Marriage & the Kingdom
Matthew: The King and His Kingdom • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Song Leader (Phoebe Garcia)
Welcome & Announcements (Hopson)
Good morning family!
Please take your seats
Please silence your cell phones
Thank guests for being here! Please fill out a connect card. You can find them at the welcome desk or in one of the Bibles underneath the seats. Please drop it in the offering boxes after you fill it out.
3 announcements:
1) Men’s Ministry Event
Starting a 3-part summer series called Gather on June 10 from 8-9:30.
Free breakfast, but please RSVP NLT June 4 so we have enough food for everyone.
Head to the website to sign up.
2) Baby Dedication on June 18
Please contact the church office or an elder on or before June 4
3) VBS begins July 16
Sign-ups are open in the lobby after the service
As well as flyers to invite your family, friends, and neighbors
Now please take a moment of silence to prepare your heart for worship.
Call to Worship (Psalm 100:1-5)
Prayer of Praise (Brannan Holdren)
God is For Us
Defender (Call Upon The Name)
Prayer of Confession (Chris Steinberg), Unfaithfulness
Assurance of Pardon (Isaiah 55:7)
I Stand in Awe
How Deep The Father's Love For Us
Scripture Reading (Matthew 19:1-9)
The text for today’s sermon is Matthew 19:1-9
You can find it on page 979 in the black Bibles
Pastoral Prayer (Hopson)
Prayer for PBC—PBC marriages
Husbands—to love their wives as Christ loved to church. And to lead their wives and children.
Wives—to submit to their husbands with grace, gentleness, and joy.
Marriages with young children—help them to prioritize the marriage, to love each other well, and to raise their children with Your people and in Your Word.
Prayer for sister church—Carrollton Baptist Church
Lead Pastor Lee Hess, his wife Sandra
Praise for the rest they’re experiencing as a church
Protect them from complacency
Prayer for US—Against secularism
We see the rise of secularism in. . .
Perceived contradiction between God and science
Unchallenged acceptance of Darwinian evolution
General disbelief in the historicity of Jesus
Attempts to redefine sin with a psychological diagnosis
Growing disregard for religious freedom
We pray for awakening. . .
Not merely so secularism can retreat, but so the Gospel will advance.
Prayer for the world—Western European nation of Luxembourg
Prime Minister Xavier Bettel (Ha-vee-ay Bet-tell) --> justice for vulnerable, protection for the unborn, human flourishing for all
Spiritual awakening for those trapped in materialism, tradition and nominal Catholicism
Translators and publishers to make the Word available in the common language
Heal attitudes of suspicion towards Bible-believing Christians
Missionaries--safety, fruitfulness, perseverance
UPGs—German Jews, Turks, South Asian
Send laborers into the harvest
Pray for the sermon
Help me to preach this tough topic in a way that comforts the afflicted and afflicts the comfortable
SERMON
START TIMER!!!
In TV and film there are basically two kinds of rescue.
Spider-Man is a great example of the first type of rescue. When Spider-Man rescues someone he swoops down, saves them from whatever sort of deadly danger they’re in, then zips off and goes about his business. And the person he rescued does the same.
One of the best examples of the second type of rescue is a character from the Star Wars universe called the Mandalorian. Even if you’ve never seen the show, you’ve probably seen Mandalorian and baby Yoda merchandise at nearly every store you’ve visited in the last two years.
SHOW MANDALORIAN IMAGE
For those of you who’ve seen it, think about how the Mandalorian rescue baby Yoda (aka Grogu). Like Spider-Man he swoops in and saves Grogu from deadly danger. But unlike Spider-Man, the Mandalorian doesn’t rescue Grogu then leave him alone. In fact, after rescuing Grogu the Mandalorian takes it upon himself to raise him. He corrects Grogu when he’s wrong. He teaches Grogu how to live as a Mandalorian. He introduces him to a family. He even adopts him as a son.
