Can Members Be Divorced?
Notes
Transcript
ME (A hook): Kintsugi
ME (A hook): Kintsugi
Several weeks ago at the Summer Women’s Fellowship,
They did this activity together called Kintsugi.
Slide
It comes from Japan,
And it literally means:
Golden mending or joining.
The word, kint, means gold,
And sugi means to mend or join together.
The idea is to simply take broken pottery,
And mend it together with a golden adhesive,
To take something broken and redeem it into something beautiful.
Since they did this activity,
I have been waiting for the right sermon to share this illustration with everyone.
And as I was preparing this week,
I felt that this sermon would be an appropriate time.
Because this morning,
Slide
We are asking the question that is discussed in Matthew 19:1-12.
And that question is,
Can Members Be Divorced?
It is probably not a stretch to say that every one of us have been affected in some way by divorce.
Whether you yourself have been divorced,
Or a family member,
Or a friend,
Divorce seems to hit close to home for almost all of us.
And when I think about examples of brokenness in our culture,
The pain and impact divorce can have is perhaps one of the most significantly felt forms of brokenness in our culture.
But our passage shows this is not just a modern concern.
Because Jesus was specifically asked about divorce,
In Israel during the first century.
His reply is probably not what we might expect.
It seemingly was not what the disciples expected.
Slide
Jesus works through this important topic saying,
God Designed Marriage (vs. 1-6)
Divorce is the Brokenness of Sin (vs. 7-9)
Jesus Redeems All Brokenness (vs. 10-12)
Jesus takes all that is broken and redeems it into something beautiful.
Divorce is an opportunity for Jesus to do kintsugi with our brokenness.
WE (vs. 1-6) (Why does this matter to us?):
WE (vs. 1-6) (Why does this matter to us?):
Slide
The start of our passage centers on Jesus’ interaction with the Pharisees,
Where He teaches that God Designed Marriage.
Vs. 1 says,
After Jesus finished His extended teaching about restoring straying sheep,
He leaves Galilee,
And goes to the region of Judea across the Jordan.
Then in vs. 2,
He does a little more miraculous healing of people.
Slide
In vs. 3,
The interaction with the Pharisees begins with them coming up to Jesus to test Him.
They were hoping to trap Him between a rock and a hard place,
Asking Him,
Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any reason?
This is a question we can relate to.
It is a question many have asked in our own context.
Slide
So, as the body of Christ,
We want to consider this question with care for all who are affected by divorce,
And with confidence in God’s designs.
Because in our culture today,
Divorce is perhaps the most accessible it has ever been.
So, it is a challenge to walk alongside fellow members who are considering divorce.
The temptation is to quickly jump to divorce.
But before going to a lawyer,
The first person we must always go to with the question of divorce is God.
As members of Christ’s body,
We should be sharing life with one another,
This includes the struggles that might be happening between a husband and wife.
Authentic biblical communities include all sorts of conflicts,
Even marital conflict.
At FBC,
We want to nurture environments where we can do this in a healthy,
God-honoring way.
This is the driving priority behind Connect Groups,
Which, Lord willing,
We are hoping to start back up next month!
Connect Groups are meant to cultivate these environments,
Where members can walk together honestly and lovingly through all aspects of life,
Including our conflicts and struggles.
So, after a member goes to God with their questions about divorce,
This body should be the next place they can take their questions and concerns.
Because this is the place where we pursue after God’s design and desire for our lives.
As the body of Christ,
We have a responsibility to comfort one another in love.
So, if a person is already divorced,
Considering divorce,
Getting a divorce,
Or even if they are a child of divorce,
We must come alongside them,
To encourage them to find joy, forgiveness, and hope in Christ.
We mourn and grieve with them over the brokenness they are experiencing,
We point them to the constant reality of God’s presence,
And to His faithful Word!
But at the same time,
We may also have to confront one another in love.
In a well-intended effort to comfort with love,
We do not want to cultivate what is false.
