The Husband of a Good Wife

A story is told of a father driving his family on vacation (picture National Lampoon’s - Chevy Chase in a station wagon). He comes across a sign that says “Road Closed. Do Not Cross.” He ignores it, going around it thinking it will save them some time on their trip. His wife was hesitant and not at all comfortable with his decision but this road warrior wasn’t changing his mind. After a few miles of good travels the proud husband began to brag of his wisdom and discernment to her chagrin. Then suddenly the asphalt road began to turn into gravel then into dust. Even with all the bumps and jarring, the dad was able to stop luckily right at the edge of the washed out bridge. After turning around and traveling back to the sounds of mom and kids saying, “I told you so.” He come fathers the backside of the road closed sign on which he reads the message, “Welcome Back Stupid!!”

Now I have longed believed that Fathers have gotten a bad rap in the male-hating, dad-denigrating culture of our country probably for 3-4 decades now. This is also true however, in many of the local churches - Mother’s Day arrives and the sermon paints mothers in such a glowing light. Father’s day arrives and some dads don’t show up because they are tired of getting beat up from the pulpit. I have been guilty of that in my younger years of preaching. I confess that much of it came from the frustrations of a father’s son. Praise God forgiveness and maturity helped me overcome that.

But guys......come one now......You have got to admit most of us would have been the Chevy Chase dad ignoring the sign, driving around only to return to read Welcome Back Stupid.

We can be like Frank Sinatra, wanting our tombstones to read “I did It My Way”

Joanna always tells me if I go before she does, my tombstone will read “Not Yet” - my famous last words when she asked me did I do something she asked me to do.

Thinking about all the men here and watching on Facebook Live stream, most of us are ones who either will get married, are married or have been married. Some of us will have have or have had children - some not, but all of us are men who should want our tombstone to say not “I did it my way” but “A Husband of a Good Wife” or “Here Lies a Proverbs 31 Man.”

Most people, Christian or not approach this text, 10-31 at least, with pink colored glasses, but if we can read it without that normal cultural lens saying this passage is all about womanhood we can see, as one commentator writes, that this chapter “is what every boy needs to know about being a man.”

SO PLEASE STAND WITH ME AS WE HONOR OUR HEAVENLY FATHER AND READ HIS WORD.

Proverbs 31 NKJV

1 The words of King Lemuel, the utterance which his mother taught him: 2 What, my son? And what, son of my womb? And what, son of my vows? 3 Do not give your strength to women, Nor your ways to that which destroys kings. 4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, It is not for kings to drink wine, Nor for princes intoxicating drink; 5 Lest they drink and forget the law, And pervert the justice of all the afflicted. 6 Give strong drink to him who is perishing, And wine to those who are bitter of heart. 7 Let him drink and forget his poverty, And remember his misery no more. 8 Open your mouth for the speechless, In the cause of all who are appointed to die. 9 Open your mouth, judge righteously, And plead the cause of the poor and needy. 10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool and flax, And willingly works with her hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, She brings her food from afar. 15 She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants. 16 She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard. 17 She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms. 18 She perceives that her merchandise is good, And her lamp does not go out by night. 19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hand holds the spindle. 20 She extends her hand to the poor, Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, For all her household is clothed with scarlet. 22 She makes tapestry for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies sashes for the merchants. 25 Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.” 30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Much of Christian culture and Christian literature have actually done wrong exegetically and expositorily in regard to this chapter. Yes, much of it is about a woman. Yes, a women can and should look to it as a great example of womanhood. However, our culture and literature has wrongly placed the focus on the woman and how she can achieve the things necessary to bring glory to her husband. Proverbs 31 is not about the ideal woman who lays aside her ambitions and abilities for the sake of her husbands wants and wishes.

Proverbs 31 was not written to a woman, rather it was written by a woman to a man - her son - King Lemuel. She wanted her son to be the kind of man that was worthy of such a woman she was about to describe so she instructs him on how.

What does this chapter teach us then men about the habits we should develop to be the Husband of a Good Wife or a Proverbs 31 man?

Boys, listen to your mamas because they are the first to teach you how to be men.

It is rather interesting that in the book of Proverbs, both wisdom and foolishness are described as women. A woman can either point on the right path or pull you down the wrong path. Do you think Solomon and the other writers thought much about the women in their lives as they wrote the proverbs, beginning with their mothers?

Proverbs 1:8 CSB

8 Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction, and don’t reject your mother’s teaching,

The apostle Paul reminds or encourages Timothy as he becomes a young pastor to lean upon what he learned about God from his mother and grandmother.

2 Timothy 1:5 NIV

5 I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.

2 Timothy 3:14–15 NKJV

14 But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, 15 and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

Abe Lincoln said, “All I am or can be I owe to my angel mother.”

Life’s lessons and Christianities teachings are a joint effort of both father and mother. The old saying, “Behind every great man is a good woman,” is more about the man a mama made him to be.

Guys, live for others not your own druthers.

