Sermon Tone Analysis

Genesis 4:1-26

Civilisation without God

 

Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain.

She said, “With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man.”

Later she gave birth to his brother Abel.

Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil.

In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD.

But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock.

The LORD looked with favour on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favour.

So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.

Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry?

Why is your face downcast?

If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?

But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.”

Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.”

And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.

Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?”

“I don’t know,” he replied.

“Am I my brother’s keeper?”

The LORD said, “What have you done?

Listen!

Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground.

Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand.

When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you.

You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”

Cain said to the LORD, “My punishment is more than I can bear.

Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.”

But the LORD said to him, “Not so; if anyone kills Cain, he will suffer vengeance seven times over.”

Then the LORD put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him.

So Cain went out from the LORD’s presence and lived in the land of Nod, east of Eden.

Cain lay with his wife, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Enoch.

Cain was then building a city, and he named it after his son Enoch.

To Enoch was born Irad, and Irad was the father of Mehujael, and Mehujael was the father of Methushael, and Methushael was the father of Lamech.

Lamech married two women, one named Adah and the other Zillah.

Adah gave birth to Jabal; he was the father of those who live in tents and raise livestock.

His brother’s name was Jubal; he was the father of all who play the harp and flute.

Zillah also had a son, Tubal-Cain, who forged all kinds of tools out of bronze and iron.

Tubal-Cain’s sister was Naamah.

Lamech said to his wives,

“Adah and Zillah, listen to me;

wives of Lamech, hear my words.

I have killed a man for wounding me,

a young man for injuring me.

If Cain is avenged seven times,

then Lamech seventy-seven times.”

Adam lay with his wife again, and she gave birth to a son and named him Seth, saying, “God has granted me another child in place of Abel, since Cain killed him.”

Seth also had a son, and he named him Enosh.

At that time men began to call on the name of the LORD.

In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth.

And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.

And the Devil said, “It doesn't get any better than this.”

And God said, “Let there be light” and there was light.

And God said, “Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit,” and God saw that it was good.

And the Devil said, “There goes the neighbourhood.”

And God said, “Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth.”

And so God created Man in his own image; male and female did He create.

And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.

And the Devil said, “I know how I can get back in this game.”

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And the Devil created McDonald's.

And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger.

And the Devil said to Man: “You want fries with that?”

And Man said: “Supersize them.”

And Man gained 5 pounds.

And God created the healthful yoghurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.

And the Devil brought forth chocolate.

And Woman gained 5 pounds.

And God said, “Try my crispy fresh salad.”

And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's.

And Woman gained 10 pounds.

And God said, “I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.”

And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.

And Man gained another 20 pounds.

And God said, “You're running up the score, Devil.”

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fat fried them.

And the Devil created sour cream dip.

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.

And the Devil saw and said, “It is good.”

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And the Devil cancelled Man's health insurance.

Then God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice.

And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body with alcohol while feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz.

And Man gained another ten pounds.

And God created the life-giving tofu.

And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and upon returning asked Man: “Do I look fat?”

And the Devil said, “Always tell the truth.”

And Man did.

And Woman went out from the presence of man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counsellor.

And Woman put aside the seeds of the earth and took unto herself comfort food.

And God brought forth Weight-watchers.

It didn't help.

And God created exercise machines with easy payments.

And man brought forth his Visa at 21 percent.

And the exercise machine went to dwell in the closet of Nod, east of the polyester leisure suit.

Well, that’s not quite the way it was, but this parody does point out a significant truth.