A Beautiful Wife and A Humble Husband
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Introduction
Introduction
Will you please open your Bible and turn with me again to 1 Peter. If you are a guest it may serve you to know that our mode of operation is study through books of the Bible together and right now we are studying 1 Peter. We’re in chapter 3 now and this morning we are going to look at the first 7 verses of . If you don’t have a Bible you can follow along by looking at the screens in front of you. Please read along with me as I read .
Read . Pray.
People do not have the be the same in order to be equal. That sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? After all, no two people are exactly the same, but we are all equal in dignity. But I think as we press this idea deeper, its truth becomes more challenging. Does everyone have to have the same abilities in order to be equal? Does everyone have to have the same opportunities in order to be equal? Or does everyone have to have the same role in order to be equal?
The dominate view of the culture we are a part of is emphatically saying “Yes!” to these questions, but as Christians devoted to God’s Word, we know that the answer is an emphatic “NO!” Sameness is not a synonym for equality. Instead, the beauty of what God has done in creating a very diverse world is seen in the equality he has established for everyone through our diversity. Our diversity in gender, roles, gifts, callings, and abilities does not eliminate our equality but enhances the beauty of it! God has made us all equal before him as people made in his image, while at the same time giving us certain distinctives that display his wisdom and glory. These distinctions should be welcomed and embraced.
You can see where this is going, can’t you? As we just read from we see that the issue Peter wants to address with us this morning is the issue of marriage. He wants us to understand how husbands and wives, both created by God and equal before him, are called to live in different, yet complementary ways within the marriage relationship. More specifically, God wants you to know how you can live a honorable lifestyle in this world through your marriage.
I have entitled this message “A Beautiful Wife and A Humble Husband” because what we see in this passage is that God is honored in marriage as women embrace the beauty of submission and men embrace the humility of understanding. God design for marriage is this expression of distinction in our roles as husbands and wives. Though we are equal, we are not the same. The beauty of God’s glory is seen in the diversity of genders, roles, and callings that he has given to a husband and a wife.
We should be aware, however, that this view is not at all common in our culture today. This letter was written to exiles, strangers in a foreign land and there is no arena that we may feel like aliens and exiles than the arena of marriage. The beauty that God describes is ugly to the world. The humility that God commands is pathetic to the world. And as people that have been swimming in these waters all of our lives, we ought not be surprised if we are wet ourselves. What this means is that there are, no doubt, subtle ways that we have given in to the worlds views on marriage. We have heard the whispers from the Garden all of our lives, “Did God really say...” and we have listened.
What emerges from this passage is not a critique on the world’s views on marriage, but a call to examine the ways that we have given in. We need to reexamine the Bible and submit ourselves to God, change our thinking, and pursue relationships that honor God’s truth.
If we will, the dignity of men and women will be enhanced. The culture assumes it is fighting for the value of men and women by promoting same-ness. They are not. Instead, the real beauty of men and women is represented through their diversity. The world believes that it has increased the value of the Mona Lisa by giving it a mustache and strengthened the character of King David by giving him more muscles. It hasn’t. The beauty of a woman, according to the God that made her, is seen in her submission and the strength of a man, according the God that made him, is seen is his humility.
Peter helps us see this through these 7 verses. In these 7 verses Peter describes both the obligation of a Christian wife and the obligation of a Christian husband. In verses 1-6 we see a beautiful wife and in verse 7 we see a humble husband.
Let’s look first at A Beautiful Wife:
A Beautiful Wife
A Beautiful Wife
Though many years removed from us, the audience of this letter faced challenges that were just as difficult as ours. The cultural context was different but no less difficult than ours. Christians during this time were exiles just as we are. They were slandered against, persecuted, and ridiculed for their faith. This led to Peter telling them in 2:11-12 to live honorably so that even as they spoke against the church they would see their good deeds and some would glorify God.
It’s obvious that some of these newly converted exiles were women who’s husbands were unconverted. What should a woman do in such a case? Should one of the “royal priesthood” reject the authority of her unconverted husband? Of course, this was a difficult situation to be in. The common assumption of this day was that women would take on the religious practices of their husbands. So a wife that abandoned her husbands’ religion would’ve been shocking. It would’ve been considered rebellious by most.
The idea that a wife would leave her husbands “gods” and turn her allegiance to Jesus Christ was radical. And the way that a wife lived out this allegiance to Christ was very important. Again, what should she do? Should she leave her husband? Absolutely not. Instead, they were to live in a such a way that was “honorable” to their husbands and in hope that their husbands would come to know Christ as well.