We may have to confront in love a fellow member who is operating based solely on their feelings.
Because our feelings can mislead us.
Or we may have to confront a fellow member who is twisting Scripture to justify what they want.
And we must avoid doing these things ourselves,
Thinking we are comforting them.
Not only is it unloving,
It is dishonest and misleading.
Sure, it may seem to feel better in the moment,
But it can cause disastrous consequences in the long term.
So, we must balance comforting in love with God’s faithful Word,
And confronting in love with His faithful Word,
Trusting always that God will bless according to His Word.
Slide
With that in mind,
Let’s go back to the Pharisees’ question.
They specifically asked if it was lawful.
So, they are referring to God’s law in Deut. 24:1-4,
Which says,
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.
During the first century,
There were two main schools of thought about what allowed for a divorce.
One was the teaching of Hillel,
Which taught that Deuteronomy allows divorce for virtually any reason.
If the husband was dissatisfied with his wife’s cooking,
Or no longer liked the way she looked,
Basically anything he found displeasing,
Hillel taught that Deuteronomy 24 allowed him to divorce her,
As long as he wrote a certificate of divorce.
The other school of thought came from the teacher, Shammai.
Shammai taught pretty much the exact opposite,
That divorce essentially cannot happen for any reason,
Unless there is an egregious indecency committed.
So, this is the background for the Pharisees’ question to Jesus.
They are pitting these two schools of thought,
Hoping to trip Jesus up with the law.
Because if Jesus’ answer seems to agree with one or the other,
Then He risks losing all those who follow the teaching of the other.
Slide
But instead of engaging with the traditions of the day,
In vs. 4-6,
Jesus transcends the debate about the law,
Bringing it back to the earlier precedent of God’s design for marriage,
During the climax of creation.
“Haven’t you read?”
Jesus asks,
“That He,” God,
“Who created them,” people,
“In the beginning,
Made them male and female.”
And God said,
“For this reason,
A man will leave his father and mother,
And be joined to his wife,
And the two will become one flesh.”
So, Jesus adds,
“They are no longer two,”
But through this great mystery,
“God makes them one flesh.”
So, Jesus very clearly teaches that marriage came from the heart and mind of God.
Slide
In his book on marriage,
Timothy Keller writes,
“Marriage is God’s idea. It is certainly also a human institution, and it reflects the character of the particular human culture in which it is embedded. But the concept and roots of human marriage are in God’s own action, and therefore what the Bible says about God’s design for marriage is crucial.”
The Bible teaches that marriage is an exclusive relationship.
A man and a woman commit themselves to one another for life,
On the basis of their vow to become one flesh.
Slide
The Westminster Confession defines marriage this way:
“Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife, for the increase of mankind with a legitimate issue, and of the church with an holy seed; and for preventing uncleanness.”
God’s design for marriage is two equal partners,
A man and a woman,
Made in the image of God with equal dignity, value, and worth,
Who complement one another,
Sharing together in the work God has given His people to do,
Which is to go and make disciples.
This is also why the Bible’s idea of being equally yolked is so important.
If you are doing the work of making disciples,
But your spouse,
Your teammate,
Your partner says that is not their work.
Then you are working against one another.
This will constantly cause a barrier between you and your spouse.
You won’t be able to connect with one another on a deeply spiritual level.
All who enter marriage must seek to understand and submit to God’s design for it.
The Bible’s teachings about marriage have been tested by millions over centuries in countless cultures.
In it,
We see that God’s design for marriage is a one-flesh union between a man and woman in a whole-hearted, mutual, and lifelong relationship in this world.
In Matt. 22:30, Jesus teaches that marriages on earth don’t carry over into heaven.
And I think this is a hard part about God’s design for us to accept.
I know for me,
It is hard to imagine a day when my wife, Stephanie, and I will no longer be married.
But just because marriages do not carry over into eternity,
Does not mean deep love for one another will not exist in heaven.
