Session 2: Finishing Great Conversations & 2 Relational Needs

The Art of Relating • Sermon • Submitted a month ago • Presented a month ago

0 ratings

· 1 view

Notes

Transcript

Intro:

Remember our conversations last week. There were some questions we didn’t get to. Was anyone able to take the assessment of your top relational needs? Would anyone be comfortable sharing? I didn’t get any results from anyone in the class.

Listening in Great Conversations

1. Makes consistent eye contact when the other person is talking.

2. Completely focuses on the person, gives plenty of time and priority for the conversation, and isn't distracted.

3. Gives clues they are tracking what's being said. It might be visual clues like smiling or nodding or auditory clues like, "Uh huh," “Yeah," or "No, really?"

4. Mirrors or reflects back what they've heard so the other person knows they're understood.

5. Asks follow-up questions that are on topic and gives opportunities to know each other more.

I have found that listening is a skill that enhances my ability to reach someone in a conversation. It shows them that I care, and people typically respond better to people that they know care for them.

Tell someone about a time you were NOT a good listener. What happened? How could you improve next time?

Listening Self-Assessment

Take a few moments to fill out the Listening Assessment.

James 1:19 (ESV)

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

Share with someone: From that assessment: What could you do to be a better listener?

Decide how you will initiate a conversation with someone in your life, following this formula:

I will ask _______ about _______ when __________. This will be helpful because…

Care in Great Conversations

Care can mean a lot of different things. It’s not always being next to someone in a hard time. Care can be expressed in great times as well!

Sometimes Care means Listening for Things You Have in Common and Celebrating Them

Listen for things you have in common. This can help go a long way in creating relationships, especially if they are new relationships. “Me Too!” is a great way to do this.

Have a discussion at your table, and tell others things about yourself until everyone has had an opportunity to say “me too!”

Sometimes Care means listening for reasons to give a compliment

Being a person who cares means intentionally finding ways to affirm others. This is especially important, because it builds trust.

Ask someone at your table some open ended questions until you hear something you can give someone a compliment about.

What is something you’ve accomplished in your life?

Sometimes Care means looking for reasons to celebrate

You can say something like “What’s been the best part of your day?”

Even when someone doesn’t specifically name a positive emotion or if they minimize good things that did happen, celebrate anyway. Often this is a result of someone feeling ignored or uncared for, so they overlook the good things. You can demonstrate care by listening for their reasons to celebrate and noticing them!

Sometimes care means looking for reason to give comfort

When someone says something that indicates pain, it is a perfect opportunity to express care and compassion. If they are stressed, upset, or otherwise disturbed, you can verbalize how you care.

Acceptance

Romans 15:7 ESV

Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.

Reminder: Acceptance is: Liking someone who may be different than you. It means not trying to change someone or fix them to be more like you. It also means that even if someone messes up, you don't write them off, but instead, you give them a second chance.

The opposite of acceptance is rejection. Since rejection is painful, people will often conform just to fit in.

Acceptance is NOT rejecting or looking down on someone because they are different than you; it is NOT trying to change someone to be someone they are not; it is NOT writing someone off when they have messed up or fallen short; it is NOT withholding love from them for their mess up, failure, or mistake.

Acceptance sounds like: I love you just the way you are! I am glad that I am your friend even if you mess up!

Receiving Acceptance

We all have a need for acceptance, but we also have unique and personal ways we like for others to show it. Here are five statements of acceptance. Which is most important to you? Share that with a neighbor.

Go out of your way to welcome me especially if something about me is different from you.

When we are in a group of people, try to notice if I seem to be uneasy of alone and take steps to make me feel welcome.

Look beyond my faults or imperfections and care about me anyway.

Welcome me when I am feeling up and also when I am feeling down.

Be quick to forgive me when I mess up or offend you. I need a second chance.

Giving Acceptance

I go out of my way to welcome those whose physical appearance, lifestyle, and/or beliefs differ from my own.

When I am in a group of people, I try to spot those who seem to be uneasy or alone and take steps to help them feel welcome.

I try to look beyond people’s faults and minister to their needs.

I accept people not only when they are “up,” but also when they are “down.”

When others “blow it,” mess up, or offend me, I am quick to forgive them.

I genuinely like all kinds of people and tend to get along well with others.

Failing to do these things can cause others to feel rejected. Rejection can be incredibly hurtful. No one wants to be fixed or feel like they have to be adjusted in order to fit in.

Think about a time someone accepted you for who you are.

Try some of these at home or with the people closest to you:

Would you like me to make sure I know if you’re feeling uneasy or alone and take steps to help you feel comfortable?

Would you like me to look past your faults or imperfections more often than I do?

Would you like for me to notice and call out the things that are unique about you, and tell you how grateful I am for those?

Would you like for me to celebrate your high points and comfort you in your low points more often?

Would you like me to give you more second chances?

