Relationships that Matter: Marriage

There is perhaps no other relationship one can have this side of heaven as important and as risky as a marriage relationship. In any marriage, you learn things about the other person so personal, so revealing, that if total acceptance of the other person is not foundational, it can be a scary, even debilitating, relationship in which to live.

My Marriage

There have been things that Lisa and I have shared with one another in the course of our marriage that, if revealed by the other about us, would seriously threaten our trust in one another. She knows things about me that I would prefer others not know and there are things about her that she would not want me to reveal about her.

(ESV)

“21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

30 because we are members of his body.

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Prayer

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.* 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”* 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Tyndale House Publishers. (2013). Holy Bible: New Living Translation (). Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.

Prayer

Your marriage represents the relationship Jesus has with the church.

How you treat one another shows the world that this is how Jesus treats the church.

Your marriage is a testimony to the world.

It’s on display everyday of our married lives.

QUESTION: Does your marriage reflect the love of Jesus?

QUESTION: How does Jesus nourish and cherish the body of Christ/the church?

1. Jesus nourishes and cherishes the church by taking the leadership role seriously.

Christ takes the headship seriously.

He knows that what He does and how He treats the church (His body) has a direct impact on the health of the relationship.

He ensures that the church is taken care of.

He came to instruct and to encourage His people to follow His ways and not turn to the left or right, but to follow the narrow path ( narrow gate that leads to life)

Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount () taught the church about being an example to the world (salt and light); anger, lust, divorce, loving your enemies, giving to others, the blessings of prayer and fasting, what really matters in life (not possessions), anxiety, judging others, seeking the Father’s will, and building your lives on what matters, to name a few.

Jesus wanted people to know the truth-He would later say, that it is truth that sets us free ().

2. Jesus nourishes and cherishes the church by being its Savior

Jesus is the Savior of the church

“. . . if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is a gift from God . . .”

“There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Church, you are highly valued by God Himself in all three persons (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit)

3. Jesus nourishes and cherishes the church by loving her and sacrificing His life for her

The death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus had nothing to do whatsoever with pleasing Himself

The entire operation was conducted with you, the church, in mind

The pain, the suffering, the emptiness of feeling alone in the world, that led Jesus to ask, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (), was the sacrifice given for you!

YOU are the end game!

4. Jesus nourishes and cherishes the church through His Word

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”

“In Him was life...”

“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life.”

Jesus prayed for the church and said these words in “Sanctify them in your truth; your Word is truth.”

And continuing, Jesus prayed in , “And for their sake I consecrate myself, that they may also be sanctified in truth.”

So, what does any of this have to do with marriage?

1. The husband is to take his leadership role seriously.

He is to lead his marriage, and should his wife have his children, lead his family, in a way that represents and honors God.

Remember, Paul paralleled Jesus’s leadership of the church with that of the husband’s leadership of his wife and family.

Under no circumstances, is he to leave or abandon his wife or his family

If he does, he dishonors God’s design for marriage and his marriage no longer represents Christ’s love for the church to the world.

Husbands, some of us don’t take our leadership role very seriously

We let our wife lead, even though it is our God-given role to fill

2. The husband is to love his wife

In other words, husbands are to care for her needs as much, if not more, than his own needs

He is to love her even when she does not love or respect him

He is to show her the love of Jesus regardless of her responses to him

He is not free to do unto her as she has done unto him—this is not an “even-Steven game”

He sets the example for her to follow and makes it easier for her to understand the love of the Father, His unending grace and mercy, all in an effort to draw her closer to the Savior so that she may be spotless and without blemish as she lives her life and in preparation for the Lord’s return

3. The husband is to live a sacrificial life before his wife/family.

The husband is not to put his needs or wants ahead of his wife/family.

He is not allowed to put everyone else’s needs on the back-burner and care only for his own welfare.

He is not to abuse his power as head of the household, but must set the example that his wife/family will want to follow.

He is to live in such a way that his wife/family can parallel the sacrificial life that Jesus made for them because of what they see in the husband’s/father’s life.

Husbands, this will not always be an easy road, but it is THEE only road for YOU to follow IF you want to be an example of Jesus to your wife/family.

To be sure, she and your children will buck against you, but you must not cave.

You must not be brutal in your response to your wife/family, but must, like Jesus, respond in love as recorded in “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

4. The husband is to nourish and cherish his wife/family by sharing the Word of God with them.

He is not to beat them about the head and shoulders with passages that highlight their sin/wrongdoings, but in love and tenderness, he is to share the Word of God with his wife/family in such a way that she/they are drawn back to God’s ways.

He must realize that he is a partner with her/them in fulfilling the role of sharing Jesus with the world.

5. The wife, as we turn our attention to her part, is to submit to her husband’s leadership

She is not to usurp his authority, but is to show the world, through her relationship with her husband, that God’s order is one to be honored.

She is to willingly follow the leadership of her husband without a rebellious spirit

This flies in the face of our world system and its views, as does many other areas of life, but sets apart Jesus as Lord of her life and sets the example of a Godly wife and provides testimony to the world.

6. The wife is to respect her husband.

She will not always agree with the decisions that her husband makes in regards to direction they are to go in life, how money is to be spent, et al, but is to respect her husband regardless of whether or not she agrees with his decisions.

A wise wife will make recommendations should she disagree with her husband’s ideas/plans, but once the decision is made, supports him.

She does not speak against him in public as does the world their husbands, but supports her husband as is fitting in representing Jesus to the world by what and how she speaks of her husband.

Our Response

No doubt, every marriage in this building has struggled with at least one of the areas mentioned in this message.

No one is without sin.

No one has had the perfect marriage and never made any mistakes.

The question isn’t identifying where we blew it, but what are we going to do about it.

Church, this is your chance to respond as the Holy Spirit’s pointed out things in your marriage.

If you would like prayer for your marriage, please come.

If you come to me for prayer, I would ask that you pray for me too.

Closing Prayer

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