid each other, so relationships just don’t break apart.
Well you wouldn’t be alone: records the shock and surprise of the disciples at Jesus’ answer.  They exclaim, “Lord increase our faith!”
records the shock and surprise of the disciples at Jesus’ answer.  They exclaim, “Lord increase our faith!”
The first resource, and this isn’t a resource most people in our individualistic, American society even think about, is according to the Bible (the New Testament),
your community, your church is a resource for helping you, for disciplining you, for supporting you, for holding you accountable to forgive and repent, and to keep your relationships straight, so people don’t just start to avoid each other, so relationships just don’t break apart.
Up further in 18:15–17
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Thirdly, let him go. This is a problem for some people. “Let him go?

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

He begins to choke the man, even before the guy asks for mercy, and then refuses to forgive him. The forgiven isn’t forgiving

B.B. Warfield called “The Emotional Life of Our Lord.” B.B. Warfield was studying all the Greek words in the New Testament that described Jesus’ emotional responses, as a way of trying to say, “What is Jesus’ emotional life like?”

Your Heart needs to go out to them

Jesus says in , “If you’re standing and you’re praying and you have anything against anyone, forgive them.” Right there. It’s obviously an act of the will or Jesus couldn’t have said that. That’s what it means to cancel the debt. You say, “But that would really hurt.” Yes! You suffer.
Jesus Christ’s emotional life was this word in verse 27. “… his heart went out to them …
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

“Oh, I can’t forgive this person. I have to seek justice.” But when you go (not having forgiven) and pursue justice, you will find that, though you may say, “I’m doing it for other people’s sake, or for his sake, or for God’s sake,” you’re actually doing it for your sake. You’re not actually trying to wake them up; you’re trying to make them hurt.

about if a brother or sister who is another Christian … If you’re a Christian and they’re a Christian and you both profess the gospel (so this is for relationships in the church), if you have a ruptured relationship, it says, “… go and show him his fault’’
If a brother or sister who is another Christian … If you’re a Christian and they’re a Christian and you both profess the gospel (so this is for relationships in the church), if you have a ruptured relationship, it says, “… go and show him his fault’’
B.B. Warfield called “The Emotional Life of Our Lord.” B.B. Warfield was studying all the Greek words in the New Testament that described Jesus’ emotional responses, as a way of trying to say, “What is Jesus’ emotional life like?”about if a brother or sister who is another Christian … If you’re a Christian and they’re a Christian and you both profess the gospel (so this is for relationships in the church), if you have a ruptured relationship, it says, “… go and show him his fault’’
“show him his fault” is a fascinating word that is usually used by Paul to mean evangelize.
“Oh, the person won’t listen to me.” Well, maybe the person won’t listen to you because you’re stupid in the way in which you approach them. You might be. What are you going to do then? “Well, tough. I tried.”
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

So you’re telling them off, and you say you’re seeking justice, but you’re actually seeking vengeance.

On the cross, Jesus Christ identified with you. His heart went out to you. That was the ultimate example of it. On the cross, he became you; he took your penalty for you.
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

forgive before you pursue justice, you’ll never really pursue justice. You’ll be producing vengeance, and you actually won’t get anywhere.

​No. You’re supposed to get other Christian brothers and sisters around you to help you get that relationship straight, to figure out … Who needs to repent? Who needs to forgive
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

The great irony is you have to identify with the perpetrator so there’s no more ill will and cancel the debt and do that hard inner work of granting forgiveness before you feel it and forgo vengeance and forgo harming the person to make up for your pain.

If I’m telling you you must identify with the wrongdoer, you must identify with the perpetrator; you must see yourself as no better than that perpetrator
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

No problem. I’m sure you all have taken good notes, and now you can go out into the world and do what you should do. No, it’s not that easy. Of course, you’re absolutely right to sit there staring at me, sort of saying, “How do we do this?” The answer is you have two resources. Let me just look at these here at the end.

If I’m telling you you must identify with the wrongdoer, you must identify with the perpetrator; you must see yourself as no better than that perpetrator
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

The first resource, and this isn’t a resource most people in our individualistic, American society even think about, is according to the Bible (the New Testament), your community, your church is a resource for helping you, for disciplining you, for supporting you, for holding you accountable to forgive and repent, and to keep your relationships straight, so people don’t just start to avoid each other, so relationships just don’t break apart.

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Up further in 18:15–17

I don’t care what you are facing, but the power of the gospel will help you escape the prison your anger wants to keep you in. Let us pray.
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

First of all, it says, “If your brother sins against you …” This is talking about if a brother or sister who is another Christian … If you’re a Christian and they’re a Christian and you both profess the gospel (so this is for relationships in the church), if you have a ruptured relationship, it says, “… go and show him his fault

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

“show him his fault” is a fascinating word that is usually used by Paul to mean evangelize.

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

“Oh, the person won’t listen to me.” Well, maybe the person won’t listen to you because you’re stupid in the way in which you approach them. You might be. What are you going to do then? “Well, tough. I tried.”

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

No. You’re supposed to get other Christian brothers and sisters around you to help you get that relationship straight, to figure out … Who needs to repent? Who needs to forgive

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Jesus Christ’s emotional life was this word in verse 27. “… his heart went out to them …”

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

If I’m telling you you must identify with the wrongdoer, you must identify with the perpetrator; you must see yourself as no better than that perpetrator

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

On the cross, Jesus Christ identified with you. His heart went out to you. That was the ultimate example of it. On the cross, he became you; he took your penalty for you.

Who do you have by the throat?

Who do you have by the throat?

