Marriage Partner - Wife (Eph 5:22-24)

Christian Marriage Partner – Wife (Ephesians 5:22-24) Ah, mother’s day. Moms are the worst. [pause] Said nobody ever in his right mind. Or, I don’t get it. What’s the big deal about moms? Nobody says that. I sometimes wonder why we make such a big deal about our birthdays, but I DON’T wonder why we have a day to celebrate moms. It should be monthly. (SHE did all the work on your actual birthday and continues to do so every year.  Seriously though, Moms are a truly amazing phenomenon. Moms don’t eat until everyone else has food first. Moms don’t sleep unless everyone else is at peace and rest. Moms cry when we shed tears and laugh when we giggle. Moms put up with inexplicable and sometimes unmentionable nonsense. Moms are in their own category of human—real-life superheroes.  But godly moms are the best. – Every mom undoubtedly has repeated experiences of waking up at an ungodly hour with little people for one reason or another, whether it be bad dreams or puke-soaked sheets. Yet what sets godly moms apart is pursuing God with their everything. (You know this to be true from God’s word, and it can be verified by your own experiences, whether good or bad.) Not even the most dramatic sacrifices can replace pursuing God. That is immediately applicable to all of us right now. But before we move on, what can you do for your mom today? How can you be a faithful follower of Jesus in honor of your mother? • Express appreciation to the moms in your life. (I suggest you use the wording, “I’m thankful to the Lord for you because… [and throw in some specifics].) • Pray for your mom and tell her you prayed for her. – Imagine the countless hours your Christian mother spent or has spent in prayer for you. [Lincoln quote & Milton Berle ] • Rest in the arms of God, knowing that his love is beyond even that of a mother. (Isaiah 49:14-15) – God’s love is at once more tender and more fierce than the love of a mother. But really, I don’t think I fully appreciated my mom until I was married to one.  That’s supposed to be my transition back to our series in Ephesians. Read Ephesians 5:1-2, 8&10, 15, 18b, 22-33 [mention lack of verb in 22] I. Helpful points of review for this sensitive topic A. The relationship applications that follow in the passage are evidence of and only accomplished by the filling of the Spirit (which means to be supplied and controlled by God the Holy Spirit – living under HIS influence) B. Based on an understanding of the Greek word hupotasso and its uses in the NT (to ‘arrange under’ with an emphasis on order), we defined Submission as a joyful willingness to surrender leadership to another in fear of Christ. C. Here were the three points we hammered home: To rightly practice Spirit-filled submission, you need to… 1. #3 Appreciate divinely-ordered relationships – we emphasized how God has ordained submission and authority based on who he is as the Triune God 2. #2 Have a joyful willingness of spirit – Submission is not something to be commanded by the one in authority. It is something that we do voluntary to let someone lead. 3. #1 Fear Christ – Submission to others is ultimately about submitting control to Jesus Christ as the Lord of your life and everything in it. II. As we move forward to the text for the coming weeks, perhaps we need to first feel the weight of it.  The issue at stake here is whether Christian marriage reflects the character of God and the power of the gospel. A. God doesn’t simply “choose” to do things. His will and his action are based on his very nature, WHO he is. (Otherwise he would be a tyrant.) – God doesn’t sit around a be like, “Now, how can I have some fun with these guys and make it really difficult for them to do what I’m asking? He he he. This is gonna be rich.”  Therefore, order in Christian households is based on God’s nature and is for our good, promoting health and harmony. (What is health? What is harmony?) B. The way we live out a Christian marriage directly reflects on the gospel of Jesus Christ. 1. You know what makes my marriage ever look like blah—like a regurgitated version of God’s intention for it? Selfishness. The key to a God-honoring marriage is selfless living based on admiration for God and applying the central tenets of the gospel. 2. If you’re not a husband or a wife but still a regular Joe like me, how do you apply this text to your life? – Follow Christ’s lead in selfless submission and selfless leadership. a. Jesus submitted to the Father’s will and left eternal glory to become obedient to death, even death on a cross. (Phil. 2:5-8) b. And Jesus gives us the example of sacrificial love and servant leadership. (Two times in Luke’s gospel we hear that Jesus’ disciples argued about who was the greatest in His kingdom. [knock, knock, Peter and John, anybody home?] The second time, recorded in Luke 22, Jesus answered them like this: (vv. 24-27) [black screen] 3. Christ’s emphasis on servant leadership makes me feel the need to make another application before moving on. Men, let’s not make it hard on our wives. a. Lead like Jesus. Be loving and humble, be gentle and forgiving, be understanding and sensitive, be respectful and encouraging, be selfless and kind, be listening and learning, and then be strong and courageous. ([Honestly, I think] Men are at their weakest when they’re trying hardest to be “manly.”) b. While I’m on the subject of men sometimes handling this poorly… [Oh boy, here it comes…] A man who treats his wife like he is her master or her parent is not only unwise, he is an unbiblical tyrant. C. But Christian marriage is intended to reflect the character of God and the power of the gospel as it mirrors the relationship between Christ and his Church. – Christian marriage mirrors the relationship between Christ and his church. III. [With that in mind] Submission can only be viewed rightly through the lens of the headship of Christ to his church. (1:22, 4:15) Similarly (though this is our theme next week), LOVE is only viewed rightly through the sacrificial love of Christ for his church. (Love is a commitment to sacrificially care for another by seeking her highest good.) A. How do we understand this headship reference that forms the center piece of Paul’s point to wives? – Head is used metaphorically to express leadership/authority. 