Ten Rules for Living (Keep Clean)
EXODUS 20:14
You shall not commit adultery.[1]
A Christian couple is to be a team, working together to build one another in the Faith and labouring together to glorify God. This is the obvious intent of Jesus’ words: Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh?” So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate [Matthew 19:4-6].
Couples are not to work against one another, neither are they to do anything which will weaken the marriage relationship. A husband is to love his wife as himself—to esteem her, to prize her as a precious gift from God. He is to be devoted to her welfare and to seek her benefit in all matters. A wife is to respect her husband—to willingly give herself for him and to build him up. She is to accept him as he is, not attempting to remake him into her ideal nor attempt to change him into her concept of perfection. Together, sharing life in every aspect, husband and wife are to be a team.
As a team, the Christian couple must trust one another, depending upon one another to live truthfully. Any damage to the trust relationship, however seemingly superficial and however insignificant in appearance, must result in weakening the bond forged between that couple. In the marriage relationship there can be no such thing as a “little lie.” Each lie is an assault against trust; and the greatest lie is the lie of pretending that trust remains intact once that trust has been violated. Thus, engaging in an adulterous relationship is perhaps the most damning lie anyone can live, and the marriage relationship is harmed to an extent we can never imagine—even if the other partner is unaware of the adultery. Every such lie has an impact on the relationship, and the greatest insult to the bond of trust is that at least a portion of the team begins to live a lie.
Though, technically speaking, adultery is a sin of the married, in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus made it clear that the spirit of this rule for living may be violated by the unmarried. At a given time, each of us who is married has perhaps wished we were married to someone else or considered how life with another would be different. Singles have perhaps considered similar thoughts focusing on a specific individual, frequently an individual who is already married. The point is that we are each tempted to walk the edge in our relationships with the opposite sex, and we are yet responsible to maintain purity.
It is valuable to make a distinction at this point in order to clarify the issue. Adultery is immorality; but immorality is not necessarily adultery. Immorality is a sin against the body. Because it makes the immoral one impure, it is condemned. Adultery, is more strictly speaking, a breech of the marriage relationship. Adultery is a violation of the unique commitment of an individual to his or her spouse. Adultery is a direct assault against that trust relationship and is thus condemned. Adultery arises from unchaste thoughts which may easily lead to impure deeds.
One further word of explanation is immediately necessary in order to understand the message. It is in the form of an explanation. From time-to-time I am approached to perform a wedding. It will save a great deal of embarrassment for you, if when your children or friends approach you to ask if your pastor will perform their wedding, to ensure that you understand my criteria for performing such ceremonies.
Under no circumstance will I knowingly perform a ritual between a Christian and an outsider. The Word of God proscribes such activity; and I cannot, in conscience, violate that Word. In 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 Paul most clearly instructs Christians concerning this issue. There, he writes, Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,
“I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
and they shall be my people.
Therefore go out from their midst,
and be separate from them, says the Lord,
and touch no unclean thing;
then I will welcome you,
and I will be a father to you,
and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
says the Lord Almighty.”
Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.
When two individuals who have never made a commitment of faith to Christ the Lord, ask that I perform a ceremony for them, I endeavour to lead them into discovering for themselves that they are attempting to make a vow before a God they neither honour nor worship. They seek to make a vow which they cannot hope to keep since it is only as we appropriate His strength and His grace that we are enabled to maintain purity of life.
If the couple will permit me to do so, I will gladly speak with them, attempting to lead them to faith in the Risen Christ. Nevertheless, even in this instance I make it clear that I am making no commitment to them beyond speaking at the level of a Pastor. I am endeavouring to present Christ as Lord and Saviour. If they are determined to ignore the Word, I am not bound to perform any marriage ceremony. Those wishing a Christian wedding ceremony must give a clear testimony of faith in the Son of God.
If a couple is already attending a church, it is right and ethical that their own pastor be invited to perform the wedding ceremony. If there is a conflict in that regard, I count it a privilege and an opportunity to serve God’s people to assist in working through the problem. I will co-operate with other evangelical pastors to represent Christ and to honour Him. The first priority in the movement toward marriage, however, is to begin with openness and honesty by resolving conflict in the couple’s spiritual relationship.
