Family Made | Cultivating a Marriage That Perseveres
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Pentecost Sunday - 7 weeks after Easter - literally means 50th day since Easter - and celebrates God’s giving of his Spirit to live inside and unite every believer together - hence the church! We give thanks today for the gift of God’s Spirit and the grace of God’s family. Galatians 4:6 “And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.”
Lord, lead us today as we seek to grow closer in relationship to you as our Heavenly Father. Amen.
Throughout our series, we’re inviting God’s Spirit to renew our families through his new creation work taking place in us.
Last week, in the opening message of this series, we began in the beginning of Genesis chapter 1 and showed how God created human beings together in family to experience the fullness of love that God enjoys in himself as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Through the creation story, God modeled 6 keystones that every family needs to build God’s very best for your home:
LED: Presence, Perseverance, Preparation, Protection, Prayer, and Participation
In the first keystone, God modeled his presence to us by creating us “in our image, to be like us.” Genesis 1:26, NLT- Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Today, I want to show how the role of marriage illustrates the second keystone in God’s divine design for families: perseverance. LED: marriage and perseverance
As we begin today, may I invite you to stand with me and read together as one familia the guiding verse for our series, “Family Made:”
LED: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17. No matter your past. In Christ, your Heavenly Father sees you in the same way that he sees Jesus, as good and right. Your old life is over. The new is here!
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To those of us not yet married, may I invite you to lean into this message and invite God to grow a vision for your future relationship. The time to begin training is before the race begins. Live like the husband or wife that you want to become.
My wife, Stacy, and I recently celebrated 12 years of marriage last month. LED: show pic of Stacy and me. For the first several years, I learned the principles of this message through my own personal growing pains, but I thank God for his fruit of patience in my wife. That is to say, once again, that I’m not batting a thousand in marriage. I fall so short, but in Christ, we are new creation men and women. Every breath is a grace. Every day is an new mercy.
The creation narratives in Genesis offer us God’s divine design for marriage. Genesis chapter one demonstrates God’s extraordinary creative power, but Genesis chapter 2 reveals the heart of God’s intimate love.
He didn’t just ‘poof’ humanity into existence. Rather, “The Lord God formed the man - into existence - from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person.” Genesis 2:7.
In relationship, for relationship, and finding no true companion amidst God’s good creation, God created woman with the same mighty, strong character as his very own Spirit, and in her creation, God gave man the perfect completion: a companion of the same kind: a helpmate, a friend, and a lover.
“At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united into one flesh. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.” Genesis 2:23-25
Truly, this is the purest definition of marriage:
LED: ‘naked and without shame.’
Body naked. Mind naked. Heart naked. Soul naked.
Many spouses are quick to take off their clothes, but how willing are we to open our minds, show our hearts, and reveal our souls? The grace of marriage is for man and woman felt fully needed... fully known... and fully embraced.
Yet, In the very next verse, Genesis chapter 3 introduces an enemy that wants nothing more than to completely undo and destroy God’s good creation.
If indeed marriage and family truly represents the heart of God’s love and fellowship, then the wicked way of the enemy is hostility and division.
The enemy’s native tongue is shame. His tactic is deceit. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8. His aim against your marriage and family is simple, yet comes at us in a million different ways: To dismantle creation by destroying the love and fellowship given in marriage that defines the character of our triune God.
But what God’s Word reveals from Genesis 3 all the way to Revelation 22 is that God relentlessly persevered to restore us from sin’s shame by giving us Jesus, who “For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2
Jesus persevered for us because we are his joy. Nothing can stand in the way of his love for you.
Perseverance means ‘not giving up.’
It means overcoming, sticking to it, and staying the course. Despite our sin, God’s persevering love for us never wavered, even going so far as to “Show his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” Romans 5:8.
Our God is a persevering God.
He has never nor will he ever give up on us. The analogy that the Apostle Paul chose to use to describe the nature of Christ’s persevering love for us is marriage. This is why he describes Jesus as a husband in relentless pursuit of his bride, the church, his people, you and me.
In the most significant passage written on marriage aside from Genesis chapter 2, Ephesians 5:21-33 invites husbands and wives into a new creation opportunity. Now, in the interest of time, I’m not going to read the whole passage in this message, but all that God says about marriage hangs on the strong arm of verse 21, the first verse in this passage:
LED: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21.
This is the call of marriage: mutual submission.
This defines the posture of Jesus, God the Son, when he said in the GARDEN - hint, hint - the GARDEN - before his crucifixion, “not my will, but yours be done.” Luke 22:42.
