The Love We Each Seek

Canticles 8:5b-7

Under the apple tree I roused you;

there your mother conceived you,

there she who was in labour gave you birth.

Place me like a seal over your heart,

like a seal on your arm;

for love is as strong as death,

its jealousy unyielding as the

grave.

It burns like blazing fire,

like a mighty flame.

Many waters cannot quench love;

rivers cannot wash it away.

If one were to give

all the wealth of his house for love,

it would be utterly scorned.

A & E apparently felt they had discovered something unusual. At the least those responsible for programming thought that they had hit upon a subject which would boost ratings. They presented a Valentine special purporting to reveal erotica of the Bible. They had all the usual suspects known for promoting pornographic and erotic themes including the wizened hag substituting for the goddess of love on talk circuits, Dr. Ruth. What A&E thought was new territory was but a perversion of a major theme at the heart of the Word of God. God is love. Fallen man has perverted that love into lust. Consequently, though we have a world awash in gratification of every lust, we discover that we long for something which seems always to be just beyond our reach … love.

No one really knows how Valentines Day came to be observed. The Catholic Encyclopaedia lists at least three different Saint Valentines, all of them martyrs. Each alike is listed in the early martyrologies under the date of 14 February. One is listed as a priest at Rome, another as bishop of Interamna (modern Terni), and these two suffered in the second half of the third century. The third Saint Valentine suffered in Africa with a number of companions and nothing further is known.[1]

Mid-February was traditionally the time of the Lupercian festival, an ode to the God of fertility and a celebration of sensual pleasure. This was a time to meet and court a prospective mate. In ad 469, Pope Gelasius outlawed the pagan festival. In order to make his order palatable to the populace he replaced it with a similar celebration which was deemed morally suitable. He needed a lover’s saint to replace the pagan deity Lupercus. The martyred bishop Valentine was chosen as the patron saint of the new festival.

Bishop Valentine had been beheaded for helping young lovers marry against the wishes of the mad emperor Claudius. Before execution, Valentine himself had fallen in love with his jailer’s daughter. He signed his final note to her, “From your Valentine,” a phrase which has lasted through the centuries.

Pope Gelasius didn’t get everything he wanted. The pagan festival died out, it is true, but he had further hoped people would emulate the lives of saints. Instead they latched onto the more romantic aspect of Saint Valentine’s religious life. While not immediately as popular as the more passionate pagan festival, eventually the concept of celebrating true love became known as Valentine’s Day.[2]

Whatever the original intent for instituting the observance, Valentines Day is today a celebration of romantic love. At least most individuals would contend that they celebrate romance. I suppose that most women receiving a Valentine card would say they desire romance, if not with the one delivering a Valentine then with someone. Likewise, most men sending a Valentine (with flowers and chocolates and jewellery) would say that they are honouring one with whom they wish to be romantic. Unfortunately, not all who wish to be romantic are romantic. I am convinced from a growing variety of sources that Christians are better lovers. Multiple studies and surveys demonstrate that Christians are more likely to be satisfied with their spouse and more content with their love life then are non-Christians. Christians not only have happier marriages but they are less likely to end their marriages in the divorce courts.

Almost twenty years ago Redbook surveyed American men and women. The survey made news headlines for weeks being the hottest topic on television talk circuits because the study revealed that the most sexually content people in America were fundamental Christians. News commentators, comedians and scholars alike pondered the reason for the disparity between fact and the popular fiction that Christians are uptight about intimate matters. Follow-up studies revealed that contentment wasn’t simply a result of resignation which created the climate of deep satisfaction, but rather contentment arose from something which the studies were challenged to quantitate.

Christians accept the will of the Creator as revealed in His Word and as result they have discovered that He really does know what He is talking about. Committing themselves to their spouse and reserving themselves for one another, the secure environment created enhances instead of decreases romance. The most romantic people in the world are those couples who have committed themselves to the Lord God and then before Him have committed themselves to one another. The least romantic people in the world are those who live a promiscuous lifestyle and flit from one sexual encounter to another. Those individuals are insecure and incapable of discovering the joy which must underlie happiness in order for the full depth of love to be expressed.

A&E was right; the Bible is not at all prudish about romance. In fact, one entire book of the Bible is devoted to romantic love. That book is, of course, the Song of Solomon, also referred to as Canticles. It is a love poem relating the romance of Solomon and a young woman known as the Shulammite. The text is not at all reticent about speaking of marital bliss. As we read the poem, however, we find that rather than voyeurs invading the sanctity of the marriage bed we are instead drawn into a celebration of the most beautiful aspect of romance, the deep love which a man and a woman should discover with one another as they invest themselves in each other.

