The Silence of Adam
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
“You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realised they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
Tradition seems to have always taught, and I had always assumed, that Eve was alone when the serpent approached her. This scenario, embraced by most Bible teachers, assumes that after she was deceived and had eaten some of the fruit she then went in search of Adam to induce him to share in her sin by eating some of the fruit. Larry Crabb has pointed out in the opening pages of a book which was recently published that Adam was right there with Eve during the conversation with the serpent.[1] The Word of God clearly states the case that Adam was present. When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, (HM;[i Hv;yail]]) and he ate it [Genesis 3:6].
This is an astonishing piece of information! Adam was with Eve when she was approached by the serpent! That blows away my categories. We have always talked about how Eve was deceived. In fact, 1 Timothy 2:14 teaches that the woman was deceived and we draw certain assumptions which may be unwarranted from that knowledge. I think that deep down we tend to blame Eve for getting us all in this mess in the first place, even though we know technically that Adam was responsible. But what if Adam was standing right there the whole time that Eve was talking to the serpent? I think this sheds new light on just how responsible Adam was for what happened. It gives us insight into the responsibility men bear before God. This puts a whole new twist on Romans 5:12. What does this say to us about not doing anything when we are not sure exactly what we should do or say? It sure makes inactivity look more sinful to me.
If Adam was there, then why didn’t he say something? Why didn’t he tell the serpent to get lost? Why didn’t he correct Eve when she misquoted the command not to eat of the tree? Why didn’t he suggest they go somewhere else to talk about the situation? Why didn’t he stop Eve when she reached for the fruit? Why was Adam silent? Though I’m not going to answer that right now, I think the answer will become obvious as we work through several concepts.
Man’s model—man is created in God’s image. What is your image of a “real” man? Perhaps you think of a real man as someone in the image of Arnold Schwartzeneger or someone like Chuck Norris. Hollywood has done much to form our image of what a man should be. By the criterion of the silver screen a man is tall, dark and invulnerable. Above all else a real man is silent, never saying much but maintaining a brooding silence in the face of every challenge. The modern image has moved to an opposite extreme as we see a soft, vulnerable, almost effeminate image much like Billy Crystal. Either image is distorted, even warped. Most people today are confused about what a man should be.
Christians haven’t fared any better, as the churches are increasingly feminised. Family Life Seminars, Promise Keepers and hundreds of self-help books haven’t yet resolved the issue of what a man should be. We have a multitude of experts telling men how to be “good” fathers, “good” husbands, or “good” whatevers… There is obviously a problem and Christians are relentlessly searching for answers.
When we realise there is a problem we read a book by a “professional counsellor” or attend a conference. Having read the book or sat through the conference we get motivated and we apply the principles which were outlined for a few weeks or months. Have you ever noticed there is an updated version of last year’s latest self-help book? There is always need for another Promise Keepers conference? That is because we slip back into the old routine and need the next edition or yet another conference. We are acting in our own energy and not in God’s power.
I suggest that the churches haven’t yet dealt with the problems. Had the churches done what was required by God there would be no need for experts, nor would we need to seek out the latest conference with motivational speakers telling us how to act. I am humbled by the fact that the men we consider great in the eyes of God, those stalwarts of the past such as D. L. Moody, Billy Sunday, Hudson Taylor, Charles Spurgeon, etc. were men of God. They spent hours in prayer and in the Word of God. They were first godly, and then they were manly. Consequently, they are remembered as great men. We turn matters around and try to be manly first and then imagine that we can be godly. Underscore this truth in your mind: the only way to be manly is to be godly.
How do we become godly? By reflecting the image of God. In order to reflect God’s image we must know what God is like. We need to study God, and that, for your information, is theology. Instead of being boring, theology is the exciting study of God. As we studied the first two chapters of Genesis we saw one aspect of God which stood out above all others. Whenever God encountered chaos He spoke and brought about order. God spoke into nothing and created the heaves and the earth [Genesis 1:1]. The second verse states that the earth was formless and empty [Genesis 1:2]. Into the chaos God spoke to bring about order. Here is what we should understand about those first two verses. God moved about in darkness and chaos in order to create order and life.
Man is created in the image of God [Genesis 1:26]. You will remember that one of the first responsibilities Adam assumed was naming the animals [Genesis 2:19-20]. We saw that God was using this as a means to teach the man that he had no complement among the animals in preparation for the creation of woman, but other truths are revealed in man’s action. He demonstrated his superiority over the animals, fulfilling the command to rule over them. There is this further insight, however, which lays an important foundation for this present message. Man demonstrated how he was in the image of God by naming the animals, for he brought order out of chaos.
