Person of Connection in World of Isolation 06
Becoming a Person of Connection in a World of Isolation
| PRINTED |
Restoring the Savour of Our Salt Series # 6
In the year 1880 a struggling Irish businessman/miner bought a silver mine in Montana called the Anaconda Silver Mine. When he bought that mine, the entire mining community in Montana made fun of him and ridiculed him, because the silver had been mined out of it. But Markus Daley bought the mine and within one year, he discovered the world’s largest vein of copper in his mine. It was right at the beginning of electric lights and a huge need for copper for wiring. And he had this huge vein of copper, and Markus Daley became an overnight millionaire. He amassed a huge amount of money, because of the Anaconda Copper Mine.
When he got this money, Markus Daley moved to Hamilton, Montana, built a huge southern-style mansion, bought 28,000 acres of land in that valley, bought 1,200 race horses that he began to train on his property, and began to live the life of a wealthy southern gentleman. At the age of 59 in the year 1900, he died. He left all of his wealth to his wife and four children. His wife and four children and their families lived on this estate. And his children had children, and they raised them on this estate. One of Markus Daley’s grandsons was a young boy who grew up virtually alone. This child was incredibly pampered. He had anything he could desire. He was protected from any kind of harm or trouble. He was treated like royalty. He was waited on hand and foot by a personal nanny. He was told that he was very important and that he was an extremely wonderful person, and he grew up essentially alone. He was never allowed to play with any of the children of Hamilton, Montana, where he lived.
This boy grew up alone and as a result of growing up alone, he was extremely immature. He was socially inept. He was insufferably arrogant. Anybody who knew him couldn’t stand him. In fact, he died in his mid-thirties in a car accident, and he was so arrogant and so unliked that it is said the people of the valley actually rejoiced at his death. Markus Daley’s grandson grew up alone.
We are in a situation in America where we are very close to growing up alone. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say, that we are not growing up because we are so often alone. Not growing up because of living so much of life in isolation.
I think the American culture has become a hotbed for isolation. I want to begin today by thinking about six basic ways in which the American culture is working very hard to keep us away from one another. Working very hard to keep us alone, to be sure that we are not interacting with one another, to be sure that we are not helping one another, and knocking the rough edges off of each other. Six ways the American culture is working very hard to isolate us from one another.
We are kept apart, number one, by our own busyness, and by unreasonable schedules. America has an epidemic of busyness. We are people who are terrified of quiet. We are terrified of rest. We are terrified of taking a little break to talk to one another. Who knows what I might think, if I had time to think! Who knows what might happen if I find time to relate to someone. We are people who are kept apart and who are avoiding relationships by incredible epidemic busyness.
Number two, we are kept apart from each other in America by electronic isolation. We have personal televisions now. Sociologists used to lament that families were sitting on the couch watching TV, but not interacting with each other. Now they lament that we’re not even watching the same TV! Mom and Dad have one, and children have them in their rooms. If you have ever tried to talk to a child wearing a headset, you understand that they are not there! They are in some other world. We are kept apart by electronic isolation.
Number three. We are kept apart by dysfunctional parenting, which makes us relationally inept. There are so many dysfunctional, struggling homes in America raising children who do not know how to relate to anyone. Raising children who don’t know how to relate to their parents, who don’t know how to get along with siblings, raising children who wouldn’t have a clue how to get along with a spouse, who wouldn’t have a clue how to parent a child.
Number four, we are kept apart by age-graded recreation. We are people who are starting to recreate, not as a family, but in age groups. Children don’t gamble and parents don’t skateboard. You can go to a lot of places in America where you get there with your family, and they proceed to divide you up into the your differing age-graded recreation activities.
Number five. We are kept apart, we are isolated by remarkable physical conveniences. We have garage door openers. I don’t even need to get out of my car and wave to my neighbor. I just push the button and it opens. I go in, push it down, and the door closes. We are kept apart by these physical conveniences like telephones. We can order anything we want. We have internet connections. We get more information on our computer screen than the state of Idaho public library has in its whole collection. We have a lot of conveniences that help us stay away from one another.
And finally, number six, in America we have a huge social trend that’s been going on for over 20 years. The sociologists call it privatization. And privatization simply means we are becoming more and more private people. We more and more want to be left alone. We are more and more threatened if someone comes to our door. We are more and more living in our homes like fortresses.
