Honour for Parents
Marriage, Singleness, and Family • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Introduction
Introduction
Honour is a word that has generally fallen out of use in our day. In fact, the word is used 90% less than it was one hundred years ago, and that shows us something about the place of the concept of honour in our society. We don’t believe, as a culture, that honour is something that is inherent in a position or that honour is due to anybody. This is of course, as we see in our text, a trend that goes against what the Bible describes as a godly society. As the Church, we are to be the example of a godly society so when we read a text from God’s own heart which says, “you shall honour your father and your mother” we need to see this not as some outdated command in the OT, but something which God gave Israel as a way for them to establish a godly and stable society, and it is relevant for us today in the New Covenant era. If we are to be this example to the world, calling them practically to a new society in a future world, we need to tell the truth of that new society in the way that we build it. This means including God-ordained honour in our family relationships, setting a cornerstone for all our relationships and becoming a picture of the honour due to our Lord seated above in his holy Throne, Jesus Christ our King.
The Foundation of Authority Structures in the Law
The Foundation of Authority Structures in the Law
Since we are reading from what are commonly called the Ten Commandments but in our text are called the Decalogue or The Ten Words, it is important for us to understand the purpose of these laws and where this particular commandment fits into them.
The Purpose of the Ten Words
The Purpose of the Ten Words
The context: God had been faithful to his promise to Abraham by multiplying his descendants in the land of Egypt. After they were enslaved for 400 years, God appointed Moses to lead the people out of Egypt and bring them to the promised land. Before that could happen, however, God would establish a covenant with the people, further developing the promises that he had made to Abraham.
The law, or instructions, of God is part of the covenant that God made with Israel. The terms are simple: if they follow the instructions of YHWH they will live and prosper in the land God promised to Abraham. If they act wickedly and do not follow God’s fatherly instructions, they will not receive the benefits of the promise but only curses instead.
The Book of the Law covers a preamble in chapter 19, the table of contents if you will in chapter 20, exposition of the Decalogue until chapter 34 where there is the blood institution of the covenant on the people.
The law is given in response to Israel’s unbelief. It shows them what it means to practically live in faith and how to reflect as image bearers and a nation of priests the holy character of their God.
The structure: all of these instructions are not just random rules God is placing on his people, but rather an explanation of the way they are to react to one core truth. This is stated in Ex 20:2
“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.
I am YHWH your God. What does that mean? How is that going to affect my daily life? How should I react to that truth? That is what the Decalogue, the Ten Commandments, tell us.
They begin with four commandments that explain how God’s people should act towards God and six commandments concerning how we should act towards other people. All of these commandments, however, hinge on this one truth that YHWH is their God.
The first four are simple. If YHWH is your God:
You shall not have other gods along with or besides YHWH. Why? Because YHWH alone is God and his people cannot lie about that by worshiping other.
You shall not make for yourself a carved image to bow down and serve them. Why? Because God is a jealous God. He will not have worship or modes of worship that are pagan among his people. He will not be represented by an image, for the human heart will worship the image and not God.
You shall not take God’s name in vain. That is, you will not represent God as the people called by his name worthlessly or swear by that Name falsely, since this will lie about who God is. If YHWH is your God, you must represent that name well.
Remember the Sabbath day. Why? Because God created rest in himself on the seventh day and desires his people to rest in him, not to labour under the curse.
These commands represent how we are to interact and worship God. It describes what our relationship with God should look like. In short, worshiping YHWH must be pure, wholehearted, truthful devotion to the one true God.
The Purpose of this commandment
The Purpose of this commandment
That is where we get to our text and the beginning of the second section of the Decalogue. What is important is that how the covenant community treats one another is an extension of how they treat God. Because YHWH is their God, they treat each other in a kind and pure way because that is who God is. He is kind, pure, righteous, he does not defraud, he does not cheat or lie, he means good towards his people. To go against that is to go against the truth of who YHWH is and therefore is not living as the people of God.
