An Excellent Wife (31:10-31)

Aaron Sturgill

Proverbs • Sermon • Submitted 6 years ago

Proverbs 31:10–31

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Introduction

King Lemuel’s mother, the author. As we consider chapter 31 of Proverbs, we immediately come to understand that this chapter is written by King Lemuel but, at least the first 9 verses are an oracle of his mother. Therefore, as an interesting side note, this then is one passage of Scripture that we can confidently say is ascribed to a woman.

Acrostic. As we read from verse 10 to the end of the chapter, a mosaic of the excellent wife is formed for us. This is done in a beautifully poetic manner in that each the poem is an acrostic. Each verse, starting with verse 10, starts with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet. In keeping with the spirit of the original poet, we are going to consider the different characteristics of this woman by using an acrostic as well. To do so, we will go out of order just a little bit and even need to get a little creative with our wording.

Acrostic. As we read from verse 10 to the end of the chapter, a mosiac of the excellent wife is formed for us. This is done in a beautifully poetic manner in that each the poem is an acrostic. Each verse, starting with verse 10, starts with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet. In keeping with the spirit of the original poet, we are going to consider the different characteristics of this woman by using an acrostic as well. To do so, we will go out of order just a little bit and even need to get a little creative with our wording.

Primary recipient. Before we start let’s consider the primary recipient. Some may think that these attributes are offered for a woman to consider and aspire. While there may be great advantage in a woman doing just that, it appears more likely that this passage is intended to be an outline for a young man to use as he considers who to marry. “Although the object of praise is the virtuous woman, the original audience of the piece was again the young man. The opening question in 31:10 implies that the reader ought to find such a wife for himself.” [1] “In short, the original intended audience was not young women (“this is what kind of wife you should be”) but young men (“this is what kind of wife you should get”).”[2]

An Excellent Wife (31:10a)

“An excellent wife, who can find?” (). Sadly some have taken a rather pessimistic view of this view and conclude that the question is rhetorical and demands the answer of, “No one! No one can find an excellent wife.” It is true that there are questions such as this that imply a “no” as the answer. For instance, consider .

Who has ascended to heaven and come down? Who has gathered the wind in his fists? Who has wrapped up the waters in a garment? Who has established all the ends of the earth? What is his name, and what is his son’s name? Surely you know! ( ESV).

Similarly, there is a verse asking a similar question of a trustworthy man. “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?” ( ESV). The implied answer seems to be that no one can find a faithful man.

And yet it cannot be the point of the author that no one will ever find an excellent wife, therefore concluding that we must resign ourselves to whatever we can best find. He’s not intending to crush the hopes of young or older men looking for an excellent wife. But by using hyperbole, he does establish a few points. (1) An excellent wife may not be easy to come by. (2) It will take some diligent work to find one. (3) It will as well take hard work to become the excellent woman spoken of here, but it is possible. (4) When you find one, you realize you have truly been blessed.

Beyond Price (31:10b)

“She is far more precious than jewels” (). Let’s first acknowledge the culture in which this verse would have been written. There was a cost associated with a bride. (1) There was the “bride price” that the soon to be husband would pay for his bride, and (2) there was a dowry that would come with the bride.

The wealthier the bride’s family, the larger the dowry. The “higher quality” the bride the higher the bride price. On the other hand, a slave would have had no bride price. An older widow would have had a bride price of 5 shekels whereas a young virgin would have had a bride price of ten shekels. The dowry was as well less for a slave and more for a young virgin. Yet, is the actual expense of the woman what is being spoken of in this verse?

Well maybe, just a little. The point is that an excellent wife is of far more value than any price that might be connected to her. Her value goes well beyond any income or dowry that she might bring. Her immense value is in her worth as a person and spouse.

The young virgin of a rich man may produce precious jewels, but if she isn’t an excellent woman, then she would be better left alone. On the other hand, a poor servant girl who offers nothing to her future husband is worth everything if she is an excellent woman. An excellent woman is worth far beyond some precious jewel.

Cares well for her husband (31:12)

“She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” ( ESV). We’ll look at verse 11 in just a moment (trying to be alphabetical was challenging at this point 😊 ), but this statement flows from the idea in verse 11 that her husband implicitly trusts her. As a result, her husband’s trust in her is recompensed well. She doesn’t take advantage of his trust, but instead brings great benefit to the home due to the freedom and trust extended to her.

In contrast a woman can as well treat her husband poorly and make life miserable. “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” ( ESV; Cf. 25:24). “It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman” ( ESV).

Dependable (31:11)

Now back to verse 11. “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain” ( ESV). Because of his trust in her, he will have much gain. This gain speaks of what comes because of her work, not his. (1) From the woman’s perspective, because she is trustworthy, she reaped a great gain. Therefore, woman be trustworthy. (2) From the husbands’ perspective, his trust in her is liberating. He does not oppress her with a lack of trust. Therefore, husbands, release your wives by trusting them.

Enhances Her Husband (31:23)

“Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land” ( ESV). Her husband is well known in the gates. The reason that he is often in the gates is not that he’s regularly brought before the elders, but because he sits among the elders. He is well known for his character and counsel. Yet, the focus in these verses is not on the man, so what about this verse points to the excellent wife? Roughly put, she makes her husband look good. It’s not that he looks bad without her, but her virtue and achievement have positively impacted other’s view of him. This concept is mentioned earlier in Proverbs. “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones” ( ESV).

Both the verse before and after this statement discuss how this excellent wife makes fine linen clothes and bed coverings. Some have argued that it is these fine clothes that have made him look good. That may be true, but I would be hard pressed to think that is the intent of the passage. Two verses later we are told that “strength and dignity are her clothing” (). She is so well respected that people’s opinion of her husband is enhanced.

