For I Do Not Understand My Own Actions

Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.

“What then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, “You shall not covet.” But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness. For apart from the law, sin lies dead. I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. The very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me. For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me. So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good. Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure.

For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.” (, ESV)

Romans 7:7–25 ESV

What then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, “You shall not covet.” But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness. For apart from the law, sin lies dead. I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. The very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me. For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me. So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good. Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

Romans 7:14 ESV

For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin.

We are born sinners and are even that way before birth - even from conception. Therefore we are slaves to sin by default - in other words “a slave that obeys sin” right from the start. (; )

Romans 7:14 ESV

For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin.

Psalm 51:5 ESV

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.

The Bible doctrine for this is sometimes called total depravity. It means we are slaves to obey sin wherever it leads. People who oppose this doctrine say that it can not be because unsaved people do good things sometimes (e.g. build orphanages, feed hungry, take in the homeless, etc…) It does not mean that people are so fully corrupt that they cannot perform good deeds in the flesh, it does means that those deeds will always have such a mixture of sin with them (e.g. selfishness, covetousness, lust, etc…) that there is no way these deeds could be acceptable to God as worthy in any way.

Scriptures on Total Depravity :

“What then? Are we Jews any better off? No, not at all. For we have already charged that all, both Jews and Greeks, are under sin, as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.”” (, ESV)

“The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds; there is none who does good. The Lord looks down from heaven on the children of man, to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God. They have all turned aside; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good, not even one.” (, ESV)

Peter as Example: “But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”” (, ESV)

Pharisee & Tax Collector: “He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”” (, ESV)

Corinthian Church: “But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?” (1 Corinthians 3:1–3, ESV)

Because of sin, we do things we don’t want to do - even things we hate and despise. () When we operate outside of our own will because of sin, we agree and answer “Yes, the Law is right.” ()

Paul is speaking as a saved person who is struggling with sin which remains in our flesh. In reality we don’t have an addiction problem - we have a sin problem. In our case, addiction is the fruit that has shown itself from our core sin nature. This is a very real war that is being waged betwen the flesh and spirit.

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” (, ESV)

“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you. So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” (, ESV)

Coming to realize that we are powerless over our dependencies (sin) and our lives have become unmanageable is a warning sign. It is like that “Check Engine” light that comes on in your car when it is in distress, it is a warning to seek help. Admitting you have a problem is the first step of ABC. (Admit - Believe - Confess)

Examples in the Bible

Pharisee & Tax Collector: “He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”” (, ESV)

3

When we operate outside of our own will because of sin, we agree with the Law, that it is good. ()

Corinthian Church: “But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?” (, ESV)

Put it all together - Step 1 - We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.

The Book of Life Recovery: Inspiring Stories and Biblical Wisdom for Your Journey through the Twelve Steps Step One

STEP ONE BIBLE STUDIES

For each Step, there are four Bible studies. You can work on them on your own—perhaps doing one study per week as you focus on each Step for a month. Better yet, do the studies with your recovery group by having members complete each study at home and then discussing what you’ve learned. Either way, you will be learning the biblical basis for each of the Twelve Steps, expanding your understanding of what is needed for recovery and what God wants to do for you as you work through the Steps.

Study #1: The Progression of an Addiction

This study is based on Proverbs 23:29-35 (page 812 in The Life Recovery Bible). Read the passage several times before working on the study.

1. It All Seemed So Manageable at First

Things keep getting progressively worse—that’s one way to define an addiction. And that’s part of its deception—we start out thinking it’s not a problem. By the time it becomes a problem, everyone but us can see it. We blindly continue to operate on the premise that “I can handle it.” But what started out as manageable eventually manages us. We say to ourselves, “I can handle using this drug,” or, “It’s not a problem if I watch a little pornography,” or, “I can manage my eating,” or, “My spending is not out of control.” In other words, “I’m not an addict!” It’s too easy to ignore the progressive nature of behavioral problems that can become addictions. Addictions can and will take over and run our lives. They progress as Proverbs describes for us:

Who has anguish? Who has sorrow?

