6 Steps to Conflict Resolution

In our study of Philippians, we’ve seen how Paul loves this church who are in partnership with him in the gospel. But there’s a reason why Paul is writing this letter.

Yes, it’s to encourage them.

Yes, it’s to let them know that he is still rejoicing in prison - that his circumstances haven’t gotten him down.

But there’s another reason - possibly the main reason why Paul is writing this letter…and a lot of what has been written so far has been building up to this one thing - the purpose for writing this letter...

2 Women in the church can’t get along.

Of course this never happens in churches today. People always get along great in churches today. We never have conflict in our churches today.

Of course we do, but thankfully Paul has given us a step-by-step guide on how to deal with conflict in churches.

And to be fair, our own minister is probably best placed to preach this sermon, because he is on the conciliation panel which are a group of people who are sent out to churches to try to stop conflict and arguments from tearing the church apart. Or, when churches are starting to rip at the seams, the conciliation panel can help to resolve the conflict.

But it’s my turn to preach tonight...

And from what I can tell from our passage today, we have a 6 step process to conflict resolution. And I noticed something when studying this during the week that I had never noticed before.

You see, there are these 2 ladies in the church, Euodia and Syntyche, who aren’t getting on. And we don’t know why, but they aren’t. And Paul tells them in verses 2-3, ladies, get along...

Philippians 4:2–3 NIV

2 I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. 3 Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.

Now, previously, I thought Paul stopped there and then went on to something new in verse 4, when he says...

Philippians 4:4 NIV

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Philippians 4:4–7 NIV

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Phil

But after studying the passage throughout the week I’m not so sure Paul has moved on to something new in verse 4.

What works better, especially for conflict resolution, is to look at verses 4-7 as part of Paul’s address to the ladies who are at each other’s throats.

So that’s what we’re going to do tonight. We’re taking verses 1 - 7 as a 6-step guide to conflict resolution, according to Paul (the apostle)...

So step 1...

1. Affirm

Paul has been leading up to this point in his letter. And up to this point of his letter, he’s been affirming these people.

I thank God when I remember you.

You are my partners in the gospel.

He calls them my dear friends in chapter 2 and brothers and sisters in chapter 3.

And then in chapter 4 he continues this...

Philippians 4:1 NIV

1 Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!

He calls them his brothers and sisters again, but not just that - brothers and sisters whom I love, whom I long for. Brothers and sisters who are his joy - they make him joyful and they are his crown.

And the word crown that is used is the crown that would be worn as a crown of victory in a competition.

In other words, the church in Philippi is Paul’s trophy church. They are the flagship church - the one of whom he is most proud. The one about which he would boast to his friends… ‘guys, let me tell you about this church in Philippi...’

Paul is affirming them. He’s building them up.

And in a place where there is conflict, where there are sides to be taken and a disagreement - a lot of the time, all that people want is to be heard. They’d like to know that they have a place, that their voice is at least being heard. People like to feel like SOMEONE cares. And Paul shows this in this part of his letter.

Pause

And not only does he build them - he also reminds them of WHO they are. He AFFIRMS not only how good they are, but he affirms their identity. Because these people are brothers and sisters - in the Lord. And they only remain as brothers and sisters when they stand firm and hold on to the faith (unlike those people in chapter 3 who live as enemies of the cross of Christ - who live as the world lives.

And he tells them to stand firm in the Lord - and this comes from the previous verses. Notice the word ‘Therefore’ at the start of verse 1. Paul has just written about these other people who live as enemies of the cross of Christ - who live as the world lives. Paul is saying, since our citizenship is in heaven and we will, some day, be transformed into being like Jesus himself - for that reason, stand firm. Hold the faith - remember the one in whom you believe…

Because it is this same Jesus that unifies us. It is IN THE LORD that we have unity, the same mind, humility and so on. So it is so important to remember who we are - we are brothers and sisters.

So Paul is affirming that these people are good people - they are brothers and sisters in the Lord and need to remember that and remain in that.

That’s the foundation for reconciliation.

Pause

Step 2

2. Call it out

Paul calls these people out…individually.

Philippians 4:2 NIV

2 I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord.

Notice the word plead is repeated. That’s intentional!

Paul is pleading with Euodia and then, in the letter, he is turning to Syntyche and pleading with her separately to be of the same mind in the Lord. To agree in the Lord.

