Sermon Tone Analysis

The Five Love Languages

*Pastor Keith Hassell*

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*Foundation Scripture:**   1 Corinthians 13:4-8*

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*I.

Love is a language:  Do you understand it?

(Read pp.

11-13 in Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages)*

          A.

Love is not a feeling.

Feelings rise and fall.

B.

Love is not romance.

Romantic fires can blaze or smolder.

C.

Love is not physical intimacy.

Without love, all you have is lust.

D.      Love is the most important word in the English language but also the most confusing.

E.      Like human languages, love is a language that we must learn and communicate.

1.

We must learn the love language of our partner.

2.

We must communicate in the love language of our partner.

F.      We all have a PRIMARY and a SECONDARY love language

1.

Primary love language is our natural way of receiving and showing love.

We usually learn this language in our families growing up.

2.       Secondary love language is a learned pattern of expressing love that is not as natural.

G.

No matter how much we may be communicating love in our language to our partner, if they do not speak that language, it means nothing to them.

We will continually be baffled as to why they seem so unhappy.

*II.

We need to keep the “love tank” full*

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A.

Symptoms of an empty tank

                   1.       Misbehavior, withdrawal, harsh words, critical spirit

B.      The *Inlet *to a person’s love tank is their “love language.”

1.

A person’s love language is the primary means through which a person has love communicated to them.

C.

“I’m in love!”

1.       Studies show that the average life span of a romantic obsession is two years (if it is secretive, it may last a little longer).

After a while, we start seeing irritating or annoying personality traits.

We recognize their capacity for anger, harshness, unkindness, etc.

2.       For any marriage to work long-term, both parties must work at filling each other’s love tank every day.

a.       Statistic:  45% of first marriages, 60% of second marriages, and 75% of third marriages end in divorce

                             b.

The primary reason?

“I am no longer in love!”

 

*III.

The Five Love Languages (taken from Gary Smalley’s book “The Five languages of Love)*

*          A.

Language #1:  WORDS OF AFFIRMATION*

                   1.       Verbal compliments, or word of appreciation

2.       They thrive with a person who continually notices what they do right.

3.       They await a partner’s encouraging words to awaken the talents and gifts they may have suppressed.

4.       They best respond to kind and humble words where partners do not make demands but only requests of each other which each is free to fulfill or not to fulfill.

5.

Many times a person can become a workaholic because he or she is simply looking for words of affirmation.

6.

If communication has broken down, then make a list of each other’s best qualities and make a point of complimenting your spouse in one of these areas each week.

7.       Jesus spoke words of affirmation over His disciples such as calling Simon, which means “reed”, Peter, which means “rock.”

*          B.

Language #2:  QUALITY TIME*

1.       Undivided Attention:  Their primary desire is for their spouse’s undivided attention.

They want them to focus on them, spend time with them, or do things with them.

This may mean having a talk without the distraction of the T.V., or going for a quiet walk with no interruptions.

Quality time is time shared that can never again be recaptured.

2.       Togetherness:  Togetherness is a central aspect of quality time.

Talking on the phone while playing a game is not togetherness.

3.       Feelings~/Sympathy Conversation:  They do not want to just talk about the news, weather, etc.

They want to talk about opinions and ideas.

The focus in on what each other is hearing and not just on what each other is saying.

4.       Eye Contact:  Don’t listen and do something else at the same time.

Listen to the feelings that are expressed and not just the content.

Verbalize those feelings back to them.

5.       Body Language:  Let your body show that you are involved in the time of communication.

6.       Don’t interrupt:  The average person goes 17 seconds before interrupting.

Determine not to interrupt.

7.       Don’t Defend:  Make your goal to be understood, not to defend yourself.

8.       Some people are “Dead Seas” while others are “Babbling Brooks.”

a.

Dead Sea people have a lot of experiences flowing into them but never communicate them.

b.

Babbling Brook people release everything that flows into them.

Whatever comes through the ear flows out through the mouth in sixty seconds.

c.

Many times a Dead Sea will marry a Babbling Brook and soon become miserable with each other’s personality.

9.       Ask yourself the following question:  “I feel most loved by my spouse when _______________________.”  Filling in this sentence can bring meaning to quality time.

10.     Jesus would spend time with His twelve and often draw them aside for a season to spend time with them.

*C.

Language #3:  RECEIVING GIFTS*

1.

A gift is a symbol of thought.

The monetary value does not matter.

The gift may be found, bought, or made.

It says, “Look, he or she was thinking of me.”

2.       Make a list of the things that your spouse has been most excited about over the years and don’t wait for a special occasion to give them another one.

3.       If your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts, then you may have to be “delivered” from an inability to spend money.

You may feel that spending money is wasting money.

However, you are blessing yourself if your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts.

4.       The gift of YOURSELF, or your personal presence, at important times speaks more than a physical gift.

5.       Jesus was constantly giving of Himself to the people He ministered to on a daily basis.

He often gave to the poor.

*D.

Language #4:  Acts of Service*

1.       “How do you know if your spouse loves you?”

If the person has a primary love language of acts of service, it would be because:  “He or she cooks the meals, washes the car, takes out the garbage, paints the bedroom, dusts the bookcase, cleans the garage, rakes the leaves, mows the yard, fixes the sink, and changes the cat’s litter box.”