Some of us may prefer God to rescue us like Spider-Man. Save me from hell, then leave me alone! But we’re asking for less love, not more! The rescue God provides is a rescue that won’t leave us alone. A rescue that gets involved in the nitty-gritty areas of our lives and expects us to change and grow.
A rescue that touches even the most intimate relationships in our lives.
In Matthew 19...
Jesus is teaching His disciples how His followers should relate to one another.
In chapter 18, Jesus dealt with our relationships within the the local church.
In chapter 19, He begins by addressing our most intimate relationships by discussing the institution of marriage.
The BIG IDEA I’d like you to take away from our text this morning is that Followers of Jesus must actually follow Him, even in our most intimate relationships.
We’re going to address this topic in one way or another over the next three sermons.
Next week, with our culture’s celebration of Pride Month just around the corner, we’re going to look at today’s passage again and consider why Jesus’ teaching is incompatible with the culture of pride.
The week after we’re going to consider verses 10-12 and what Jesus has to say to singles.
But today, we’re going to look at Jesus’ main point here which is His teaching on marriage and divorce.
My desire is that all of us (whether married or single) will grow in our knowledge of and love for the truth about marriage. And that we’ll work together as a church to help one another follow Jesus in our most intimate relationships.
So with God’s help, let’s examine Six Essential Truths about marriage and divorce.
1) Marriage Must Be PRIORITIZED
1) Marriage Must Be PRIORITIZED
Matthew 19:1-3—Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?
After teaching His disciples how to relate with one another in the local church, Jesus is back to business as usual.
He’s teaching and healing large crowds of people when the Pharisees approach Him with a question.
Verse 3 makes it clear they’re not seriously interested in what Jesus has to say, they’re really just hoping to trap Him somehow.
So they bring up the sticky subject of divorce.
But Jesus’ response is instructive. Instead of talking about how marriage was stained by sin, Jesus wants to talk about marriage as God intended.
19:4-6a—He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh.
As He often does, Jesus answers the Pharisees question with a question.
He has the audacity to ask the religious elites if they’ve read their Bibles.
Think about how offensive that would be!
It would be like asking a Supreme Court Justice if she’s read the constitution or asking your physician if he ever took an anatomy class!
Jesus then points us to two passages in Genesis that the Pharisees should’ve known if they had read their Bibles...
Genesis 1:27—So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
Genesis 2:24—Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Both of these verses highlight the beauty and uniqueness of marriage. It’s a relationship that must be prioritized.
Marriage is a God-established union. It’s His idea, not ours so He gets to say what it’s supposed to be.
Marriage is a complementary union. It’s not our sameness that binds the man and woman together, but our complementary differences.
Marriage is a covenantal union. In marriage, the husband and wife are one flesh. They become one.
There’s no relationship like marriage!
Here’s what this means practically:
Married for a long time: Don’t grow comfortable in your marriage! Whatever work you put into all your other relationships should pale in comparison to the work you put into your marriage!
Parents with young children: prioritize each other more than the kids! Don’t be so engrossed in raising kids that you don’t make time for each other!
Holly and I have been married for 17 years, and we still regularly make time to invest in each other. We go on walks and the kids all orbit Holly like she’s the center of the universe, so we tell them to run ahead so we can talk or pray. Just last night we went on our very first date night when we left our oldest children in charge. Everybody’s still alive!
Young people: few decisions will have a greater impact on the trajectory of your life than who you marry (if you marry). Don’t take it lightly! And please don’t get romantically involved with someone who you wouldn’t want to spend the rest of your life with!
Singles: don’t get angry or jealous at the value Jesus places on marriage here. Don’t get frustrated when your married friends have less time for you than your single friends. Be encouraged that they’re trying to honor Jesus with their marriages, and instead of pulling them away from their spouse consider how you might come alongside them and encourage them!
If we’re going to follow Jesus in our most intimate relationships, than marriage must be prioritized.