But let’s not forget that letters written to churches were read out publicly. So this wasn’t a private thing. And if you think about it, not much is known about these 2 ladies except that they didn’t get along or at least they didn’t agree on something.

We don’t know what it was. If it was a matter of doctrine or moral issue Paul would have addressed it, so it wasn’t anything like that. It could have simply been the colour of the curtains. But whatever it is - Paul calls it out and he calls them out.

And he calls them out publicly.

So imagine this letter being read out, and whoever is reading it reads out...

Philippians 1:27 ESV

27 Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel,

And Euodia and Syntyche are thinking, ‘preach it brother.’

Then they read out...

Philippians 2:1–2 NIV

1 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.

And they think, ‘have one mind. That’s right. Amen’

And then the reader continues...

Philippians 2:14 NIV

14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing,

And they think, ‘good point.’

And then they get hit with the freight train...

Philippians 4:2 NIV

2 I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord.

And they are embarrassed. They’ve been called out by Paul in a public reading of this letter.

And this letter would have been read more than once. So EVERY time this letter is read out - this is being called out....

Named and shamed.

Now this isn’t done that often today, but perhaps it should be.

Can you imagine if I called out your name and highlighted an area of your life that needs addressed. It would be embarrassing, but it MIGHT serve to make you ensure than when you come to church your affairs are in order.

Jesus kinda said the same thing when he said...

Matthew 5:23–24 NIV

23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

Paul says the same thing about taking communion - to make sure that you examine yourself before you take it otherwise you will be eating and drinking judgement on yourself.

So if our disagreements were announced from the pulpit at every service, what would happen? Well, what SHOULD happen is that we all would make sure that all disagreements or arguments or bitterness or un-forgiveness were dealt with BEFORE coming to worship in order to make sure that OUR name isn’t one that is announced.

So the disagreement needs highlighted. In other words, to resolve a conflict, bring it out in the open - don’t sweep it under the carpet.

Pause

Step 3

3. Rejoice in Jesus

Philippians 4:4 NIV

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

It’s like Paul is saying to Euodia, Rejoice in the Lord. And then he turns to Syntyche and says it to her…again, I’m saying to you - rejoice!

Remember the affirmation in step 1. You’re brothers and sisters in the Lord. Stand firm in the Lord - keep the faith - remember who you are and whose you are...

So Paul says, REJOICE in that… ‘Guys, don’t let your differences define you - let your unity in Jesus Christ define you and rejoice in that. Because it’s Jesus Christ that unites us.’

What a lesson - rejoice in the Lord. Everybody here, despite our differences and disagreements, let’s always re-centre and refocus on what we have in common, NOT on what separates us. And what we have in common is that we are brothers and sisters in the Lord - so let’s rejoice in that and not let petty squabbles get in the way of our joy in the Lord.

Because let me tell you, life is too short for that. Our citizenship is in heaven, not on earth where people are out for themselves. Let’s remember that as citizens of heaven, we are united in Christ Jesus and let us rejoice in what unites us, not bicker about what has the potential to divide us.

Remember the song...

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in his wonderful face

And the things of earth

Will grow strangely dim

In the light of his glory and grace

Refocusing on Jesus in the midst of disagreement will help us to put our disagreements into perspective.

Pause

Step 4

4. Be reasonable

After Paul writes about rejoicing in the Lord, which refocuses our priorities and our desires, he moves onto a resolution to the problem.

But the preceding 2 steps need to happen first BEFORE a resolution can be sought out.

The issues needs to be called out. The elephant in the room needs to be addressed, and once addressed, the focus needs to be taken off the problem and onto Jesus. We need to rejoice in the Lord and remember what unites us before we can tackle the problem, which Paul does now.

Philippians 4:5 ESV

5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;

Phil 4:

Once again, I think Paul is still addressing these two ladies here. And while this is applicable to everyone back then and today, which is why we’re looking at it in detail, thinking of these two ladies who aren’t getting on, Paul is saying...

‘Be reasonable - in fact, let that be a shining light to everyone. Rejoice in the Lord, in what unites you and be reasonable. Come to a compromise. Agree in the Lord.’

Don’t forget, once these two names are out in the open, and these two ladies are sitting there with red faces, all eyes are on them. What are they going to do? Who’s going to be the stubborn one or who’s going to give in?

