Relationships - The Course to Intercourse Part 2
The Course to Intercourse - Part 2: The Arousal of Animals
Sin lurks deep in the hearts of the wicked, forever urging them on to evil deeds. They have no fear of God to hold them back. 2Instead, in their conceit, they think they can hide their evil deeds and not get caught. 3Everything they say is crooked and deceitful; they are no longer wise and good. 4They lie awake at night to hatch their evil plots instead of planning how to keep away from wrong. 5Your steadfast love, O Lord, is as great as all the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. 6Your justice is as solid as God’s mountains. Your decisions are as full of wisdom as the oceans are with water. You are concerned for men and animals alike. 7How precious is your constant love, O God! All humanity takes refuge in the shadow of your wings. 8You feed them with blessings from your own table and let them drink from your rivers of delight. 9For you are the Fountain of life; our light is from your light. 10Pour out your unfailing love on those who know you! Never stop giving your blessings to those who long to do your will. 11Don’t let these proud men trample me. Don’t let their wicked hands push me around. 12Look! They have fallen. They are thrown down and will not rise again.
Previously we talked about the eternal qualities given to us by God as Children of God entrusted with his image. We have talked about willingness to accept God’s word and what it means to be “Religious”. We have emphasized the power of understanding God’s authority in your life and how you can still be anointed but never do God’s will or receive his reward. We have tried to show you the importance of letting God establish you no matter the circumstance and how he uses circumstance to mold your hearts. We established our responsibility to carry that image to this world as His billboards. Furthermore, as his children it is up to us to re-think our current position, even our desires, when it concerns God’s will for our lives. The fact that we desire at all shows us that we are fallen. This discovery tells us that in our pre-fallen condition man was never in need of anything, but rather as his children found freedom in God’s provision. All of the eternal qualities and kingdom principles teach us a very important truth.
We need to think in a pre-fallen mindset and approach God and his word from the aspect of eternity. We should be carrying eternity in every decision because we have been awakened to God through Jesus Christ, and only the truly evil grasp at God through desire. This want awakened in us, leads us to aspire to be Christ like and in that we find the eternal provision of God.
God expects from us completeness, but we must realize that we can never be complete apart for him. What I mean by completeness is our lives surrendered and in his hands completely. It implies that our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs are awakened to his provision and are focused on his call. In him we have provision and in his eternal provision will come our decisions because he never leaves his children wanting. The passage above shows us the difference between those who grasp at God by their desires, and the love and provision, God has for his children who absolutely are sold on him and his call. So the point in all of this is for us to re-think how to think and to re-evaluate what we feel. Understand God cares for the condition of our hearts much more than it’s desires.
So as the condition of our heart is awakened in Christ the giver of life awakened and shapes his eternal qualities in us so that we would have a more abundant life as we draw nearer to him. These qualities are what is important, for to become Christ like simply means to wear the image of God as he intended. Meaning he has penetrated our deepest parts from the complexity of our thoughts to the wants of our heart. Notice I am not saying he shapes our desires, but instead I am saying he becomes our complete want. Therein lies our abundance. This knowledge is the secrete to abundance if applied to our lives from love of our heart.
“The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. 12 Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
As we will see, however, that when we set a course in our lives to function from our arousals and desires, it sets our rudder on the wrong course for intercourse. When we base our lives on the eternal we get eternal fruit, however, when we are compelled by our arousals we are left to broken emotions, feelings, and attachments of this world. With all these worldly attachments we can be left to the fallen emotions, psychological damage, and physical guilt that accompany these sinful actions. These actions are sin because they are a direct violation of the provision and image of God entrusted to us. The fruit of God is wrapped in purity, wellness, wholeness, and security because they are eternal fruits. A deep contrast to all the baggage that comes from one night stands, bad relationships and so forth. So what does the word of God teach us about God’s provision concerning relationships?
8 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
God’s provision wasn’t just limited to the physicality of the universe. God’s provision went much deeper then that. He didn’t just limit his provision to just necessities of life such as food, shelter, and authority. God in his wisdom foresaw the need in man for companionship. So he ordained for man a helper.