LED: Jesus in the Garden
These are the very same words that God had hoped to hear from another man in another garden, but didn’t. Instead, that first man chose to be his own god and go his own way. We all know that move, right? I know that one all too well.
Jesus demonstrated in the GARDEN of Gethsemane the heart of God’s nature. If God is love, then mutual submission is the truest expression of it.
This is our true north that leads to Eden in your home. Nothing about submission feels comfortable to our social and cultural sensibilities. In fact, it feels like a step backward.
Yet, by his Spirit alive in us, God gives us the strength and ability to say to him and to our spouse: ‘not my will, but yours be done.’ With Christ living in us, we can say yes to God and yes to our spouses, without fearing the loss of our identity or power.
Choosing mutual submission opens our hearts, minds, and souls to become pliable and moldable and say to God, ‘I am here for how you want to shape me, so make me into what you want me to become. My clay is in your hands today. I’m yours.’ Imagine what would happen in your marriage and family if you and your spouse chose to say this to God and to each other!
Mutual submission in marriage is like a triangle with Jesus at the top and husband and wife at the bottom two corners.
LED: show image of triangle - move to LED wall to show it
As a husband and wife seek to become more and more surrendered to Jesus, they grow closer to one another.
I’ve heard critics of this passage say that submission leads to a capitulation to another person’s will, and that certainly does happen but only when one person submits while the other holds onto power.
***Mutual submission means that we yield our own way to God’s way for my spouse And me
In Paul’s central call to mutual submission, he is introducing a way to live the Genesis chapter 2 life in a Genesis chapter 3 world, even quoting Genesis 2:24 in Ephesians 5:31, which says: This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Ephesians 5:31
In the same way that God the Father, God the Son, and God the Spirit are one. In marriage, husband and wife mutually complement one another to form one united bond. Hence why one writer calls sex a co-mingling of souls. Sex is like a divine sealant. It’s soul unifying.
In a culture that values accumulation and self-satisfaction, it stands to reason why submission feels like a loss, but in God’s economy, mutual submission ALWAYS means more - more love, more life, more knowing, more belonging, more enjoyment, which is why Paul says to wives:
Submit to your husband, respect him, esteem him, honor him.
And why Paul says to husbands, “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25.
God calls both spouses to submit to one another equally in marriage, but the call to sacrifice belongs to us, brothers, not to our wives. Couples who choose to live in mutually submitted relationships are choosing to trust that 1 + 1 = abundance.
LED: 1 + 1 = abundance
Your joys are doubled. Your peace is doubled. Your comfort is doubled. While, at the same time: Your pain is halved. Your burdens are halved. Your concerns are halved.
Paul describes this as a “profound mystery” Ephesians 5:32. It’s intangible and yet so real. LED: What if you could learn to view your spouse as God’s good gift for you to experience the profound mystery of God’s deep love and unity?
In Christ, God gives us the capacity to experience his true love for us in our marriages. It’s not a dashed dream or an impossible hope. It’s real in Christ. For the Apostle Paul wrote, “For all of God’s promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding “Yes!” And through Christ, our “Amen” (which means “Yes”) ascends to God for his glory.” 2 Corinthians 1:20
Marriages that mutually ‘submit to one another out of reverence for Christ’ are marriages that are saying yes to God’s heart, and these kinds of marriages can persevere through anything, so may I offer 3 ways to begin building a persevering marriage this week: stay curious, commit to tomorrow, and submit to God’s Word and prayer.
LED: First, stay curious.
Harvard Business School professor, Francesca Gino, once said about curiosity: When we stay curious, with humility about the possibility that we haven’t figured it out, then there is more that can be discovered.
Over the years in marriage, it’s easy for spouses to define the other in certain ways and default into status quo thinking about the other - and for good reasons, too, but the only way to overcome the status quo and view your spouse with fresh eyes is to stay curious.
The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. Proverbs 20:5.
Every curious question that you ask seeks to draw up insights like buckets of water, so how might you rediscover your spouse like a deep well? Each day, try to draw up sweet water from your spouse’s well. Help your spouse feel needed and known by you.
If curiosity is currently lacking in your marriage, then that may be a dashboard indicator that trust may also be lacking in your marriage. As trust increases, so will curiosity, as well as intimacy and physical affection.