1. The parallel is established that Christ is the head the church. – Paul expresses both the similarity and the difference between that relationship and the one between husbands and wives. – The phrase at the end of verse 23 is a clear reference to Christ as the Savior of his body, that is, the church. And the next verse should start with the word “but,” which it does in some translations, b/c Paul brings back his point about headship in terms of leadership and submission to it. 2. Getting the thrust of the illustration may help us to enact these commands with a right spirit. – These are no longer two autonomous individuals living together; rather, they have become one flesh… with one head, one main leader. – But both husbands and wives must know that in everything they are tied to one another.  Again men, this is a headship that expresses itself in lovingly giving himself up for her (as Christ gave himself up for the church, v. 25). 3. How the church submits to Christ - The church is to imitate Christ’s sacrificial love (5:2). It seeks to please its Lord (5:10) by living in goodness, holiness, and truth and by understanding his will (5:17). His people sing praises to him (5:19), and live in godly fear and awe of him (5:21). (O’Brien) – A wife is urged to develop these attitudes as she submits to her husband. 4. How a wife submits to her husband. [Steve Cole list – and what submission is not] a. Submission involves respecting your husband. – (v. 33) Not putting him down to his face or behind his back, but being supportive and encouraging. b. Submission includes the desire to please the one over you. – If you feel like you have to submit even though you don’t really want to, you’ll find yourself making life hard on him, potentially to punish him and make him unhappy. c. Submission means not subverting your husband’s will and desires through deception, manipulation, or [complaining]. d. Submission means responding to your husband as leader and lover. – Don’t disparage his attempts to lead, to communicate, to woo you. He may become discouraged and give up. e. Submission does not imply the inferiority of the wife to her husband. [ f. Submission does not imply passivity. g. Submission does not require a wife to bury her spiritual gifts. B. Thankfully, this submission is not every woman to every man, but wives to their own husbands. – It helps us keep submission in perspective based on relationships and roles. 1. Wives and husbands (as well as children and parents, servants and masters) have different God-appointed roles, but all have equal dignity because they have been made in the divine image and in Christ have put on the new person who is created to be like God (4:24). (O’Brien) 2. A woman’s active role in helping and submitting to her husband has nothing to do with societal norms or the expectations of others on us. But it has everything to do with God’s design for marriage from the beginning and his desire for our good. 3. This submission is not to keep a woman from thinking and acting or being herself and expressing herself. (There is room for freedom and growth.) C. But it does say to be submissive in everything. – In every area of life (but not to sin or harm or contrary to God’s commands – Acts 5:29 Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.) – So it is not a blind unthinking obedience, but a willing submission… [another list from Steve Cole] 1. “In everything” means you cannot create loopholes to dodge the commandment. 2. “In everything” includes submission in thoughts, words, and deeds. 3. “In everything” does not include commandments to sin. 4. “In everything” does not mean that you say yes to every demand, if in so doing you are fostering your husband’s laziness and irresponsibility. 5. “In everything” does not mean yielding to criminal behavior, including physical abuse. D. As to the Lord – Because Christ is her Savior, as he is for all those who make up the church, his body, the motivation is true and godly reverence for Christ. 1. This means that at times you will need to look past him to see your savior, for he is the reason you submit. 2. And it means too that the wife’s submission to her husband is not conditional on his loving her after the pattern of Christ’s love or showing his unceasing care for her. (O’Brien) IV. A wife’s submission is part, just as the sacrificial love of a husband is the other part, of a Christian marriage mirroring the relationship between Christ and his Church to reflect the character of God and the power of the gospel. My wife says that if we are truly walking in submission to the Spirit, this issue we have with submission and loving leadership wouldn’t be such a problem. I gotta say, she’s right on the money.