One man tells the story of driving home and saw that one of his neighbors about a mile away, had parked his pickup truck on the side of his house and left the lights on. He thought, if I don’t stop and let him know, his battery will be dead in the morning. So this man stopped, went up to the front door, knocked on the door. The man comes to the door in a hostile mood. “What do YOU WANT!? How dare you come on to my porch. How dare you knock on the door of my fortress!”
We are more and more living in privatization, wanting more and more to be alone. We are a culture of isolation. God never intended us to live that way, and especially of believers, He never intended us to be isolated from one another.
In fact, it’s 180 degrees out of sync with what God was intending when He invented us and when He invented relationships. He intends for us to be connected with one another.
I’d like to encourage you as we continue in a series of messages on Restoring the Savour of Our Salt—how we are to live and confront the culture that surrounds us. I want to ask you today to think about this issue of being a person of connection in a culture of isolation.
First of all, the definition of quality relationships, and for that we want to look to Proverbs 3:3-4. Then we’ll look at three major things that only happen in our lives if we are in quality relationships—three very positive, significant and eternal things.
First of all, let’s define a quality relationship as God defines it in Proverbs 3:3-4.
Principle # 1. Proverbs 3:3-4. Quality relationships require a deep commitment to both grace and truth. Let me read this passage. Please follow if you will in Proverbs 3.
“Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: 4 So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.”
Two very simple, very basic things in every relationship. Number one, he is saying to us, we need to be people whose relationships are characterized by grace. And grace is very simply a spirit of kindness. It is a demeanor of forgiveness. It is an air of graciousness in all of our relationships. Or to put it in the vernacular, it is a habit of cutting each other some slack.
Some of the relationships we are involved in may have a spirit of demandingness to them, a spirit of disgust, a spirit of intolerance, a spirit of strictness. Does every day in your home feel like another day in boot camp? If so, something is wrong there! There has to be the atmosphere where you are cutting each other some slack.
God is calling for us to be people who are gracious with one another. And the application is very clearly, do I have someone in my life who needs me to simply extend to them some grace? A spouse, a child, a friend, a neighbor, a co-worker—who need me to simply say, I am going cut them some slack. I am going to extend to them grace.
A pastor was once on a trip and stayed in the home of a family that had once been in the church he served. The family had moved away. He was staying in their home for several days, and during the course of his stay the family kept talking about their former place that they lived as an absolute backwater, ridiculous place to live. They kept saying, we are so glad to be away from there! We are so glad to be away from the atmosphere there. This went on for days. And the pastor was thinking, after a couple of days of this, you know, folks, I’m sure you are glad to be away from there, but I still live there! They were just dumping on the place for several days. And the more this pastor heard it and the more he heard it, the angrier he got, the more upset he got. He was becoming extremely indignant about it. Then it occurred to him, you know, I just need to cut them some slack. They can have their own opinion. I just need to forgive them. And he did that. It was a huge relief to him. It was a huge blessing to them and they didn’t even know about it! They didn’t even know that he extended grace to them.
God is calling us in our relationships to extend grace and kindness to one another.
The second issue in this passage is extending truth to one another, which very simply means, tell each other what’s true and do it graciously. It means I resist the temptation to lie. I resist the temptation to tell part of the truth. I resist the temptation to hide things, exaggerate things, to be deceptive in speech. I resist the temptation to make myself look better by what they don’t know. I tell them the truth whenever I’ve involved with them.
Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” And then Ephesians 4:15, “But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.”
Speaking the truth in love.
One of the most powerful relationship tools we have is simply telling people what is true. Perhaps you have a situation in your life where you need to say, I need to resolve to be truthful. Maybe you haven’t been very truthful with this person. Maybe you’ve been struggling. Maybe you’ve been deceptive. Maybe you’ve told them part of the story.
Be gracious, be truthful.
One of the most remarkable parts about these verses is the two things that are promised to us if we do those things. It says, number one, when I am gracious and truthful, I have favor (and the word literally says, success) in my relationship with God. If I am gracious and truthful, I have favor with God and I am successful with Him. And then secondly, it says if I am gracious and truthful, I have favor and success in my relationships with other people.
I thrive spiritually and I thrive socially. I thrive spiritually and I thrive relationally when I am committed to grace and truth. And the obvious application is, Am I a person who is gracious? And am I a person of truth?