Looking for Love
When we think of God provision it seems like churches are always talking about financial needs, physical needs, and even healing. However this great passage teaches us a lot about God’s purpose and provision. God recognizes that Adam had a need for companionship. Adam never knocked on the throne room door and asked for a wife. God saw his need and simply provided it. Why? He was completely in Gods will and completely in his obedience. He was aligned completely in the source of life. Think about that. In the bible no one whoever came in contact with Jesus fell to their knees and said, “Lord despite the condition of my heart, despite that my desires are evil, and despite I truly don’t know your will, I need a boyfriend.” Instead in the Christ the apostles found all their needs met.
What does that say in comparison to the world’s hunt that is put on every weekend at the local “meat market?” See when we play the games of sexuality we sin against God’s provision. As God’s billboards we are to show the opposite sex the eternal qualities of God and not arouse their desires. Our bodies are our spiritual act of worship. When you look at the “chase” and the “game” people play in dating it all seems so small and stupid compared to what God has for you when you see it these terms. However, so many times instead of being completely obedient to God’s word we re-define it for our justifications. A perfect example is the word virgin. What does it mean to be a virgin? In that matter what does it mean to be sexually immoral?
A new study has just come out where teens and young adults who pledged that they are virgins are contrasting STD’s just as frequently as their peers who are having sex. What? How is that possible? The reality is they have re-defined in their minds what they think the term virgin is. These people are called ‘technical virgins.”
Technical virgins are people who think they are still a virgin as long they don’t have intercourse. They think anything up to that doesn’t count against their virginity. However, Jesus taught us that sex starts between our ears before it starts between our legs. This means you have to decide what sex is to God right here and now. There is no re-defining God’s word. You are either obedient or you are not. So lets get into some clear definitions.
According to Webster’s dictionary:
Sexually immoral – being unchaste
Chaste – innocent of unlawful intercourse
Fornication – consensual sexual intercourse between two people not married to each
Intercourse – physical sexual contact between individuals that involves the genitalia
of at least one person.
We talked about the subtlety of Satan last week and how he can’t create sin, but rather he uses our desires for his intention. Our desire of sex has made us re-define what a virgin is. He has convinced us that sexual intercourse, which we pledge to avoid, is penetration and penetration only. What about mutual masturbation and oral sex? Are they included in the sin list against God? Realize that the dictionary defines sex by having any genitalia involved. So we have to be real about what God sees as sexually immoral in comparison to what we want to believe.
The list would include:
Penetration petting parties
Oral sex anal sex
Hooking up oral sex
Masturbation rainbow circles
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
So now we are becoming very technical. God doesn’t just want us not to be sexually immoral, but he doesn’t even want a hint of sexual immorality in our lives. This is because virginity doesn’t start with physical penetration, but the mental. So what else can we add to the list?
Feeling someone up
Staying the night
Being felt up
Making out in public (everyone assumes your having sex)
Freaking on the dance floor.
Jesus is clear in Matthew 5:28
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
We must be clear when it comes to sexual immorality. Jesus makes it very clear that it’s not just sex acts that are the problem, but instead sin starts in our hearts and minds. In other words, just thinking sexually against someone can be counted against you. This is also extended to those who get others to think sexually toward them. Remember we are God’s billboards to this world. Satan’s intention is to destroy your testimony and God’s purposes this can even mean through your desire for attention. When we decide to do the things on the list we are playing “marriage” and it only distorts what Gods intention is for your lives concerning marriage.
Marriage is not something we play it is a commitment we make. Playing any games like these are sexual and just feed our arousals. The funny thing about arousals is they always have a time limit. They are like late night snacks. One minute it tastes good then you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and wonder wear all this extra baggage came from. Sure it tasted good, but after the taste it wasn’t fulfilling and it was just gone.
