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How to Avoid Arguments

James  •  Sermon  •  Submitted   •  Presented   •  30:00
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James 4:1–10 NIV84
1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. 4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

THE CAUSE OF ARGUMENTS:

James 4:1 NIV84
1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?

THREE DESIRES THAT CAUSE ARGUMENTS

1. THE DESIRE TO HAVE.

James 4:2 The Living Bible
2 You want what you don’t have, so you kill to get it. You long for what others have, and can’t afford it, so you start a fight to take it away from them. And yet the reason you don’t have what you want is that you don’t ask God for it.

2. THE DESIRE TO FEEL.

James 4:3 The Living Bible
3 And even when you do ask you don’t get it because your whole aim is wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.

3. THE DESIRE TO BE

Proverbs 13:10 The Living Bible
10 Pride leads to arguments; be humble, take advice, and become wise.

TWO REASONS OUR DESIRES ARE NOT FULFILLED

1. WE DON’T ASK

James 4:2–3 The Living Bible
2 You want what you don’t have, so you kill to get it. You long for what others have, and can’t afford it, so you start a fight to take it away from them. And yet the reason you don’t have what you want is that you don’t ask God for it. 3 And even when you do ask you don’t get it because your whole aim is wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.

2. WE ASK WITH THE WRONG MOTIVES

3. WE FALL INTO CONFLICT WITH GOD

James 4:6 NLT
6 And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

THE CURE FOR ARGUMENTS

THE CURE FOR ARGUMENTS IS HUMILITY.

James 4:6 NLT
6 And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
James 4:10 NLT
10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.

SIMPLE STEPS TO DEFUSE CONFLICT

1. GIVE IN TO GOD

James 4:7 NIV84
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Colossians 3:15 NIV84
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

2. GET WISE TO SATAN.

James 4:7 NIV84
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
2 Corinthians 2:11 NLT
11 so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes.

3. GROW CLOSER TO GOD

James 4:8 NLT
8 Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.
Isaiah 26:3 NLT
3 You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

4. BE WILLING TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS.

James 4:8 NLT
8 Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.
James 4:9 The Living Bible
9 Let there be tears for the wrong things you have done. Let there be sorrow and sincere grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy.
Philippians 2:3–5 NLT
3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. 5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
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