Session 1 : Great Conversations & Great Expectations
The Art of Relating • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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An Overview of the Course
An Overview of the Course
Tonight: Humanity’s First Problem
Tonight: The Fruit of Caring Connections
Tonight: The Fruit of No Caring Connections
Tonight: Great Conversations - Intro
Tonight: Assessment Given
Next weeks: Great Conversations Finished
Next Weeks: Breakdown of the Top Needs represented in this class
Humanity’s First Problem
Humanity’s First Problem
Who can tell me, according to the Bible, what man’s first problem was?
You might say sin. However, the Bible presents a different story:
Genesis 2:18 (ESV)
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
It is not good for man to be alone. What do you think God was observing about the man in these moments? Perhaps He could see an anxiety in the man. Or that Adam just wasn’t all that he could be. Remember, man was not made PERFECT in the garden, but innocent. Our perfection doesn’t come until our final redemption in the last days. In the meantime, we are left with the problems of humanity and God’s answer to them for this side of Heaven.
Turn to your neighbor and share about a time when you felt really alone, and someone came and helped relieved you of that lonely feeling.
Take a few minutes. Who wants to share an impactful story you just heard?
Caring Connections: With and Without
Caring Connections: With and Without
All of us need aloneness removed from our lives. In fact, brain science is showing that without healthy relationships, brains literally form differently. In a person who grew up with a caring family, versus a child that was neglected, brain scans will show places in the brain that do not make the proper connections one would expect from a fully-developed brain. Thats because our brains are very adaptive. And if the environment you grow up in is an environment where you learn that you cannot trust the people closest to you in life, your brain will form in such a way that believes and acts as if that is true.
God’s creation at work. But God did not intend for us to be alone, and He did not intend for us to be so marred by sin and aloneness. So we need caring connections to abate the effects of sin even in our brain chemistry.
With caring connections, good things happen.
With caring connections, good things happen.
We all have unique relationship needs the distinct ways that we feel cared for and loved in relationships. In this session, you learned more about giving and receiving CELEBRATIONS to help create caring connections. Caring, connections at home help:
Enrich your home as a place of refuge and fun.
Reduce misunderstandings and conflicts.
Impart critical relational skills and values to children and future generations.
Deepen marriage intimacy and relational closeness.
Strengthen parents' relationship with children.
Parents instill values, faith, and life purpose.
Reduce isolation and aloneness.
Prepare children and teens for adulthood and a positive, productive future.
Without caring connections and if relational needs are missed, bad things happen.
Without caring connections and if relational needs are missed, bad things happen.
When we are feeling alone, disconnected, or isolated at home, we might:
Have difficulty with family cohesion, unity, and vision.
Struggle to address the inevitable conflicts of family life..
Struggle to negotiate the life stages of marriage and family.
Have more physical symptoms and health concerns.
Lose sleep or become depressed.
Become irritable, critical, uncooperative, or impatient.
Be more fearful, anxious, and have a tough time trusting other people.
Be more prone to abuse alcohol, drugs, or porn.
Escape into video streaming, gaming, shopping, work, or hobbies.
Feel depressed, withdrawn, or resentful.
Great conversations can help reduce aloneness and create caring connections. Great conversations are defined as being when two people take turns listening and talking about ideas, thoughts, and feelings, and both people feel comfortable and connected.
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;
I want you to remember the last time you had a conversation that fits that description. Tell someone about that conversation and what made it great.
A Great Conversation is not:
Rude or disrespectful; It does not involve interrupting, meanness or sarcasm. A great conversation is not where one person does all the talking or one person feels insecure, intimidated, disconnected, or alone. A great conversation is also not going through motions or pretending to care.
I can remember one person in particular, a church lady. She thought of herself and kind of flaunted herself as one of the more caring individuals in the church. However, any time you’d share a story with her about something hard going on, she always had something more difficult that she was going through. This is called one-upping. If you want to have a great conversation, you must refuse to one-up the other person with your problems.
Great Conversations Build Trust
Great Conversations Build Trust
Trust is having a sense of safety, security, and confidence with another person. Trust is necessary for good relationships and even a healthy society.
Share about someone in your life that you know personally, in whom you place a lot of trust. What do they do or not do that has earned your trust? Tell why you’re grateful this person is in your life.
Take a few minutes. Who wants to share about a person they heard about?
How to build trust in a conversation:
How to build trust in a conversation:
Talk less and listen more. Great listening looks like:
Facing the other person fully
Making eye contact
Being aware of body language
having no other agenda except getting to know the other person.
Helping them feel heard and understood.
It does not look like:
Interrupting
Planning what you will say next
judging the other person
jumping to conclusions (Be curious, not critical!)
demanding a response
Share with a neighbor: Tell one time you were not a good listener. How could you have done differently?
Take the Initiative to Build Trust
Take the Initiative to Build Trust
Go first in being vulnerable. Let the other person know you. Be open about your thoughts, emotions, and story. By showing your willingness to take a risk, you show that you are open to connection and that you are a real person.
*Show Video*
Share with someone how you are REALLY feeling today.
Starting a Great Conversation
Starting a Great Conversation
We need to display God’s character as believers!
but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.
For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
We may need to go first. So take the initiative.
How do we take the initiative? Start with an open-ended question. Who, what, why, when, where, or how.
Who is someone who blessed you today? For me, it was Aubrey Shadle. Aubrey is Laurie Shadle’s granddaughter, and she and Laurie were hanging out at the front desk this morning. I bought donuts, because I was out during my birthday, and I wanted to celebrate my birthday. Aubrey was the first person to take me up on my offer to have a donut. That made me happy.