God entrusted us with his image, his eternal qualities, that we may be his light, his power, and his authority as vessels of his will on this earth. God has purposed sex for enjoyment within the boundaries of marriage. It was not like Adam and Eve hid in the garden or every time they got an urge they went behind some bushes. They were naked in all ways before God. There innocence extended to their physical intimacy because God wants a husband and wife to have great sex. He created it. However, in today’s society when we hear the word “sex” we don’t think of that word in the same terms of purity. However, God wants us to have big sex in the purest of heart.
When God placed the male characteristics on man and the female characteristics upon woman he gave them each part of his image. When the male and female parts of the body are joined together in sexual unity we bring back the fullness of his characteristics as one. So when we have sexual relations we truly are becoming one in flesh. Sex as Gods intention is big and meaningful and truly is an act of worship. It’s the only time when both the male and female qualities of Gods image are joined together as one. Really think about that. The eternalness of God’s joy, peace, kindness, patience, goodness, and gentleness all rapped up in God’s eternal provision for me and you through sex.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
God in his provision knew our needs and even met them sexually. Even sex in Gods eyes is for his glory. When you come together in the freedom of marriage our God provides for you, and gives us complete freedom to worship him in that unity. Sex is meant to be pleasurable, pure and spiritual not distorted by desire and passion. Verse 24 states that we who belong to Christ having crucified the sinful nature and its desires. Then it goes on to tell us to keep in step with the Spirit. We must look for the freedom God has for us in his provision and not focused on the apple.
Do you see marriage as a restriction to your desire for sex? That statement alone shows you that you are a sinful and fallen before the eyes of God.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Everything we do is before God, but all things done purely before him have the reward of his presence. When Adam and Eve sinned they were cast outside of God’s garden, when we sin sexually, physically and mentally, we are cast out of Gods presence and far from his promises. When we talked earlier about the eternal qualities of God shown in the fruit of the spirit, one of those fruits was self-control.
Self-control seems like a weird eternal quality to glorify God with our lives. However, you are not meant to cast off restraint outside of marriage. Notice that true sex happened before the fall, in the presence of God without shame, and the perversions of sex happened after the fall. There was no flirting, friends with benefits, sleep overs, cuddling, tickling, and hooking up. Sex was something that was pure with all the eternal feelings and emotions rapped up in worship before God. The next time you are sitting there flirting and leading someone on or trying to get someone into you, you need to get real and realize that it is all about sex.
67% of women who have lost there virginity before marriage regret it and say they wished they would of waited. In an online survey of 10,000 girls 24% said they were virgins despite they have engaged in oral sex. All over this country men and women are giving into their desires for sexual satisfaction by casual participation in oral sex. 74% of those who participate in intercourse before marriage experience depression. We have cheapened the Gift of God and cheapened ourselves before God to the point were sex is more of a service then worship to him.
While statistics are great I think the only statistic that needs to be shown here is how God views those who are sexually immoral. What I am about to say will truly separate those who call themselves Gods children and those whose eyes are on the apple. So you have to ask yourself where your heart is and what you’ll come to terms with. So here it goes. When you cheapen sex to casual encounters on any level you prostitute yourself in God eyes. A Prostitute is defined by a person who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse especially for money. Notice in the definition they add “especially for money.” When you think of prostitution does a positive thought come into your mind? The last time I checked it’s not a good thing to be thought of as a prostitute. Yet these casual encounters we have make us dirty in God’s eyes.
27 for a prostitute is a deep pit and a wayward wife is a narrow well. 28 Like a bandit she lies in wait, and multiplies the unfaithful among men.
Notice in this passage the person who is allowing them to be used for sexual satisfaction is the one God blames. Because when you lead someone down this destructive path, and it is destructive, you are accountable. This person as they prostitute the sexual act God intended to show for his Glory, as this person prostitutes the act that was made to worship God in the unity of marriage, will be accountable for the searing of that other persons conscious. By doing what they did it hardened minds and hearts towards Gods intention making it seem worthless to them. Again do you believe the apple will set you free or God’s provision? Sexual sin constitutes walking in darkness.
