Being a Family
Notes
Transcript
What about other options?
What about men and women?
The New York Times columnist David Brooks listed the following statistics about the global changes in family structure:
The number of Americans who are living alone has shot up from 9 percent in 1950 to 28 percent today.In 1990, 65 percent of Americans said that children are very important to a successful marriage. In 2012, only 41 percent of Americans said they believe that.In Scandinavia, 40 to 45 percent of people live alone.In Spain, the number of births per year is now lower than it was in the 18th century.Thirty percent of German women say they do not intend to have children. A majority of Taiwanese women under fifty do not want children. In 35 years, fertility rates in Brazil have dropped from 4.3 babies per woman to 1.9 babies per woman.
There are a number of different ways to interpret these stats, but Brooks concludes, "These are all stunningly fast cultural and demographic shifts. The world is moving in the same basic direction, from societies oriented around the two-parent family to cafeteria societies with many options." A Japanese researcher quoted by Brooks was much blunter: "Under the social and economic systems of developed countries, the cost of a child outweighs the child's usefulness."
Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne are two of the most well respected and awarded European filmmakers over the past 20 years. One reviewer claims their films "grapple with a society that has lost touch with its moral underpinnings … [especially] how today's youth navigate this world without role models and moral direction." As Luc Dardenne once said, "We put [young adults] in a situation and ask the question: How are these people, who are now alone and without help from the past, going to find their way to be fully human?"
For instance, their film L'enfant (The Child) focuses on two young parents and their newborn son, Jimmy. Sadly, Jimmy is born into a moral vacuum. His mother, Sonia, spends most of her time walking the streets with her drifter boyfriend Bruno, who has no idea how to be a father. It's hard to tell who is "L'enfant,"—is it Jimmy or his mother and father?
It's a beautiful and heartbreaking film, but Luc Dardenne claims that it has a powerful and prophetic message. "When you go back in time," he said, "[the film] is the story of the father and mother; and the future is the story of our children and their children. The day that we are unable to be fathers and mothers, then humanity is finished."
A survey conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau asked young adults about the importance of various life transitions. Here's what the young adults said about transitions were "extremely important" to them:
Completed formal schooling—62%Employed full-time—52%Capable of supporting a family financially—50%Financially independent from parents—43%No longer living in parents' house—26%Getting married—12%
Blogger Rod Dreher comments:
Stunning. Less than half of Americans aged 18-34 say marriage and family are part of being an adult. All the other factors have to do with achieving personal autonomy. To be an adult, then, is to be free to exercise one's will independently of obligations to others, including spouse and children. To choose spouse and children—formerly the most distinctive marks of adulthood—is now considered ancillary to adulthood by most American adults.
5 “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day of the Lord comes.
6 And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction.”
We aren’t teaching this because we want moral superiority.
Ultimate reality is from a Creator that is relational and that is delight-filled with honor.
Most authentic to who I am in reality
Provide for and protect one another
Provide for and protect one another
Provision
How to be blessed in the land
Ultimately of hope
14 Here for the third time I am ready to come to you. And I will not be a burden, for I seek not what is yours but you. For children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.
8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Protection
3 I will bless those who bless you, and him who dishonors you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”
Kinsman redeemer - Jesus - salvation
18 For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father.
19 So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,
Brothers and sisters
not biological
Cleaning your room?
We have roles to play.
Embrace your roles to know and be known
Embrace your roles to know and be known
Being in a family means more than one role. We’re not all friends nor are we providing generic kindness nor are we simply cogs in each others’ attempts to be autonomous.
Trinity
Roles are there for us to know more of ourselves and give more of ourselves.
1 Woe is me! For I have become as when the summer fruit has been gathered, as when the grapes have been gleaned: there is no cluster to eat, no first-ripe fig that my soul desires.
2 The godly has perished from the earth, and there is no one upright among mankind; they all lie in wait for blood, and each hunts the other with a net.
3 Their hands are on what is evil, to do it well; the prince and the judge ask for a bribe, and the great man utters the evil desire of his soul; thus they weave it together.
4 The best of them is like a brier, the most upright of them a thorn hedge. The day of your watchmen, of your punishment, has come; now their confusion is at hand.
5 Put no trust in a neighbor; have no confidence in a friend; guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your arms;
6 for the son treats the father with contempt, the daughter rises up against her mother, the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man’s enemies are the men of his own house.
7 But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.
Being a son, a father, and a brother
You have spiritual children
children care less than parents
The erasure of roles makes a life less rich, less challenging, less self-knowing, less fruitful, less people-filled and ultimately less God-glorifying.