Why don’t you do that now? Ask your neighbor a who, what, why, when, where, or how question. You can steal mine, or ask another question.
We’ll finish Having Great Conversations next week.
Top 10 Relational Needs
Top 10 Relational Needs
Acceptance
Acceptance
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
Romans 15:7 tells us to receive or welcome one another just as Christ has received us. So, it's important to remember how Jesus has received us. Christ didn't love us because we were perfect, had no faults, or made no mistakes. In fact, Romans 5:8 reminds us that while we were still sinners, Christ gave His life for us. In love, Jesus covered our faults, wanted our good, and welcomed us into His heart. Just as we have received acceptance from Christ, let's give it to others.
Acceptance is: Liking someone who may be different than you. It means not trying to change someone or fix them to be more like you. It also means that even if someone messes up, you don't write them off, but instead, you give them a second chance.
The opposite of acceptance is rejection. Since rejection is painful, people will often conform just to fit in.
Acceptance sounds like: I love you just the way you are! I am glad that I am your friend even if you mess up!
Appreciation
Appreciation
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,
Appreciation is: Recognizing someone's accomplishments or efforts; especially noticing things they have DONE. It includes sharing words of thanks and is often given through words of affirmation and gratitude or sometimes certificates, medals, or trophies.
• The opposite of appreciation is being taken for granted or even criticism.
Criticism is felt when there is more emphasis on what is wrong with the person's performance rather than on what is right.
Appreciation sounds like: Thank you for helping with dinner last night!
You did an outstanding job in your performance yesterday! Your sermon was amazing this morning!
Approval
Approval
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Approval is: Building up and affirming the worth of another person; noticing someone's character and commending them for it; it's bragging about how great someone is and speaking highly about them. It is acknowledging a person for WHO they are, not just for what they do. It also includes affirming the fact of and the importance of a relationship.
The opposite of approval is disapproval. Disapproval can make someone question whether they are liked, viewed favorably, or viewed as worthy.
Approval sounds like: I'm proud of you. You have such a kind and generous heart. I'm impressed by your investment in our people. I love being your mom/dad.
Attention
Attention
that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.
• Attention means: Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care; taking thought of another: entering another person's "world."
The opposite of attention is neglect. Neglect can be communicated by insensitivity, not noticing a need, or failure to prioritize someone's preferences.
Attention sounds like: Tell me about your day. How did your test go? I would like to get to know you better, can we meet for lunch?
Let's do something fun this weekend. Your choice!
Comfort
Comfort
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
Comfort is: responding to a hurting person with words, feelings, and appropriate, gentle touch. Giving comfort might include putting an arm around you when you're sad: sitting quietly, and just "being there" during a difficult time. It might even include crying with you. Comfort means providing others with compassion for their physical and emotional needs because those needs are common to all of us.
•The opposite of comfort is minimizing or overlooking the pain of others.
Comfort sounds like: I'm sad for you. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know you must be really disappointed and I'm heartbroken for you.
Encouragement
Encouragement
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
Encouragement is: Taking the time to urge someone on towards their goal; helping them become more determined, hopeful, or confident.
Encouragement is helping someone to persevere.
•The opposite of encouragement is discouragement. Discouragement can cause someone to lose their confidence, motivation, or enthusiasm.
Encouragement sounds like: I know you can make it! Don't give up!
I believe in you. You've got this!
Respect
Respect
Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
Respect is treating people as important and regarding them with great value, honoring others with your words and actions.
The opposite of respect is disrespect, to undervalue, or abuse.
Respect includes using an appropriate tone of voice, apologizing when you have done something wrong or messed up. It includes listening without interrupting or checking with someone before making plans that affect them. It sounds like: I'd like to hear your ideas. What do you prefer? I was wrong. Will you forgive me?
Security
Security
So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.
Security is: Harmony in relationships, freedom from fear, the threat of harm, or abandonment.
Security includes physical security (freedom from the fear of harm), financial security (reassurance of food, money, and resources), and emotional security (being able to count on certain relationships to consistently meet needs and keep promises).
•The opposite of security is insecurity or threat. Insecurity can cause a person to have fear about current and future relationships.
Security sounds like: I'm here for you. We're going to work this out. I want to reassure you that...I've got you! I am going to keep my promise.
Support
Support
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Support is: Coming alongside another person and helping them with a problem or a struggle. It's part of what the apostle Paul meant when he said, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2 NIV).
Support includes helping someone with a big project, taking time to teach or mentor someone in how to do a task, showing them how, or just doing something hard TOGETHER. It sounds like: I'm glad to help, just let me know what's needed. Let's try the first step together. How can I pitch in?
There’s another: Affection. I’m gonna leave that one for your home and family lives. But you should know it’s important. And as we go through this content, I’ll give you resources to understand that need as well.
After looking at these relational needs, I want you to share with a neighbor what you think would be your top 2 relational needs. 3, if you feel like you can’t choose. We all need all of them, but we also all crave some more than others. Share with a neighbor which you believe are most important to you.
I’d also invite you to take this assessment, and email me with your top 3 results! I want to tailor our time together by going deep in the top needs represented here in the class. I’ll also teach over the coming weeks on how to recognize these needs in others, and how to respond to them in such a way to help the person you are interacting with. Having great conversations and meeting relational needs… Pretty important in our day, as this is becoming a dying art in the advent of the screen.
I’ll never forget the first time I felt ignored for a screen… 6 years old, had a friend over: Matthew. Matthew started playing my video games, and when I’d try to talk to him, he wouldn’t/couldn’t respond. One of the first times in my life I could express feeling a need for connection that I was not receiving.