The reason for this admittedly stern position is that I am responsible to represent the Living God in this issue of building strong families, and I am convinced that I cannot fulfil this responsibility outside of equipping couples to meet the pressures of daily life. Outside of Christ, the command to avoid an adulterous heart is one which is dependent upon our own strength, a strength which can be quickly eroded and which can evaporate in the heat of the moment. We must be a clean people, in our personal lives and in our relationship to those we love most.
Now, join me in an exploration of this rule for living, this Seventh Commandment by exploring the biblical teaching concerning the sin of adultery. Together, let’s seek to discover what God would have us know and practise, in order that we might grow into a people holy and honouring to His Name.
Adultery Exposes an Unclean Heart — The first great truth you must hold in mind is that adultery exposes an unclean heart. You may recall that in a previous message we saw Jesus probe deeply into the dark secrets of the human heart to expose the roots of murder. You will perhaps recall that He exposed the root of adultery at the same time.
You have heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery.” But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell [Matthew 5:27-30].
This does not mean that all sexual desire is wrong. It does mean that when the unclean desire is welcomed, brooded over, and only fails to become an act for lack of opportunity, this is adultery—if not with the body, then it is assuredly such with the mind. This Seventh Commandment stands opposed to and condemns the lingering look, it rebukes the salacious contemplation of that which is against purity. It condemns the viewing of pornography, the reading of sexual trash, the surfing through sexual garbage. An adulterous heart is an offence against Holy God.
Recall Jesus’ words recorded in the Nineteenth Chapter of Matthew. The Master responded to probes from the Pharisees, when He gave this clear instruction. I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery [Matthew 19:9]. That word translated by our English phrase sexual immorality is the Greek word porneiva/. The word perhaps sounds familiar to your ear; it is the root of our English term pornography. The word would have been understood as a broad term indicating any sexual immorality and encompassing a broad spectrum of practises which could readily embrace any action violating the sanctity of the marriage relationship. Consequently, it must be emphatically stated that marriage can only be between a man and a woman.
Jesus certainly held a high view of marriage; but what is important to our message this day is the revelation and the reminder that uncleanness of heart precedes adultery and thus falls under the scathing condemnation of the One who gave us marriage. If you take home no other thought this day, let it be that Christians are to be a holy people, holding their relationship to their spouse as sacred before the Lord. The vows we make in marriage are vows to one another, but they are also vows made before Holy God and thus in the final analysis as vows before Him and to Him must be held sacred and inviolate.
I would have you understand that adultery exposes an unclean heart, but adultery does not cause an unclean heart. The great German reformer, Martin Luther has written, I cannot stop the birds from flying over my head; but I can keep them from nesting in my hair. Though I cannot stop illicit thoughts from flitting unbidden into my mind, I can ensure that they find no haven among the thoughts held in mind. I cannot stop unclean thoughts from springing to mind; but I can keep myself from harbouring them and permitting them to find a welcome there. When once the marriage relationship is broken, it is evidence that the one who broke the vow, long before began to tolerate an unclean heart.
Christians are to be pure in every aspect of life. Early in his ministry of writing, the Apostle to the Gentiles addressed this issue. Writing to the Thessalonians, a church which merited his hearty commendation in almost every respect, the Apostle nevertheless cautioned against falling into the trap of surrendering to the thought that a person could remain unscathed though playing with sexual sin.
In 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, Paul wrote these words: Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to live and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honour, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
One cannot submit to immoral passions and remain unscathed, unsullied, unsoiled. A country and western song popularised several years ago, asked the question, How can anything so wrong feel so right? Thus, the world attempts to justify error. Perhaps the song should have asked, How could anything so wrong be permitted to feel right? The answer for believers is that we are not to be led by feeling, but by faith.
We are commanded to be a pure people—a holy people dedicated to the Holy Lord of Glory and His service. Wrong is wrong—regardless of feeling. The pop philosophy of this day, if it feels good, do it, might appear reasonable and rational at first glance; but it is spiritual suicide to practise that philosophy. For Christians the philosophy should be if it is good, do it.
The wise man, in Proverbs, has cautioned against immorality and impurity.
My son, keep your father’s commandment,
and forsake not your mother’s teaching.