The Passage Does Refer to Romantic Love — Perhaps I am an iconoclast. Although I may not intend to destroy contemporary myths I do manage to do so without any effort. One myth of this present age is that Christians do not speak about sex. Many people, perhaps even most people, suppose that Christians are terribly uptight about sex. Such a position seems strange in light of the fact that our God created us to be sexual beings. You will no doubt recall Jesus’ teaching on the subject of gender distinction in marriage. “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one.” Based upon the teaching revealed in these words the Master established the teaching stating divine opposition to divorce. “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” [Matthew 19:4-6].

I don’t want you to become hung up on the teaching concerning divorce, but instead focus on the underlying truth which our Lord presents. The Creator created our first parents to be male and female. In other words, the distinction of gender is deliberate. Sexual differences are deliberate. Because this is true, sex is recognised and blessed, for a man will … be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

Throughout the New Testament man as a sexual creature is a recognised truth. Paul, in his first Corinthian letter, speaks of the need to honourably control one’s passion. Each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion [1 Corinthians 7:7b-9].

This apostolic teaching flows from questions first raised by these Corinthians. Get the setting. The Corinthians came out of pagan culture, a culture which was noted for its licentiousness. A term of opprobrium which was current in that day was to be called a Corinthian. It recognised the casual sexual views permeating Corinthian society. People exiting that morally destitute society wanted to know something about romance! Listen to the Apostle and capture the underlying note of astonishment.

Now for the matters you wrote about… The Corinthians requested instruction in sexuality. It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command [1 Corinthians 7:1-6].

I suggest to you that even a casual reading of the Apostle’s words demonstrate that he was not in the least shy about teaching on rather earthy subjects. In order to please God we need to know how to control ourselves. In order to treat one another with respect we need to know the rules for such honourable living. Especially is this true if we will treat our spouse with respect befitting one given and approved by God.

Likewise, the Hebrew letter speaks with approval of the purity of sex in marriage. Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral [Hebrews 13:4]. The passages quoted are but an introduction to the biblical teaching concerning sex and romance.

Some years ago, S. Craig Glickman penned a study of this song of love which though read in churches, seldom prompts us to weigh its words. As part of his commentary Glickman provided an interpretative paraphrase of the text. I want you to listen to his beautiful rendition of these verses which receive our attention this morning.

Shulammite to the King

Spring’s magic flowers have perfumed the pastel countryside and enchanted the hearts of all lovers. Come, my precious lover; every delicious fruit of spring is ours for the taking. Let us return to our springtime cottage of towering cedars and cypresses where the plush green grass is its endless carpet and the orchards are its shelves for every luscious fruit. I have prepared a basketful for you, my love, to give you in a sumptuous banquet of love beneath the sky.

I wish we could pretend you were my brother, my real little brother. I could take you outside to play, and playfully kiss you whenever I wished. But then I could also take your hand and bring you inside and you could teach me and share with me your deep understanding of life. Then how I wish you would lay me down beside you and love me.

Shulammite to the Women of the court

I encourage you not to try to awaken love until love is pleased to awaken itself. How wonderful it is when it blossoms in the proper season.

Shulammite to the King

Do you remember where our love began? Under the legendary sweetheart tree, of course, where every love begins and grows and then brings forth a new-born child, yet not without the pain of birth. Neither did our love begin without the pain, the fruitful pain of birth. O, my darling lover, make me your most precious possession held securely in your arms, held close to your heart. True love is as strong and irreversible as the onward march of death. True love never ceases to care, and it would no more give up the beloved than the grave would give up the dead.

The fires of true love can never be quenched because the source of its flame is God Himself. Even were a river of rushing water to pass over it, the flame would yet shine forth. Of all the gifts in the world, this priceless love is the most precious and possessed only by those to whom it is freely given. For no man could purchase it with money, even the richest man in the world.[3]

One truth which is apparent as we read this interpretative paraphrase is the contrast between romance in the popular estimate and romance as seen here. For the most of our contemporary world, as defined in song and on the silver screen, romance is five minutes of growing intensity followed by a momentary explosion before quickly settling back into the routine of the daily grind. According to this beautiful song of love, romance is defined as possessing a constantly growing intensity. Time doesn’t diminish the sense of romance between those who love; romance is intensified as time passes. Torrents cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. It burns more hotly with every passing year. What is being described here is foreign to Hollywood and alien to contemporary literature. This love defies death and brings satisfaction which can be known only to those who have been fortunate enough to experience such romance.

The Characteristics of Love are Defined — In a very real sense these verses provide a portrait of love. So often young people wonder how they will know love when it is found. These verses are a good place to start one’s search. It is true that women give love in hopes of obtaining romance and men are romantic in hopes of obtaining love, but romantic love is a realistic goal for both men and women. Men are to be romantic and women are to be lovers, and those who know the Lord God make the best lovers.

