Jesus Redeems Marriage
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Jesus Redeems Marriage
Jesus Redeems Marriage
21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
In a recent Pew research poll about marriage it is said that more people than ever cite Loe as being the primary reason for marriage. It is seen as more important than having it be a lifelong commitment or for constant companionship. Even fewer people polled believe that it should serve the purpose of starting a family, meaning that less and less people believe that marriage is essential before starting a family. And if that weren’t bad enough marriages recognized and administrated by religious organizations like the church are ever on the decline, as people feels it is not necessary to making marriage covenant vows. More and more people elect to have someone other than a pastor or faith leader join them in marriage.
Sone of the people polled even stated that financial stability, legal rights and other benefits like health insurance were main motivators in their marriage.
This same poll stated that Co-habitation is up some 29% among those under the age of 30, since 2007. Meaning that more and more Millennials are Living together before marriage, because, as an older generation has said… If you can get the milk for free, why buy the cow??? I understand how politically incorrect that may sound but none the less true.
I understand how politically incorrect that may sound but none the less true.
I could on and on with statistics about marriage and even how marriage in the church in America has matched societies divorce rates for some time now. So the Question is… Is Marriage Really Necessary Anymore???
While those outside the church would give us a resounding NO, I would submit to you that marriage and specifically healthy marriages are more important now than ever as they can actually be a distinct marker between those who belong to faith and those who do not.
You see Marriage has been instilled in the very fabric of our being by God, and is meant to stir up a longing for love that is merely a preparation for the LOVE OF CHRIST!
I love what Richard Coekin said about marriage in the church...
“Among God’s people marriage is no longer a battleground, but a field of Victory, where sinners can remain united to each other in service to Christ”
In the text we have today, I want to understand the deeper meaning of marriage that I touched on a few weeks ago, and see some very practical understanding that will help us practice a healthy marriage.
Before we get started looking at this passage in detail I want you to notice that wives and husbands are specifically spoken to here in scripture. God didn’t not only speak to Men and tell them to pass the message on to their wives. The fact that both men and women are addressed here shows that both male and female are accountable to God for fulfilling their specific part in marriage. Neither husbands or wives are more or less important in marriage.
We are going to see different roles and divine order but we are not meant to see differences and order as a means of priority in importance. There is no favoritism here between genders as both are created in the Image of God, and both are completely necessary for a marriage to work.
BUt before we exegete this text there is a set up i the book of Ephesians that we need to see.
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Now there is obviously more than just these 3 verses, yet I believe there is something so profound that we cannot miss it when looking at roles of Husbands and wives.
The idea of Grace! You are saved by Pure Grace through Faith, meaning it is not because of something you have done, but rather you are saved because you believe in the work of Christ done on your behalf. This is a gift of God to you! You cannot boast about that, because you didn’t earn it and it is not conditional upon your performance as a christian in keeping that. But there is a purpose in God saving you by his grace through faith! Verse 10 spells it out...
You and I were created by God in Christ Jesus FOR good works… not just to do good works but rather FOR the good works that God prepared beforehand that you should walk in them.
Now the whole rest of the book of Ephesians Paul will lay out how this works. First in the salvation, being a foreigner to the Covenant God made with his people you will now be brought into that relationship and Jesus will destroy any dividing wall of hostility. In his church he will make known Gods Love to the world through his believers who are being equipped by those called to serve and lead them. His children will now walk as children in the Light of the Gospel and renounce the ways they used to live, and this will inform every role they have in this life. Including but not limited to, marriage, parenting, work, and their spiritual standing in Christ. Ephesians is one of my favorite books in the NT. WHY because the Good works we are made FOR are found in these roles.
Husbands and wives, your role in marriage is a role that God prepared for you beforehand, that will be the arena where these good works are shown most beautifully! For the christian believer, marriage is not about your happiness, but rather it is a new dimension to Serve God with Gospel.
When we make our marriages primarily about our happiness we lose the ability to share Gospel Grace with each other, because it becomes something we want to serve us rather than an institution we serve that points us to Christ.
Your spouse is a sinner, and so are you… As much as you need Grace to be saved and daily grace from God until the day you die, you need your spouse to show you this same Grace, and you need to show it to your spouse… that is the good works you were prepared beforehand to walk in. And that gives more value to being together and raising children who will grow to love and serve the Lord as well!
So, in short everything we will see today is a good work God called you to do!