Who is always fighting? Who is always complaining?

Who has unnecessary bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes?

It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns,

trying out new drinks.

Don’t gaze at the wine, seeing how red it is,

how it sparkles in the cup, how smoothly it goes down.

PROVERBS 23:29-31

Here the passage is talking about alcohol, but you can easily substitute drugs, food, pornography, gambling, spending, or whatever your dependency might be. For example, it might read like this: “Who spends long hours in front of the computer, surfing new porn sites? Don’t gaze at those images, seeing how sensual they are, or how well those body images are put together. Don’t dwell on how turned-on you have become.”

Now it’s your turn to try it. Rewrite these verses based on your own problem, in a way that describes your dependency:

Think back to the beginning—before you were addicted or dependent. What attracted you to your problem behavior?

How did you get started?

How did you minimize any thought of risk at that time?

2. At Some Point, What Once Was Attractive Will Turn on You

For in the end it bites like a poisonous snake;

it stings like a viper.

PROVERBS 23:32

Here the writer of Proverbs jumps ahead. Eventually, what was once so attractive, and appeared to be so manageable, becomes dangerous. Instead of the pleasure we thought we would experience, the alcohol leads to what the writer describes as a dangerous threat to our lives. Apply this verse from Proverbs to your own situation.

Over time, how did what seemed manageable turn against you? When did you begin to recognize the danger?

How did it all change in your experience?

What were some of the “dangers” you encountered? Who was involved?

3. The Consequences

Who has anguish? Who has sorrow?

Who is always fighting? Who is always complaining?

Who has unnecessary bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? . . .

You will see hallucinations,

and you will say crazy things.

You will stagger like a sailor tossed at sea,

clinging to a swaying mast.

And you will say, “They hit me, but I didn’t feel it.

I didn’t even know it when they beat me up.”

PROVERBS 23:29, 33-35

Now the writer describes the progression of alcoholism. The person being described is where the alcoholic typically ends up—with bloodshot eyes, experiencing blackouts and crazy thinking, fighting, staggering and not feeling pain when beaten—all experiences common to the later stages of alcoholism. But the same principle applies to any addiction. What happens when your spouse discovers the pornography, or when your weight balloons to obesity, or when you lose everything due to your gambling? Write out your version of these verses and put your personal experience into what you write.

What would be a parallel to “hallucinations” for your dependency?

Describe some of your “crazy talk.”

How have you tried to dull the pain?

4. The Final Stage: Powerlessness

When will I wake up

so I can look for another drink?

PROVERBS 23:35

What was initially attractive has taken control of our lives. We have become obsessed with the next drink, the next website, the next binge, or the next hit. All of our thinking seems to be controlled by a substance or an experience of something that we “must have”!

Describe times when you have been obsessed with pursuing your addiction or dependency.

When you realized that most of your thoughts were about that “next time,” describe the feeling of powerlessness you experienced.

How close to “the bottom” did you come?

Jesus says, “The truth will set you free” (John 8:32). Look back over what you have written. How truthful have you been with yourself as you studied this passage? Is there anything you want to add or change?

Even when we are in the clutches of our addictions and dependencies, we lie to ourselves and think we are in control. But we aren’t in control, and that’s why the concept of powerlessness is so important in Step One of your recovery. When we read Proverbs 23, we see the futility of the drunkard’s life, and we see how powerless he or she really is. Now we need to see this in ourselves and believe that admitting our powerlessness is the key to breaking the power of our addictions.

STEP ONE BIBLE STUDIES

For each Step, there are four Bible studies. You can work on them on your own—perhaps doing one study per week as you focus on each Step for a month. Better yet, do the studies with your recovery group by having members complete each study at home and then discussing what you’ve learned. Either way, you will be learning the biblical basis for each of the Twelve Steps, expanding your understanding of what is needed for recovery and what God wants to do for you as you work through the Steps.

Study #1: The Progression of an Addiction

This study is based on (page 812 in The Life Recovery Bible). Read the passage several times before working on the study.

