The Master's Plan for Marriage
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Introduction
Introduction
Ikea - all you get is pictures - no real explanation - no real plan… Thankful for God’s written Word - clear truth - BUT difficult truth.
Marriage - Nothing really prepares - counseling, books, etc. - then you get married!
While you may not be able to know all the ups and downs of marriage, you can know God’s plan for your marriage. In a culture that is moving away from not only God’s design for marriage, but marriage in general - Time Magazine reported in 2014 that 25% of millennials will never marry - we need a renewed vision for the sacredness of marriage. We need to hear and embrace what Jesus says about marriage.
If you’re single - whether never been married or married before - you need to hear what Jesus says about marriage just as much as those of us who are newly married or have been married for years. Especially since we live in a time where marriage is devalued by society, we all need a renewed vision of marriage, and what many of us will find this morning is that God has a very different plan for marriage than our plan for marriage. Two truths:
Hard words - but for married couples - will you accept God’s plan for your marriage?
1. Marriage is not primarily about your happiness.
1. Marriage is not primarily about your happiness.
Pharisees are on a mission - to shame Jesus and ultimately have him killed. They do not want to learn from Jesus; they want to trap Him. Jesus had already spoke on the issue of divorce. ()
Pharisees ask because this was a highly debated issue in their day. If Jesus’ answer was unpopular with the people, more reason for the people to turn on Jesus.
Matthew phrases the question a bit different: “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” () - In other words, what are the allowable grounds for divorce?
Jesus: What does your Bible say?(Only one place in OT Law that spoke of divorce: )
Any cause - a popular teaching in Judaism.
Pharisees felt confident - knew what the Bible said - but did NOT understand what the Bible said.
Debate among Pharisees: What’s any cause? Or, what exactly did Moses mean when he said “indecency?”
Question of Pharisees - What’s any cause? Or, what exactly did Moses mean when he said “indecency?”
Hillel - a pharisee, one of the most important men in Jewish history - and a popular teacher who died in A.D. 10 - defined indecency as any act that was unpleasing to a husband. Became the popular stance of people - divorce for any reason. If a husband didn’t like the way his wife cooked dinner, cleaned the house, or the way she dressed - he could divorce her - she was indecent in his eyes.
Shammai - a pharisee who was an opponent of Hillel - more conservative - for him, indecency only meant sexual infidelity.
So which was it? The trap set - a culture of people who didn’t value marriage waiting to hear what Jesus would say - if He sided with Shammai - He would hold the minority view.
Jesus’ answer shocking: “You missed the point. The only reason why God gave Moses that commandment was because of your hard heart.”
God wasn’t allowing divorce in . Divorce was already happening. given to bring some order out of chaos - so that women would not be exploited by the husband who was divorcing her. Explanation of what was to happen after a divorce - after divorce man no longer had a right to his wife. given so men wouldn’t pass a woman around.
God’s plan was not divorce - but rather a life-long covenant relationship between man and woman. A provision given to protect women who were poorly treated by men.
Religious leaders and Jews in Jesus’ day looking for loopholes - “When is it ok to divorce?” Today, still looking for loopholes… “My marriage is falling apart, is it ok to divorce? I’m no longer in love, is it ok to divorce? How can God expect me to live with someone I don’t love? Surely, He doesn’t want me to be miserable!”
Why looking for loopholes? Fundamental problem with the way we view marriage - We think marriage is about us and for us - for our self-fulfillment and our happiness.
Shocking reality: Marriage is not primarily about your happiness. - Certainly, there is happiness in marriage - joy, fulfilment, love, excitement, etc. BUT marriage is also full of struggles - struggles of life - and reality of two sinful, selfish people living together - bound to be struggles!
If you think marriage is primarily about your happiness or your fulfillment, then your marriage will be highly disappointing. Not one person on earth can make you completely happy or completely satisfy you. No one person can “complete” you. And, if those are the expectations you put on your spouse or future spouse, you are putting expectations on your spouse that he/she will never be able to fulfill nor are they intended to fulfill those expectations.
If you think marriage is primarily about your happiness or your fulfillment, then your marriage will be highly disappointing. Not one person on earth can make you completely happy or completely satisfy you. No one person can “complete” you. And, if those are the expectations you put on your spouse or future spouse, you are putting expectations on your spouse that he/she will never be able to fulfill nor are they intended to fulfill those expectations.
If you think marriage is primarily about your happiness or your fulfillment, then your marriage will be highly disappointing. Not one person on earth can make you completely happy or completely satisfy you. No one person can “complete” you. And, if those are the expectations you put on your spouse or future spouse, you are putting expectations on your spouse that he/she will never be able to fulfill nor are they intended to fulfill those expectations. You’ll always be looking for indecency… (Removing scales of your eyes - seeing clearly)
Only One can “complete” you - or ultimately fulfill you - Jesus Himself! Your spouse cannot fulfill the role that only Jesus is meant to fulfill. If you make marriage about your fulfillment, you will alway be unfulfilled.