21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Before we get specific, please hear this… the reason for anyone to Submit or show preference to another, to follow an others leadership, is out of reverence to Christ!
Those who Jesus Redeems long to please him
Those who Jesus Redeems long to please him
Meaning if Jesus has really redeemed your life from the pit, you now have a deep Love for Christ and you Long to please him with your life. This is true Gospel motivation… You pleasing Christ cannot earn you anymore of a salvation than has already been provided for you, yet there should be a desire to no longer live displeasing to him. So out of Reverence to him you submit to each other in the church.
And if we are doing that, then our marriage should long to please Christ as well. In our marriages we have male and female genders who are made to fit, as we saw in , they are 2 who become 1 flesh… yet they are still distinctly different and have different roles… Paul will now address those roles.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Ok 3 things I want you to see here...
First - This is voluntary submission, not forced by the husband… It is done as unto the Lord. Meaning that an unbeliever cannot truly do this, because they have no true relationship to the Lord.
This is one of the reasons why marriage outside of those who belong to the household of Faith in Christ will not work properly. If you can’t submit to Christ, you can’t submit to your husband.
Secondly - this is the wife’s service to the Lord. Paul didn’t say, “Submit to your own husband because it is just better that way and you will save yourselves some headaches”… He expressly say “as to the Lord”… Meaning this is done as part of your service to the Lord.
Third - I would submit to you that this is the only thing that woman can do to show she has been redeemed from the fall in … Submit to him as you do to God, even though your desires will be contrary to him because your nature is fallen… It is against the grain and feels un-natural because the sin nature wants nothing to do with submitting to him.
Now I am not saying all this without being aware that there are some issues with submission in our culture. There is an evil perversion of this idea that would look like men being domineering over women… In fact this has been abused for so long that now the idea of liberation from that kind of bigotry is more beautiful… And the Bible would agree it is, Because that is not what submission means and it has been highjacked by sinful men who have used this a reason to persist in sin behavior, and God will Judge them for it.
But rather than talking about what submission isn’t and getting caught up in all the ways that mankind has perverted it, let me tell you what submission is.
Submission is about recognizing authority. Submission looks like joyfully and willingly serving that authority. Submission does this as the authority generously Loves and Leads those in submission to them.Submission paves the way for true loving leadership to be shown as such. It is all about respect that comes from Love… True submission is not something that needs to be earned based on a validating performance record. True submission is given as freely as the Grace that was given to you in Christ!
This is part of the triune nature of God...
God the Father Leads, plans, and predestines
God the son and God the Spirit willingly serve the Fathers plan! (I will show you more how in a moment…)
Both are necessary to save us!
When Authority is exercised Lovingly and Submission is given willingly it destroys the idea that one is superior or inferior to the other. This is because they are truly complementary.
Let get back to this concept in the text...
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
So an interesting thing here… It says that the Husband is the head of the wife… We know this does not mean in a literal sense, obviously… but rather in a spiritual sense. This is clearly talking about something that has serious implications. For some reason this has somehow been used in a way for man to dominate woman, because they are the head… And this is sinful and wrong, yet women just use their sinful nature and say that if man is the head, then they are the Neck that turns the head… and this is just even more sinful.
I would submit to you that if the Husband is the head of the wife, then the health of that marriage is dependent on the Husbands getting their act together!
When men abdicate their God given role in marriage and let their wives be the spiritual head they lose all ability to lead and take any reason for their wives to willingly submit to them away. But more on the husbands in a moment...
He his the head, as Christ is the Head of the Church… which Christ is the Savior… Please lets not forget who the savior is. Why do I say that? Because Christ is the Savior, not the Husband.
When wives start looking to their husbands to be the Savior that is Idolatry...
When a husbands try to be the Savior by forcing submission he usurps Christs Lordship...
Why does that happen??? Look at the fall.
16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”
Gen3.
When a woman has a desire for her husband, to both need him for fulfillment and to want his position, (which Pastor Chad showed how both of things are possible last week…) she is sinning and this is because of the Fall.
When a man rules over woman, it is because of the Fall and so it get twisted from a helpful position to an angry boss like role.
So Sin ruins what should be good, yet Ephesians is written to Believers, meaning those who Christ has redeemed. I would submit to you that Jesus redeems marriage for the wife in her fallen nature by allowing her to willingly and joyfully submit to her husband as unto the Lord, and that puts Lordship on Christ!