Being a good leader begins with being a great man, and King Lemuel’s mother was trying to instill that truth in him.

Before he was king he was a man. Before he was a man he was a son dedicated to God. he may have had the privilege and ability to do as he pleased, but under the responsibility of God and to his fellow man, he did not always have the right to do what he wanted without thinking about its results.

We can all learn from this that we are responsible 1st - to God, 2nd - to parents, 3rd - to people. Self comes last on the list.

Men, as leaders in the home, the church and our community, we are agents of righteousness and that responsibility with that supersedes any perceived rights we feel we may have to indulge ourselves.

Guys, look for a woman with godly character and you will get good conduct.

The women his mother speaks of here is not all women, but immoral women. This is the kind of woman described often in the proverbs such as

Proverbs 7:7 CSB

7 I saw among the inexperienced, I noticed among the youths, a young man lacking sense.

Proverbs 7:10 CSB

10 A woman came to meet him dressed like a prostitute, having a hidden agenda.

Giving in to immorality is something possible for any man, even the best of leaders. We have seen too much of this in the SBC and other churches of notoriety.

We learn here that we must fulfill our desires in a moral context of marriage, the right place with the right person OUR good wife.

Guys, lead with a sober mind and spirit filled heart.

The King had the potential and the provisions to drink a lot of alcohol, but his mother is teaching him that it does no good for the ones he is called to lead. Alcohol, no matter how much, has an effect on the mind, clouding one’s judgement of right from wrong.

Paul gives us advise on how to walk worthy of this salvation we have received from Christ

Ephesians 5:15 CSB

15 Pay careful attention, then, to how you live—not as unwise people but as wise—

Ephesians 5:18 CSB

18 And don’t get drunk with wine, which leads to reckless living, but be filled by the Spirit:

Husbands, love your wife as most valuable and you won’t lack for one more viable.

v.10- We must not make our wives the butt of our jokes, demeaning and degrading them. We must see our wives for how precious and amazing they are. As valuable and incomparable as jewels.

J. A. Medders rightly says - “Men who find more joy tinkering in the garage, fiddling with their hobbies, hanging with the fellas, or working late hours rather than being with the wife of his youth reveal their heart’s appraisal system is out of whack.”

We must treasure our wives above all things and people except God.

v. 11 - We are taught from this to trust in our wife in what she does for us and the family. We should compliment her strengths and abilities. We must respect her and encourage her. We should complement her weaknesses with our strengths and abilities.

To be a Husband of a Good wife you are loving of her as Christ is of his bride the church - cherishing her, edifying her.

Is my wife precious to me? Does she know how much I love and adore her? Is it obvious to my kids and the people around me?

Men, live like others need you and lead like others are following you.

v.8-9 - the King’s mother teaches us we have been given so much by God’s grace that we need to seek justice for the oppressed and defend the cause of the less fortunate.

Proverbs 19:17 CSB

17 Kindness to the poor is a loan to the Lord, and he will give a reward to the lender.

v. 23 - in the city gates means the husband of a good wife is a man of integrity. His name is well known, and reputable. He has influence over people, beginning at home.

A little girl followed her father as he carefully stepped through a new garden. she stepped exactly where he stepped and said, “daddy if you don’t get mud on your feet, I won’t get any mud on me!”

We will always have someone following behind us if we are living out the Great commission. Being a disciple-maker begins at home and goes out into the community to lead others in following Jesus.

Guys, lift her up - motivate her with pride and light her up - illuminate her with praise.

v.28 -The husband makes the home conducive for what we see the kids doing here. To rise up - in the Hebrew speaks to something important to be done and is planned to do. Child to mom and husband to wife - Let her know you believe in her aspirations. Let her know you are proud of her abilities and accomplishments.

The Hebrew word for praise means to shine a light upon. When we shine a spot light on something we draw attention to it as something prominent and important to us that we want everyone to see it. When we praise our mothers and our wives we are doing the same for them.

Affirm the good wife

Thank the gracious wife

Honor the godly wife

Invitation to Respond

Conclusion: What this chapter tells us is the husband and wife are meant by God to be an amazing team benefiting each other, family, friends and people of their world.

The enormous response Bob Carlisle got from his song “butterfly kisses” made him chuckle at first, until he began to think about why. He would receive hundreds of emails from little girls asking him to marry their mothers. He realized they weren’t looking for a romantic partner for their moms. They were wanting for themselves the daddy in his song.

Instead of women reading this passage and asking, “How will I ever be this woman?” Men need to read this and ask, “How can I better be the kind of man that deserves such a woman and not make the woman in my life feel half as important as she really is?”

2 people we think much about but need to tell the world more about - Jesus and our mothers and wives.

We can live to say we did it our way.

God may or may not put up a sign saying “Welcome Back Stupid!”

Or we can do it God’s way as he teaches us here.

Men, let’s pray for one another and seek to put these things into practice.

Ladies that means if we become more like the Proverbs 31 man you have a goal as well.