Sermon Tone Analysis
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Approval Addict
Do you have a problem saying "no"?
Well, let me confess to you that I do.
I think deep down inside I feel one of two things:
That if I say "no" when someone asks me to do something that I will let them down, causing them to think less of me.
That I will lose the opportunity to make myself look good, or lose an opportunity to get that exposure to others that I have been looking for that might lead to me being well-liked or well-known.
The sad thing is that I know this is wrong.
I know that there is just something not right about these thoughts...but, in so many ways, I feel like an addict...an addict for approval.
A Question
When we walk through the halls of wherever we find ourselves throughout the day (school, work, home, church), what goes through our minds?
What is my purpose?
How am I living my life?
How can I love God and others?
…maybe sometimes…but, probably, if there are people around, “What do they think about me?”
There is a deep longing within our hearts to be accepted, not to be rejected.
We cry out with our words, our actions, our clothes, our personalities, our choices...
“Please don’t reject me!”
So in order to ensure that we don't feel rejected, we want to know what they think about us, so we ask ourselves these questions:
Do they want to be around me?
Do they brag or talk highly of me?
Will they ask to be a part of what I am doing?
What questions would you ask people about yourself if you could do so without consequences?
Am I cool?
Am I funny?
Am I attractive?
Am I successful?
Am I don't a good job?
What do you dream about or desire to accomplish that would win the approval and favor of others?
A movie star.
A famous sports player.
A great scientist.
A great historian.
A great doctor.
And who are these others that you want to win the approval of?
Grandparents.
Parents.
Siblings.
Coworkers.
Fellow students.
Friends.
Peers.
Those who work for you.
Children.
What would you change about yourself?
Doesn’t this thought and the answers to this question reveal your insecurities, your feeling of inferiority, your fear of rejection?
These things you live with on a daily basis.
But does this just happen to me, or to others?
The reality is that it doesn’t simply happen to the unsuccessful, but the successful as well.
Those who are successful are pressured into keeping up their “performance” so they can hold onto the approval that they already have and need to keep.
When you look at successful people, don’t forget that they are scared of failing and being rejected too.
Many people just cover it up because of what they can do.
Why?
Because they are addicts just like us.
Lie #2: I must be approved by others to feel good about myself
Judging our worth based upon other’s approval.
This is the most powerful of the four lies, and the most deadly to us.
The world tells us that being accepted and popular is the big test we have to pass in order to get a good life.
We see it on TV, in commercials, movies, magazines, billboards, on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, everywhere.
It is pervasive, and we have come to believe it.
We believe that getting the approval of others and comparing ourselves with our peers is the only reliable way to tell us how we are doing and determine our self-worth.
How is this working for you?
How many people out there are stronger, more beautiful, smarter, more athletic, more talented then you?
Can you ever win if you compare yourself to others?
But what happens when you do compare yourself?
Don’t you get down on yourself, depressed, or maybe if you are doing well, stuck up and conceited.
We look at ourselves over time and say, “There’s something wrong with me.
If only I could change _________.
Then…”
What does this do to us?
It squeezes the fun and joy out of us.
It discourages us from exploring who we really are and developing the talent and abilities that God designed us to have.
In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
This sounds a lot different from what we have been talking about, doesn't it?
Why?
How can the psalmist feel like this?
The answer is found a little later.
For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.
“you must be approved by certain others to feel good about yourself causes you to fear rejection, making you willing to change your attitudes and actions to match the expectations of others.”
- McGee
Rejection test:
When I sense that someone might reject me, I become nervous and anxious.
How do I know if I am an approval addict?
I am uncomfortable around those who are different form me.
I am uncomfortable around those who are different form me.
Rejection test
I avoid certain people - Why?
These people are not reflecting back to us that we have worth.
I am critical of others.
I am critical of others.
When I sense that someone might reject me, I become nervous and anxious - Rejection often creates fairly intense pain.
We try to avoid pain.
I am uncomfortable around people who are unlike me - different people often don't welcome us
It bothers me when someone is unfriendly to me - Find rejection in places where there isn’t any rejection because we look for it.
I am basically shy and unsocial - recluse so they won’t encounter people, because people represent a certain amount of danger.
Sabotage a friendship
I am critical of others - Devalue them to the place so we don’t have to deal with the rejection
I find myself trying to impress others - people who appear to be successful, outgoing…may have a mask that is appropriate for the situation because they are afraid of being hurt.
I become depressed when someone criticizes me - messages from the past that echo through our mind.
Keep them alive.
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