We see that worshiping God is not simply a matter of who you pray to when you pray. Worshiping God affects you and it creates a certain kind of society. In the church, we are a separate society from the world and our society is defined by what God tells us it ought to be. In the same way, Israel was a society that was meant to reflect the character of YHWH in every way.
The Place of this command in the law
The Place of this command in the law
So what is interesting is where our command comes in. When switching from commands regarding their relationship with God to commands regarding the relationship with other people, the first commandments is “honour your father and your mother.” Isn’t that interesting? Of all the things God could command concerning human relationships, the first is that we honour our fathers and mothers. In the Decalogue, honouring our fathers and mothers is the foundation to a society that worships God properly in their relationships with one another.
Let us look at a few more details about this command.
The command treats the family as the seminal root of all societal structure. The New Bible Commentary explains:
The New Bible Commentary 20:1–21 God Addresses the People Directly
If parents, as authority figures within the home, are respected by children, then respect for authority figures within society at large will also follow.
A child who respects their parents respects all authority. If they grow up with a mindset of honour for their parents, their relationships with all authority will tend to be stable. This is important for any functional society. The very idea of government assumes that there is a certain willingness by citizens to respect and follow the society institution of government. A company in which authority structure does not exist will collapse. A church in which the elders are not respected will break into pieces. Without respect and honour for authority, society ceases to be stable and eventually to exist at all.
This was a serious command. People who failed to honour their father and mother and rather acted rebellious towards their parents were put to death (Deut 21:18-21). This seems extreme to us, but it is what God ordained. Why is this?
Because if failure to honour father and mother was allowed, the foundation of Israelite society would collapse. We don’t need to speculate on this, it is exactly what happened. Ezekiel 22:7
Father and mother are treated with contempt in you; the sojourner suffers extortion in your midst; the fatherless and the widow are wronged in you.
God tells us through Ezekiel that one of the reasons that Israel fell was because fathers and mothers were being treated with contempt rather than honour. The foundation of the society had eroded, along with other evils like wronging the fatherless and the widow. There is a connection between these two sins. One who neglects the father that provided for and raised him will neglect those who have no father because they have a low view of the role of a father. The same goes for widows, having no honour for your own mother will certainly translate into having no honour for the woman who no longer has her husband.
So we see that God takes the honouring of father and mother very seriously and that all the structures of society lean on this command. Once family structure is treated with no honour, societal structure is soon to follow and with it all honour for God.
The only command that is directly connected to the promises made to Abraham in this text. Jesus calls it the first command with a promise.
The importance of this command is once again shown. This is the only command that has attached to it a reference to the promises.
Honouring father and mother is connected to adopting the faith that Abraham had. Since Abraham is the father of the Hebrews, honouring father and mother is a way to honour the faith of the ancestors. This applies to us in honouring church leadership. This was clearly the view of the early church fathers, who argued that members were to honour their elders, deacons, and bishops as you honour Christ. Not my words, theirs.
Because the promise was given to ancestors, honouring those to whom the promise came was a way of honouring the God who gave them the promises.
Also, honouring father and mother, especially when they have been given the promise and teach the ways of God to you, is a sure way to set yourself up for the kind of lifestyle that will follow God in faith.
First, because God is a father, and our earthly parents model for us (though imperfectly) his parental role. If we cannot honour earthly parents, how can we honour our heavenly Father?
Second, because the kind of person that will honour their parents are more likely to follow God’s word. If they can submit and honour human authority specifically because God tells them to, it is a gateway to obeying God in every way.
What is “Honour”?
What is “Honour”?
Now let us look at what exactly it means to honour your father and mother. Richard Baxter gives us his answer.
Honor your parents both in your thoughts, and speech, and behavior. Think not dishonorably or contemptuously of them in your hearts. Speak not dishonorably, rudely, unreverently, or saucily, either to them or of them. Behave not yourselves rudely and unreverently before them. Yea, though your parents be never so poor in the world, or weak of understanding, yea, though they were ungodly, you must honor them notwithstanding all this; though you cannot honor them as rich, or wise, or godly, you must honor them as your parents.