Like God, man spoke into disorder, for he spoke into a world in which no life form had yet been named. By naming the animals Adam imposed order on creation. In Genesis 1:3 God spoke and in Genesis 2:20 man spoke. In speaking, giving names to the animals, man revealed that he was in the image of God.
God spoke into chaos and created order and life. Adam spoke into disorder and brought about order. It is a demonstration that man, created in God’s image, is responsible to speak into disorder so that order and life may result. This means that when life becomes chaotic, man is responsible to speak. Men are responsible, not to maintain silence in the face of chaos, but rather they are responsible to speak so that order will result. Should a man remain silent in the face of chaos, he sins and ceases to be like God. Having said this, I must hasten to admit that man’s natural tendency is to be silent.
Man’s natural tendency—to be silent. Confronted with chaotic conditions, the natural tendency of man is to be silent. We have already seen the example of Adam who was silent when his wife was confronted with the choice to rebel. His silence resulted in the ruin of the race and necessitated the sacrifice of God’s Only Son.
The next well-known example presented in the Book of Genesis is Abraham. God had promised Abraham that he would have a son and that from that son would come descendants as numerous as the stars [Genesis 15:4,5]. Genesis 15:6 presents the great text, Abram believed God. Perhaps it was the passage of time or simply a lapse of faith, but the day came when Abraham’s wife Sarai grew restless. Ten years had passed and Sarai wanted a family now! She urged Abraham to father a child by her maidservant Hagar. Abraham listened to Sarai, slept with Hagar and sired Ishmael [Genesis 16:2]. The result of Abraham’s silence was the Arab/Israeli conflict which rages to this day.
Peter informs us that Lot was a righteous man [2 Peter 2:7], but we would never guess that he was righteous from the account of his life given in Genesis. He separated from his Uncle Abraham, settled in Sodom and was silent in the face of the evil surrounding him there. I am left with the decided impression that he made every effort to appease his wife. His silence in the face of her apparent desire for social acceptability would even cost him his family. When in a misguided effort to protect the angels who had come under his roof he offered his two daughters to the sex-crazed crowd he was anything but strong or manly. Fleeing the city we see the true longing of his wife and the probable cause of Lot’s slide into mediocrity when Mrs. Lot turned for a last look at the city. Lot was tormented in his righteous soul by the lawless deeds he saw and heard [2 Peter 2:8]. We might well ask why he didn’t leave? The answer seems to be that his wife didn’t want to leave and he was silent before her desires. His later incestuous relationship with his daughters gives evidence that they absorbed more of their mother’s strong will than they did their father’s righteousness. Lot was silent and passive and the result was the Ammonites and the Moabites who opposed the people of God for long years after.
Perhaps you remember the account of how Isaac got a wife? Abraham sent Eliezer back to the homeland of Aram Naharaim to find a wife for his son. The servant met Rebekah as she watered her father’s flocks at a well. He was invited to her home. There he proceeds to bargain with her brother Laban for her hand in marriage. What is interesting is that Bethuel, Rebekah’s father, was present the negotiations for Rebekah. Nevertheless it is Laban who appears in charge of the family and not Bethuel. Bethuel is silent throughout indicating rather strongly that he was a silent father.
The result of Bethuel’s silence was two manipulative children. Laban later made life miserable for Jacob. He gave him Leah when he tried to marry Rachel and later he would change his wages repeatedly to gain advantage over his son-in-law. Rebekah was instrumental in the deception of Isaac when Jacob stole his brother’s birthright. Bethuel’s children were controlling and manipulative as result of their father’s silence.
Isaac is the next of the patriarchs whose history is related in the Book of Genesis. It is hard to like Isaac; he was such a passive man. In fact, it seems that virtually the only thing he ever did right was to let his father almost offer him up as a sacrifice. Otherwise, despite a long life he seems to make a mess of matters.
Isaac assuredly knew the prophecy of God that his elder son, Esau, would serve the younger son, Jacob [cf. Genesis 25:23-26]. In spite of this prophecy he preferred the strong, manly Esau to the weak Mommy’s boy, Jacob. At the end of his life he decided that he would bless Esau instead of obeying God and blessing Jacob. We cannot know what went through his mind at that time. Perhaps he decided that it was easier to go with tradition than it was to trust God by blessing Jacob. Perhaps he feared Esau’s reaction. Perhaps he worried what others might think. Perhaps he was tired of confronting Rebekah. Whatever his reason he tried to circumvent the revealed will of God.