Bind them on your heart always;
tie them around your neck.
When you walk, they will lead you;
when you lie down, they will watch over you;
and when you awake, they will talk with you.
For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light,
and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life,
to preserve you from the evil woman,
from the smooth tongue of the adulteress.
Do not desire her beauty in your heart,
and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes;
for the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread,
but a married woman hunts down a precious life.
Can a man carry fire next to his chest
and his clothes not be burned?
Or can one walk on hot coals
and his feet not be scorched?
So is he who goes in to his neighbour’s wife;
none who touches her will go unpunished.
[Proverbs 6:20-29].
Adultery is Intimately Associated with Idolatry — Our first parents were united to worship God and to serve Him. The first crack in that unity was when Eve was seduced from her position as a complement to Adam and when she led her husband into rebellion. Immediately their eyes were opened and they began to practise “self-preservation.” “Self” predominated over the principle of consideration and unity. Instead of the Living God occupying the centre of life and love, pleasing the “self” became the most important issue of existence for both Adam and Eve. In a very real sense they each became an idolater, seeking to please “self” instead of pleasing God—or even pleasing one another.
The adulterer, the sexually immoral person, is so focused on self that he or she has excluded all thought of what pleases God. Self-gratification, self-interests, self-promotion—all assume a place of exaggerated importance; and while that exaggeration may not be so unusual in the world, it must be recognised as an offence to Holy God. The reason such is offensive to God is that it is tantamount to idolatry, for God is dethroned at least temporarily as “self” is exalted.
Note the close association between immorality and idolatry in the Word of God. You may recall the incident which occurred while Israel rested at Shittim, after Balaam was called by the King of Moab to curse Israel. The account tells of how the Israelite men were seduced by Moabite women.
Permit me to refresh your memory of the incident in question by referring you to Numbers 25:1-3. While Israel lived in Shittim, the people began to whore with the daughters of Moab. These invited the people to the sacrifices of their gods, and the people ate and bowed down to their gods. So Israel yoked himself to Baal of Peor. And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Israel. What I especially want to demonstrate is that obeisance before the gods of Moab preceded sexual immorality.
Something similar occurred when Israel worshipped before the golden calf which Aaron made while Moses was on the Mount receiving the Law [Exodus 32:5, 6]. Letting down one’s guard in the area of spiritual purity leads quite naturally to surrender in the realm of moral and doctrinal purity. There is the same dismal, downward progression outlined in that dark chapter with which Paul begins his Roman letter.
Although they knew God, they did not honour him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonouring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.
For this reason God gave them up to dishonourable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error [Romans 1:21-27].
Ultimately, sexual immorality (closely associated as it is with adultery) is a spiritual problem. It is the expression of a heart which has ceased to focus, if ever it was focused, on how to please God. That heart unfocused on eternal matters is a heart susceptible to utter failure in the realm of commitment to another person. Without a singular commitment to God, no heart can truly be committed to another human.
Have you ever noticed how God speaks of idolatry? He calls it prostitution! Consider a couple of instances in the Word of God. God warned Israel with strict words through Moses in Exodus 34:15-16. [Take care] lest you make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and when they whore after their gods and sacrifice to their gods and you are invited, you eat of his sacrifice, and you take of their daughters for your sons, and their daughters whore after their gods and make your sons whore after their gods.
The divine editor of the Book of Judges provided an overview of the history of Israel during the period of the Judges in Judges 2:16-19. The Lord raised up judges, who saved them out of the hand of those who plundered them. Yet they did not listen to their judges, for they whored after other gods and bowed down to them. They soon turned aside from the way in which their fathers had walked, who had obeyed the commandments of the Lord, and they did not do so. Whenever the Lord raised up judges for them, the Lord was with the judge, and he saved them from the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge. For the Lord was moved to pity by their groaning because of those who afflicted and oppressed them. But whenever the judge died, they turned back and were more corrupt than their fathers, going after other gods, serving them and bowing down to them. They did not drop any of their practices or their stubborn ways.
To make the connection stronger still, consider the pointed words of the Psalmist in the 106th Psalm.
They did not destroy the peoples,
as the Lord commanded them,
but they mixed with the nations
and learned to do as they did.