2) Marriage Was Meant to Be PERMANENT
2) Marriage Was Meant to Be PERMANENT
After pointing the Pharisees to the uniqueness of marriage, Jesus applies this teaching and answers their question about divorce...
19:6b—What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Because God is the giver of marriage, marriage is meant to be permanent.
But the Pharisees aren’t content with Jesus’ answer, so they come at Him again in...
19:7—They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”
Moses was, of course, a great lawgiver who wrote the first five books of the Old Testament.
And he did give the Jewish people instructions about divorce in Deuteronomy 24:1-4.
In Moses' day the marriage laws in other nations were cruelly one-sided in favor of men.
A man could divorce his wife for virtually any reason.
To make matters worse, in many nations a man could return to his wife and family and "reclaim them" if he ever changed his mind.
So imagine you're a wife in Moses' day. Your husband decides one day he wants a divorce.
You really don’t get a say in the matter, so you’re stuck.
If your children are older boys, they may be able to help support the family. But if not, your situation is likely hopeless.
Most women were unable to find meaningful work in those days. And things like alimony and child support were unheard of.
So your only hope is to get remarried. Without someone to support you financially, your entire family would starve.
But what man would ever choose to marry you if, at any moment, your ex-husband could knock on the door and say he wants you back? Especially if you had no say in the matter?
God gave Moses instructions on divorce in Deuteronomy 24 as a word of grace to protect women who were usually the victims of divorce!
In those verses God forbids a husband from “reclaiming” a wife after their divorce if she has married another.
But 1500 years later, the religious leaders in Jesus’ day were debating one word in this passage.
In Deuteronomy 24:1 Moses talks about divorcing a wife because of some “indecency” in her.
One popular teacher named Rabbi Shammai taught that "indecency" meant adultery.
Another popular teacher named Rabbi Hillel believed "indecency" could mean all sorts of things. A husband could divorce his wife for being indecent if she burned dinner, or if he saw a prettier woman.
So when the Pharisees approach Jesus with their questions about divorce, they’re asking Him to take a side in this debate.
But instead of talking about the debate in Deuteronomy 24, Jesus again goes back to the beginning...
19:8—He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
Jesus is saying, marriage was meant to be permanent. Divorce was never intended.
If we’re going to follow Jesus in our most intimate relationships, than we need to understand that marriage was meant to be permanent.
But it’s not enough to know and uphold God’s standard. We need to love His standard!
To do that, we need to know why divorce is not God's intention. Because…
3) Divorce is Always PAINFUL
3) Divorce is Always PAINFUL
It's been said "there are two people who truly hate divorce: God and anybody who's ever been through one."
Those of you who have felt the sting of divorce can probably relate.
Divorce Harms the Couple
Divorce Harms the Couple
At PBC nearly every marriage I’ve officiated as your pastor has included either someone who was a child of divorce or a victim of divorce!
I have never had a conversation with someone about a prior divorce that was easy. You can see the pain in their eyes even as they talk about what happened. Nobody gets married thinking, “One of these days we’ll get divorced. No big deal!”
Even if divorce is a necessary evil to escape a sin-filled marriage, it still hurts. It always hurts.
Some of you may still be enduring that pain today. Keep listening, there will be hope for you before we’re through.
Divorce Harms the Children
Divorce Harms the Children
I could read you a host of statistics on the effects divorce has on children, but instead just consider one woman's story.
Kelly Clarkson is perhaps best known as the first winner of the hit television show, American Idol in 2002. Kelly’s parents divorced at age 6. Listen to the song she wrote at age 16 about that experience:
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you, I am afraid
Some of you may still be enduring pain from your parents’ divorce. Let me encourage you for just a moment. You are not doomed to repeat your parents’ mistakes. You can have a happy, healthy, and holy marriage. You can heal from the pain you’re experiencing. The solution is not to just do the opposite of what mom and dad did, but to follow Jesus!