What is a wife’s call? Her call is to submission. Look at verse 1 again:
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
“Likewise” as in similarly to the submission we have learned about earlier at the end of chapter 2 as it relates to government and employment, wives are called to “be subject to” or submit to their own husbands. Let’s be clear, just because the passage immediately before this one is talking about masters and slaves, this does not mean that the relationship of husband and wife is like that. Wives submit voluntarily.
And the direction of their submission is clear. Wives submit to your own husbands. Women have no obligation to submit to every man. This applies to the unique relationship of marriage. In this context, wives, you are called to submit to your husbands.
What does it mean to submit? I cannot improve on this from John Piper:
Your obedience to Scripture will leave you at odds with the world that you live in.
Sermons from John Piper (1990–1999) Women of Valor for Non-promise Keepers
What then is submission? It is the disposition to follow a husband’s authority and an inclination to yield to his leadership. It is an attitude that says, “I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works.” But the attitude of Christian submission also says, “It grieves me when you venture into sinful acts and want to take me with you. You know I can’t do that. I have no desire to resist you. On the contrary, I flourish most when I can respond creatively and joyfully to your lead; but I can’t follow you into sin, as much as I love to honor your leadership in our marriage. Christ is my King.”
This is biblical submission. This, wives, is what you are called to do in your marriage. This does not mean that you have to always agree with your husband, depend on your husband for spiritual strength, act out of fear, or give up thinking or reasoning. As we saw in the quote before, submission does not mean that you follow your husband into sin. And this certainly does not mean that a wife should endure abuse from her husband. Any wife enduring abuse should escape the abuse and report her abusive husband to the authorities.
Yet, ordinarily, a wife is called to submit. And this passage paints us a beautiful picture of this submission. Following this command God’s Word shows us the goal of this submission, the beauty of submission, and the reward of submission.
The Goal of Submission
The Goal of Submission
Wives submit to their husbands with an abiding hope and goal for their husbands. I’m sure you saw it earlier but look again at verses 1-2:
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
The command to submit does not go away if your husband is an unbeliever. This is not a conditional command. But the submission that wives are to offer to their unbelieving husbands is a hope-filled submission. Wives, submit, even to your unbelieving husbands, with the hope that through your kind and humble submission your husband will be won to the Lord. Wives, can you believe this? God intends to use your humble submission in your hope to demonstrate the power of the gospel to your husband and then win him over to Christ. If you are married to an unbeliever, know that your submission to him is powerful. God will use it, and not your nagging, to open his eyes and heart to the gospel.
This is the goal of your submission. But next, Peter tells us about the beauty of submission:
The Beauty of Submission
The Beauty of Submission
Submission is not only right, but it is beautiful. Read verses 3-4 again:
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
Not only is a wife’s submission a powerful tool in the hands of God to win her husband over, but her submission is imperishably beautiful and precious to God.
It appears that not much has changed in 2000 years. Evidently, women in Peter’s day were tempted to define their beauty by external measures. Though women were commonly encouraged to dress modestly and not seductively, women were evidently tempted to find their value in external appearances. It is not hard to see that the same is true today. Ladies, I know that you are daily bombarded with ideas about what is attractive and unattractive.
God wants you to know, ladies, that what is truly beautiful is not what is external, but what is internal. (Men, we should help our wives by commending this beauty to them.) And notice what Peter says about this beauty. It is imperishable. All other beauty perishes! It fades and grows old but this beauty is imperishable.
And then Peter describes this imperishable beauty. He says it is a gentle and quiet spirit. This beauty that is precious to God! Now, you may be tempted to think something like “This is not my personality.” but whether or not you consider it part of your personality, Peter says that these qualities are qualities that you should aim for and cultivate in your life. These are Spirit-produced character traits. And they’re not reserved for women. In fact, this is how Jesus described himself when he implored us to come to him:
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Do you want to be attractive? Do you want beauty that lasts and is precious to God? Pursue the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is expressed in your submission.
likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.
Then, Peter describes the reward of submission:
The Reward of Submission
The Reward of Submission
The reason that you should pursue this beauty is because this is the beauty that women of God, seen throughout Scripture, adorned themselves. Women like Sarah and Ruth. Women precious in God’s eyes, adorned themselves with this beauty. They were women who hoped in God. They did not hope primarily in their husbands, they hoped in God. And as they hoped in God they were able to submit to their husbands.
Look at verses 5-6:
For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
The example of Sarah tells us that godly adornment is not external appearances but inward beauty that hopes in God. Sarah submitted to Abraham because she hoped in God. Because she hoped in God she did not fear anything that was frightening. And wives, this is your call too. Do not hope in your husband. Do not hope in your outward beauty. Hope in God and then submit to your husbands.
That is a beautiful wife. Now, finally we see in this passage a humble husband.
