Resolving Marital Conflict
Marriage, Family, and Sexuality • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Pastor David’s cancellation this morning
Tried to think of what I could do:
Would flow with this morning’s message
Wouldn’t require a great deal of time
Continue our study of M.F. and S....
…without messing up Scott’s sequencing for next week.
After talking to some of you...
…I decided on this.
-Repeat of Marriage Counseling.
-We tend to follow Fox News and Social Media...
…more than the Word of God.
-Not left in the dark.
So, let’s pray and then we’ll jump in.
Pray
-I want to begin by reading 1 Peter 3 again.
It summarizes for us...
…our proper marital conduct...
…prior to the presence of conflict.
And let me say this before we do:
Conflict is inevitable in your marriage.
(elaborate)
However, we can and should...
…strive for the return of that Shalom in our marriages.
Matthew 5:9 (ESV)
9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
The path to peacemaking...
…begins with prevention.
1 Peter 3 is a good summary of...
…appropriate marital disposition:
(We’ll look at more broadly applicable passages later)
1 Peter 3:1–9 (ESV)
1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—
4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,
6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.
9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.
That alone, will prevent 90% of your conflicts from ever happening!
-General Principles to avoiding Conflict:
23 Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.
5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!
Proverbs 11:13 (ESV)
13 Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.
Leviticus 19:16 (ESV)
16 You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people...
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
9 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
19 It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.
Proverbs 12:15 (ESV)
15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.
Matthew 7:1–5 (ESV)
1 “Judge not, that you be not judged.
2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.
3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?
5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
18 You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.
Luke 6:27–29 (ESV)
27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.
29 To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.
17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.
18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 13:8–10 (ESV)
8 Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.
9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
10 Love does no wrong to a neighbor...
Duty to Resolve Conflict:
25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.
26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
27 and give no opportunity to the devil.
Matthew 5:21–26 (ESV)
21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’
22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.
23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,
24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift...
Matthew 18:15 (ESV)
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Leviticus 19:17 (ESV)
17 “You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him.
Luke 17:3–4 (ESV)
3 Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him,
4 and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
The offended and the offender...
…should meet in the middle...
…on their way to see each other.
-Principles for resolving conflict:
(Review of the previous)
Basic Principles:
Proverbs 12:15 (ESV)
15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.
5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
2 Timothy 2:24–25 (ESV)
24 And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone . . . patiently enduring evil,
25 correcting his opponents with gentleness...
-Ultimately: Forgiveness is the Solution
14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,
15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.
33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’
34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.
35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Colossians 3:12–13 (ESV)
12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,
13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Ephesians 4:30–5:1 (ESV)
30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.