Godly Dating 101
Love, Dating and Sexuality • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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History of Dating
History of Dating
Late 1800’s - Beth Baily - The word date was probably originally used as a lower-class slang word for booking an appointment with a prostitute
Early 1900’s -
Term “Date” was used by lower class men and women meeting to go out to public dances, parlors, etc.
Courtship in homes or on the front porch with the family.
1920’s - University setting: Dating and Rating - Many dates with many people
1940’s - Shortage of men due to WWII
People started getting married younger - Women 18, Men 20
Dating many eligible marriage candidates before making a choice.
1950’s - “Going Steady” -
Exclusive dating relationship
a mimicry of marriage/play marriage
1. Guard your heart
1. Guard your heart
You were not meant to “fall in love” with many people.
Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.
Heart Illustration: Piece given here, piece given there.
Save it for your spouse.
This doesn’t mean…
You are closed off
Impressionable
Stand off-ish
Avoid dating
What this means is that as you date…
Don’t allow your emotions to go unchecked.
Don’t start fantasizing about your life together.
Don’t get your heart set on a person before you know if they are someone you should marry.
2. Hold each dating relationship with an “open hand” until God closes it in marriage.
2. Hold each dating relationship with an “open hand” until God closes it in marriage.
Don’t pretend you are married, if you aren’t married.
“She’s mine” or “He’s mine”
Doing everything together.
Instead, keep an open hand. Allow God to close it in marriage.
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
3. Go on dates with others who are going the same direction in life.
3. Go on dates with others who are going the same direction in life.
misconceptions:
I should only go on a date with someone I have feelings for.
You might be passing over someone who you would really like if you got to know them.
Feelings can deepen and mature.
If I go on a date it means I need to be serious about the person.
People who think this way only end up getting to know a couple of eligable candidates for marriage.
They commit before marriage, and often break the committment after marriage.
I should only date someone I find really attractive.
It’s a bit shallow.
You might be ruling someone out that would really like and eventually become attracted to once you get to know them.
Physical attractiveness will fade away, so a relationship really needs to depend on much more than that.
It is true that:
You shouldn’t date someone you know is not equally yoked.
But if there is someone who is walking with God, but you don’t have “feelings” for them, it is ok to date them.
Exhortation:
To men: Put yourself out there and be willing to ask a girl on a date.
To women: If he is walking with the Lord, give him at least one chance and encourage him for his willingness to put himself out there.
If it looks like a date, call it a date.
4. Set your physical boundaries high.
4. Set your physical boundaries high.
God designed sexual intimacy to be shared between one man and one woman once they are married.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality;
What about other forms of physical intimacy?
Making out.
Getting all touchy.
So what’s the line?
Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters.
Ask yourself, “Would it be messed up if I did that with my sister?”
I would go out to eat with my sister.
I would go to a movie with my sister.
I would give my sister a hug.
I would not make out with my sister.
Sexual desires aren’t bad. They are good. But….…
Counter-Cultural: Sensual intimacy is meant to be reserved for the the covenant of marriage.
The way to move towards sexual intimacy in a godly way is to move towards marriage.
I can see it in your eyes: “But that’s gonna be forever!!!!”
I gotta get my degree
my career in full swing
my sweet car
At least a 3 bedroom house
we gotta date for at least 2 years
Show me a verse about that.
Often times Christians are so concerned with those things, that they don’t get married. While in the mean time they are either giving in to sexual immorality or struggling with lust.
If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.
I’m not suggesting you rush into marriage though. You need to know it is God’s will for you to marry that person, but you don’t need to delay it because of the reasons mentioned above.
Some examples to ask when setting boundaries:
When would I be most tempted to give into sexual immorality?
Where?
What type of physical touch would ignite lust?
What would a wise and mature godly person do?
5. Do not let dating interfere with your walk with God or your personal ministry
5. Do not let dating interfere with your walk with God or your personal ministry
If you allow dating to interfere with your walk with God, you are really flipping your priorities around and it will lead to disaster.
Daily time with God.
Prayer
Scripture memory
Fellowship
Personal ministry: Find someone who wants you to prioritize your personal ministry.
Max Barnett - Story of the three friends
One had a gf who he was on a perpetual date with.
2 of the guys went on to be College ministry directors.
The third couldn’t - because of his wife.
When you get married, you will need to cut back on some things in ministry if you are going really strong. But don’t do that until your about to get married.
Keep having a personal ministry.
As we wrap up:
As we wrap up:
Guard your heart.
Open hand
Go on dates
Sexual purity
Walk with God/ministry
Max Barnett, “Dating and Relating” http://turret2.discipleshiplibrary.com/2253A.mp3
And “Dating” http://turret2.discipleshiplibrary.com/7892A.mp3
Beth L. L. Baily, “From Front Porch to Back Seat: Courtship in Twentieth Century America”
Skip Burzumato, “A Brief History of Courtship and Dating in America” Part 1 and 2 https://www.boundless.org/relationships/a-brief-history-of-courtship-and-dating-in-america-part-2/
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