Are you putting unrealistic expectations on your spouse? (Unrealistic expectation of listening…)
God has a much greater purpose for your marriage than your happiness.
2. Marriage is primarily about God’s glory and your holiness.
2. Marriage is primarily about God’s glory and your holiness.
Because of hard heart Pharisees and Jews missed the point of marriage - and so do we!
Jesus takes Pharisees back to the first marriage to remind the Pharisees about God’s design for marriage. Jesus reiterates three truths from
Marriage is a one-flesh relationship. When you marry you become one with your spouse. You are one with your spouse in a way that you are one with no one else - not even your children. You are not one flesh with your golf buddies, shopping partners, or even one flesh the body of Christ. (Sexual intimacy is a celebration and symbol of oneness.) Leave and hold fast - new priority - your spouse takes priority over the familial relationships you have.
Marriage is a one-flesh relationship. You are one with your spouse in a way that you are one with no one else - not even your children. Your spouse knows you in a way that no one else knows you. You are not one flesh with your golf buddies or your shopping partners. You are not even one flesh with the body of Christ - but one flesh with your spouse. (Sexual intimacy is a celebration and symbol of oneness.)
Beautiful picture of the Gospel - We left everything and gave our lives to Him - He knows us in a way that know one else knows us - not even our spouse. We hold fast to Him because of what He has done for us. He is more important than anyone else. () “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
Marriage is a permanent relationship (vs. 9). A covenant relationship. You committed yourself to your spouse until death. No matter what happens in life or in your marriage, nothing should destroy your oneness.
Another reminder of the Gospel. Just as nothing should separate you from the love of your spouse, nothing separates you from the love of Jesus. ()
Marriage is a work of God - “What God has joined together.” Marriage is God’s idea - His design. But, “I married the wrong person...” In a sense, we all married the wrong person because we all married imperfect, sinful people. But, if you’re married, you have to believe that no matter the hardships, ultimately, God is at work - He brought you together.
Another reminder of the Gospel - your salvation is a work of God as well. - He made you alive in Christ. - You are His workmanship.
Marriage is not primarily about your happiness. Rather, marriage is primarily about God’s glory and your holiness. God’s glory - Marriage is a divine illustration of a heavenly reality - it’s a picture of the Gospel. (Pictures of Israel - jogs my memory…)
God holds your marriage in His hands and He says to the world - Do you see how that man and wife are one flesh? How he knows her in a way no one else does? My people are One with me. I know them like no one else does. My people enjoy intimacy with me that surpasses the intimacy of man in wife. Permanent - do you see the commitment of man and wife, how nothing separates? My love for my people is permanent. Marriage is MY work - and so is your salvation. And, do you see the love in that marriage? How that husband would lay down his life for His wife, that’s exactly what my Son did for the world - so that sinful people could know My love.
If marriage is a divine illustration of heavenly reality that points people to the glory of God in Christ, no wonder God hates divorce! () Divorce distorts the divine illustration! If a man divorces His wife, can God divorce us?
Exception - - permission for divorce if sexual infidelity because oneness has been betrayed - however, even in those circumstances - forgiveness and reconciliation a much more beautiful picture of the Gospel at work.
Divorce NOT unforgivable sin - but a call to repent from living your way and to start seeing marriage from God’s perspective. If you’ve experienced the pain of divorce, there is a heavenly Father who comforts and gives new beginnings.
Marriage for God’s glory and your holiness. Consider one flesh and permanent - if you view your marriage from God’s perspective and live as one flesh - considering your spouse as more important than yourself - and if you commit to love your spouse with the love Christ - a love that is unconditional, full of forgiveness and grace - God is going to grow you. He is going to make you more like Himself.
There’s no relationship on earth like marriage - you learn patience, self-control, kindness, how to forgive, grace, love, to be a peacemaker, etc. As you submit to Christ and live to serve your spouse rather than living to be served by your spouse - God will make you holy.
Three ways to respond:
Surrender your marriage to the Lord by first surrendering your life to Jesus. Have you embraced the Gospel?
Admit that you’re the biggest problem in you marriage. Make a commitment to work on you - to repent of your selfishness, your unrealistic expectations, etc. You can’t fix your spouse, but you can fix you...
Live to give - what if you lived in your marriage, or in any relationship, to help that person become who Christ wants him/her to be? Unfortunately, we often treat our spouses worse than anybody else. How would your marriage change if you lived by the golden rule in your home?