A Humble Husband
A Humble Husband
The husband is addressed in only one verse in this passage, verse 7. Let’s read verse 7 again:
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Husbands, how do you fulfill God’s desire in your marriage? You begin by living with your wife in an understanding way. This literally means that you “live with your wife according to knowledge.” What does this mean? This means that you live with your wife according to knowledge about her. Your study her. You learn about her. You understand her desires, passions, calling, strengths, and weaknesses.
Wayne Grudem said it this way:
1 Peter: An Introduction and Commentary 2. Husbands: Live Considerately with Your Wives (3:7)
The ‘knowledge’ Peter intends here may include any knowledge that would be beneficial to the husband-wife relationship: knowledge of God’s purposes and principles for marriage; knowledge of the wife’s desires, goals, and frustrations; knowledge of her strengths and weaknesses in the physical, emotional and spiritual realms; etc. A husband who lives according to such knowledge will greatly enrich his marriage relationship—yet such knowledge can only be gained through regular study of God’s Word and regular, unhurried times of private fellowship together as husband and wife.
Do you know what makes your wife feels loved? Are you willing to listen to your wife? Do you know what she loves doing the most? Do you know what frustrates her? Do you know how she is growing spiritually? Do you know if she feels tired and worn down? Do you know how to pray for her?
THIS is leadership in the home. Leadership in the home is the humble service of a husband for the good of his wife. We must be intentional to care for our wives above ourselves. We need to show affection for her. We need to take initiative in caring for our wives spiritually. We need to discern when they need rest or a word of encouragement. Our family’s growth in godliness should be at our initiative, not theirs.
We must do all that we can so that our wives can step back and say, “He understands how I feel. He knows that I am struggling. He knows what will help me. He is willing to serve me. He is always there to help me. My husbands always knows how to make me laugh. He knows what touches my heart. He is there for me.” Husbands, humble yourself by thinking of your wife more than you think about yourself. Stop thinking about what needs to be done and think about what you should know and how you can serve.
Secondly, Peter says that a humble husband “shows honor” to his wife. This means to that acknowledge the value and worth of our wives by showing respect. We live with our wives in a way that shows how precious she is to us. Praise her with your words. Lift her up and bless her. She is worthy of such honor.
shows us the way:
Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
Praise her inner beauty. Praise her devotion to Christ. Praise her for her work and care. Men, show honor to your wives. No one is living as an exile in this world like our wives. Daily they fight the battle against the world to find their identity as child of God. The onslaught against their calling to be beautiful internally and fulfill their role of submission is incessant. Godly women will not get honor from the world. They must get honor from humble husbands.
Men, we do this for our wives, which our passage says are “weaker vessels.” What does this mean? I believe that Peter is thinking very specifically here, not as though women are - in all ways and at all times - weaker than men. He is not saying that women are weaker emotionally, spiritually, or intellectually. Instead he is thinking specifically about physical strength, in which case women are generally weaker than men. Of course, we know there are women who are stronger than men but generally speaking women are physically weaker than men.
*Which, as a side note, should also tell us about the evil of abuse against women. A pathetic abuse of authority and strength.
But this physical weakness also means that a wife’s submission is voluntary. A wife may be smarter and more gifted than her husband, but she must still submit to his leadership. And men, we should show honor to them as they submit to our humble leadership.
But women are not only called “weaker vessels” in this passage, but says we show honor to them since they are “heirs with you of the grace of life.” Against the accusation of this passage being demeaning to women, Peter says something radical about them to an audience that would’ve been shocked to hear it. You know that inheritances were passed down through men during this time. But here, Peter says that women of God are co-heirs of the grace of life. They are included in the royal priesthood and chosen race. Men, you should lead them humbly because they are children of God.
And then finally, we lead so that our prayers will not be hindered. Did you see that at the end of verse 7?
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
To be hindered means to be blocked, to be ineffective. God is so concerned that husbands live with their wives in an understanding and humble way, that he interrupts his relationship with us when we are not doing so. Men, do not think that any spiritual good will come out of your neglect and demeaning of your wife.
Do you feel distant from God, men? Could it be that you have neglected your wife? Are you living selfishly with her? God may be disciplining you right now so that you will repent and your relationship with him and your wife will be restored.
So this is what marriage in exile is supposed to look like. It is supposed to display beautify submission and humility in relationship. In short, you know, it is supposed to display the Gospel. Men, aren’t you thankful that God is not an evil taskmaster but one who has bestowed honor on all of his people, sinful as they are, because of the grace that he has shown to them? Wives, are you glad that you have a Savior that, though superior to every created thing, humbled himself and served his church by laying down his life for them?
We serve a God that has given honor where it was not deserved and served when he should have rejected us. And he has given us grace so that despite our neglect of care and submission, God offers forgiveness and hope to ground our marriages today and forever.