Jesus redeems Submission for women
Jesus redeems Submission for women
But how does he do this… by simply giving her the opportunity to submit? By telling her she has to?
No… By giving the greatest picture of submission, one that she is already included in… By pointing her to the gathering of his people...
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
So ladies, look to those around you. Do they willingly and joyfully come and gather, to they willingly and joyfully give and serve, do they willingly and joyfully sing, and love those called to them from the world?
Maybe the reason that more woman can’t understand what true submission looks like is because the church is no longer submitting to Christ? Maybe we are the problem?
Bubonic plague story… we are the problem???
Maybe we need to show what true submission to Christ looks like in a more healthy way? Does the church complain about what they do not like? Do they consume or contribute? to they eagerly desire to be corrected by the Word or do they look for voices who tell them what they want to hear??? Maybe this is why wives feel as though it is old hat to Submit and they should be more happy with what they desire rather than having their desires changed by Christ and his word… Because this is exactly what the modern church does… Maybe???
Here are 3 things about Submission I would say we need to see...
Submission is : Can be Conditional on obedience toward God...
Submission is : Can be Conditional on obedience toward God...
IN the Apostle Paul tells us that unbelievers can get out of marriage, and believers can stay if they are not being mistreated.
Yet I would say that if a woman is being abused in cruel and corrupt ways that she does not have to stay and endure abuse. (This goes both ways FYI, but we are talking about the woman here).
I would submit to you that next to sexual adultery, abuse and abandonment are both forms of unfaithfulness and destroy the marriage covenant. We see pictures of what unfaithfulness in a covenant looks like in Hosea, and actually get a template for leaving the covenant from and … But that is not our focus today.
and just to be clear, we are not saying that submission is conditional between two believers, but rather if one spouse is not a believer, then they cannot obey God and this is different than a believer who refuses to obey… that is a church discipline issue.
What it does do is inform us that obedience toward God by a spouse will make Submission happen or hinder it.
Submission is : Not Mindless...
Submission is : Not Mindless...
Remember I said I will show you how in the Triune God head we see a picture of Submission to Authority… well Lets point our attention back to Jesus… Remember Jesus in the Garden, praying with his Disciples before he is to be handed over to the Pharisees. Remember what he prayed???
36 And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”
mark
We see Jesus, God the Son, Submit to God the Father… But Not before having a little debate about the Plan.
Jesus actually expressed his desire to not want to fulfill the plan, yet he submitted.
See, in marriage, Submission doesn’t mean there isn’t debate, but in the end there is submission to leadership because of trust and Love.
So Ladies Submission in marriage can be conditional on obedience toward God, and Submission is not mindless surrender...
Submission is : Not about ability, but Order
Submission is : Not about ability, but Order
Wives may be more competent in one area than their husbands, they can be more wise at times, and they can more often than not be far more compassionate. Yet responsibility is given to the husband...
16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” 17 And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;
17 And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;
He shall rule over her… because he listened to her… Judgement for Adam was because he was listening to her, he now will have to rule over her, meaning he is now being told, “You are responsible to make sure that this doesn’t keep happening”...
God is holding man accountable and makes this part of his divine order moving forward. It is not because man is more able or women are less able, but rather that is the order he gives.
So women… Submit to your own husband as unto the lord, just like the church submits to Christ… This is beautiful and meant to adorn the covenant your made with that man who needs to lead and love you.
but men you are not off the hook here!!!
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
Husbands are you listening??? LOVE YOUR WIFE… Not rule over them with an iron fist, not instruct them in condescending ways.
Your standard is higher than a willing submission because that is how the church responds to Christ… But your love is to mimic Christs! AS he loved the church and GAVE himself!!!!
This is self sacrificing love! that is a hard thing!
And we have a picture of that earlier in this chapter...
2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Christ sacrificed himself as an offering… gave himself up! That is the picture men must live up to...
So men… you want to be good leaders that have wives who submit??? then listen to me
Leadership flows from Love
Leadership flows from Love
When you Love in a way the is self sacrificial and giving up of yourself, you are truly leading. If your leading never gives up anything from yourself and costs you nothing, then you do not love.
Love always costs something! Love in marriage should cost you something… and not just money… I am not talking about financial transactions...
Listen… Submission and Love between 2 believers are not conditional on each other, but are most winsome IN SPITE of each other!!!
