Dealing with Disagreements
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· 3 viewsEvery relationship encounters disagreements. In this message, we will find two Godly people who face a dispute that is SO BAD, they end up parting ways. What was the argument about and what can we learn from how they handled it? In this message, we will learn some key lessons that will help us handle conflict in a way that honors God and one another.
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April 30th,2023
Series: The Book of Acts
Sermon Title: Dealing with Disagreements - Acts 15
Topic: Journey through the book of Acts.
Key Passages: Acts 15: 36-41
Sermon Blurb: Every relationship encounters disagreements. In this message, we will find two Godly people who face a dispute that is SO BAD, they end up parting ways. What was the argument about and what can we learn from how they handled it? In this message, we will learn some key lessons that will help us handle conflict in a way that honors God and one another.
Sermon:
Hello Family Church!!!!!
Family Moment
Welcome back to our study through the book of Acts!
Grab your Bible and open it up to
Acts 15
While you’re turning there, let me ask you a question...
Raise you hand for me if you have ever had a disagreement with someone else?
Now keep your hand up if you are always right?
Yeah, I’m with all of you!
PAUSE
I remember someone once saying, “I’m not always right, but when I am it’s pretty much all the time!”
That’s hilarious!
The reality is that disagreements are part and parcel of all human relationships.
Even in the church!
Disagreements are NOT bad….but they can lead us to bad places if we are not careful.
The title of the message today is
Dealing with Disagreements
And today in Acts 15, we will find two very Godly men, that we have talked a LOT about as we walk through the book of Acts…..
These two GREAT and GODLY men are going to disagree on something…..
These weren’t baby Christians…
These were worldly / carnal Christians....
These two guys were committed, Spirit filled Christians who were greatly used by God who STILL had issues!
And the great news is God’s Word records it for our benefit!
PAUSE
Anyone here want to admit…. You LOVE a good fight???
If you do….. today we get to read about two Christian dudes fighting in the Bible!
And we will learn how we too can disagree in a way that can honor God and those around us.
PAUSE
Now, last week in Acts 15:1-35, we saw a different kind of disagreement.
We saw how the Gospel itself was under attack.
We saw some Jewish believers were trying to force Gentile believers to become Jewish in order to be “truly saved.”
We saw how the first church stood strong stand against bad teaching by people….
But, this week we have a different kind of battle going on.
It’s not about teaching issue…..
Today we see a personal difference of opinion.
Last week Paul and Barnabas were on the SAME team fighting against others AND this week we find them fighting against each other!!!!!
Ever been there?
Married couples?
Siblings?
Best friends?
Roommates?
Anyone want to admit that one day you have been totally on the same page with another person and the next day it seems like you are opposite teams?????
Anyone have that happen on the way to church today in your car????
Let’s read about this….. Acts 15 starting at verse 36….
Acts 15:36-41 Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.”
37 Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, 38 but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work.
39 They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord. 41 He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.
Alright, does everyone catch what’s going on here?
Paul and Barnabas get together and decide to go back and visit all of the churches they planted on their previous mission trip.
They wanted to check on the new believers and make sure all is well with them.
Btw, this is what disciple making is all about!
We aren’t just to lead people to faith in Christ...we are to build them up and strengthen them in their newfound faith.
This takes time and investment, but as the Mandalorian says, “This is the way!”
Jesus modeled this, and this was a priority for Paul and Barnabas!
And we too are working hard to be that kind of church today!
PAUSE
But then what happened?
They disagree over who to take with them!
Barnabas wanted to take who…what does it say in your Bible?
Yeah, John Mark. But Paul disagreed.
Look in your Bible why did Paul not want to take John Mark?
V.38 tells us...because he deserted Paul on a prior mission trip.
You can read more about that back in Acts 13.
Paul clearly felt that since John Mark bailed on a prior trip, he was a liability.
But Barnabas felt that this was a great opportunity for his redemption.
And hence, we have a conflict!
Now, here’s the thing...Paul and Barnabas were friends...these guys were close!
If you remember, it was Barnabas who really got Paul going in ministry!
These two guys did ministry together for YEARS!
They traveled around the world together!
But sometime else came between them….
And this can happen to us in life, can’t it?
PAUSE
Write down the first point in the message today:
Disagreements are part of all relationships.
(Repeat)
Sadly Family splits happen.
Friends will fight.
Husband and wives will disagree.
You will have people cause conflict at work.
The reality is, we don’t always align with those we are closest to.
And I love that God’s Word records this reality of life so we can learn what to do and NOT to do…..
See, these men of God weren’t some sort of “high level super Christians” who didn’t struggle with the same things we do.