If you have any relationship that is struggling, if you have any relationship that is in the ditch or off an even keel, I think that the very first place to go is back to these two simple questions: Have I been gracious? Have I been truthful?
It is the key issue in our relation to one another.
God is calling us to be involved in relationships that are gracious and truthful. And He says, when you do there are three important things that happen. I want to look at three major, eternal, very important things in our lives that only happen when I am in an ongoing grace and truth relationship.
The first thing, principle number two, believers thrive emotionally when they are living in grace and truth relationships.
If I want to experience emotional health and emotional growth and emotional maturity, I need these relationships.
I’d like to think for just a minute about the life of this man named John Mark. You may or may not be familiar with him. He is mentioned a number of times in the book of Acts and the other epistles.
He was a young Christian man who was living in Jerusalem. His mother’s name was Mary. She was a very wealthy person. And John Mark had a cousin whose name was Barnabas. John Mark started out his Christian life in a sort of a negative and discouraging way.
This is the man, by the way, who will eventually go on to write the book of Mark, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Here is Mark’s story in a nutshell, and how he was able to thrive emotionally because of a grace and truth relationship from his cousin Barnabas.
John Mark was invited by Paul to go on the first missionary journey. If you have read the story, you know that he goes with them across the Mediterranean Sea, and as soon as they hit the coast of Asia Minor, for some reason, John Mark goes back home. The Bible never says why he went home, but for whatever reason, he got one-fourth of the way into this journey, and he went home. And when he went on, that angered Paul very greatly. Paul thought it was a bad decision. Paul thought it was immature, or sinful, or whatever he thought about it. But Paul was very upset with John Mark for going home.
So they come around to go on the second missionary journey, and John Mark wants to go and Paul refuses to take him. And Barnabas wants John Mark to go, and Paul refuses to take him. In fact, there is a big disagreement, a big struggle in the Christian faith, because Paul is not about to take him. And so, Paul refuses to take him and Paul leaves by himself. And here is John Mark, left behind, feeling like a failure, feeling like a nobody, feeling like he blew his one chance to have some impact in the Christian faith. And he is left, I suspect, in an emotional basket, because he has been rejected. He thinks perhaps thinks in his own mind, maybe it is my fault. Maybe I did make a mistake.
As he is left behind in this emotional basket situation, his cousin Barnabas comes beside him, finds him in this emotional despair and personal rejection, and befriends him, builds him up, takes him on a missionary journey with him. They go to Cypress. He encourages him and rebuilds John Mark’s life, after this struggle, after this emotional setback.
I am convinced that a huge part of the life and ministry and personal maturity, the ministry of faithfulness of John Mark is the result of a grace and truth relationship from his cousin. His cousin came next to him when he was struggling, and helped him go on and encouraged him.
In fact, it’s very interesting, because twelve years later, twelve years after Paul rejected John Mark for this missionary trip, Paul is again traveling and working with Mark. In fact, Paul realizes that he is a very worthwhile individual. 2 Timothy 4:11. Paul is writing to Timothy and he says, “Only Luke is with me. Take Mark, and bring him with thee: for he is profitable to me for the ministry.” This is just right before Paul’s death. Paul is in prison, his second imprisonment, he is just about to die. He writes Timothy and says, “Only Luke is with me. Take Mark, and bring him with thee: for he is profitable to me for the ministry.”
I am convinced that this man was able to thrive emotionally because a cousin came beside him and picked him up.
Let me ask you to think about two very simple applications here. Number one, if you are not growing emotionally, if you are not experiencing emotional stability and emotional maturity, one of the first places to look, one of the first things to check, is the quality, the continuity, and the depth of your Christian relationships. Just simply ask yourself, Am I in grace and truth relationships with other believers?
Second application to think about, is to ask yourself the question, do I know a John Mark who is struggling and who needs me to come beside that person with a grace and truth relationship? Do I know a person who has failed, who has been rejected, who is in some way struggling and needs me to come beside them and extend to them the encouragement of a grace and truth relationship?
I am convinced that some of the most powerful leaders in the history of the Christian faith are people who started the way John Mark started. Who had some huge struggle in the beginning, but somebody came beside them and helped them. And not only do they have the upbuilding of the relationship, but they had the knowledge that they themselves were very vulnerable. God instilled in their lives very early on a real humility that said, I am a person who needs to depend on the Lord, and I’ve already experienced failure. And God uses those people in powerful ways.