Because he was silent and refused to act in order to do what was right, his wife took matters into her own hands and handled the problem. Her intervention backfired and as a result the family was split up. Isaac and Rebekah never saw Jacob again and Esau also was estranged from his parents. Take special note that Isaac and Rebekah never speak. Rebekah never speaks to Esau and Esau never speaks to Jacob and Jacob never speaks to Isaac except to deceive him. This is a dysfunctional family; they have no relationship with one another. Rebekah is the strong one in the family and Isaac is silent.
God spoke into chaos and brought forth order. When man fails to confront the darkness the result is still more chaos. Man’s failure to speak ensures the severing of relationships. My silence as a man will affect relationship of others for whom I am responsible. The Bible seems to clearly indicate that my silence will surely destroy relationships. Adam’s silence destroyed his relationship with God and with his wife. Abraham’s silence resulted in the Arab/Israeli conflict. Lot’s silence caused the destruction of his family and forever sullied his name. Isaac’s silence resulted in a weak relationship with his wife and destroyed his relationship with his sons.
In each of the situations before us the man was silent in the face of a chaotic or messy situation. When the man was silent the woman stepped in and took control. This was what God warned would be woman’s natural tendency [cf. Genesis 3:16]. To this day when confronted with chaotic or messy situations men tend to shut down emotionally and women tend to step in to take control because “someone has to”. Men try to avoid messy situations and women justify their intervention because someone needed to act. Women’s rule over the home is material for jokes, but the result of women’s actions is anything but a joke! Unfortunately, even within the church women tend to take control justifying their actions with the need to maintain the work and to keep things moving.
There is an old saying from the American South which applies in this situation. Learn it, ladies. Learn it, gentlemen. It is never right to do wrong in order to get a chance to do right. You cannot justify your disregard for the laws of God on an exigency basis. A necessity defence does not work when trying to explain our actions before the Lord God Almighty. Right is right; and wrong is wrong.
Man’s responsibility—to walk in God’s image. Let’s pause for a moment so we can firm up what has been said to this point. The popular image of a man is that he is the strong, silent type. In fact we can see that this image should be thought of as the weak, silent type if we apply a biblical criterion to the situation. Man is responsible to confront chaos so that he may bring order to the situation. Man is responsible to be godly, and that means assuming responsibility for imparting order and light in every darkened situation.
When I use the term speaking to describe the responsibility toward a given situation, I know that I must be careful to define what I mean. On the fringes of evangelicalism is a movement known as Word Faith. This movement teaches that man is really a little god and that he exercises dominion through his words. I caution you that while you are in the image of God, and while you look to God as the model of what you should aspire to be, you are neither God nor are you a god. Your words have power, but they haven’t divine power, as do the words of God.
You can talk a lot and never touch real issues. Maybe you talk about sports or about computers all the time and yet you never have any meaningful conversations. I mention sports and computers because these constitute my weaknesses. Though we talk about the activities we enjoy, we may nevertheless be silent about the important issues even though our mouths are wide open. Obviously, then, by speaking I don’t mean simply moving our lips and making sounds.
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13:1 that when we speak without love, then we are a resounding gong and a clanging cymbal. The ultimate impact of our study to this point is really leading us to think about how to have better relationships. It is about how to love. So Paul's statement in 1 Corinthians 13 is very appropriate. Ephesians 4:15 ff. is also related where Paul talks about speaking the truth in love. I want to point out that for the purpose of our study, speaking involves actions, too. It involves both words and deeds. If you just say you are going to do something and never do it, then that is worthless. James talks about that in James 2. Speaking means getting involved. And I think I should stress that speaking means getting emotionally involved.
Speaking is not controlling a situation through shouting the loudest or shaming the other person into submission or obedience. That sort of action just turns a person inward and away from God. If you win through controlling the situation you will either numb others into conformity or incite them to self-preserving rebellion. You can see this in children. In a family that relates in this manner, one child might be complacent and compliant and the other one always in trouble at school.
What I need to make clear is that I am not saying that men should start dominating every situation and relationship around them. I'm not saying that we men need to be dogmatic and just tell our wives to shut up when they disagree with us. When we do that, we are not being strong men. We are really just trying to take control (through your flesh) and force order on the situation and get others to back off so we don't have to deal with the issue. We are hiding again as Adam did in the Garden.
