Grieving A Loss
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Introduction
We are just two weeks away from Easter.
By God’s sovereignty we are looking at his death on the cross next week and his resurrection in John on Easter Sunday.
We’ve been working through the Gospel of John verse by verse and chapter by chapter and we are looking at this morning.
Then they led Jesus from Caiaphas to the governor’s headquarters. It was early morning. They did not enter the headquarters themselves; otherwise they would be defiled and unable to eat the Passover.
So Pilate came out to them and said, “What charge do you bring against this man?”
They answered him, “If this man weren’t a criminal, we wouldn’t have handed him over to you.”
Pilate told them, “You take him and judge him according to your law.”
“It’s not legal for us to put anyone to death,” the Jews declared. They said this so that Jesus’s words might be fulfilled indicating what kind of death he was going to die.
Then Pilate went back into the headquarters, summoned Jesus, and said to him, “Are you the King of the Jews?”
Jesus answered, “Are you asking this on your own, or have others told you about me?”
“I’m not a Jew, am I?” Pilate replied. “Your own nation and the chief priests handed you over to me. What have you done?”
“My kingdom is not of this world,” said Jesus. “If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would fight, so that I wouldn’t be handed over to the Jews. But as it is, my kingdom is not from here.”
“You are a king then?” Pilate asked.
“You say that I’m a king,” Jesus replied. “I was born for this, and I have come into the world for this: to testify to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice.”
“What is truth?” said Pilate.
After he had said this, he went out to the Jews again and told them, “I find no grounds for charging him.
Let’s Pray
John 18:28-
John 18:28
Then they led Jesus from Caiaphas to the governor’s headquarters. It was early morning. They did not enter the headquarters themselves; otherwise they would be defiled and unable to eat the Passover.
People are funny.
The Jews - wanting to kill Jesus - refuse to enter Pilate’s house because they might be unclean and unable to celebrate the Passover meal.
Did you catch that -
They want Jesus to be murdered, executed, hung on a cross - but they don’t want to go inside a house because they might be “unclean” for a festival.
Sometimes we get caught up on our laws.
We can be that way too.
When we look at the sin rather than the sinner.
Oh that person is an alcoholic.
Oh that person is a drug addict.
Oh that person is a homosexual.
Oh that person is a republican.
Oh that person is a democrat.
Oh that person is a North Korean.
Oh that person is homeless.
We don’t see the person - we see the sin.
We don’t see the person - we see the sin.
We don’t see a person made in the image of God wrestling with sin.
We see a sin, a skin color, a nationality, a race.
Do you really think God looks down and sees that sin, or the color of their skin, or their nationality, or their race, or the amount of money in their pocket?
Or does He see one of His own children, made in His image.
We can be like the Jews - we want someone to change their sin, before we will love them or show them the love of Jesus.
Romans 3:23
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Do you think you are a good person?
No your not.
None of us are good.
Not when we are alone with our thoughts.
Not when we are alone with a computer.
Not when we are speeding down the road or running stop signs.
Not one of us is good.
All have turned away;
all alike have become worthless.
There is no one who does what is good,
not even one.
“Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked him. “No one is good except God alone.
We are not good.
We are not good.
I am not good.
I am just like the Jews - they wanted to kill Jesus, but not become unclean by being in the house of a Gentile.
How often we miss the real issue.
So look at verse 29 - The Jews wanted to kill Jesus but wouldn’t even go inside so Pilate had to come out to them.
John 18:29-32
So Pilate came out to them and said, “What charge do you bring against this man?”
They answered him, “If this man weren’t a criminal, we wouldn’t have handed him over to you.”
Pilate told them, “You take him and judge him according to your law.”
“It’s not legal for us to put anyone to death,” the Jews declared. They said this so that Jesus’s words might be fulfilled indicating what kind of death he was going to die.
The Jewish leaders had one mission - kill Jesus
Did you notice that they never did answer Pilates question, “what charge do you bring against this man?”
They didn’t answer it -
They didn’t have an answer - they just wanted Jesus dead.
Pilate - turns it on them and says - “You take him and judge him according to your law.”
Now this is pretty cool gold nugget in scripture.
Even though Jerusalem was occupied by the Romans - the Jews were still allowed to rule under their own set of laws as well.
John 18:33-
John 18:33-36
Then Pilate went back into the headquarters, summoned Jesus, and said to him, “Are you the King of the Jews?”
Jesus answered, “Are you asking this on your own, or have others told you about me?”
“I’m not a Jew, am I?” Pilate replied. “Your own nation and the chief priests handed you over to me. What have you done?”
“My kingdom is not of this world,” said Jesus. “If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would fight, so that I wouldn’t be handed over to the Jews. But as it is, my kingdom is not from here.”