Who are you hanging on the cross?
Who were you hanging on the cross
Maybe you have let go of the throat and maybe you have let some people off the hook and off the cross but you still have NOT, will NOT wash their feet?
Power comes from forgiveness. The softening of your heart, the letting go of hate and anger. The freedom that is found in forgiveness is immense. To forgive is to bring forgiveness to yourself. That is what this week’s parable is all about, forgiveness. Not only the necessity of it, but also the freeing nature that it brings in our hearts and the danger of not letting it go. This parable
A talent was 20 years’ worth of wages which equates to 200,000 years’ worth of work. The Greek for ten thousand is “murion”. We derive our English word “myriad” from it. This word in Greek is simply “the highest”. It is a number beyond numeration. He owed an amount that was simply incalculable and therefor unpayable.
Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.”
pain that doesn’t go away
and its ok
Who do you have by the throat?
wound deeply
I don’t care what you’ve done
contempt harm,
contempt harm,
becoming a mom changes WHO you are…
“forgive them, dismantle your boundaries, make yourself wrong, admit to things you never did so everyone thinks you’re nicer and saner than you may appear, let them back into your heart. Just forgive thier SOUL!”
crawl your way back into the Light. You can’t move on to the new life until you’ve either unpacked the old one—or burned it down to the ground.
“forgive them, dismantle your boundaries, make yourself wrong, admit to things you never did so everyone thinks you’re nicer and saner than you may appear, let them back into your heart. Just forgive thier SOUL!”
“Dismantle your boundaries, make yourself wrong, admit to things you never did so everyone thinks you’re nicer and saner than you may appear, let him back into your heart, and effectively dissolve your last few years of intense self-scrutiny and resurrection. And while you’re at it, let him into your house, be friendly, be a progressive family unit, and for God’s sake, smile more—because that is what it means to be a truly spiritual person, Danielle.”
Religion appeals for patience but a relationship applies His pardon.
One of the most well-known and beloved passages in all the Bible is the Lord’s Prayer.  As Jesus teaches us to pray there in , right in the middle of his Model Prayer is this request: “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.”  Jesus finishes his prayer and then in Vs. 14-15, He explains the part concerning asking forgiveness of sin.  He says, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: but if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
One of the most well-known and beloved passages in all the Bible is the Lord’s Prayer.  As Jesus teaches us to pray there in , right in the middle of his Model Prayer is this request: “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.”  Jesus finishes his prayer and then in Vs. 14-15, He explains the part concerning asking forgiveness of sin.  He says, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: but if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
The “gift” brought to the altar Jesus spoke of there is the sacrifice that Jew would offer to receive forgiveness of their sins against God.  And so here’s what Jesus said, “Suppose you come to the temple to offer a sacrifice for sin and to get right with God.”
Because great forgiveness received demands great forgiveness given.
Not holding a grudge and not getting bitter and not wanting to get even when someone wrongs us is the exact opposite of what comes natural to us and what we feel like doing.  We want to see them come begging for forgiveness.  We want to make them agonize a bit before we forgive.  We’d often rather hold onto a grudge and let bitterness poison our spirit before we’d forgive – especially considering some of the things that have been done to us by our enemies and even by our friends and family.
Now I’m not trying to minimize the hurt and pain of being wronged, but let’s be honest: whatever wrong has been done to you by others, frankly is minor when compared to how we’ve wronged God by our sin.  And yet God forgave us and still forgives us of every sin.  And God wants, yea He demands that we forgive others like He has forgiven us.  Because great forgiveness received demands great forgiveness given.
Turn with me to Eph 4:32 and we’ll close, “And be ye kind one to another, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Our Father, we thank you for this stern warning and this amazing promise, and that is that the gospel can spring us from the prison that anger and bitterness and resentment can put us in. We pray, Father, that … For some people here this is a life-and-death situation right now. Unless we use the resources the gospel gives us, we will never escape. For all of us, we pray that you would help us to store this up and treasure this message in our hearts because someday we’re going to need it. We thank you so much that you have given it to us through Jesus. In his name we pray, amen.

The Timothy Keller Sermon Archive Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Our Father, we thank you for this stern warning and this amazing promise, and that is that the gospel can spring us from the prison that anger and bitterness and resentment can put us in. We pray, Father, that … For some people here this is a life-and-death situation right now. Unless we use the resources the gospel gives us, we will never escape. For all of us, we pray that you would help us to store this up and treasure this message in our hearts because someday we’re going to need it. We thank you so much that you have given it to us through Jesus. In his name we pray, amen.

Our Father, we thank you for this stern warning and this amazing promise, and that is that the gospel can spring us from the prison that anger and bitterness and resentment can put us in. We pray, Father, that … For some people here this is a life-and-death situation right now. Unless we use the resources the gospel gives us, we will never escape. For all of us, we pray that you would help us to store this up and treasure this message in our hearts because someday we’re going to need it. We thank you so much that you have given it to us through Jesus. In his name we pray, amen.
Dear Father in Heaven,

Dear Father in Heaven,

Before I came to know You, my heart was filled with the things of my desires, my dreams, and my pleasure. How thankful I am that all those selfish things are forgiven.

Help me now to put on a heart like Yours, filled with humility that thinks of others before myself. Mold my heart into a heart of compassion and kindness when I deal with others – no matter how they deal with me. Give me an extra measure of gentleness and patience to bear with those who try to pull me into selfishness and anger and strife.

Today, I pray You will give me the heart of forgiveness. Let my spirit be like Yours when You forgave me, although I did not deserve it. Let all that I do and say today be with the love You have given me. Let Your love be seen in my life today and the rest of my days.

I pray in Jesus’ name.

Jesus uses secular people as the heroes of these stories, not the Jewish leaders.
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