Submission and Love are duties, respectively based on roles, no matter what if any reciprocation we receive from our spouse.
Husbands… your job is to Love like Jesus Loved, Which had a purpose...
eph5.26
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
Christ loved us to make us Holy, Cleansed, and Radiant!!!
So, a husbands concerned for his wife must be for her Holiness, cleansing, and being prepared to be presented as radiant before Christ!
HOW??? How can we help in this process that Jesus puts us all through… sanctifying us and loving us?
Listen as we understand who we are and how Jesus loved us and gave himself for us, we will see how we can for our wives. But if you do not know that he did this for you than you cant do this with your wife. So how do we know this??? By reading the Word of God and spending time in prayer… So...
Husbands encourage your wives to read the Word and read the Word with her!
Pray FOR her and Pray WITH her!
This will ;point them to Christ who did for them what he did for us and so help them learn to love and submit to him as we do, and that will flow to us as we love and lead like Christ did for us.
And this will be a long messy process, full of mistakes and needing constant re-direction and correction by the Word and Spirit… but it is worth it! So this process will be Grace soaked with the good works we were prepared in advance to walk in!
But we do not only have a standard that is high to live up to… Loving like Jesus is impossible… but Paul gives us another example of how to love our wives!
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
Love her as your own body, meaning provide for her, clothe her her, feed her, protect her, care for her, be gentle with her!!! If you would do it to yourself then do it to her… but again… maybe we have such a bad view of ourselves that we are incapable of loving her????
This shouldn’t be hard for us to understand though… here is what I mean.
If you sprained your ankle, you wouldn’t run around stomping on it and kicking things… that would be hurtful and abusive… instead you would get a crutch and nurse it along until you could put weight on it again. Right?
You do not starve yourself if you are hungry… But when you need energy you eat and drink. You take care of yourself… at least in a basic way. How much more should you care for your wife if it is supposed to be a visible expression of how Jesus loved you?!
And that is really what we are talking about… that Marriage is an institution that God gives us to better understand his love for us… Marriage is meant to show that Love to the world. But we can’t if we are so broken that many marriage end up in divorce and the ones we do have are morew like 2 separate people.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
This is more than a Picture of sexual unity. It is also a picture of how we are brought into Christ when we believe in him… It is no longer I who live but Christ in me!
20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
We are in him and he is in us and this is seen in our marriages being united!
So while I do not want to downplay the union between man and woman that is consummated in marriage, I also want to point you to a continued show of unity by encouraging you to Love each other and prioritize that love with each other.
Listen to me parents…
The Best you thing you can do for your kids is to love your Spouse
The Best you thing you can do for your kids is to love your Spouse
When your marriage is seen not as 2 people who live together but as 1 united couple, those closest to you see how identity isn’t found in self but realize in a union with one greater than yourself!
We must prioritize our relationship and be united in one mind and body to best show a bigger picture… which is what marriage is about and what Paul now tells us that he is actually talking about!
eph5
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
We have been being instructed on marriage roles that are good works God has prepared us in advance for us to walk in… but he now says this is actually a deeper mystery… it represents the Gospel… Christ and the Church.
Translation...
Marriage is given to better understand the Gospel
Marriage is given to better understand the Gospel
How so???
Because in marriage two completely different autonomous people can mutually submit and love each other, and this is a powerful demonstration of God’s wise plan for salvation, which unites everything under Christ!
And as much as our marriages will helps us understand the Gospel better, by putting us in a position to continue to extend Grace to our Spouse in constant good works, and as much as it will help those around us to see God glorified as we love and submit to each other as a model of how the church and Christ interact… it does not cheapen this relationship making it some cold clinical transaction… NO, but our roles are now re-enforced by being repeated one last time...
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
That word… However… means regardless of all this… It says no matter how much this is meant to point you to Christ in the Gospel you cannot escape the fact that Husbands are to Love their wives and Wives are to respect their husbands...
These are our roles in marriage and we should not stop doing these things if we belong to Christ!
Let us respond today by praying asking the Holy Spirit to forgive us for not doing the things in our marriage, and to help[ us moving forward to practice submission and Love.
Once that is done, let us actually confess to our spouse where we have been wrong and ask for forgiveness from each other.
If you are not married here today, this still represents your relationship to Christ, as one who willingly and joyfully submits. We have all failed in this and surely we all need to repent and ask for the Holy Spirits help!
Let’s pray!