Jesus’ servants would have fought for Jesus had His kingdom been part of this world.
But Jesus’ servants were about to experience a tremendous amount of grief.
They were about to lose their leader.
They were about to lose their Shepherd.
Grief is something we all experience.
We experience it when there is a death, we experience it when there is a loss, we experience it when there is a big life change, like the loss of a job or a layoff.
Elisabeth Kubler Ross came up with the 5 Stages of Grief. - If you are a note taker write these down.
Elisabeth Kubler Ross came up with the 5 Stages of Grief. - If you are a note taker write these down.
He was experiencing grief, the disciples were about to experience grief.
Elisabeth Kubler Ross came up with the 5 Stages of Grief. - If you are a note taker write these down.
5 Stages of Grief
Denial
Bargaining
Anger
Depression
Acceptance
Denial
Denial is when you can’t believe something has happened. I can’t believe she is dead. I can’t believe that I just lost my job.
You use phrases like, “I can’t believe” or “How could this have happened?”
Bargaining
You know you have hit the bargaining stage when you are wrestling with God. What I wouldn’t do for one more day. Or what will it take to get you stay at your job? Or is there another position that might be better for me, don’t lay me off. Or God if you will do this, then I will do that.
Bargaining with God. I’ll quit sinning God if you will just do blank. I remember one time when my grandfather was sick and I told God, “I will quit smoking cigarettes if you will make my grandpa better.” Bargaining.
Anger
When you are just plain mad. Mad at God. Mad at the person. Mad at the situation. Just plain mad. This stage is easily recognizable. When your blood pressure rises, your eyes are throbbing, your hands are clinched, your middle finger is in the air, you are yelling at God. Experiencing anger during the grief process is normal, its natural. All of us experience anger when we are going through the grief process. Hopefully, not to the point that someone loses an ear in the process like Peter. But certainly anger.
Depression
You know you are in the depression stage when the tears come. When the pain is unbearable. When you don’t want to get out of bed. When you just want to cry. Where everything is reminding you of the loss. Where you are just plain sad. Depression is a stage in the grieving process. When you lose someone, it’s okay to cry. When know that Jesus wept when he found out that Lazarus was dead. Jesus wept. Guys, if Jesus can cry, we can too. It’s manly to cry and be depressed when you lose something or someone. It’s okay to cry. It’s a natural process.
Acceptance
Acceptance is not the final step. It’s part of the process. When I was laid off some days it was easy to accept. Other days I couldn’t believe what just happened. The grieving process gets easier as time goes by. When you experience a loss, like the loss of a loved one, it may feel like you will never be okay. But know that eventually you will experience acceptance.
The five stages of grief do not go in order.
You could be depressed, then angry, then in denial, then acceptance, then bargaining with God all in a minute. Maybe you go through the stages in 5 minutes, or change daily. Eventually you will get to the point of acceptance.
But if you get stuck in any stage of grief its good to talk to someone like a pastor or a counselor.
When Jesus died on the cross the disciples lost their leader, and they were going to experience the 5 stages of grief.
Some of us are grieving right now. We have lost one of our members and we are grieving over the death of Richard Rakowski.
All of us will grieve in the future.
But what is important to remember is that it is okay to grieve when we experience a loss like the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, or the loss of a leader.
Experiencing grief is natural.
Let’s turn back to John.
John 18:37-38
John 18:37-
“You are a king then?” Pilate asked.
“You say that I’m a king,” Jesus replied. “I was born for this, and I have come into the world for this: to testify to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice.”
“What is truth?” said Pilate.
After he had said this, he went out to the Jews again and told them, “I find no grounds for charging him.
What is truth?
Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
We live in a world where people believe that truth is subjective.
You can believe what you want to believe and I will believe what I want to believe.
For example, there is a debate being raised about the earth - is it round or is it flat?
The earth can’t be both round and flat - there has to be a truth.
Truth can’t be just what we can see - we can’t see wind, yet we know that wind exists. We can’t see gravity, but we can feel the effects of it.
Truth has to be outside of our five senses.
Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.
No one comes to the Father, except through him.
Jesus came to earth for this reason, so that we could have life eternal.
Jesus died on the cross, dying a death we deserved, pouring his blood out as a sacrifice for our sins.
Jesus beat death and rose from the grave just three days later.
Next week is Palm Sunday, and then we are at Easter.
Conclusion
Even through our grief, even we are experiencing Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance, even when we experience a tremendous loss, there is one truth.
Jesus loves you so much that He willing went to the cross to die for you.
Paying the price of your sins.
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Jesus paid the price of sin, by dying on the cross.
But he is offering you a free gift of eternal life.
Will you accept His gift today?
Let’s pray.