Richard Baxter
There is very little more we need to say about that. The Hebrew word translated honour means weightiness or glory. It means to glorify someone as worthy of a portion of honour. Now obviously this honour is not to rival the honour we have for the Lord, rather it is an extension of how we honour God. When something is weighty, it is generally valuable. A heavy bag of gold is worthy. If you’re buying an item of good quality it will often be heavier because it is made of good material. To honour is to treat someone as valuable and worthy of some degree of glory.
What does that mean practically? It means that the position of parent is an honourable and even glorious position. It is a position which God has granted a degree of due glory which reflects, albeit poorly and partially, the glory of God from whom all glory comes. Now notice I say position. You can honour a position without thinking that the person filling that position is worthy of honour. Notice Baxter’s words at the end of that quote, though you cannot honour them as rich or wise or godly, you must honour them as your parents. The fact that a certain individual is your father or your mother, all else aside, means they deserve to be honoured.
Honouring that position does, however, mean honouring the person. One may think that our Prime Minister is not an honourable man, but he is worthy of honour simply because he fills an honourable role. He bears even the title The Right Honourable Prime Minister. If that honour is taken away, our entire system of government collapses. Likewise, if honour is taken away from parents, the entire family, and indeed all of society in its wake, collapses. Regardless of who they are, whether they are Christians or not, whether they are nice to you, whether they have hurt you, whatever the case they are still your Right Honourable Father and Mother.
So practically, how do we show that honour? Does this mean blind obedience, even as adults? It should be noted that the target audience are not minors but adults, and also that the word obey or submit is not used but honour. This has to do with respect, treating someone as important, and speaking well of them.
Respect. Respect is a heart that is bent towards honour. You could say that honour is the theory and respect is the practice. If you honour someone in your heart, you will show signs of respect for them. This will look different from culture to culture and family to family, but it generally means treating them in a way that would be considered a right way to treat your elder. This will influence your manners around them, how you address them, how you speak to them, what you speak about to them. It will mean overlooking faults and exalting strengths. It means letting them speak without being argumentative, listening to their advice and instruction.
Hear, my son, your father’s instruction,
and forsake not your mother’s teaching,
If you have a problem with them, you should bring it to them in a humble and respectful way, not judgmentally or proudly, and you should be open to them bringing up problems they have with you in humility. Being respectful is a key ingredient to honour. If your parents are unsaved, this will often be a way in which you can show Christ to them, by making it a point to always show respect around them.
Treating them as valuable. To honour your father and mother means to prioritize them. Again, this means prioritizing their advice. I’m not saying you should take bad advice just because it comes from your parents, but rather their advice should be your priority in consideration. You will hear them out, you will respectfully take in what they say, and you will carefully consider and pray about what they have said. In some cases, prioritizing your parents will entail financial responsibility if your parents are unable to provide for themselves. This was the case in Jesus’ day where Pharisees were devoting their money to God rather than supporting their parents. Prioritizing parents means an investment of time. Do you talk to your parents, visit or call them often? Do you special occasions for them? Do you offer yourself to help them with projects or things they need help with? Tom James, who has in the past shared this pulpit, stays at home with our dear sister Beverly to take care of her. He prioritizes her, and I commend him to you as an example of one who honours his mother by prioritizing her in his life.
Speak well of them to others. Don’t just respect your parents around them, honour them behind their backs. Don’t be a person who complains about your parents and all their problems to others. Such grumbling is distasteful and hypocritical in the sight of God. There may be times when, in confidence, you go to a brother or sister or pastor to ask for help with a situation involving your parents, but in general the issues your parents have should not be news for you to share. When we speak well of our parents, and all authorities including older Christians in the Church, Christ is honoured and pleased. Though your relationship with your parents may not be great, though you have many issues with them, your honouring speech will be commended to you by God if it is done for his name’s sake.
