Rich Relationships - Pt. 1

Christian marriage for the most part, by most people, is still viewed as ideal. As we delve into the Christian marriage, the relationship, the comparison with Christ and the Church today, may we not only see the ideal but pull the ideal out for application in our rich relationships.

A look at the culture(s)

In theory Jews looked at marriage as sacred and held in the highest regard, it was said “Every Jew must surrender his life rather than commit idolatry, murder or adultery.” and I had read “the very altar sheds tears when a man divorces the wife of his youth.” Now this was then, back before the law of divorce was granted by Moses in Deu24. There are several thoughts regarding divorce even then by the commentators of the law then, Jewish commentators.

Adultery only (Rabbi Shammai)

Any reason at all (Rabbi Hillel)

If finds no favor in wife (Rabbi Akiba)

This last one basically means if he, the husband, finds favor in another he can get rid of one to have the other.

So that is not really that much different than today, is it? Today the society of the no frill divorce for any reason at all, and even looking back to Paul’s day there was no frill divorce, but it was one sided.

wife had no rights of divorce at all, except if the Jewish husband became a leper or an apostate.

The Jewish man’s version of no frill divorce was to write a certificate of divorce, have it witnessed by a Rabbi and it was done, with exception that any dowry paid must be returned to her parents.

In Christ’s day many Jewish women did not want to marry because they had no rights in marriage.

Now I spoke of Jewish culture, but what about non-Jewish culture of the times now.

Greek culture: Prostitution was part of Greek life, according to Demosthenes he stated “There were courtesans for pleasure, concubines for cohabitation and wives for having children.” Greek wives were not seen, not heard, and not asking any questions. They were basically secluded.

Roman culture: It was not any better, in fact could be considered worse. Historically for 500 years there was no record of any divorces. By the time of Paul’s writing it was said by Seneca, an early writer, “women were married to be divorced and divorced to be married.” People would know the time chronologically (months, years) by who they were married to. The marriage bond was on the way to total destruction.

Paul is not addressing the issue of divorce in our passage as he had addressed it in 1Cor7. He is addressing marriage as it should be and using it as in illustration of marriage of Christ and the Church.

Paul is staying the the topic of the Christian walk found here in chapter 5, the Christian walk, the Christian purity and now comes to the purity and the sanctity of the Christian marriage.

I know I have rambled on for a bit without any scripture, all this was to set us up to our passage today.

We will see

The wives submission (Eph5:22-24)

The husbands command to love (Eph5:25-30)

The reason and comparison (Eph5:31-33)

I. The Wives Submission

The ideal marriage, the Christian marriage is one that includes submission, as unto the Lord, it is important to keep scripture in context so we must draw backwards first (Eph5:19-21)

Submission is one of the proof’s of being spirit filled.

Ephesians 5:19–20 NASB95

19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; 20 always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father;

Ephesians 5:21 NASB95

21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

It is in the speaking

It is in singing and making melody

It is in the giving thanks

It is in the being subject, being submissive to one another

(Insert: Lynchpin slide here; already saved on the computer)

Being subject, being submissive to one another is a linchpin holding the previous section of scripture and the scripture before us now. Paul uses marriage submission as an illustration to prove of the being, the person, being filled with the Spirit.

Paul’s general audience is Christians who were previously Gentiles from a Greek and Roman culture, a pagan society that they are no longer a part of. He is going to give his thoughts on the Christian marriage and what it should look like as well as the comparison to marriage and the church, starting with the wife (Eph5:22-24)

Ephesians 5:22–23 NKJV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

Ephesians 5:24 NKJV

24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Being in submission, subject, obedience to the husband as it says in other versions seems to be a command given by Paul, but tells us how and why.

As unto the Lord (v.22)

for husband is the headship in Christ (v.23-24)

Headship does not equate to dictatorship. It is not found in the scripture anywhere that the husband is to make the wife submissive, subject to, or obedient to. He does not have the authority to do such. This is given to the wife for her to willingly put herself in subjection to the husband, as unto the Lord.

This is a limited subjection, as unto the Lord

Submission does not mean obedience to the husband in this passage, it still means being in obedience as unto the Lord. See it is proof of the Spirit filled Christian and the ideal marriage when we are submission to one another, proof of our worthy walk.

Christian marriages should be, ideally, filled with the husband and the wife praying together, studying together so they may know the will of God and so as to carry that out. The husband may have the authority as headship over the wife, but that we may remember who the real authority is, Jesus Christ as the head of the church. Real authority in which all things are placed under His feet.

(Illustration): In doing the marital counseling over the last few years I have seen a failure of mutual submission to Christ. By not submitting to Christ it leaves the door open for sin. Even sins from the past can creep in the door and have an impact on today and the marriage today. Submission starting mutually is vital.

Point one of marriage illustration: Marriage is Submissive

II. Husbands command, love your wives

Paul spends more time in addressing the husband than the wife. Maybe men need more instructions than women. Let’s see what the scripture says and see what we can learn.

Ephesians 5:25–26 NASB95

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

Ephesians 5:27–28 NASB95

27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

Ephesians 5:29–30 NASB95

29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body.

I mentioned maybe men need more instruction, but what if it is that if men get it right and they hold to the standard that God set in the beginning regarding marriage it will all be in accordance to God’s will.

Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. So much that He gave Himself up for her (the church). Paul could not speak any higher on marriage than this right here, could he? To be a Christian husband is a great thing and with it comes great responsibilities too.

The husband is not to be the enforcer but a lover. To love his wife (vv.25, 28, and found again in v.33). He is to care for her, to want, to desire the greatest good for her, you know agape love. Paul goes on to tell how and why.