Divorce Harms our Witness
Divorce Harms our Witness
How does divorce harm our witness?
Consider what the Apostle Paul says about marriage in...
Ephesians 5:31-32—“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
Husbands and wives, your marriage is meant to be a picture of the shape of the gospel!
By the way, that word “gospel” is a word that literally means good news. It’s the good news about what God has done to rescue sinners through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. And God has designed marriage to be a picture of that good news.
In a healthy marriage, a husband will sacrifice for his bride. He will love her and devote himself to her wellbeing.
Just as Jesus gave His life for the church and devotes Himself to the wellbeing of His people today.
In a healthy marriage, a wife will submit to the loving leadership of her husband.
Just as the church submits to Jesus, following His leadership.
In a healthy marriage, the couple commits until death parts them from one another.
Just like nothing can separate God’s people from the love of Jesus.
Brother, sister, how accurately does your marriage display the Gospel?
Consider the beauty and grandeur of the Grand Canyon. I’ve never seen it in person, but I’ve heard no picture on the planet can do it justice.
So too with our marriages.
No wife can perfectly display the submission that Jesus expects from His church.
Certainly no husband can perfectly display the sacrificial love that Jesus gives to His church.
But even though no picture can do the Grand Canyon justice, some pictures do better than others.
Some pictures give you a sense of the breathtaking glory of the Grand Canyon...
SHOW GRAND CANYON 1
Other pictures… not so much
SHOW GRAND CANYON 2
Husbands and wives, what kind of picture of the gospel does your marriage display?
If we’re going to follow Jesus in our most intimate relationships, than we need to understand that divorce is always painful.
But that doesn’t mean it’s always sinful.
Cancer was never intended as part of God’s original design. And of course, cancer is always painful. But it's not a sin to get cancer.
In the same way, divorce was never intended and is always harmful, but it’s not always sinful.
Because...
4) Divorce is Sometimes PERMITTED
4) Divorce is Sometimes PERMITTED
Divorce is always the result of sin. But divorce in itself is not always sinful.
Consider the story of Jesus’ adoptive father Joseph in Matthew 1:19. He’s described as a just man even as he’s planning to divorce Mary quietly.
Or consider God Himself in Jeremiah 3:8 who says He’s going to divorce the nation of Israel because of her unrepentant, persistent spiritual adultery.
Let’s be careful not to heap shame and guilt onto those who have been divorced for legitimate, biblical reasons.
So what are the biblical reasons when divorce is permitted?
A) Divorce is permitted in cases of adultery
A) Divorce is permitted in cases of adultery
This one is very clear from our text...
19:9—And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.
Notice Jesus forbids divorce “except for sexual immorality.”
But what does Jesus mean by “sexual immorality”?
That word is the Greek word “porneia” which was sort of a junk drawer term used to describe various kinds of unsanctioned sexual activity. [1]
The only sexual activity God permits is between a man and a woman within the marriage covenant! Everything else is sin.
When a husband or wife sins sexually, it is a serious offense that breaks the marriage covenant.
When you divorce a spouse who does this, you’re not breaking the covenant. You’re simply announcing publicly what has already happened privately. The marriage covenant has already been broken by the sexual sin.
So adultery is a permissible reason for divorce.
B) Divorce is permitted in cases of abandonment
B) Divorce is permitted in cases of abandonment
In 1 Corinthians 7 the Apostle Paul outlines another occasion when divorce is permissible. Let’s read the passage, then I’ll do my best to briefly explain what Paul is teaching.
1 Corinthians 7:10-13, 15—To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him… . But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.
In verses 10-11, Paul begins by quoting Jesus on the topic of divorce. We should not separate what God has joined together.
In verse 12, when Paul says, “I, not the Lord,” he isn’t saying what follows isn’t Scripture. He’s saying he doesn’t have a direct quote from Jesus about this topic. The topic he introduces is something Jesus didn't address: What happens when you become a Christian, but your spouse doesn't?