In fact,
If I had to guess,
We will be even closer because there will be no sin.
But no man or woman will be united to their earthly spouses,
Because we will have our union with God.
So, we can trust God who designed marriage,
When He also promises a better future.
This by no means diminishes God’s design for marriage in this world.
Regarding marriage,
Slide
Francis Chan asks,
“How did God come up with this? The imagination and power required to create people and design marriage is literally unfathomable. The creation of family was brilliant. To go through life not as individuals, but as groups that show each other love and support, that carry each other through the hard times and laugh together in the good times, that pray and praise and cry and suffer and enjoy together—who else could have come up with something that beautiful?”
Chan’s question gets at the very reason God gives for marriage in Genesis.
Going back to the pinnacle of creation.
After God made Adam and all the animals.
God said it was not good for the man to be alone,
So, He made a woman out of the rib of Adam,
Who would be a fit helper.
And they were joined together as one flesh.
This took place when the man and woman were in the Garden of Eden.
When they were still innocent,
And free of sin.
Slide
So, by going back to this account,
Jesus is saying,
God’s brilliant initial design is still the basis used to frame marriage.
But as brilliant as marriage between a man and woman is,
The Bible repeatedly shows how it is a mere shadow of something far greater.
Marriage represents the union between God and His people repeatedly throughout the OT.
In the NT,
Heb. 13:4 simply says to let marriage be held in honor among all.
Ephesians 5 says the marriage between Christ and the church is a profound mystery.
So, God teaches that His design for marriage is to be a covenant.
Therefore, marriage between a man and woman is meant to reflect God’s covenantal nature,
Demonstrating to the world,
Christ’s covenant with His people.
So, the gospel helps us to understand marriage,
And marriage helps us to understand the gospel.
God designed marriage to reflect His saving love for us in Christ,
To refine our character,
And to create stable human communities to nurture families.
This is the lens through which we are to look at marriage.
Not the lens of our own fears or romanticism,
Or our own particular experiences,
Or through our culture’s narrow perspectives.
If we look at marriage through these lenses,
We will not be able to make wise decisions about marriage.
So, Jesus’ initial response to the Pharisees,
Is that God’s design,
And His Word,
Must be the starting point for any discussion about divorce.
So, if this is what the Bible says about marriage,
Divorce, then,
Is a fundamental example of the broken nature of God’s created order.
But like all brokenness in this world,
Christ is the solution,
The end of the Bible presents Him as the bridegroom to all who trust in Him,
And we are His bride, clothed in fine linen,
GOD (vs. 7-9) (Teach the text):
GOD (vs. 7-9) (Teach the text):
Slide
As Jesus taught,
Marriage was designed by God.
And we just discussed all the implications that flow from that.
So, it is clear that divorce is brokenness.
It is fundamentally at odds with God’s purpose in creation.
This is what Jesus just explained.
But in response,
The Pharisees try to pit what He just said against what Moses wrote in Deuteronomy.
“Why?”
They ask Jesus,
“Did Moses command us to give divorce papers,
And send her away?”
Jesus clarifies,
Saying,
“Moses did not command you to get a divorce,”
“Moses allows this,
Because of the hard-heartedness of humankind.”
This hard-heartedness is the consequence of the fall,
Which happened after God’s original creation in Genesis 2.
As Jesus says,
It was not like this at the beginning.
In the Garden,
There was no provision for divorce,
Because there was no brokenness.
It was not until after sin entered the world,
And hardened our human hearts,
That God’s law permits divorce to address the hardness of hearts.
This was needed even among God’s people.
Hard-heartedness is a stubborn adherence to what one thinks or wants.
It will twist almost anything to justify it’s way.
And that is what Jesus is addressing.
Moses did not write Deut. as a way for people to twist God’s law to justify their divorce.
This was not God’s design.
It was written to make allowances in the event of a divorce.
So, Jesus’ point is that divorce is a result of sin entering into the world.
Since sin entered the world,
Every marriage has fallen short of God’s original design.