Curiosity brings down walls. Curiosity removes obstacles. Curiosity stirs up humor. Curiosity seeks to understand rather than be understood. When we talk, we’re only repeating what we already know. But if we listen, then we may learn something new. Curiosity is the overcoming anecdote to conflict and stagnation, so pursue curiosity and draw up sweet water.
LED: The second attribute to building a persevering marriage is what I call ‘a commitment to tomorrow.’
One way to turn down the heat of a moment is to ask the question: how might I feel about this situation tomorrow after a good meal, a good rest, and the promise of God’s new morning mercies?
There’s a difference between ‘not letting the sun go down while you are still angry’ Ephesians 4:26, and not having a conflict resolved. Many conflicts need more time than a single day to resolve, and mutual submission provides the opportunity for spouses to say together, ‘I love you, I am committed to you, and we will work together to resolve this situation.’
Remaining committed to tomorrow creates the psychological safety net for spouses to show up with their eyes, heart, and hands without feeling like either one needs to withhold from the other.
A few weeks ago, we celebrated the extraordinary life of Jim Hacker, a dear husband, father, friend, and deacon. At his celebration, his wife, Jeni, said about her husband that in their marriage, ‘Jim didn’t leave anything left unsaid.’ Why? Because they both practiced mutual submission - she respected him, he adored and sacrificed for her, and they showed up for each other with everything. Jim’s legacy was leading his family with Eden in mind.
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For some of us, however, marriage didn’t end with ‘death do us part,’ but with the unhappy ending of divorce.
I don’t believe that anyone marries with divorce in mind. In fact, everyone I know who has experienced divorce agrees with what God said about divorce. “I hate divorce!” says the Lord. Malachi 2:16. It’s like an amputation without anesthetic.
Divorce kicks up a dust storm of all kinds of emotions: Confusion, anger, sadness, fear, and perhaps in some situations, even relief, but not without experiencing the loss of the most foundational relationship to a family. Divorce sends a ripple effect that can be felt for generations.
There are so many reasons why marriages end: abuse, abandonment, addiction, adversity, adultery, and when marriages encounter circumstances like these, sometimes the only right next decision is to pull the rip cord of divorce to find safety.
In other situations, however, I have witnessed marriages on the brink of divorce become newly created because both couples decided to turn back to God and to one another and renew their vow to imagine a new future forward vision together.
Hardship doesn’t give us an automatic license to divorce. In fact, God can bring honey from the hard places. God’s ideal is God’s way, but when we fall short of God’s ideal for marriage and the broken pieces fall across our families, then the way we overcome divorce is the same way that we overcome all sin in our life: by inviting Jesus to take those broken pieces to make us a new creation. There’s life after divorce.
Too often divorce results in all kinds of shame and blame, but Romans 8:38-39 says, “Nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Nothing can separate you from God’s love, and Jesus showed us God’s perseverant, resilient grit by remaining faithful to his covenant promise to us, despite our sin’s rejection against him. If you are in need today, then please give us a call, and we would be honored to help you connect with a trained, faith based counselor. PHONE NUMBER ON SCREEN.
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Remaining committed to tomorrow cultivates that same persevering resilient grit in your marriage, which like a muscle, grows the more you work at it - and as you gain more wins over time, trust grows, love grows, and joy grows.
LED: And then last - and don’t take this for granted - a persevering marriage is built on two individuals mutually submitted to God’s Word and to prayer.
Do you read God’s Word with your spouse?
Do you pray with your spouse?
Some of us may be thinking: I want to, but I don’t know how. Praying out loud feels embarrassing to me, so I stay quiet. I don’t want to fake it, right? Of course not! We don’t fake our marriages or fake our faith, so may I encourage you to begin with a prayer that invites Jesus to stand in the GAP of your marriage: LED: Stand in the GAP
Gratitude - thank you, Lord, for your presence with me.
Admission - Jesus, I admit my need. I don’t have it all together.
Provision - Please forgive me, Lord, and show me your grace.
Then, pick a time that works and commit to it.
LED: A persevering faith leads to a persevering marriage.
The call of a husband who leads by giving and not taking shows his family the character of Jesus himself, who did not protect his own comfort, but sacrificed himself for us all. Jesus is the husband who does not claim special privilege, but shoulders the load of responsibility to love his bride with affection, allegiance, and action. Brothers, we are called to love our brides in the same way that our Savior loves his. In our marriages, the order is Jesus first and our spouse, above anyone and everything else. Jesus’s love for his church is the ultimate meaning of marriage… [[[begin praying]]] so Jesus may we invite you to lead the way in our lives and marriages… continue praying…