All of these things are examples of what speaking is not. So what is speaking? Speaking is saying or doing whatever is necessary to move myself toward another person and moving that other person and myself toward trusting God in the midst of the life, in the midst of chaos. Speaking is resisting evil at every level, protecting those we love through standing firm against that which displeases God, and providing for the welfare of those for whom God has made us responsible.
Witnessing is a good example of chaos. When you are in the middle of a conversation with someone and the topic turns towards something that you could easily use to ask the person about his or her personal beliefs. What do you do? Do you speak? Do you ask them about their faith? Or do you ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit because you fear their response might be to reject you? What you need to do is go ahead and ask them the question and trust God for the results. You need to move into the chaos and speak. Too often we are afraid and we are silent.
Within a family a husband and wife will often have different opinions about an issue. What does that mean? It means they each have different opinions; it doesn't mean one is wrong and one is right. If a man is married to a woman who has strong opinions, then she may come across with the attitude that the husband is wrong whenever his opinion differs from hers. An increasing number of men today grew up in a shame-based relationship, that is in a family in which they were often censured for acting like a male. In such instances the husband may feel that his opinion is wrong when it differs from his wife's. If he follows his natural inclination to be silent he will just shut up and let his wife's opinion dictate family policies. That is not leadership. I'm not saying that the husband needs to always go with his opinion because he's the leader. I'm saying he needs to evaluate both honestly and openly the options presented and then go with what he believes to be the best one for his family. This means that he must be on speaking terms with the Lord, knowing what pleases Him and knowing what dishonours Him.
You might wonder what will happen if the husband stands up to his wife and says, “Honey, I don't think we should do that. I think we should do this instead.” She might follow his lead. She might also argue with him, or get mad, or act hurt and avoid him. What if his decision turns out to be a bad one? Then she might say, “I told you so.” Even if she doesn't say it, she will certainly think it. That is real life and it is chaotic. That might describe why Lot went along with his wife's wishes to live in Sodom and Gomorrah. What is important is to realise that the man ultimately bears responsibility for the direction of the family and he is the one who must give an answer to God.
What do you say or do when your kid's school teacher or Sunday school teacher comes to you and says your child was being mean to another kid or cheating on a test, etc.? The easy path is to give him the spanking of his life when he gets home or ground him for a month? Instead, you may choose to talk with him to try to determine what is going on in that immature brain of his that makes him want to do disappoint you? Maybe he is searching for attention that he isn't getting at home. He may need to be disciplined, but only doing the discipline is often simply an effort to control the situation and the child as long as he is under your roof. You can discipline and never really be involved. If you never work on the relationship and find out why he misbehaved, then when he leaves home, he is going to do what his heart wants. That is chaos. Those kinds of situations make many men freeze up, remain silent, and run away to something they are good at, or they lash out in anger and try to force others to get with the program.
I can't give you any steps to follow. You are responsible to understand your tendencies and recognise when you are slipping into the altogether too human mode of silence and instead turn to God and move forward. The solution is to trust God and move others towards order and away from the chaos.
There is often truth contained in lists and steps, but if we rely on lists we are putting the cart before the horse. Lists and steps are actually a description of what a good relationship looks like more than they are a means of getting there. It is the godly, manly man who, in the face of chaotic situations says, “I don't know what to do God, but I think this is best for my family and I'm going to do it and trust you for the results.”
I have spoken of the responsibility of man in the home, but I am compelled to speak of man as shepherd of God’s flock. This is the reason women are not to be shepherds of the flock: their assumption of responsibility violates the will of God and ensures that man sinks into silent mediocrity. I recognise that even the call to ministry, however, does not make a man willing to be godly. The great responsibility imposed upon pastors is to speak that light may shine into the darkness. Pastors are charged by God to confront chaos so that order may result.
Should a pastor be silent in the face of rebellion, only greater chaos can result. When a pastor refuses to confront strong-willed individuals with a word of confident submission to the mind of Christ the entire church suffers and relationships disintegrate. Unfortunately, the state of the churches today is one in which pastors are neutered and silence of men is enforced through censure and through political means. Consequently, the people of God are weakened and far too few within the Faith recognise what love is. In order to rectify the chaos denominations have hired a growing number of experts to list twelve steps to spiritual sobriety. I find that instead of making matters better, the experts have complicated matters. I am hard-pressed to support such a world and I certainly cannot encourage the creation of more such churches.
I envision a world where we have real elders and disciples living in community, not the segregation into sets of experts and everybody else which has become common today. If ordinary men are to develop into fathers, if experts are to be changed into elders, we must develop some idea of what godly manhood looks like. We must get a picture of true masculinity that will first drive us to brokenness by making obvious our masculine failures and then will ignite a relentless passion to realise the staggering potential of becoming real men.
