Faithlife Sermons

The Joey Johnson Model For Processing Interpersonal Conflict

Sermon  •  Submitted
0 ratings
· 2 views
Notes & Transcripts
Sermon Tone Analysis
A
D
F
J
S
Emotion
A
C
T
Language
O
C
E
A
E
Social
View more →

“Can You Hear Me Now?”

The Joey Johnson Model For Processing Interpersonal Conflict

       “Can you hear me now?”  If you can’t hear or understand me, communication is impossible!

       Communication is the oil that lubricates the engine of relationships, without it everything grinds to a halt.

       Unresolved conflict, not conflict, acts like termites in a relationship.  Quietly, and imperceptibly, it can bring down great oaks!

       We are working on a series of messages entitled “Can You Hear Me Now?”  We are working on effective communication, active listening, and conflict resolution.  These skills can help us develop meaningful relationships, whether we believe in them or not.  We can no longer wait until our hearts get right.  Let’s take effective action, while we’re repenting and waiting on God.

(Listed are the Roman Numerals we’ve already covered.)

I.    INTENT VERSUS IMPACT.

II.   BIBLICAL BASIS.

III.  CONFLICT:  A POSITIVE CHALLENGE.

IV.  KNOWING YOURSELF.

V.   RESPONSES THAT INHIBIT ENCOURAGEMENT.

VI.  NONVERBAL MESSAGES.

VII. BLOCKS TO ATTENDING.

VIII. QUESTIONS.

IX.   I MESSAGES VERSUS YOU MESSAGES.

X.    COMMITMENTS.

XI.   GROUND RULES.

(Now we are ready to explore my model for dealing with interpersonal conflict.  Often in counseling, I encounter resistance from counselees against having to learn a model of communication.  At this point I usually tell them, “If you have a model that will work better than this one, I am open to use it.  But, obviously, you are here because you have trouble with communication; so you will have to trust me.  Here is the model that I have developed from the Bible, counseling books and experience.)

XII.  THE JOEY JOHNSON MODEL FOR PROCESSING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT.

Step #1 - Identify Behavior.

I perceive your behavior to be - describe behavior - don’t judge behavior.

Step #2 - Identify Feelings.

Feeling words.  Do not say, “I feel that...”  Say, “I feel...” and then supply a feeling word.

(Steps 1 and 2 may be interchangeable.)

Feeling Words:  Afraid, Angry, Cheerful, Depressed, Embarrassed, Envious, Excited, Fearful, Frustrated, Happy, Hurt, Jealous, Lonely, Nervous, Loved, Sad, Shy.

Step #3 - Work With Feelings.

How can I accept people’s feelings?

1.     Reflect.

“It sounds as if you feel...”

“Guess you really felt... when...”

2.     Clarify.

“Are you saying that...?”

“I wonder if you feel...”

       Perhaps the greatest obstacle to effective communication is our tendency to think we know what another person is saying when we don’t.  Language is like a multifaceted jewel:  just as the colors change when the gem is turned in the light, so new shades of meaning become apparent every time we consider someone’s words from another angle.

       Clarification encourages the speaker to state more clearly what is happening inside, where it counts.

3.     Explore.

“I’m not sure what you mean...”

“When else do you feel like that?  I don’t quite understand how you feel about..”

Asking open ended questions.”[1]

4.     Extend.

“You really felt...Did you also feel...?”

“I can see that you feel...If I were in  your shoes, I might also feel... Do you feel like that?

       Identifying feelings can help us see what kind of thinking that we are doing.  It is our thinking, perception or evaluation of events that is fueling our feelings.  We cannot change our feelings directly, but we can change them indirectly by changing our perception of the events.  By identifying our feelings, we will be able to not only identify problem thinking, but problem behavior and thereby know how to trust God to help us.

Step #4 - Share How You Feel About The Other Person’s Feelings.

“I care that you are hurting.”  I don’t want you to hurt because I love you!”

Step #5 - Repent.

Say you’re sorry for any action that may be having a negative impact.  You are not repenting for you intent, if your intent was not evil, but for your impact.

Step #6 - Reaffirm Intentions.

What do you intend to do the next time the situation arises?  Remember you cannot control what the other person does or feels, but you can control your own interaction.

Step #7 - Risk Trust.

Trust the person you are dealing with to handle his/her part of the interaction the next time you go through the process.

       Limit discussion to one topic, one person’s feelings.  If you do not at least relate that you have heard the other person, you are not acknowledging his/her personhood.

(Now is the Day of Salvation!  Come to Jesus, Now!)

Invitation

Call to discipleship


----

[1] Ibid, pp. 125-129.

Related Media
Related Sermons