Sermon Tone Analysis

Take Up Your Cross & Follow Me!

Mt 16:24

That doesn’t sound too fun… before we dive into that lets look at some dad joke to loosen up… Hehe

Dad Joke

Dad Jokes

Dad Jokes

Joke 1 - Q: What time did the man go to the dentist?

A: Tooth Hurty

A: Tooth Hurty

Joke 2 - I’m reading a book about gravity.

It’s impossible to put down...

Joke 3 - You’re American when you go into the bathroom, you’re American when you come out.

But do you know what you are when you’re in there?

European!

Joke 4 - Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece!

Joke 5 - How do you make a Kleenex dance?

Put a little boogie in it!

Joke 6 - Dad drives past a cemetery: “Do you know that cemetery is popular?

People are just dying to get in there!”

Joke 7 - Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One was a-salted!

Joke 8 - A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

Judge says, "First offender?"

She says, "No, first a Gibson!

Then a Fender!”

Joke 9 - What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?

Bison.

Joke 10 - What do you call someone with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

Joke 11 - What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.

So what is my point with these joke?

None.

Nada.

Foresemo.

(I don’t even no what that last word means… I think I might have gotten it from Harry Potter or something!)

As I was writing my lesson I felt bad I didn’t have anything funny to say… So I decided to throw in some dad jokes!

Why because some are funny and some are unbearable… I guess you could say they’re unbearably funny!

Hehe see what I did there?! Oh come on that was suppose to be a punny joke… funny joke.

Grr kids these days.

Don’t know have to appreciate a good joke.

Anyway speaking of a unbearable...

Bearable & the Unbearable

Did you know there are something you can and can’t do?

One of those things is lift a building over your head (No this isn’t another bad unbearable dad joke)!

It’s actually true!

Did you know you can’t breath underwater?

Yeah you can hold your breath probably a little over 3 minutes if you trained yourself but if you try to breath underwater you’re going to drown!

Did you know you wont ever be able to fly in the air by yourself?

If you try you’ll probably fall to your death!

Okay, okay I’ll stop I am probably depressing you by telling you all the thing you wont be able to do!

Let’s look at some of the amazing feats of some people!

1 - Dean Karnazes' 350-mile nonstop, no-sleep run.

2 - John Holtum caught a cannon ball.

3 - And there is this 76 year old women who can rip phone books in half and bend metal horseshoes!

4 - Mao Weidong held a plank position for 8 hours and 1 minute!

There are crazy feats of strength!

There are a lot of things that the human body literally could never do, but then there are those things that are almost unbelievable that people have literally train themselves to do.

You wanna know what is also unbelievable?

How much someone can stand before they die… eeh yikes things just got dark really really quick… Yeah I am sorry I went from jokes to interesting facts, to the dark thing about death.

But it’s true some people can survive some crazy.

Amazing Survival Stories

1 - I guy survived a dozen nails being driven through his head.

Hehe if you think thats bad...

2 - A guy survived a pipe about this big (gesture about how big) being driven through his head.

If you think that’s bad...

3 - A man once got cut in half by a train and survived.

If you think that’s bad...

4 - A man got hit by a RPG (rocket) and lived!

IF YOU THINK THAT IS BAD!

5 - Man once was brutally mutilated died and was dead for three days and then survived it!

“Woah woah wait you mean there was a man who survived death?!?!?”

Yeah there was a man that survived death.

But before I tell you who lets get to the mutilating death part… first...

Crucifixion

Crucifixion isn’t the fun part of this story at all and I imagine it will scare some of you.

But 9 to 13 year olds I think you are old enough to understand and comprehend the severity of what this is.

Roman crucifixion was a criminals execution.

It was so bad that Roman soldiers would beat, whip, bloody a person till they are inches away from death and they would keep that person there for hours on end suffering for hours and hours till at the very they would suffocate.

You see we wear today wear crosses as beautiful symbols today, saying that they point to life (which they do now), but back then they pointed to the most disturbing death ever imaginable