They served their idols,
which became a snare to them.
They sacrificed their sons
and their daughters to the demons;
they poured out innocent blood,
the blood of their sons and daughters,
whom they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan,
and the land was polluted with blood.
Thus they became unclean by their acts,
and played the whore in their deeds.
[Psalm 106:34-39].
Focus on that phrase became unclean in the thirty-ninth verse. The Hebrew word speaks especially of impurity which accompanies sexual immorality. That connection is made especially vivid in Ezekiel’s prophecy [Ezekiel 23:17-19]. The Babylonians came to [Israel] into the bed of love, and they defiled her with their whoring lust. And after she was defiled by them, she turned from them in disgust. When she carried on her whoring so openly and flaunted her nakedness, I turned in disgust from her, as I had turned in disgust from her sister. Yet she increased her whoring, remembering the days of her youth, when she played the whore in the land of Egypt. A similar blunt comment is provided in Ezekiel 36:17. In the sight of God, there is a detestable relationship between immorality, especially adultery, and idolatry.
Adultery Disqualifies for Pastoral Ministry — I have presented two great truths: adultery exposes an impure heart; and adultery is associated with idolatry. Because these truths prevail, adultery disqualifies for service before the Lord, and especially does adultery disqualify for pastoral ministry. God, through the Apostle Paul, has set qualifications for the overseer in the Pastoral Letters. In both First Timothy and in Titus, Paul states that the elder is to be the husband of one wife [1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:6].
I am well aware that there are several thoughts on this qualification. Some have argued that it was a culturally conditioned requirement which stated that the overseer was to have but one wife at a time—he was not to be a polygamist. Others have held that this proscribes any divorced man from holding the office of an elder. In other words, the elder may have been married but once.
However, the original language is quite strong, and perhaps the normal understanding should be applied in this case. The literal interpretation of that phrase—μια̂ς γυναικὸς ἄνδρα—provides a translation which clearly states that an elder must be a one-woman man. As an aside, necessitated by the press of contemporary thought which seeks to read into Scripture political correctness, the pastor must be a male. The Elder, must be ἄνδρα—a man, a male, devoted to γυναικὸς—a woman, a female. Even in this wicked day it is impossible to twist that to say a one-man woman, a phrase which is employed when speaking of the widows to be cared for by the church [1 Timothy 5:9].
If I should state that someone was a one-woman man, would you assume that I meant that they had only one wife at a time or that he were married only once? Perhaps, but the more common understanding would be that the individual was devoted to one woman. The individual does not have a roving eye; he has a singular heart committed to his love. In point of fact, to state that a man is a one-woman man is to compliment that man as having deep devotion and commitment to his wife and to his marriage.
The reason that elders must be committed to their own wives is that when commitment to one’s wife is lacking, commitment to the Lord has already been compromised. Therefore, adultery, breaking the bonds of marriage, requires a violation of vows taken before the Lord. Christian marriage requires that those uniting in marriage are making a sacred vow to one another and before the Lord, a vow of commitment in which their faith in the Living God will be seen through their commitment to one another. Breaking that vow is tantamount to breaking faith with the Lord.
This is precisely the charge issued against Israel through Malachi. Judah has been faithless, and abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem. Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the Lord, which he loves, and has married the daughter of a foreign god… May the Lord cut off from the tents of Jacob, any descendant of the man who does this, who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts… Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth [Malachi 2:11, 12, 15].
There is another side of adultery left unaddressed. Each of us longs for intimacy. Even down to old age we enjoy the company of one with whom we can share our heart without censure; we desperately yearn for intimacy. We long for someone to treat us with respect—to know us and to accept us. We are desperate for a sympathetic ear, and we especially long for the consolation of the opposite sex.
In light of this longing for intimacy, I draw attention to what appears at first glance to be a somewhat unrelated Scripture for believers. You will find the Scripture to which I refer in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
God here addresses an issue which some perhaps consider inappropriate for discussion within the services of the church—intimacy and sexual relations in marriage. However, the context is dealing with living as Christians, working together to honour God and to glorify Him. It speaks of teamwork within the marriage relationship and seeks to avoid a declaration of war between husband and wife. The passage aims to strengthen the marriage and especially to avoid giving place to the evil one. What practical application can the passage have in light of the message today?