Luke 19:1–10 (ESV)

He entered Jericho and was passing through. And behold, there was a man named Zacchaeus. He was a chief tax collector and was rich. And he was seeking to see who Jesus was, but on account of the crowd he could not, because he was small in stature. So he ran on ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree to see him, for he was about to pass that way. And when Jesus came to the place, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, hurry and come down, for I must stay at your house today.” So he hurried and came down and received him joyfully. And when they saw it, they all grumbled, “He has gone in to be the guest of a man who is a sinner.” And Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold.” And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, since he also is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

Christ ministered to many individuals across the pages of Scripture. He was particularly sensitive to peoples' pain-physical, emotional, and spiritual. He was, to them, the Great Physician. He met people at their point of need -physically, spiritually, and relationally. He was to them the Great Provider. Christ accepted and ministered to sinners while not condoning their wrong behavior. Christ demonstrated unconditional love as He viewed a person's worth as separate from their behavior. "But God demonstrates His own love toward us (declaring our worthl, in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).

Jesus is a perfect model and example of how to minister to an individual's need. Let's consider His strategy with a tax-collector named Zacchaeus and a Samaritan woman at Jacob's well. (Read Luke 19:1-10 and John 4:7-26) In his interaction with these two individuals, He modeled for us the attitude and action we should have and take with our own children.

First, let's consider a first-century tax collector named Zacchaeus:

His Behavior- likely included stealing, deceit, lying

His Feelings possibly lonely, rejected, guilty, fearful, insecure

His Thoughts--possibly "no one cares?; "nothing will ever change"

His Needs- he probably needed Acceptance, security, approval, respect, attention

Tell someone why Jesus didn’t have to accept you, but how He did.

Complete the sentence with someone at your table: I remember missing acceptance when: ______

I remember receiving Acceptance when: ________

Appreciation

Philippians 1:3 ESV

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,

Appreciation is: Recognizing someone's accomplishments or efforts; especially noticing things they have DONE. It includes sharing words of thanks and is often given through words of affirmation and gratitude or sometimes certificates, medals, or trophies.

• The opposite of appreciation is being taken for granted or even criticism.

Criticism is felt when there is more emphasis on what is wrong with the person's performance rather than on what is right.

Appreciation sounds like: Thank you for helping with dinner last night!

You did an outstanding job in your performance yesterday! Your sermon was amazing this morning!

Appreciation is NOT criticism, or taking someone for granted, or focusing on what someone is doing wrong more than what they are doing right.

Receiving Appreciation

We all have a need for appreciation. Which of the following statements is most important to you?

Communicate gratitude for my contributions and efforts through private and public affirmation.

Convey appreciation for what I do right more than criticism for what I do wrong.

Go out of your way to thank me for my efforts, even when you have not directly benefitted from my actions.

Notice the special times in my life when I need to be acknowledged.

Write notes to thank me for the things I’ve done or efforts I’ve made.

Share with someone at your table.

Giving Appreciation

You can commend others for doing well or putting forth effort.

You can give small gifts of appreciation.

You can focus one what others do right before focusing on what’s done wrong.

You can go out of your way to thank people for their acts of service, even when you haven’t benefitted from it.

Take note of special times in people’s lives when they ought to be recognized.

Jesus verbalized appreciation for the Roman Centurion:

Luke 7:7–10 (ESV)

Therefore I did not presume to come to you. But say the word, and let my servant be healed. For I too am a man set under authority, with soldiers under me: and I say to one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes; and to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.” When Jesus heard these things, he marveled at him, and turning to the crowd that followed him, said, “I tell you, not even in Israel have I found such faith.” And when those who had been sent returned to the house, they found the servant well.

And the Widow with her mite:

Mark 12:41–44 (ESV)

And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”

In giving appreciation, we should look for ways to brag on others for what they do.

Make a plan to use this formula to show appreciation to someone:

Thank you for _______ I noticed that you ____________ this week. I’m really grateful for _________________.

Let’s look at a scriptural example:

Luke 7:36–50 ESV

One of the Pharisees asked him to eat with him, and he went into the Pharisee’s house and reclined at table. And behold, a woman of the city, who was a sinner, when she learned that he was reclining at table in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster flask of ointment, and standing behind him at his feet, weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment. Now when the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner.” And Jesus answering said to him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.” And he answered, “Say it, Teacher.” “A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.” Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” And he said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” Then those who were at table with him began to say among themselves, “Who is this, who even forgives sins?” And he said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Simon, the host for this gathering, was pretty important, and in comes this prostitute woman, uninvited. What was she doing here?

Her behavior: She fell at the feet of Jesus and washed His feet with her hair.

Her feelings: She was grateful that Christ would see past her sins to see her true worth and value.

Her thoughts: I have been forgiven! How can I ever repay Jesus? Now I can do good things with my life instead of wrong things.”

Her needs: Appreciation, Acceptance, and Comfort.

Complete the sentence with someone at your table: I remember missing appreciation when: ______