Because now,
Marriage unites two dreadful sinners.
So, every marital conflict,
No matter how complex it may be,
Involves sin and hard-heartedness,
Which in some cases leads to brokenness in the form of divorce.
Therefore, Jesus,
Who is God,
Is the one Who makes allowances for divorce because of our sinful hard hearts.
Again, divorce was not part of God’s original design for marriage,
Just like no couple enters marriage saying,
“I hope we get eventually get divorced!”
God does not desire that either.
So, He addresses divorce in several places throughout the Bible.
And throughout human history,
Pastors, counselors, biblical scholars, and even lawyers,
Have disagreed over the details of what these different passages mean.
In fact,
That is what we see in our passage this morning.
After Jesus quoted Genesis 2,
Expressing the permanence of the marital union.
The Pharisees used God’s law to ask why God makes permissions for divorce.
They were essentially implying,
If God says marriage is permanent,
Why does He allow divorce in His own law?
So, instead of engaging with the argument over the law here,
My goal is not to be another modern day Hillel or Shammai,
And add my voice to the chorus arguing for what I think God’s law means.
Because the reality it is,
We all have broken God’s law,
We all have broken our covenant with Jesus,
And He has every right to divorce us.
Just as the beauties of marriage reflect the beauty of Christ’s union with His church,
The deep and profound pain of divorce reflects the deep and profound pain of all the ways we break our covenant with Jesus.
But the gospel of grace provides hope for all our brokenness.
That is where I want us to bring our hearts this morning.
But before we get to the glorious end of the gospel.
We must first sit with the pieces of our brokenness for a moment,
And feel the deep and profound pain we cause in our relationship with Jesus.
Because that is where Jesus takes the conversation.
As we see in vs. 7-8,
The first thing He says,
Is that God made provisions for divorce,
Because of our hard hearts,
Which we have because of sin in this world.
Slide
Then, in vs. 9,
Jesus teaches why divorce breaks God’s law.
He says it is a form of adultery.
This is true for all of us in terms of our relationship with God.
In the OT,
God says all of His people are adulterers.
Because our sin breaks our covenant with Him.
We cheat on God every time we love something more than Him,
And we love something more than Him every time we sin.
So, ironically,
We can be married and never divorce our spouse,
But love our spouse more than God,
And be guilty of adultery.
But also in vs. 9,
And back in the Sermon on the Mount,
Jesus teaches about one of those allowances for divorce.
Sexual immorality.
Which is interesting,
Because sexual immorality is a more general term for sexual sin than the specific act of adultery.
Since Jesus just got done referring to marriage as a one flesh union,
His point here seems to be,
That when this is violated by one of the spouses,
It is a serious violation,
Not only against their spouse,
But more importantly against God.
Marital unfaithfulness in the form of sexual infidelity effectively destroys the one-flesh union of marriage.
Going back to the OT,
The punishment for sexual immorality was getting stoned to death.
Proverbs gives a stark warning against even flirting with seductive sexual immorality.
Slide
Prov. 7:21-27 says,
With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life. And now, O sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth. Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths, for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is the way to Sheol, going down to the chambers of death.
This continues into the NT,
Where sexual immorality is repeatedly included in lists of sins condemned by God.
Therefore, when sexual immorality happens in the context of marriage,
Jesus says it is allowable for a legal divorce,
Which recognizes this brokenness,
To follow.
Jesus is not saying it is required,
Reconciliation can certainly happen.
In fact,
It can become an opportunity for the radical implications of the gospel.
Jesus leaves the door open to approach the possibility of divorce in a redemptive way.
But the Pharisees’ question about divorce,
And often the question about divorce in our culture today,
Is trying to find circumstances to make us feel okay about ending our marriage.
It is looking for a loophole in the law.
Instead, we should long for reconciliation to occur.
Remember,
This interaction takes place on the heels of the parable of the unforgiving servant.
