Bartholomew

Help. I've always been kind of the contemplative type. It was actually how I knew Jesus who was who? He said he was I remember the day that I die. Good old Phil Gates when I call him Phil, but he calls me party in return. So that's okay, but feel he came and he was he was pretty excited. He said we found the Messiah in Guyana my coop. Who is it? Okay, great, Jesus of Nazareth that Podunk town really That poison. I just backward Backwoods rednecks. Nobody nothing good comes out of there. Come on and and I'm like feel really really bad. That is that is that what you're really telling me Nazareth? That's where the messiah's coming from. Not so much and so you don't know. I'm I'm Bartholomew, but I also go by the name the Faneuil and kind of a it's a Jewish thing. Don't worry about it. We have to name sometimes. But anyway, I was Jesus of Nazareth. And the first thing he says to me and then there was nothing false under the tree before Philip called you. I just want to see what I was doing in that time was that I was just having this this time with God that I know that's how I like I said, I'm kind of a contemplative person. I like to just sit quietly and I had this one one fig tree that I no one else knew about that. I would just sit under and I would have that time with God and Jesus says no I saw you there. And I knew immediately. He had to be the Christ. Guess who else would know? This time intimate time. I had just me and God. but that wasn't the end of my journey with Jesus died. I knew he was the Messiah but I I still didn't really know everything that that was going to entail for from my life or for the wives of the other disciples the other Apostles for Phil.

And as we journeyed along he you know, we got to see him do miracles in the end drive out demons and teach the people and he taught us privately and and there's so many things I was learning and growing and I'm like, wow, I really feel like I'm getting prepared for something and it must be something great because he's taking all this time with us. And and and eventually, you know, he sent this out by ourselves and I got paired up with Phil and we we had a lot of amazing adventures together. I think he might have told you about those but it was it was amazing to me that that wasn't the end of the journey that was just the beginning and and we're not long after that that trip out on our own Jesus. call this together here to hear you actually taking us away from Jerusalem in end and even Galilee and he take us to a caesarea Philippi, which is you know off the beaten path as far as the Jews were concerned, but now it's bigger place for the Romans and And he's got us away from all the the ministry stuff him and he says, okay, who am I? Okay an idiot, just let me let me explain who do you who do people think I am and we're like well with no hear the rumors going around Jesus will let you know that some people think you're John the Baptist and he's supposed to be dead. But some people think you got raised back to life with miraculous Powers, which of the timeline that doesn't exactly work because John and Jesus were alive at the same time, but whatever. But anyway that you know, you're just a prophet in the Old Testament prophets. Some people say your Elijah the Prophet come back and only supposed to come back before the Messiah in prepare the way for him and all of that and so kind of list and then that's that's good that that that's the rumors now who you say I am And Peter pipes up you is always the first one to speak. And he says the Christ of God, you're the Messiah. No, I thought what we were going to get was a pat on the back of like okay, you guys got it. Now. Let's go spread the message, you know, just like we did with the the whole healing everybody and going going to the various Town, What would it really expected? Jesus to say was okay. You're right on the Messiah now, let's go establish my kingdom. Instead and that's what this is where I started my my wheel started turning way. Okay. I'm going to need some time under that big tree. Do this isn't matching up and he says don't tell anybody.

What Jesus? But aren't we supposed to follow the Messiah aren't all the Jews supposed to follow the Messiah. What do you mean don't tell anybody?

And I just started me thinking of okay, or why wouldn't we tell anybody about him Jesus being the Messiah being the Christ? it doesn't make much sense because the whole world is supposed to know. but the most highest count was born in it and there are angels and then Shepherds and people from way out east coming in Richie Rich people bringing their gifts to him and

but he says don't tell anybody.

And reflected back on on all the events afterwards and and how that you know, that that little time away really was this change for Jesus that up until then you've been kind of just reacting to whatever came his way in all of this if there was a a person to be healed and he go out of his way and feel them and then I'll move on to the next thing but it was It was kind of he taught who was there and he he didn't really have a whole lot of Direction necessarily, but then after this he seems like he was just focused focused on one thing. And that was what he said next the son of man must be betrayed into the hands of men killed by them. Third day, he will rise again that became his focus. And anyways, I look back on those events that everything from that point on when we when we said that you're the Christ that point on everything. was geared towards the cross Everything Jesus did I even if he healed somebody it was it was on the way to the Cross even if he taught, you know in in and taught us or talk to crowds or four had a conversation with him. It was all moving towards at one point. And as I reflected on why he wouldn't want us to tell anybody about him right then and there I realized it's because they won't get it. Because they're going to expect him to rise up in this this big Insurrection and and it's going to be a big battle in an army and all of this and so if we start telling people he's the Messiah. There's expectations of what he's going to do. And the expectations would not lead to the cross.

and as I thought about that I realized

The Jesus did not come to be the Messiah we expected. He came to me this Messiah that we need it.