1. It All Seemed So Manageable at First

Things keep getting progressively worse—that’s one way to define an addiction. And that’s part of its deception—we start out thinking it’s not a problem. By the time it becomes a problem, everyone but us can see it. We blindly continue to operate on the premise that “I can handle it.” But what started out as manageable eventually manages us. We say to ourselves, “I can handle using this drug,” or, “It’s not a problem if I watch a little pornography,” or, “I can manage my eating,” or, “My spending is not out of control.” In other words, “I’m not an addict!” It’s too easy to ignore the progressive nature of behavioral problems that can become addictions. Addictions can and will take over and run our lives. They progress as Proverbs describes for us:

Who has anguish? Who has sorrow?

Who is always fighting? Who is always complaining?

Who has unnecessary bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes?

It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns,

trying out new drinks.

Don’t gaze at the wine, seeing how red it is,

how it sparkles in the cup, how smoothly it goes down.

Here the passage is talking about alcohol, but you can easily substitute drugs, food, pornography, gambling, spending, or whatever your dependency might be. For example, it might read like this: “Who spends long hours in front of the computer, surfing new porn sites? Don’t gaze at those images, seeing how sensual they are, or how well those body images are put together. Don’t dwell on how turned-on you have become.”

Now it’s your turn to try it. Rewrite these verses based on your own problem, in a way that describes your dependency:

Think back to the beginning—before you were addicted or dependent. What attracted you to your problem behavior?

How did you get started?

How did you minimize any thought of risk at that time?

2. At Some Point, What Once Was Attractive Will Turn on You

For in the end it bites like a poisonous snake;

it stings like a viper.

Here the writer of Proverbs jumps ahead. Eventually, what was once so attractive, and appeared to be so manageable, becomes dangerous. Instead of the pleasure we thought we would experience, the alcohol leads to what the writer describes as a dangerous threat to our lives. Apply this verse from Proverbs to your own situation.

Over time, how did what seemed manageable turn against you? When did you begin to recognize the danger?

How did it all change in your experience?

What were some of the “dangers” you encountered? Who was involved?

3. The Consequences

Who has anguish? Who has sorrow?

Who is always fighting? Who is always complaining?

Who has unnecessary bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? . . .

You will see hallucinations,

and you will say crazy things.

You will stagger like a sailor tossed at sea,

clinging to a swaying mast.

And you will say, “They hit me, but I didn’t feel it.

I didn’t even know it when they beat me up.”

,

Now the writer describes the progression of alcoholism. The person being described is where the alcoholic typically ends up—with bloodshot eyes, experiencing blackouts and crazy thinking, fighting, staggering and not feeling pain when beaten—all experiences common to the later stages of alcoholism. But the same principle applies to any addiction. What happens when your spouse discovers the pornography, or when your weight balloons to obesity, or when you lose everything due to your gambling? Write out your version of these verses and put your personal experience into what you write.

What would be a parallel to “hallucinations” for your dependency?

Describe some of your “crazy talk.”

How have you tried to dull the pain?

4. The Final Stage: Powerlessness

When will I wake up

so I can look for another drink?

What was initially attractive has taken control of our lives. We have become obsessed with the next drink, the next website, the next binge, or the next hit. All of our thinking seems to be controlled by a substance or an experience of something that we “must have”!

Describe times when you have been obsessed with pursuing your addiction or dependency.

When you realized that most of your thoughts were about that “next time,” describe the feeling of powerlessness you experienced.

How close to “the bottom” did you come?

Jesus says, “The truth will set you free” (). Look back over what you have written. How truthful have you been with yourself as you studied this passage? Is there anything you want to add or change?

Even when we are in the clutches of our addictions and dependencies, we lie to ourselves and think we are in control. But we aren’t in control, and that’s why the concept of powerlessness is so important in Step One of your recovery. When we read , we see the futility of the drunkard’s life, and we see how powerless he or she really is. Now we need to see this in ourselves and believe that admitting our powerlessness is the key to breaking the power of our addictions.