Scholar Eugene Merrill sums it up:
The command to honor therefore is a command to demonstrate in tangible, empirical ways the respect people must have for their parents.
Eugene H. Merrill
Application
Application
Let us move onto more application. Where should we apply all we have learned today in our lives?
The first may be obvious, but with our parents. See the parental role as a glorious one, and look at your parents with a great degree of honour. God did not just biologically form you from their bodies, he put you under them as their child and you owe them respect based on them being your parents. To believe in the sovereignty of God means to believe that God put these two people, if they are still living, to be your parents. Proverbs 1:9 says that parents are “a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.” In other words, honouring them will make you an honourable person. The same goes for honouring grandparents, you are your parents parents and so deserve a double honour and respect. Let Christ, who honoured his parents perfectly even though he was their God, be your example which you strive after. Remember that this is the foundation of the familial relationship. Once you stop honouring your parents, your other relationships will not be what God has meant them to be. Honouring our parents is the cornerstone to building healthy and godly relationships and a godly community.
Second, honour your earthly authorities. Don’t speak ill of those in authority over you, whether it be your boss, our politicians, your husband if you are a wife, and others. Let respect and honour towards those who employ positions deserving of that honour be treated with the respect the position deserves, even if they do not. This is a way in which we can be the “salt of the earth”, since it is this honour that holds society together. We live in a culture where freedom and doing whatever you want is prioritized and honour and respect seems old school and outdated. This is shown in the fact that most Canadians statistically do not honour the crown. Whatever you think about King Charles II, he is now our King and he deserves the respect and honour that this entails, but our culture doesn’t know how to honour anymore. Let us be lights in the world by showing honour to those who hold positions of honour.
In the church. Honour your elders, your deacons, and the spiritually mature and elderly in the congregation.
Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers,
Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching.
Later Paul explains that an elder should be rebuked before all if they “persist in sin” on the basis of two or three witnesses. So this does not mean elders are above the congregation and able to do whatever they want, but it does mean that, just as a family is built on honour for parents, elders and the elderly in the church are in positions in which they should be honoured. This isn’t out of self interest, I’m just reading to you what the Scriptures say about this.
Honour each other. As Christ is in your brother or sisters, so honour Christ in how you treat those in whom Christ dwells. Like in Ephesians 5 where we are told to submit to one another, but wives especially to their husbands, we should seek to honour one another, especially our parents and those in positions of honour.
Parents, bring up honourable children. While we should primarily look above us to honouring our parents, I think it is necessary for the parents among us to think about the generation we are raising. Many Christian parents fail to teach their children respect and honour in the home, and this brings up a child who isn’t trained to honour anyone. It is a parent’s responsibility to teach their children to respect them. If you want your children to be godly, they need to know that they are expected to honour their father and mother. But we will touch on that more next week.
Conclusion
Conclusion
Finally, and above all, honour Christ. Above all authority and honour is the honour to be shown to Christ. While on earth he was worshiped by those who believe, even in the lowly form of a man, but now he is ascended into the heavens and seated at the right hand of the Father in glory. If there every was a position of honour, it is that right hand seat which Jesus occupies. In truth, our honour for people in this world, especially parents, is a picture and even training ground for the honour we must render to Christ. All honour is due him, and thus the honour we give to parents and other parental and authoritative figures is really honour we are directing to Christ. Don’t honour someone for their sake, honour them to honour Christ. Cast your eyes up to where he is seated, on that Blessed Throne of Grace, high above all rule and authority having the name that is above every name. See his glory, meditate on Hebrews 1 and Colossians 1 and make those Scriptures impart the glory of Christ into the very depths of your heart. When you honour Christ you will honour God-instituted roles like parents, and if you honour your parents in a Godly and Christ-centred way, you will honour Christ through that honour. Let us seek to be honourable people for the honour of our exalted King and Saviour Jesus Christ whose blood paid for our sins to make us holy before God and present us before that honourable Throne in an honourable manner.