Final Thoughts on Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution
“Can You Hear Me Now?”
Final Thoughts On Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution
“Can you hear me now?” If you can’t hear or understand me, communication is impossible!
Communication is the oil that lubricates the engine of relationships, without it everything grinds to a halt.
Unresolved conflict, not conflict, acts like termites in a relationship. Quietly, and imperceptibly, it can bring down great oaks!
We are working on a series of messages entitled “Can You Hear Me Now?” We are working on effective communication, active listening, and conflict resolution. These skills can help us develop meaningful relationships, whether we believe in them or not. We can no longer wait until our hearts get right. Let’s take effective action, while we’re repenting and waiting on God.
(Listed are the Roman Numerals we’ve already covered.)
I. INTENT VERSUS IMPACT.
II. BIBLICAL BASIS.
III. CONFLICT: A POSITIVE CHALLENGE.
IV. KNOWING YOURSELF.
V. RESPONSES THAT INHIBIT ENCOURAGEMENT.
VI. NONVERBAL MESSAGES.
VII. BLOCKS TO ATTENDING.
VIII. QUESTIONS.
IX. I MESSAGES VERSUS YOU MESSAGES.
X. COMMITMENTS.
XI. GROUND RULES.
XII. THE JOEY JOHNSON MODEL FOR INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT.
XIII. THE ELEMENTS OF TRUST.
(Let me begin with a public apology to my wife for my words last Wednesday. Teasing, I said, “My wife is difficult to deal with!” That hurt her, because she doesn’t believe that many people would know that I was teasing. So, I apologized to her privately and I am also doing it publicly.
A private offense needs a private apology; a public offense demands a public apology.)
(Okay, after a conflict is resolved, to extend forgiveness, we must risk trust again. Let’s define trust.)
Trust is simply relying upon or putting your full weight upon someone.
(Now for the elements of trust.)
A. The first element of trust is reliability.
People you relate to want to know if you do what you say you will do. It is pretty hard to have confidence in a person who makes promises they don’t keep. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, even if you think it will get the job done for you now, or appease in an angry situation. In the long run it will hurt you.
We should note that it takes all four elements to create trust.
B. The second element of trust is acceptance.
Acceptance is as important as reliability. All people want to be accepted for who they are, not judged, criticized or made to feel inferior. It’s up to you to let that person know that when you are with him or her, that person is the most important person in the world.
C. The third element of trust is openness.
People tend to want to cooperate best with people who will “level” with them, who will give them the whole story (even though some of the details may be a bit unpleasant), and who will not hide anything. People must experience gradual self-revelation from you—the giving of information. The president of a large, successful company keeps this saying in printed form on his desk: “People can take good news or bad news, but they can’t take surprises.”
D. The fourth and final element that builds trust is congruence.
Congruence is the knowledge that what you say is on track with what you believe, what you know to be true, what you do. Reliability means, “I’ll do what I say I’ll do.” Congruence means saying and doing what you believe, being straight-forward and honest, saying what is true even if it is unpleasant and not exactly what you think the person wants to hear.
Trust takes time to build, but unfortunately, it only takes an instant to destroy.
Thank God that He has demonstrated to us all the elements of trust! He is a faithful, trustworthy God. He also wants us to be faithful and trusting towards one another and Him that others may be comforted and edified; and God may be glorified.
(Now let’s take a summary look at the:)
XIV. PROBLEM SOLVING PROCESS:
(This problem solving process can be distilled to four actions:)
A. Acknowledging and working with feelings.
B. Repenting.
C. Affirming new intentions.
D. Risking trust again.
(Larry Crabb’s counseling process is another model for dealing with conflict:)
XV. COUNSELING PROCESS:
Identify problem feelings.
Identify problem behavior.
Identify problem thinking.
Clarify biblical thinking.
Secure commitment.
Plan and carry out biblical behavior.
Identify Spirit-controlled feelings.
Preparation Ü Revelation Ü Application Ü Evaluation (Processing) Ü Perpetuation
(Now is the Day of Salvation! Come to Jesus, Now!)
Invitation
Call to Discipleship