Love is painful. The Shulammite speaks of childbirth. At first verse five seems strangely out of place. It will no doubt assist your understanding to know that to the Jewish mind the apple tree was a familiar symbol for romance. The opening words of verse five are as a portrait setting the scene for us. The King and his wife of many years are walking back from their second honeymoon. The poet wants us to see them coming toward us, her head gently leaning on his chest and his arm is around her, and so he asks, Who is this coming up from the desert leaning on her lover? It is a way to capture our attention. What will now be said concerning the characteristics of love?

The King’s wife answers our question. When she says I roused you we are given a clue as to her intent. The phrase Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires has occurred three times in the book and the last time was in the verse immediately before our text [2:7; 3:5; 8:4]. Evidently love was pleased to awaken under the apple tree because she aroused him there at a particular time. Likely she does not have in mind an actual apple tree, but rather she is referring to the time when he was first smitten with her. The time was right for their love; the circumstances were favourable; the atmosphere was suitable.

Perhaps it is best not to see this as too specific because the time for romance is different for different people. Some of you think romance is only for the very young, but I can testify that romance is for the more mature among us as well. Some of us can testify that romance never ceases. What I would have you see is that there is always a right time, and when that time comes romance begins.

The Shulammite says that his mother experienced pain at birth and that likewise the birth of their romance was painful. The Shulammite had experienced the pain of waiting, the pain of insecurity and of feeling inferior when they had first met. She had been unable to care for herself while working in the vineyards. Waiting for romance, the humble pain of feeling unworthy of your lover, the fears of unfulfilled love, all alike are painful. Romance is never without pain. However, those pains are the evidence that something of great value is in the process of being born. The fruitful pain of lasting relationship, of companionship, of romance was the experience of every lover.

I daresay that each of you who are married have felt the sweet pain of momentary separation when your lover needed to be gone. You have experienced the bitter pain of disappointment, the misery of argument and misunderstanding. No relationship is ever without pain, but through the pain the relationship grows ever stronger, ever more mature. Even the pain of conflict can bring deeper understanding and a more meaningful relationship to one another. Love is painful.

Love is possessive. The Shulammite longs to be a seal over her lover’s heart and a seal on his arm. Whatever can she mean by this? The seal in Scripture speaks of ownership. An owner identified his possessions with a seal. She isn’t asking to be imprinted on all his possessions, but she is rather asking to be identified as his. Moreover, a seal spoke figuratively of that which was of great value. One would not part with an item of great worth, and she is asking to be treasured and to be jealously guarded.

Experiencing her husband’s jealous concern for her, she wished to be as a seal over his heart and as a seal upon his arm. She offers herself as his precious possession. As Sheol would not give up the dead which were in it, so her lover would never surrender her. Love will not permit us to be indifferent, but rather we are careful not to ignore the object of our love. Love is possessive.

Because we are fallen people and prone to misunderstanding I must interject to ensure clarity on this point. I don’t mean to encourage immature jealousy, that rage which cannot trust the one loved. There is a sense of possessiveness which cannot tolerate freedom, which will not permit friendships, which dares not trust. Such an emotion is unworthy of love and is the surest evidence that romance is absent. The jealousy which is spoken of in the sixth verse and the seal which the Shulammite longed for is the sense of intense concern and protection extended by those who love. She is inviting her lover to treasure her and to love her enough to lend her his strength.

Love is persevering. The romance of the lovers burns like blazing fire. You may notice the footnote on the latter part of verse six. The alternate reading suggests that the poet is speaking of godly jealousy, for love burns like the very flame of Yahweh. In other words, the love these two have for one another is just like the love God has for His people. Nothing can extinguish such love once it has begun to burn.

I caution you that the text does not say that rivers and waters will not come, but that when they do come they cannot extinguish love. Love is a waterproof torch. Let a river flow over it, and it still is burning when the waters cease to flow. The strength of the King’s love for his wife is that powerful. Love perseveres.

You have perhaps heard people speak of the latest boyfriend or the latest girlfriend as the latest flame. Such a statement assumes there have been other flames in the past. Evidently the waters quenched the past flames, or those flames were so weak that they burned out. There was no romance, or the flame would have continued to burn. Real love burns, and keeps on burning. Romantic love burns brightly at the first, and it is still burning brightly as the last breath is drawn.

Once there was a leader in a certain community whose wife left him so she could enjoy her freedom. Everything seemed great for a time, but she grew more and more dissolute. Eventually she was living like a common whore, and though it seemed impossible this sparkling socialite became so degraded that even her not-so-choosy lovers would have nothing to do with her. At the nadir of her existence she decided that she had nothing to lose by returning to her husband.

She couldn’t understand him, but his flame still burned for her. He took her back and forgave her. He clothed her and gave her a roof over her head. He carved out a place in his home and in his life for her. He courted her, sought her response to tender love. Finally, she was physically and emotionally restored as a healthy and happy wife. That is persevering love. The story is such a good one that it is included in the Bible. You can read about this persevering love in Hosea’s prophecy.