1 Cor 6:15
15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
18 Flee from sexual immorality.
When you indulge in sexual immorality it is a blatant statement to others and to the world that his word is not meaningful to you.
1 John 1:6
If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth.
1 John 2:4
4 The man who says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him
This issue of sexual immorality before marriage has huge implications on the rest of the relationships you’ll have the rest of your life. More importantly it has implications of God’s intention and purpose for your life. Early Israelites understood the implications and responsibility to God with their Bodies. They understood that they were the image of God. That is why they took such extraordinary measures to those who were found out not to be virgins on their wedding day. In the book of Leviticus when a man went to consummate the marriage he would bring out the sheets of his bed and show the blood lost from the women because of her virginity.
Then they would hold a celebration of the consummation. In the same way if he discovered that she was not a virgin she was taken in the streets and stoned and the man was freed from his weeding vow. If she was a daughter of priest she was burned alive because she disgraced her father. The implication here is you will become pure and sanctified by the fire of the Holy Spirit or by the Fire of Judgment.
There is also a deeper implication though. When the Israelites followed the law it was easy to judge those who broke it and because it was so blatant and written in black and white the punishment was fast and furious. The fact that this type judgment was in the law did show how God felt about sexual sin. However for us as those who are saved and redeemed in Jesus Christ we are no longer under the law and therefore have a freedom in Christ.
That freedom is meant to take us to a deeper relationship with Jesus because the Holy Spirit writes the law of God will on our hearts. After all the law only applies to those who break it, but to those who are led by the spirit, just like in the garden we find Gods complete freedom and provision.
Sexual Sin, on the other hand, sears the conscious and hardens the heart against the Holy Spirit as talked about in Romans 1-2. This means that we aren’t taken out to the street and stoned as a judgment, but rather turned over their desires. Instead of being awakened to Gods want they die sinfully in their desires.
While it sometimes seems that there is no judgment for those who sin against God in this way, this searing of our conscious and hardening of the heart closes off our hearts toward God and leads us to an eternal judgment before him and ultimately hell. This is the seriousness and the responsibility we have in our freedom in Christ. Sexual sin is the one bite of the apple that we think will set us free as opposed to the provision God wants for us in all creation. That it why the bible writes:
1 Cor 5:9
9 I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— … 11 But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.
19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; …21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
- \\ The Harsh Reality*
While God does forgive and makes the heart pure through his Son Jesus, he cannot restore the loss of your virginity. It will be the first thing your husband will discover about you. While some preachers preach a second virginity I don’t believe that. I do believe God forgives you of your sins and doesn’t hold them against. However, your virginity is something that can not be restored. There is no miracle for the loss of your virginity, not is there a restoration of your virginity. It is a one time thing God entrusts woman with.
God is creator and is pure, and just as he is these eternal qualities, so he entrusted women with the gift of creating in purity. Again the image of God entrusted to us. How many have taken this gift for granted and left it somewhere in shame. If it makes you feel bad it should. Those of us who come to our partners already used should understand the importance of virginity in God’s eyes. If we feel shame we should ask and pray for God to help us to use that experience to raise our children the right way. To help them not only understand the importance it holds in Gods eyes but the importance it should hold in theirs and there husband or wife’s.
I could go through the theological and historical views on how God looks at the virgin but it really can be summed up in a sentence or two. Virginity symbolizes purity, faithfulness, and trustworthiness in Gods eyes. There was a reason why Mary was a virgin and how that played into Gods over all plan for redemption. Your virginity among all the implications it has before God shows your commitment to his provision, purpose, and plan for your life.
Again we come full circle back to Genesis 2:26-28. When God had all the animals come before Adam. It was there God concluded the need for women. When it comes to sexuality God ordained it for them to reunite his oneness in him just as the trinity completes Gods oneness. Notice however that God separates us from the animals. For us to say that our sexuality is purely instinctual like the animals is a lie from the pit of hell. God’s Holy Spirit gives us the power to have the fruit of his spirit which includes self control.