Paul says, ‘both of you - show everyone, because everyone is now looking at you, show everyone that you can both be reasonable.

Or, to put it another way… “Ladies, all eyes are on you! So use this as an opportunity show everyone the right way to handle this.”

And the word that Paul uses is the word, ‘Epieikeia’ and it is not used anywhere else. Here’s how one commentator illustrates this word...

The Letters to Philippians, Colossians, and Thessalonians The Marks of the Christian Life (Philippians 4:4–5)

Let us take a simple example which every teacher encounters almost every day. Here are two students. We correct their examination papers. We apply justice and ﬁnd that one has 80 per cent and the other 50 per cent. But we go a little further and ﬁnd that the one who got 80 per cent has been able to work in ideal conditions with books, leisure and peace to study, while the one who got 50 per cent struggles to cope ﬁnancially and has inadequate equipment, or has been ill, or has recently come through some time of sorrow or strain. In justice, this student deserves 50 per cent and no more; but epieikeia will value the examination paper far higher than that.

Epieikeia is the quality of someone who knows that regulations are not the last word and knows when not to apply the letter of the law. A

Do you see the grace there - it’s an example of what Paul is trying to teach in chapter 2 when he talks about the humility of Jesus and about considering other’s interests before your own. This is all a build up to this.

And if you think about it, it’s how compromise works. Each person humbles themselves a little, they are reasonable, they accept some compromise for the greater good.

This happens best when we agree IN THE LORD - because we remember that it is IN THE LORD that we are united, and we rejoice in that.

And here’s the critical thing - if we can’t do this, then it speaks volumes of where we place ourselves in our list of priorities. If we can’t do this, we’re placing ourselves first and not the interests of others.

Remember the acronym for JOY...

Jesus

Others

Yourself

That’s Joy. That’s how we can rejoice. That’s how a compromise can be found…that’s how we can be reasonable. And with every eye on us, we can show everyone how this can be done.

Pause

Step 5

5. Pray about it

Very quickly, when the issue is addressed and you are reasonable about the compromise, bring the whole thing to the Lord in prayer with thanksgiving.

So you’re not praying begrudgingly - ‘Lord, help them see my point of view’. That’s the wrong attitude.

Instead, we pray, ‘Lord, thank you for this person, who is created by you and loved by you and valued by you… and because they are valued by you help me to value them and their point of view too.’

Paul says...

Philippians 4:6 NIV

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

So when this conflict is being resolved, don’t let it worry you - instead bring it to God in prayer in an attitude of thankfulness.

And when that happens...

Step 6

6. Relax

You can be at peace with each other. Especially when you thought a resolution was impossible, don’t forget that nothing is impossible for God. He works in miraculous supernatural ways - so supernatural that this kind of peace you get is not something that you can work out yourself. But when you bring this to the Lord in prayer...

Philippians 4:7 ESV

7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Follow these steps and instead of conflict, you have peace - and that’s what disciples of Jesus should be striving for - because...

Matthew 5:9 NIV

9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Pause

That’s how we should tackle all conflicts or disagreements within the church that aren’t doctrinal or moral.

But before we close, let’s go back to step 2.

2. Call it out

If you have a disagreement with someone that could harm the church, take it upon yourself to follow these steps. Be the bigger person - humble yourself and be reasonable - because what you don’t want is for this to be publicly highlighted in view of everyone.

Now, I don’t think our own minister would do that, but if we’re to follow the example from Paul the apostle, there comes a time when this has to happen. So don’t let it come to that.

Let’s quieten our hearts and pray to God now and ask him if there are people in the church with whom we are in disagreement, but we are being stubborn about it and we’re not budging.

Maybe we’re putting our own interests higher than theirs?

Can we focus on Jesus and bring this disagreement before him and ask him to remind us of our unity in Christ - and let’s ask him to remind us of what we have in common in Jesus instead of focusing on our differences.

And let’s ask him for his help to humble ourselves and consider other’s interests higher than our own and be reasonable.

Let’s bring it to God in prayer and let his peace work in this conflict - because Jesus works in miraculous, supernatural ways - and the peace of God which passes all understanding will stand guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

I’m going to give you a minute to bring this before the Lord in prayer and then I’ll pray.