Love is priceless. When the Beatles’s songs are digitalized and re-released, as news reports state shall be, no doubt we will again hear the voice of John Lennon reminding everyone that Money can’t buy me love. Though the Beatles, and especially John Lennon, ever gave evidence of being Christians, they nevertheless spoke a great truth in the words of this particular song. The poet who penned the words of our text stated the same truth. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.

To attempt to buy love is to underestimate its worth. To attempt to buy love is to reduce it to an object. If you set a price on love you reduce it to nothing. This is the confusion of a wicked age. Sex can be bought; love must be given. To attempt to buy one’s love is to reduce that person to an object. A man is precious because he is made in the image of God. A woman is precious because she shares that divine image. Thus to marry for money, to offer wealth in exchange for love, is a grave insult. It depersonalises the individual. For anyone to accept such a proposal would be to submit to utter degradation. Personhood precedes love. When we depersonalise an individual, we destroy the person. Love is priceless.

The Foundation for Love is Assumed — Throughout the passage are found repeated statements concerning the foundation for love. Perhaps individuals can experience romance without full intimacy, but I find no evidence in the Word of God of such happening. We are tripartite beings and we must share every facet of our beings in order to discover fullest intimacy. We possess bodies and we can enjoy sex. The Bible is quite clear in presenting this act of love as a gift from God to be shared with the one to whom you are committed in marriage. This is why the Sodomite, the lesbian and the sexually immoral can never discover intimacy. They can pursue the latest technique and the greatest high, but they can never know intimacy because they ignore the Creator’s rules.

Man is also an intellectual creature; man possesses a soul. We were created to share interests and emotions and activities together. We are to speak, to communicate. The Bible recognises this intimacy in the term representing sexual activity within marriage. Throughout the Old Testament we read that a given individual knew his wife. For example older translations usually faithfully reproduce word-for-word the Hebrew in Genesis 4:1, 17, 25. Adam knew his wife Eve… Cain knew his wife… Adam again knew his wife… The point is that sex was more than sex, it involved opportunity for couples to speak permitting man and wife to know explore one another’s heart.

There is no question but that a couple can have a good marriage when they share common interests, share something of themselves and make the effort to communicate. However, man is also a spiritual creature and we must share at the level of the spirit if we will discover true intimacy. There must be a mutual openness to submit to the Lord God to enjoy intimacy. I speak pointedly to warn that competition in this realm will have serious impact on your romance. Women tend to struggle against their husbands in this realm, a fulfilment of the pronouncement of Genesis 3:16. Ladies, you do so at some peril to romantic love. The two must become one at every level of being, and especially must they assume the appropriate position of spiritual submission before the Lord.

I have already alluded to the fact that the love which the Shulammite describes is akin to that which God has for His people. Just so, the foundation for romantic love finds its ultimate source in the love of God. It is unnatural to see a person instead of focusing on a body. It requires grace to move beyond possessing a trophy to protecting a person. Such grace can only come from the One who revealed grace in giving Himself for a rebellious race. Those who have fled to Christ the Lord for refuge have discovered that He both receives and protects. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one [John 10:27-30].

I long to believe that each of you who hear me today has discovered romance. Romance doesn’t just happen, but when it is found it will be seen to possess all the elements we have seen in this love poem. Romance will be painful, possessive, persevering and priceless. You won’t need a dictionary to tell you that you have found romance; it will be evident. I do suggest that when that precious commodity is found it will have at the foundation the love of God in Christ the Lord.

Have you discovered that love? The words which John penned are humbling, but necessary if we will truly know anything about love. Listen to these words once again. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us [1 John 4:9-12].

They are telling us that we can actually know nothing of love until we have received the love of God in Christ. The words which Paul wrote in Romans 5:8 reveal this love. God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. These words serve as an invitation for you to begin to walk in the love of God. Perhaps you have need to trust Him, receiving His love. You can only become a true lover when you are loved. Perhaps you have need to rest in Him, believing that He loves you enough to provide for you the rich gift of a lover. Surrender your pain of waiting that He may turn your sorrow into the birth pains of joyful romance. Perhaps you need to renew your commitment to share your love at this most intimate of levels so that the flame will again burn brightly in your life. I rather suspect that each of us have needs which only our God can meet and as His Spirit speaks to each heart let us receive His love.

We offer you this invitation to become a lover. The invitation is founded on the revealed love of God. Listen to the words of Romans 10:9-13 and act on them even today. If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Amen.

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[1] Catholic Encyclopaedia: St. Valentine, http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/15254a.htm

[2] Niall, Mani, The True History of Valentines Day, http://www.sweettechnology.com/theme/valentine.htm