It takes great mercy to forgive sexual immorality.
But if true repentance is present,
And both spouses understand how greatly they have been forgiven by God,
Then forgiveness and reconciliation can certainly happen.
We are to strive for and pray for this.
It is not the easiest path,
It takes Christ,
And His Spirit.
So, yes, divorce is allowable,
But because of the gospel,
It does not have to be inevitable.
In fact, God would prefer that divorce doesn’t happen.
Because of the covenantal nature by which He designed marriage.
Yet, God still provides allowances,
That specifically protect the divorced wife in a culture where she is extremely vulnerable.
As Jesus said,
God did this because of the hard-heartedness of humankind.
The same hard-heartedness that leads to marital unfaithfulness in the first place,
Breaking the covenant,
Destroying the marriage,
And warranting divorce if no reconciliation is to be had.
But even when an allowable divorce occurs,
The result is still deep and painful brokenness.
Even if there is not necessarily an offense committed,
1 Cor. 7 talks about a person being abandoned by their spouse.
It says that you are not enslaved to your spouse,
But there is still brokenness.
Because the relationship that was a marriage is now over.
So, it is important to remember,
God is all-knowing.
He is not unaware of our brokenness,
Even if we are responsible for it.
And He is not unaware of our modern day challenges.
Today exists new and different challenges and struggles for marriages that are unique to the times when the Bible was written.
But look around,
God in His sovereignty,
Has given us one another,
The body of Christ,
To be the means by which we walk through pain, hurt, neglect, abuse, and other forms of marital strife.
This is once again why sharing life with one another as members of this body is so vitally important.
YOU (vs. 10-12) (Response):
YOU (vs. 10-12) (Response):
Slide
Up to this point,
We have talked about how God designed marriage,
And divorce is the brokenness of sin.
If this was all we got from God’s Word,
It would be very bad news,
Especially if you have been a part of a divorce.
But that is not the whole story.
As we shift to the final part of this passage to look at some practical application,
Here is where we consider the entirety of the gospel,
And the hope of the gospel,
Which is,
That Jesus redeems all brokenness.
So, whether you have been divorced,
Are considering a divorce,
Or have been affected by divorce in any way,
You have a reason to hope.
I am certain that this topic has brought up old wounds,
Or perhaps is magnifying current wounds for you.
This is such a painfully difficult topic to encounter in the Bible.
But Jesus addresses it.
Why?
Because regardless of how strong or broken your covenant with another person in this world may be,
Jesus is your groom,
Who is always perfectly faithful to keep His covenant with you.
So, even if you have been a part of a divorce in this world,
If you trust in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior,
You are still His bride.
And no matter how many times you may offend Him,
Or break your end of the covenant with Him,
He says,
As long as you genuinely repent,
That is you confess and ask for His mercy,
He is always gracious,
Always forgiving,
And still always faithful to His end of the covenant.
We truly can’t even imagine what this type of marriage is like.
Because even the best of marriages in this world pale in comparison to His perfectly faithful covenant-keeping.
So, Jesus as your groom provides hope.
Even if your marriage covenant in this world is broken,
Christ’s covenant to you remains intact!
He picks you up wherever you are each day,
Carrying you with His covenantal love for you.
And no matter what happens in this world,
He will never forsake you, His bride!
This is the gospel!
Now, does this mean you can go and divorce your spouse just because you feel like it,
And justifying that God will forgive you?
Absolutely not.
This misses the whole point of the gospel.
Because this isn’t genuine repentance.
But if you are divorced,
Or if you are in a marriage where your spouse is repeatedly breaking your covenant,
With no true repentance,
And are considering divorce.
The gospel of Jesus Christ redeems all brokenness,
So, go to Him,
Sincerely confess your own sin to Him,
And truly ask for His grace.
You will find your groom to be an Eternal Savior,
Who is gracious and merciful,
And is committed to sustaining you,
And being your greatest satisfaction,
Both now and forever!