In verses 13-14, Paul answers that in most cases the Christian spouse should remain married and be an example to their unbelieving spouse.
By the way, those of you who are currently single (whether you’re 18 or 80) please DO NOT get into a romantic relationship with an unbeliever. Yes, God can use you to draw an unbelieving husband or wife to Himself (we’ve seen God do that even here at PBC!) but you will endure much hardship along the way.
Finally in verse 15, Paul gets to the exception. If your unbelieving spouse no longer wants to be married, let him or her out of the marriage.
You have biblical permission to divorce if you’re abandoned by your spouse.
C) Divorce is permitted in cases of abuse*
C) Divorce is permitted in cases of abuse*
I put an asterisk there for two reasons.
First, the topic of abuse is often abused. Many people use that term without ever defining it, and it’s often used to describe behavior that may be harsh or unkind, but does not rise to the level of severe mistreatment that was historically labeled abuse.
Second, I put an asterisk there because the Bible does not mention abuse as a reason for divorce. Now matter how serious abuse can be, we must be extremely careful not to create new reasons for divorce the Bible doesn’t sanction.
So why mention abuse at all?
Sometimes abuse is sexual in nature. In such cases, divorce is permitted since Scripture permits divorce in cases of sexual sin.
Sometimes abuse becomes a form of abandonment. An abusive husband may impose such intolerable conditions upon his wife that she’s forced to leave the home. This forced abandonment has the same effect as if your husband had packed his bags and moved across the country, never to return.
One Bible teacher helpfully said this: “abuse can be grounds for divorce, [but] the decision shouldn’t be made alone. Seek the counsel of your church’s elders.... They can walk with you and help you discern if abuse is happening—and if so, what kind—as well as what path to take.” [2]
If you’re being mistreated by your spouse but you’re unsure if it’s abuse, please talk with an elder so we can help you think and pray through this.
If these or any other sins are plaguing your marriage, PLEASE talk to someone. The longer you suffer in isolation, the longer you suffer!
If we’re going to follow Jesus in our most intimate relationships, we need to recognize divorce is sometimes permitted.
But before we move on from 1 Corinthians 7, we must also recognize that...
5) Remarriage is Sometimes PERMITTED
5) Remarriage is Sometimes PERMITTED
In 1 Corinthians 7:15, Paul says when an unbelieving spouse leaves “the brother or sister is not enslaved.”
In other words, if divorce is permitted you’re not bound to the marriage any longer.
Jesus says the same thing in Matthew 19:9 when He says it’s adultery to remarry except after a legitimate divorce.
Here’s the biblical principle: remarriage is permitted when divorce is permitted.
If you divorced because your ex sinned against you in one of the ways mentioned above, you are free to remarry.
If you divorced simply because you didn’t like your ex any longer, or your ex divorced you because you were the one who cheated or was abusive than you are not free to remarry.
What if it’s too late?
If you’ve been divorced and you shouldn’t have, you can go to your ex and confess your sin. Tell them you’re sorry for whatever you did that led to the divorce. Perhaps God would use that to reconcile you with your ex.
If you’ve been divorced and haven’t remarried, please talk to an elder before you begin pursuing a romantic relationship. It’s far easier to have a painful conversation about divorce and remarriage before you start dating than after you start to fall for somebody.
If you’ve been divorced and remarried when you shouldn’t have, you might be tempted to think you need to go back to your ex. Hear me carefully: don’t add another sin and divorce your current spouse. Continue as you are and be a faithful husband or wife to the person you’re currently married to!
Whatever your situation, please talk with an elder so we can provide individual specific counsel for you and your situation.
But please remember this: divorce is not an ongoing sin. If you’ve sinned in this area, you are not living in perpetual condemnation.
1 John 1:9—If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
If we’re going to follow Jesus in our most intimate relationships, we need to recognize remarriage is sometimes permitted as well.