And he went on from there and and she said no just like I'm going to give my life up. You need to give your lives up man. The way you put it if you got to take up your cross daily and follow me. Let me tell you there's one who's seen this Parish Sheriff crucifixions. The Romans do like to make examples of people. Take me up a crosses. This is not exactly a pleasant task. I don't know if you've ever seen a crucifixion yourself, but Pretty much you had to be beaten within an inch of your life first, and then they load up the big cross bar on your back and make you carry it and and there's usually a bunch of people around because they do it all night on a normal business day. They don't know these things. They just do it on normal business day. So that is your marching through the streets people going about their business will see you

And and be able to take notes that this person has done something horribly wrong and they deserve to die for it.

And then when you finally get to the place, we're going to be crucified. They usually did it near or road or an intersection of Roads so that people would walk by and see you and they said they crucified you just a little tiny bit off the ground. But you do know you couldn't touch the ground and then help yourself, but you're still at eye level so that when people are going by they can look you in the eyes and know that you are you are wrong. And whatever you did they don't want to do it.

So Jesus says he got a dude that they lie.

in order to follow him

don't sit too. Well with me not being ashamed and disgraced. I'm a fan of not owning up to what I've done wrong. or or or saying that you know that I should be made an example of

but then he went on to say

for whoever loses his life will save it. But whoever tries to keep his life will lose it. And what I started to realize it over the years since that conversation.

Is there any time I try to do something on my own power and I try to live my life the way I want to live it. Mature anime when I try to cover me cover up my sin in my wrongdoing and and I try to not look inside myself, but look at what everyone else is doing wrong.

Every time I do that. I'd Iowa. You want to mean is is I become. Harder to live with myself and live with other people. That I can't face others. I can't I have a conversation with them. I avoid them.

What if they find out what I'm doing? What if I find out who I really am?

But in those times where I've done the opposite done what Jesus said and I've I've said here I am worse than all. Those are the times when? I've been able to connect with people connect with God, especially an in and say you know what God. All my ambition all of my pride all of mine.

showboating look better I'm just going to get rid of that and be who I am before you.

I'm going to let you see into the depths of me even though you already do and I understand that right.

But really choosing to lay that out before him sometimes I've written it down. Sometimes I just said it out loud.

Just let God see me. And then I what other people do my bike fill, you know as much as we kind of banter back and forth without each other, you know, I've let him see me. All the wrong all the right. Everything about me. I have found is is that I'm filled with this sense of peace. The sense that everything is better than this joy that you know what I've released something. I brought Darkness into the light. Jesus talked about that a lot. Take a look my darkness and brought it into the light. And I found a new life where there was death.

So often I I've tried instead to and I'll put up this. picture for people who I am

not only brought that only when I took the time to share who are really worse. fitlife chain and and so Jesus said he's taught us that day that you know, trying to Pander to other people's expectations and thoughts and and their their desires for your life and even to your own desires for your life is never going to bring true fulfillment only when you submit it to God And what he said after that wear it, well, he said If you deny me then I'm going to deny you and if you acknowledge me or I'm going to acknowledge you and and then he closed it out by saying some who are standing here will not die until I see the kingdom of God, Let me tell you I thought that at the time that I was going to get to see him overthrow the Romans, you know, that's that's what I thought we were going to go for. But instead what I got to see was lives transformed.

by the power of dying and I'm being raised to New Life. So that was the real kingdom of God that Jesus was talking about and in the true acknowledgement of him in my life with my knowledgement that I didn't change me. Keep it.

so

I want to encourage you if you know Jesus. Let him see the ugly side of you.

Bring that Darkness into his light.

And bring that Darkness out of adjust you and maybe even bring another Christian brother sister into it like me and Barney did for each other. Army in and filled it for each other. I'm already my bad little each other confused sometimes spend so much time together, but being filled it for each other where we just lay bare our hearts for such Freedom there such life. And that's how we truly bear our cross daily. So I hope you will do that. Hope you find the true life in Christ the Messiah Jesus. Thank you for letting me share.

What's bright?

Father we thank you for the disciples. We thank you for how they they learn from Jesus and passed along his teaching to us. And father it's difficult to think of this idea that we need to lay down our lives in order to have true life. in Jesus, but we pray father that you will break down those barriers break down the the arguments in the the walls that we put up between us and you and the ways we justify our sin justify keeping it to ourselves and keeping it secret. Break that down father. What is the open? Do your spirit coming in and taking that Darkness out info light? They may be exposed and broken. Power will have no more power over us.

We thank you Father that Jesus came to give us an example that he died. And Roses life to give us the example that we must also die so that we may raised to life.

Father help us to die. So we may live again in you pray in Jesus name. Amen.