He is to live sacrificially for her (v.25)

Christ died to self, the husband is to die to self and to live for his wife, as unto the Lord.

True submission starts with the husband as unto the Lord, setting the standard of submission that the wife will gladly want to submit too. So, husbands need to get it right!

He is to desire to sanctify her (v.26)

To set her apart for holy purposes.

A husband is to look at his wife like he looks at no other. She is his and he is hers. No other relationship except with Christ should be close in comparison.

The husband should want her to grow spiritually, and that is accomplished by the washing by the water of the word. Husbands need to spiritual lead their wives by the Word.

He is to desire to present her perfect (v.27)

The ultimate agape love, desiring the greatest good that she made be made perfect, how, again by the standard you as husband set, by living sacrificially, by washing with the water of the Word, by loving her as Christ loved the Church.

Not only perfect, but holy and blameless (v.27)

Be sure we are, as husbands, knowing and living, and setting the right standards. all this why?

Paul is talking about the greatest good for the wife. Paul is instructing the husband more, not because the husband has lack of intelligent (even though the media today may try to paint that picture), but because the husband is the one accountable to the Lord.

Christ gave Himself up for the church even before there was a church, but with the church in view, in view of what it would be! A man when he becomes a husband on the wedding day has a view of all the marriage would be, what the marriage is intended to be, just like Christ did.

There is a quote by early church writer Chrysostom

“Hast thou seen the measure of obedience? Hear also the measure of love. Wouldst thou that thy wife shouldst obey thee as the Church doth Christ? Have care they self for her as Christ for the Church.

And if it be needful that thou shouldst give thy life for her, or be cut to pieces a thousand times, or endure anything whatever, refuse it not. . .”

The quote itself is quiet long, but it ends with this.

“He brought the church to His feet by His great care, not by threats nor fear nor any such thing; so though conduct thyself towards thy wife.”

Sanctification is a process but it starts with justification and that starts with the washing of the water of the Word. There has the reference to baptism as most commentators like FF Bruce and Jack Cottrell both early New Testament scholars state.

So the Word brings faith (Rom10:17); which brings belief and confession (Rom10:9-10); then that brings conviction, repentance and obedience (Act2:37-38). all of this so the church can be presented as a radiant church

Christ is cleansing the church through the Word (Jn15:3, Jn17:17) so it can be presented in all its glory (Eph5:27)

John 15:3 NASB95

3 “You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.

Add to that one

John 17:17 NASB95

17 “Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.

Cleaned by the word, Sanctified by the Word; spoken to the Apostles and passed down, recorded for us so we may remember and know.

Christ gave the word to the Apostles who gave the truth to us through the written, spirit filled words. We received it, we believed it, we obeyed it out of love.

Husbands ought to love their wives like Christ did and wash her with the Word, both being unified, both being submissive to Christ and being transformed into the likeness of Christ (Rom12:2); and conformed into the image of Christ (Rom8:29). Love like this will always enrich life, it will enlarge it, for it is selfless and self-sacrificing.

While we as the church are no perfect, but we are being perfected in Christ Jesus so we may be presented without spot or wrinkle.

A spot is caused by a defilement on the outside of the body.

A wrinkle actually is caused by decay on the inside of the body.

The church needs to be constantly washed by the water of the Word and to be purified of spots and wrinkles.

May the church not have wrinkles, but be vitalized and kept active by the washing of the water of the word and getting the spiritual nourishment that is needed. So that, one day we may be presented as a beautiful and glorious church.

III. The reason and comparison

Paul is not done with instructions to both the husband and the wife. We have seen command to wife, command to husband, given some reasons, but Paul has more to say.

Ephesians 5:31–32 NASB95

31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Ephesians 5:33 NASB95

33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Have you ever heard the statement “He doesn’t show me or tell me that he loves me.” Her desire is to know by words and deeds that they are loved. The husband is called to love his wife, to be one flesh with his wife, and part of that is showing it. There should be no love starved wives just as there should be no husbands that do not feel respected. The marriage is spiritual, the marriage is physical, and it is emotional and may we as husbands and wives meet the needs.

The Christian home and the Christian marriage is to be a picture of the relationship betwen Christ and His Church, for we are called to be His bride. (Rev19:7-9; Eph5:33; Gal5:22; Col3:16-17)

May we make ourselves ready, as husbands, as wives and next week we will look at children, slaves and masters.

Revelation 19:7–8 NASB95

7 “Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready.” 8 It was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints.

Revelation 19:9 NASB95

9 Then he said to me, “Write, ‘Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.’ ” And he said to me, “These are true words of God.”

In the first marriage Adam gave up a part of himself for her, he gave a rib. Christ gave it all to get the bride, He gave His life on the cross at Calvary. God opened Adams side and took the rib. Man opened Christ’s side so He could give!

Husbands give love to your wife, wives respect your husband (v.33). How is this accomplished? It is knowing who we are in Christ first (Chapters 1-3) and here in chapter 5 how we are to walk as Spirit filled Christians! And that first virtue is love.

Galatians 5:22 NASB95

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

Husbands and wives need the Spirit to walk in the spirit and to walk in a manner worthy of the gospel. Husbands and wives need to walk in the will of God to have a marriage as it was originally intended and clearly described in (1Cor13).

The Spirit of God uses the Word of God to work in the lives of the People of God to transform them to be like the Son of God, perfect without spot or blemish. So may we remember (Col3:16-17)

Colossians 3:16–17 NASB95

16 Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

We have seen the picture of a Christian marriage today as well as an illustration of Christ and the church. It is submissive, it is sacrificing, it is sanctifying, i is satisfying and it is fulfilling!