The next principle I want to think about in terms of grace and truth relationships, they not only enable us to thrive emotionally, but principle number three, believers also mature spiritually when they are living in grace and truth relationships.
Not only thrive emotionally, but also mature spiritually when they are in grace and truth relationships.
I want to think briefly about the life of Timothy. Let’s read the very first time Timothy is introduced in Acts chapter 16, verses 1-3. “Then came he to Derbe and Lystra: and, behold, a certain disciple was there, named Timotheus, the son of a certain woman, which was a Jewess, and believed; but his father was a Greek: 2 Which was well reported of by the brethren that were at Lystra and Iconium. 3 Him would Paul have to go forth with him; and took and circumcised him because of the Jews which were in those quarters: for they knew all that his father was a Greek.”
There is a lot to say about Timothy’s life, but the main point I want to think about today is that Timothy experienced tremendous spiritual growth, he gained terrific spiritual maturity partly because of the people who invested in him.
If you read the epistles, here are the people who invested in Timothy. Number one, his grandmother. Paul specifically says that Timothy’s grandmother was a believer who invested in him in a grand way. Number two, his mother invested in him in a significant way. Number three, the believers in the church of Lystra where he grew up invested in him. And number four the apostle Paul invested in him as they traveled together a number of times for many, many years. Number five, the people who were traveling with Paul and with Timothy invested in Timothy. And number six, the people in the church in Ephesus where Timothy served as a pastor invested in him.
Here is a person who is relationally connected and who experienced significant spiritual growth, partly because of the people who were investing in him.
I’d like you to think about two applications. Number one, if you are not growing spiritually, and deepening your love for God, one of the first places to check is the depth and the continuity and the quality of your Christian relationships. We grow spiritually when we are connected to other believers.
Proverbs 27:17, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”
We are spiritually refined in these kinds of relationships.
The second application to think about is this: if you are a single parent or if you are married to a non-Christian, I think one of the applications from Timothy’s life is that you need not despair about raising your children. Timothy was raised in a home where his mother was a believer and his father apparently was not. But Timothy was raised in a way that honored God and encouraged his own life. Timothy made it and your children can too! The basic issue is, parent them well, pray for them faithfully, ask God to give them a mentor. Timothy made it; your children can make it.
Believers mature spiritually when they are in grace and truth relationships.
The third positive thing that happens to us, principle number four, when we are involved in grace and truth relationships, believers succeed in ministry when they are living in grace and truth relationships.
In other words, when I have good friends in the Christian faith, I do a lot better on my spiritual impact. The apostle Paul, out of the millions of people who have followed the Lord Jesus Christ in the last 2,000 years, is arguably the most powerful minister the Christian faith ever had. There may have been someone who made greater impact for Christ. I don’t know who that would be.
Let me ask you to think about Paul’s resume, and his spiritual impact. I’d like to read from Acts 19, starting at verse 8, and just ask you to think for a little bit about what happened in this ministry that Paul had. Acts chapter 19, verse 8. “And he went into the synagogue, and spake boldly for the space of three months, disputing and persuading the things concerning the kingdom of God. 9 But when divers were hardened, and believed not, but spake evil of that way before the multitude, he departed from them, and separated the disciples, disputing daily in the school of one Tyrannus. 10 And this continued by the space of two years; so that all they which dwelt in Asia heard the word of the Lord Jesus, both Jews and Greeks. 11 And God wrought special miracles by the hands of Paul.”
Verse 10 tells us that because of Paul’s ministry, everyone who lived in Asia Minor, both Jews and Greeks, heard the message. That is incredible!
How would you like to be able to say that because of your ministry, everyone in Georgia heard the message of the Lord Jesus Christ? The apostle Paul had an incredible ministry, a terrific start. He impacted countless people on four different missionary journeys. He impacted a high-ranking government official. He started churches all over the known world. He performed many miracles. He guided the early church in the development of theology. He led people to Christ in Caesar’s household. He was used by the Holy Spirit to write at least 13 of the 27 New Testament books. That’s a good ministry resume!