A husband becomes upset over some trivial matter, perhaps because he got up on the wrong side of the bed or because the boss didn’t stroke him just right at work. You have no doubt seen the bumper sticker which says, “Did you wake up grumpy this morning, or did you let him sleep in?” In any case his displeasure grows to anger toward his wife and he decides to punish her by refusing to participate in the act of love with her. That man is a fool, for he is setting the stage to permit Satan to gain an advantage in their married life. If that wife, seeking a sympathetic ear, should unwisely confide in the wrong person, she is vulnerable. If she engages in marital unfaithfulness, she is wrong and must give an answer before the Lord; but is that husband guiltless?
A wife decides that her husband is not acting right in some area of life, so she declares that she just does not feel right about loving him. She will punish him in order to make him realise that he is a fool. That woman is practically driving her husband into the arms of another woman unless that man is very close to the Lord. There is a marital duty, and each member of the marriage bears responsibility to fulfil that duty. To refuse to do so, however good you may imagine your reason, is to give way to Satan.
A husband who lives under such tension for an extended period becomes an angry individual. He becomes susceptible, not to seeking love, but to retaliating against the one to whom he is married. Should that man in his anger and frustration sin against his body and against his marriage, he is guilty before the law and in the sight of the Lord. Yet, do you suppose that his wife is blameless for setting up the situation for his fall? According to the Word, she bears an awesome guilt.
A pure life and a clean life begins with a heart devoted to God; and the pure heart is a heart which will not long harbour slights and wrongs done against one’s person. Especially in the realm of relationship with one’s spouse will the clean heart endeavour to maintain a warm and loving relationship. Instead of punishment, there will be an attitude of building one another up in the Faith. Instead of focusing on individual rights, the clean heart will consider how to promote that one to whom he or she is devoted and to whom one is committed. This is the essence of Paul’s words in that Ephesian letter.
[Submit] to one another out of reverence for Christ. …Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband [Ephesians 5:21, 33]. There must be an attitude of love and submission to Christ as Lord revealed through husbands loving their wives as they love themselves and through wives yielding respect to their husbands. In such an environment there will be a strengthening of the bonds of love and a strengthening of the bonds of commitment to one another and to the Lord.
Each of us is responsible to be clean so that we can serve God without hesitation. Psalm 24:3-6 speaks to this issue in a pointed and encouraging fashion:
Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord?
And who shall stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who does not lift up his soul to what is false
and does not swear deceitfully.
He will receive blessing from the Lord
and righteousness from the God of his salvation.
Such is the generation of those who seek him,
who seek the face of the God of Jacob. Selah
Oh, that the people of God would determine to be clean and pure in every respect, to eschew evil and to have hearts devoted to the Lord and to His service.
We can be clean. It is possible. Let us each determine that we will fall in love with someone worth loving. If married, that someone is to be our spouse. If unmarried, let us determine that we will hold ourselves in reserve for someone who shares our commitment to the Lord and who shares our love for Christ.
Let each of us determine that we will cultivate the habit of clean thinking, not feasting our eyes on that which does not elevate and which degrades others in our minds. Let each of us determine that we will fill our thoughts with noble, holy matters which glorify the Lord, just as Paul has written. Whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things [Philippians 4:8-9].
Here is a young man away from home. He is in an enervating atmosphere. He is faced by circumstances where impurity is easy and purity hard. To be unclean is the path to promotion. To be clean is the path to demotion and imprisonment. But he triumphs because he is undergirded by a bracing sense of God. His words come to us thrillingly across the years. How … can I do this great wickedness and sin against God [Genesis 39:9]? By this, he means that he cannot participate in uncleanness. Joseph fixed his gaze, not upon the temptation, but upon his Deliverer. This is the way of victory. Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh [Galatians 5:16].
Of course, you will discover this is impossible if you have never exalted the Lord Christ to His rightful place as Master of life. For you, if you are yet outside the precincts of grace, may I offer a Saviour, One who died because of your sin and who lives that you might be declared pure before the Living God? I encourage you to place your trust in the Living Son of God, asking that you might be forgiven all sin and that you might be born into the Family of God.
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[1] Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Ó 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.