Focused on Future Challenges (31:21)

“She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet” ( ESV). Why is it that she is not afraid of snow? She is not afraid because she has planned ahead for potential challenges. This goes much further than the periodic snow falls in Israel. Instead, she is aware of potential dangers and challenges and she purposefully plans for them.

Clothed in scarlet. This verse informs us that her way of preparing for these challenges is that she prepares proper clothing for her family. The clothes, we are told, are the color of scarlet. This does not refer to a particular material, but instead to the expensive and exquisite nature of the material she chooses. When she prepares for the future she does so with the best quality resources available.

And let me add at this point a caveat. An excellent wife doesn’t have to be a wealthy wife. The importance in this last statement is that she prepares for the future with the best that is available to her. For us that may mean buying our children the best clothes or shoes available at Savers or Good Will with the money that we have available. Simply put, this woman is preparing for her family’s future to the best of her ability.

Gracious (31:19-20)

“She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy” ( ESV). She’s extremely busy but still finds time to serve the poor. The end of verse 18 tells us that “her lamp does not go out at night.” And, the reason for this is because she is constantly working. Even in the midst of this busy schedule and her life of industry, she stops long enough to serve other people – in this context, specifically the poor. Her hands that were characterized by strength and industry are now characterized by compassion and sympathy. Her humble and constant work throughout the day and night suck strength from her, and yet she graciously extends herself to the poor without begrudging them.

Hearty (31:17, 25)

“She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong” ( ESV). “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come” ( ESV). Here we have the picture of a hearty woman. I doubt that most women would want to be described that way, but I mean to communicate, by hearty, an attribute of fortitude – strong, and healthy, both physically and emotionally. I doubt that the descriptor, “dressed with strength” and “her arms are strong” imply that she’s working out regularly. But while it clearly refers to more than physical strength, it seems to definitely include it.

Both phrases have military connotations. The word translated dresses in the ESV is translated girds herself in other translation. Girding oneself would be to tuck in one’s tunic in preparation for battle. There is an expectation of strenuous work. She as well makes her arms strong. She is prepared for the physical exertion needed for the work that will be done.

Somewhat crassly put, she’s a force to be reckoned with. She can take care of herself physically and emotionally.

Industrious (31:13-24)

She works diligently. In the same way that merchant ships go far and wide to purchase and bring the right products home (v. 14), this industrious woman does the necessary work to obtain the resources she needs to do her job.

She works often. She rises while it is still night (v. 15) and her lamp does not go out at night (vs. 18).

She provides for others. She gives food to her family and servants. The word translated as food in verse 15 is most often translated as prey. This, along with the fact that she is said to “bring her food from afar” the immediate verse before, paints for us a picture of a tenacious woman who does what is necessary to provide for her family.

She works independently. All the business dealings in verse 16 are independent of her husband. She is competent and works successfully without the aid of others.

She works with awareness. She senses that her gain is good (v. 18). She does not work mindlessly. Her work is accompanied with awareness to the profit and worth of what she is doing.

She works humbly. The work of spinning (v. 19) was a time-consuming chore that was most often handed off to servants. This industrious woman finds no job below her.

She doesn’t overlook herself in her work. Not only does she take care of her husband, her children and her servants, but as well takes care of herself (v. 22). Her busy schedule, her industrious evenings and mornings, and her gracious giving do not keep her from caring for herself. Her focus is on others, but not to the neglect of herself.

Joyful (31:13b)

“She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands” ( ESV). The NAS translates this as “works with her hands in delight.” This contrasts with the sluggard whose “hands refuse to work” (). Recall the sluggard who can’t even seem to get his hand from the bowl to his mouth because it is simply too much effort. This excellent wife is not only willing to do challenging work but finds joy in the midst of it.

Kind and Wise Speech (31:26)

“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” ( ESV). While this verse probably refers to speech beyond that with her children, the emphasis of the passage is likely that of teaching her children in the home. In the same way that she showed grace and kindness to the poor, she teaches her children to do the same. She as well teaches her children the way of the wise.

Laziness unwelcomed (31:27)

“She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness” ( ESV). This verse is a very brief counterpoint to the lengthy section outlining her diligence. Moments ago, we just described her as industrious. She was diligent, independent, concerned with the needs of others, humble, and aware. Simply put, she’s not lazy.

Many praise her (31:28-31)

“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates” ( ESV). Her family gratefully acknowledges her hard work and all the benefits they receive having her as a mother and wife. As far as they are concerned, she is the greatest wife and mother in the world.

Conclusion

First, this is the type of person that any young man (or older) ought to be looking for in a spouse. Granted, a young man needs to be realistic, and not assume that he’s going to be able to find a wife that meets all these criteria. It is wise for them to pursue someone who exhibits these types of characteristics and maybe even more so the inclination towards these characteristics.

In addition, they should strive to be the kind of man that a woman like that would be wise to marry.

Secondly, for women who look at this list and feel inadequate, find hope. There may be wives that feel like they’ve never really matched up or girls who see this type of list as impossible and potentially harmful in that it seems unrealistic. Some may even feel it a bit misogynistic with its’ sole focus being on this ideal woman. How about the men out there? Shouldn’t women be looking for the ideal man as well. Absolutely, it’s just that those principles aren’t found in this passage. Remember, that the models and expectations God has for his people are always lofty. After all, he does call us to be like Christ. Of course, none of us meet up to that expectation – but it is an expectation of which we are constantly aspiring.

Consider, have any of us ever matched up to what we were supposed to be? And gloriously when we don’t meet up with the expectations of what we are supposed to be, God extends both his arm of forgiveness and grace as well as his arm of strength to grow.

[1] David S. Dockery et al., Holman Bible Handbook (Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers, 1992), 358–359.

[2] Duane A. Garrett, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, vol. 14, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1993), 248.

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