The root cause of masculine failure is Adam's silence in the garden. This silence, chronically repeated in the lives of thousands of men is an indication of the passivity of Adam, who was with Eve in the garden. He silently abdicated his responsibility for his wife, bringing chaotic disaster upon the whole race.
Men must conquer their tendency to silence and be men who speak, men who take initiative and action. In this way, a man will fulfil his calling as a man, contributing richly and intentionally to his relationship with God, with his wife, and with his children.
I have a dream. Only time will tell if it is truly from God. I think it is. My dream is really quite simple. As I look thirty years into the future, I see a few groups scattered here and there, across the landscape where godly character and spiritual wisdom are more honoured than degrees and skill, and more valued than achievement or expertise.
I see a community of struggling people, plagued with all the ills that come from living in a world we were never designed to endure, battling against inclinations and urges we were never intended to feel. I see people whose marriages are awful, whose children have shattered their hope for a happy family, whose emotions are out of control, who spend horribly long nights terrified by childhood memories of unspeakable abuse, who feel so hurt by rejection that it seems their hearts are being torn right out of their chests, who hate themselves because of sexually perverted urges that rage within them, who come close to giving up all hope under the weight of never-ending loneliness.
In my dream, I see these people doing something what very few are doing in real life today. I see them walking past the office that has a shingle advertising a professional whose training guarantees technical competence but not godly character. I see them returning books to the shelf of the Christian bookstore: the books with jackets that falsely promise now what only heaven will provide later. I see them picking up a flyer promoting the latest seminar everyone is talking about, looking at it, then putting it down.
I envision a generation in which mentors are not in such short supply, in which pastors and elders are once again held in high esteem because they pastor and elder, in which Christians are no longer asked to manage ministries the way executives build corporations, but rather are reserved as men of godly influence.
If I look hard into my dream I can see an army of wise men and women...armed only with gentle discernment and penetrating wisdom, character qualities that have been forged in the fires of suffering. These are the ones who have paid a price few are willing to pay. And they have paid it continually for years, without relief. These men are FATHERS, these women are MOTHERS, godly people whose quiet presence is felt.
Celebrities will become obscure. A few sentences from an elder mean more than all the secrets of effective living that are shared by an acclaimed communicator at a weekend seminar.
If my dream is to come true, it will require a miracle of God, not the splashy kind of pseudo-miracle that ignites a movement, but the solid, deep variety that can begin a reformation. We have plenty of happenings that create huge followings and make it to the headlines. But we haven't had a reformation for quite a few years. Maybe it's time.
My dream boils down to a sentence as simple as it is profound: If men become men, the world will change. If women become women, the world will change.[2]
Perhaps I should speak briefly about the responsibility of woman. In brief, women should understand the struggle men face and the struggle they face as well. Women should realise that it is the natural tendency of a man to be silent, but that if he does so it can only result in greater chaos. Perhaps a man will be silent through refusal to confront the darkness, perhaps he will try to control it without addressing the root cause, but he will tend to be silent. His silence will only increase the pressure on the woman to take charge, to do something. She must understand her tendency and resist the temptation to help God. Her failure can only result in greater tragedy in relationships.
Don’t try to take control, ladies. Neither in the home nor in the church can you violate the revealed will of God without paying an awesome price. Your efforts will seem to work for a short while, but in the end chaos will rule. In every instance where woman assumed responsibility to make things happen … whether in the home, in the church, or in the nation … disaster has resulted. You are no exception.
Therefore, I urge you to trust God and wait. This is the opposite of man’s responsibility, which is to trust God and move. Man is to trust God and speak. Woman is to trust God and be silent. I know that the task of woman is awesome and requires great faith, but man’s task is no less awesome and requires no less faith. It is only together, as we each seek the place God has assigned that we can bring a measure of order to our fallen world. Though I cannot change the whole world about me, I can bring change to my home. As a man I bear that responsibility and my wife is charged with the task of assisting me. Though I cannot change the whole world about me, I can bring change to my church. As a man and as your pastor I bear that responsibility, and each of you is charged to share in that task. Let’s refuse to continue the silence of Adam and refuse to continue the rebellion that God may be glorified among us. Amen.
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[1]Larry, Crabb, Don Hudson and Al Andrews, The Silence of Adam: Becoming Men of Courage in a World of Chaos (Zondervan) 1999
[2] Larry, Crabb, Don Hudson and Al Andrews, ibid.