The remarkable part about Paul is that he had such a remarkable ministry in a short period of time, and he was completely connected with other believers. Paul had unbelievable connection with other believers.
If you look at Paul’s life in Christian art or in the stained glass windows around the world, he probably looks like the Lone Ranger. He probably looks like he did it all himself. If you do a very quick, very unofficial study of Paul’s writings, you can easily find the passages where Paul makes direct reference to his friends and relationships. This does not include dozens of indirect references. These are the passages where he is specifically talking, by name, of the people who were friends of his that he was connected to in the ministry and in the Christian life.
Romans 16:1-23. 1 Corinthians 1:1; 16:10-20; 2 Corinthians 1:1 and 2:12; Galatians 1:1-2; 2:11-21; Philippians 1:1-11; 2:19-30; 4:21-23.
These are where he mentions his friends by name. Colossians 1:1-2; 4:7-18; 1 Thessalonians 1:1; 5:26-27; 2 Thessalonians 1:1; 1 Timothy 1:1-2; 2 Timothy 1:1-2; 1:16-18; 2:14-19; 4:9-22; Titus 1:4; 2:1; 3:12-15; Philemon verses 1-19.
Those are the places in his epistles where he mentions his friends by name. He was a remarkably connected person. He had a huge number of friends. He told his friends what was true. He forgave his friends. He told his friends when he had made mistakes. He wrote letters to his friends. He was a very, very connected believer. He depended on his friends.
We make a more significant ministry impact when we are connected in grace and truth relationships. I do a lot more to impact wherever I am when I am connected with grace and truth believers than I do when I am trying to be the Lone Ranger.
Probably the quickest recipe for getting in trouble in the Christian faith is simply to be a relational Lone Ranger. To not be connected with anyone, to not have anyone that you are relating to.
If you are not making a difference, a spiritual impact for Jesus Christ, one of the first places to check is the continuity, the depth, and the quality of your Christian friendships.
Simply say to yourself, am I in any grace and truth relationships?
I’d like to close the message today by asking you to think about some very simple, practical steps for becoming a more connected and relational Christian. Some very simple, specific things to do for building better friendships in the Christian faith.
Number one, pray specifically for your friends. Go to your friends and say, what do you need me to specifically pray for for this next week. Not just generally, God bless so and so. What do you really need to ask the Father to help you with?
Number two, make yourself accountable to other believers, specifically going to them and saying, I am giving you permission to ask me hard questions. I am giving you permission to be involved in my life, and to ask me hard questions.
Number three, join a ministry involvement. There are plenty of opportunities with others, and that is a means of building relationships is ministering together toward a common goal.
Number four, meet occasionally with someone to talk over your lives and Christian faith. Kind of a check-up.
Number five, invite a family into your home and get to know them.
Number six, write a specific covenant with God in which you say, Lord, I refuse to be a relational Lone Ranger. I refuse to be a one-man band. I am going to be connected with Christian friends in a way that is honoring to you.
There are three very powerful things that happen when we are in grace and truth relationships. We thrive emotionally. We mature spiritually. And we succeed in ministry when we are connected with Godly friends.
I heard a story about a woman who was driving a pretty worn out Honda Civic from Alberta, Canada to White Horse Yukon Territories. It is a long, long way, lots of mountains. It is not the place to take a worn out Honda. This woman got up one morning at 5:00 in the morning because she was going to get an early start, and she got up and realized that she was in a thick, undriveable fog. It was a total soup swirling there. So she went into a local café. She was sitting next to a trucker eating her breakfast, and lamenting to this man that she wasn’t going to be able to drive, at least for several hours until that fog lifted.
Well, this trucker said, listen, I’ve got fog lights on my truck. I’ve driven this many times. I’m leaving in a half hour. You get your car and get right behind me, stay right behind me, just follow those two tail lights. You don’t fall back. And she did. She got behind this trucker and she drove for five hours in a soup. And all she could see was two tail lights. She just kept steering toward the lights. Wherever the lights went, she went. He took her all the way for five hours through that fog.
I think that is what God is talking about in the Christian walk. He is saying, we need connections, we need friends who will help us through the fog. We need to be connected to some believers who will help us keep our lives on the road, help us avoid the ditch, help us grow spiritually, help us mature emotionally, help us make a difference in ministry—just because we are connected with them, and they are helping us through the fog!
—PRAYER—