But when we say divorce and remarriage are sometimes permissible, someone here could be tempted to use that as a reason to escape their marriage.
So finally, we must agree that...
6) Divorce is Never PREFERRED
6) Divorce is Never PREFERRED
Imagine I came in here this morning missing an arm. You approach me with a look of concern, and you ask me “Hopson what happened?” What if I told you, "Oh this? It’s no big deal. I just had a splinter in my finger so I took care of it"
When sin enters your marriage, don’t be too quick to reach for the axe when what you need is a good pair of tweezers.
Although divorce is sometimes permitted, it is never preferred.
The Pharisees are looking for whatever loopholes are available to allow them to divorce their wives. But Jesus, although granting some exceptions, values marriage so much that He wants them to see it as a permanent institution.
The disciples understand the seriousness of what Jesus is saying. They reply in...
19:10—...“If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”
Even if you or your spouse have sinned in one of the ways that makes divorce permissible, there’s still something preferable to divorce.
The best thing that could possibly happen would be for the sinner to truly repent and for the marriage to be ultimately reconciled.
Hear me carefully: if you or your children are currently being abused by your spouse I am not suggesting you need to stick it out in hopes that your abuser changes. The elders will support an abuse victim separating from her spouse for the physical safety of her or the children.
But I am saying that the best-case scenario would be for your sinning spouse to truly repent! Not merely say I’m sorry before repeating the cycle and hurting you again, but experiencing true repentance.
If your marriage is struggling this morning, would you please talk with one of the pastors? We’d love to sit down with you to help you work through the challenges in your marriage. We want to help you! Please don’t wait until the problem festers and bitterness creeps in. Ask for help today!
I can tell you from personal experience that God can redeem even the most pain-filled marriage. Years ago mine and Holly’s marriage was in a precarious position. Due to my repeated, unrepentant sin against my wife she had returned her wedding ring to me. I think the most painful words I’ve ever heard in my entire life was when she told me, “Don’t give it back to me until you’re serious about this relationship.” Our marriage was careening towards a cliff and I wasn’t sure we would survive.
Praise God we got help. I humbled myself and we talked with our church leaders and met with biblical counselors. I began to live in victory over the sin that once enslaved me. At one point along the way one of our counselors pointed us to a promise from God in...
Joel 2:25—I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten...
When God made this promise to His people, they had endured years of devastating famine after their crops were destroyed by locusts. But God promised them something much bigger than restoring devastated crops. He promises to restore devastated years!
You can make a mess of your life. You can mistreat your spouse. You can sinfully divorce. You can sinfully remarry. Then you can look around and realize that the same sinner you were in your old marriage is still there in your new marriage. And you can look at the devastation of your life and wonder if there’s ever any hope.
But God can restore those years! You can have a decade of pain in your marriage, then God can fill the next fifty years with such beauty and grace that it restores everything you lost in the pain-filled, sin-stained years.
How can I be sure God can do something like that?
Because He’s done it before.
On the cross, God took the worst possible thing imaginable—His own Son dying a death He didn’t deserve—and turned it into the best possible thing imaginable—our salvation!!!
And God didn’t merely swoop in and rescue you, only to leave you to your own devices while He zoomed off to save someone else.
He adopted you into His family. He convicts you when you sin. He restores you when you confess. He pursues you when you wander. He loves you with an everlasting love.
Unbeliever: that’s the love you’ve been looking for all your life. Look to Jesus today and be saved!
Christian: the love of Jesus is the only hope for your marriage. It’s the only hope for your most intimate relationships.
You won’t find hope by looking to your circumstances. Or looking with regret at the sinful decisions you’ve made along the way. Or looking on the other side of the fence where you think the grass is greener. Or looking to some other couple who seems to have it all together.
Look to Jesus, and to Jesus alone!
Prayer of Thanksgiving (DON’T FORGET BENEDICTION!!!!)
For the Cause
Benediction (Hopson)
Ephesians 3:20-21—Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.