WE (Paint a picture of the future):
WE (Paint a picture of the future):
Slide
This gospel hope plays out practically in a number of ways.
Look at vs. 10,
After hearing Jesus teach about divorce,
The disciples rashly conclude that if this is what a marriage relationship is like,
Than it is better not to marry at all.
It feels like a cynical view of what Jesus taught.
But Jesus does acknowledge,
In some cases, it is better not to marry.
But the reason,
He says,
Is for the sake of the kingdom of heaven,
The sake of the mission to go and make disciples,
For the sake of greater usefulness in Christ’s work.
Slide
So, the first application from this passage is surprisingly directed toward singles.
If you are single,
Even if you desire to get married someday,
Jesus teaches you to maximize your singleness to advance the gospel.
As a single person,
Generally, more of your time and attention is able to be given to Jesus.
The Apostle Paul remained single his entire life.
In 1 Cor. 7:7-9, he says,
I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Slide
Sometimes it is better not to marry for the work of going and making disciples.
Neither Jesus nor Paul are saying marriage is bad,
But they are saying that marriage is not for everyone.
You don’t have to be married to experience a complete life.
Despite what our culture might say,
Or what our churches might say,
Or what our parents might say.
Very often,
We feel dissatisfied if we,
Or someone we love,
Remains single.
As if there is something flawed or incomplete about being single.
Jesus was the most complete,
Most fully and perfect human ever,
And He never got married.
Most of the disciples in the early church were not married.
All throughout church history,
God has used single people,
He is using single people today,
And He will continue to use single people into the future,
For His good purposes!
That being said,
Jesus does uphold the value of marriage at the same time.
So, if you are married.
A brief but simple application for you is to love your spouse.
Love your spouse in a way that portrays the gospel.
Love one another sacrificially.
Take responsibility to glorify Christ in your marriage.
Honor Christ as you build one other up toward love and good works.
If you are married but considering a divorce.
I don’t know the details of your current situation.
But before you do anything,
Can I encourage you to consider the gospel.
Consider the power of the gospel!
Consider if in the context of your marriage,
With the love and support of this body,
Can your conflict be resolved?
I don’t ask this to diminish or belittle your conflict in any way.
I believe it is very real and painful and damaging.
But I also believe the gospel is powerful.
And it is the only thing powerful enough to redeem all brokenness.
The gospel can truly change the hardest and darkest of hearts.
Slide
And if you are proceeding with a divorce,
Still consider the hope of the gospel.
Keep the hope of redemption for all that is broken in the front of your mind,
Even as you begin the painful process of divorce.
And if you have already been divorced,
Rest in this gospel promise.
If you are not remarried,
Then you can possibly take the application for those who are single to heart.
And if He continues to grant you singleness,
I also pray that He can empower you to rejoice in the singleness He has granted you.
Or if He leads you to remarriage,
Then you can take the application for those who are married to heart,
And display the power of the gospel and the love of Christ in your marriage.
But I will add,
If you have gotten divorced for unbiblical or selfish reasons.
If the Spirit is convicting you, perhaps.
The gospel still speaks to you.
Because you can still confess your sin,
Both to God and your former spouse,
And trust in the forgiving grace of Jesus Christ,
That He redeems all brokenness,
And live with a great hope,
That works to advance this gospel hope,
As you wait for the day when Jesus,
Your perfect groom,
Unites you with Him for all eternity.
God designed marriage for us to enjoy and to represent His love for us.
But like all of God’s designs for this world,
Our sinfulness causes brokenness.
This is, perhaps, felt most vividly through divorce,
Because we are all guilty of breaking our covenant with Christ.
But the gracious love of Christ, our faithful groom,
Redeems all brokenness.
Jesus takes all that is broken and redeems it into something beautiful.
Therefore, we can have hope,
Because Jesus perfectly keeps His covenant with us,
Meaning, we can apply His gospel to our singleness,
To our marriages,
And yes,
Even to our divorces.
Pray.