If we are awakened to this light we are not moved by the arousals of the flesh. Don’t be something as small as a dog when it comes to sex. The intention of God is so much bigger then that. Despite what our science teachers tell us we are different from the animals. You where made in the image of God! Today you have to decide whether you are awakened to God’s eternal provision, which includes sex, or if you think the apple is the right way to go. Remember sex starts between your ears before it start between your legs. Virginity is not just the physical act it is the mental intention. We sin sexually in our heads long before it manifest into the physical realm. Those types of sin manifest when desire meets will. Remember if you are causing someone to even think sexual you will be responsible before God whether it manifest is judgment in this world or not.
1 Cor 8:9
9 Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. 10 For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, won’t he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? 11 So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. 12 When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. 13 Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.
God’s provision extends to sex and sexuality so it will be a matter if you’ll extend to him your complete surrender in all areas. Having any form sex is sex and you are responsible before God for your actions and body. Just as when you lift your hands in worship on Sunday for praise and worship so to is sex a form of praise and worship in the confines of marriage. Instead of thinking about spending the night with a guy and playing marriage, we should think about spending the night with God in honor of his image. Virginity is a commitment like marriage is a commitment women of God should not expect anything less then purity and commitment from a spouse.
Thursday night I was tired and I just wanted to rest so I put the first season of Lost in my DVD player. As I watched episode 1 I put my son Elijah in his jumper and I laid on the couch. He was jumping away, but Elijah’s curiosity led him to begin to watch T.V. because that was what his Father was doing.
Then this scene came on where there was a crashed plane on a beach and everyone was screaming in panic and walking around in shock. The wing engine was lying on the beach just sucking everything in its path into it. Then a man trying to find his wife began looking around and screaming for her not realizing he was in shock when he walked into the path of the engine and was sucked into and it blew up.
I was totally captivated by this TV drama as it played out in front of me and then I looked over and Elijah was sitting in his jumper not jumping at all. His eyes were wide open and his mouth dropped as he watched the man being sucked into the wings engine. I immediately jumped off the couch and shut the TV off and grabbed Elijah and held him in my arms. I began to weep profusely because I felt so convicted about my little 7 month old baby having that in his head. That I might have stole that beautiful innocence I wake up and see every morning. Nothing makes me happier everyday when I see my Son’s smile every morning and I was scared that I endangered ever seeing that smile again, and that I did something to strip him of his innocence. So I wept and repented.
The point is this sex and sexual immorality that we know goes on everywhere eventually takes its toll on you. 55% of women who are sexually active in their relationships say they feel constantly depressed. 25% of them thought about suicide since they were in a sexually active relationship. How many girls and guys are so insecure they’ll do anything for a guy? How many people let themselves be defined by the person they are with? How many people are afraid of being alone so they do whatever it takes to stay with that person?
The sexual stuff that goes on has a toll not only on our souls, but our minds and bodies also. It steals something from us. It takes our innocence away and it’s something that changes us forever. Sex is a spiritual experience and shouldn’t leave you feeling empty, depressed, or used up. We shouldn’t be so wrapped in a person ever where we can’t separate our feelings, our emotions, our actions, and most importantly our call from that person.
Those feelings and emotions do not belong to anyone but God until you are married. Like my Son Elijah they steal your innocence, and being wrapped up in someone so deep, even if you’re not having sex, is almost losing your emotional virginity because every one of those feelings are perverted to a conclusion that you can’t be without your boyfriend, or do something without your girlfriend. When God our father sees this in our lives I am positive that he reacts as I did towards Elijah. I’ll bet he weeps for your choices and waits by in want to awaken entirety to you. Let God’s provision be your collective emotional, psychological, and spiritual process. Because when his eternal word is in your decision making process he breaths life into your decisions, especially decisions concerning your mate.
God ordained sex for marriage. Don’t lose your virginity in your heart, mind, or body for something so temporal and cheap. Instead offer yourself to God fully and find joy in his plan and provision for your life. My prayer is that you would be awakened to this want of his provision rather than aroused like the animals.
Next week will talk about God’s plan for marriage and how to pick the right mate.