Household codes
4. In civilised life domestic hatred usually expresses itself by saying things which would appear quite harmless on paper (the words are not offensive) but in such a voice, or at such a moment, that they are not far short of a blow in the face. To keep this game up you and Glubose must see to it that each of these two fools has a sort of double standard. Your patient must demand that all his own utterances are to be taken at their face value and judged simply on the actual words, while at the same time judging all his mother's utterances with the fullest and most oversensitive interpretation of the tone and the context and the suspected intention. She must be encouraged to do the same to him. Hence from every quarrel they can both go away convinced, or very nearly convinced, that they are quite innocent. You know the kind of thing: "I simply ask her what time dinner will be and she flies into a temper." Once this habit is well established you have the delightful situation of a human saying things with the express purpose of offending and yet having a grievance when offence is taken.
Now, on to the children. Lovely opportunities for us, the children, especially the little ones. We all know that children are a favorite tool of the Enemy. He calls them “blessings” and “gifts” and calls parents to lay down their lives for them, just as his Son did. Insane, I know. We must convince her that the obnoxious little people she has charge of are not really worth her sacrifice. When the mother first dreamed of having children, she probably imagined wide, innocent eyes and chubby, happy grins taking up the majority of her days. Do your best to shatter those expectations.
Instead, draw attention to how much they take from her. Let them take and take and take . . . and need and need and need until the mother feels totally spent. Let them start crying at the same time for the most irrational of reasons. Let the noise bother her. Let their bad behavior surprise her. Do your best to make the day-to-day monotony of diaper changes, meals, and baths seem simultaneously overwhelming and beneath her. Let her think of all the better, more important things she could be doing with her life if only she didn’t have the children.
Keep words like “Heritage” and “Legacy” far away from the runny noses and jelly stains of the everyday.
Don’t let her think about the future responsible, faithful adults she is raising, society changers, friends, workers, husbands or wives… Don’t let her think of them as lifelong companions who will love her, converse with her, and care for her in her old age. Oh, and definitely don’t let her think about the grandchildren she might be able to see in their little grubby faces if she looks hard enough now. No, no, no . . . Thinking ahead to when her work bears fruit, as the Enemy calls it, is always a bad idea. Keep words like “heritage” and “legacy” far away from the runny noses and jelly stains of the everyday.
If there is any last piece of advice I have for you, Wormwood, it is to keep the mother looking to her husband or family for her fulfillment and comfort. We know that the Enemy is always watching and willing to take the burdens of his children, but if we divert the mother’s attention well enough, this fact can be forgotten. Make her look to her husband for worth and affirmation. Then when he lets her down (as he is sure to do), she will be ours to torment. Yes, the worst thing that could happen would be for her to turn to Him with her needs and inadequacies. Once she realizes that the Enemy offers a peace that transcends her situation, our work could be utterly compromised.
Honor one another in love
Honor one another in love
Honoring roles
because they reflect God’s care and protection of us
Jesus honored His Father
Honoring the person in the role
10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
The February 19, 1930 issue of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette ran a story from Vienna, Austria of a woman named Corin Ward. Corin was a struggling actress who received a phone call from an attorney, telling her she had been mentioned in the will of a deceased client.
Meeting at the agreed upon time at the attorney's office, Corin was told that the will belonged to a man who wished to be known only as "Dr. Meszaros." Corin told the attorney she did not know any doctor by that name, and wondered if there had been some sort of mistake. The lawyer was not surprised that Corin didn't recognize the name. But there was no doubting that Dr. Meszaros knew Corin.
According to the good doctor's attorney, Meszaros lived in the same city as Corin, and had fallen head over heels in love with her. Meszaros, however, struggled with debilitating fears, and never worked up the courage to speak to the woman he admired from afar. But he also was unable to ever move past the woman who had captured his heart. He died alone. Meszaros left Corin every penny he had saved over the course of his life—all $50,000.
Meszaros loved Corin, but he never expressed his love in either words or actions. And, as a result, the fullness of that love was never realized.
Preaching Angle: Thanksgiving, Gratitude, Praise, Worship—Love always calls for a response. The real tragedy in this story is that Meszaros loved Corin but he never expressed that love. When we love or appreciate someone it's only natural to express that love. In our relationship with God, our love should lead to praise, gratitude, thanksgiving, and worship. As C.S. Lewis wrote:
But the most obvious fact about praise—whether of God or anything—strangely strangely escaped me …. I had never noticed that all enjoyment spontaneously overflows into praise …. The world rings with praise—lovers praising their mistresses, readers their favorite poet, walkers praising the countryside, players praising their favorite game …. I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation (C.S. Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms, Mariner Books, 1964, pp. 93-95).