No, these are ordinary people with weaknesses, sinful nature, and struggles that we all can relate to.
And that’s important for us to see...
PAUSE
Let’s dig in a little deeper and see what was going on here...
What could have caused this division?
First, these two men were very different personalities.
Barnabas’s name means “son of encouragement”.
Barnabas was the guy who encouraged the early church to accept Paul!
Here Barnabas is encouraging Paul to accept John Mark back into ministry!
Does anyone know people who are like Barnabas?
Anyone know a person who ALWAYS encourages others.
Has mercy and compassion.
Wants to see people restored, healed and accepted.
That person that always forgives others quickly…
Praise God for Barnabas...we all benefit from this kind of person….
PAUSE
Then there was Paul...and he had a different personality.
Paul was an apostle, a starter, a visionary, a person who got things done!
Paul’s ambition was to take the Gospel where it had not yet been preached and lead as many people to faith in Jesus as possible.
Does anyone know people like Paul?
A person who takes charge.
A person who values getting work done.
A person who is quick to judge and slow to forgive.
And some of you might think that is bad BUT NO!!!!
Praise God for people like Paul... without them the Kingdom wouldn’t expand rapidly!
New things wouldn’t start!
PAUSE
With a little background, can you see how these two guys might butt heads?
Can you see how Barnabas might be motivated to bring John Mark along and how Paul saw him as a liability to the mission?
These kinds of differences can come between spouses, family members, co workers, friends, neighbors and pastors!
Share personal example like this…
My wife and I are united in heart and mission, but we are gifted and wired very differently. And at first, these differences were like sandpaper, anybody relate?
We had to learn to see our differences as good and Godly.
The same is true here in the ministry too.
I can tell you our pastors are NOT all wired the same!!!! BUT we are united in vision and mission!
I am sure you have figured out Pastor Adam is SUPER driven…like Paul…
If you know Pastor Matt, he is a GREAT encourager like Barnabas…
PAUSE
Could it have been those differences that caused Paul and Barnabas to parting ways?
Maybe, but probably not.
Like most disagreements in life….there more to the story?
Let’s turn to Galatians 2…. There we will read about a potential crack in the foundation of this relationship that happened before this...
Galatians 2: 11, “When Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. 12 For before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group.
13 The other Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray.”
This is interesting, right church?
Peter came to the church in Antioch and spent time with the Gentile believers there.
He would eat and fellowship with them because he knew that God accepted Gentiles on the basis of their faith in Jesus.
But then when Jewish believers came to town...Peter, out of fear, drew back and separated himself from the Gentiles.
And Peter influenced Barnabas to do the WRONG thing!.
What? Barnabas? Mr. Encourager??? Yep.
Barnabas was Paul’s right-hand man in the ministry to the Gentiles.
He helped plant this very church in Antioch!!!
He was close to these folks.
And Barnabas turned his back on them…..
PAUSE
Have you ever been so hurt or disappointed in someone that it caused you to see them differently?
Have you ever done something so stupid that it caused you to not want to be around the person who called you out?
Maybe what happened here in Galatians 2….
It caused a crack in the foundation of their relationship. Maybe they never resolved this issue…
Here’s the takeaway for us...write this down…..
Don’t let unresolved issues remain.
Repeat
Don’t allow cracks in your relationships to remain!
Maybe that’s why an older and wiser Paul wrote these words years later in
Ephesians 4:26, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
Church…. We need to be people that are quick to resolve issues!
Don’t allow hurt, or pain, or shame to go unresolved... Because that fracture may lead to a full BREAK later on that didn’t need to happen.
Maybe that’s a word for someone here today.
Maybe you’ve been allowing an unresolved hurt, or offense, to affect your relationship with someone close to you.
And you need to seek to mend that wound…
PAUSE
Now, whenever there is a disagreement between two people, we always assume that one person is right and the other person is wrong, right?
So, who’s right and who’s wrong here?
Interestingly, what we find in this situation with Paul and Barnabas that God’s Word doesn’t tell us that!
And based on which of these guys you personally align with, you think you know the answer!
And this leads to our next point:
Disagreements don’t always have a right and wrong.
Repeat
Now, to be clear….. In many disagreements, there is a right and wrong.
And wherever someone is in the wrong they need to admit it.
But as someone wired like Pastor Adam will point out that Barnabas is not mentioned again in the Book of Acts….
Is it a coincidence that Barnabas phases out and Paul takes the primary place in apostolic ministry from here?
Maybe this is God’s way of siding with Paul...
But then again, later on in Paul’s 2nd letter to Timothy, he asks for Mark to come help him...
2 Timothy 4:11 “Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry.”
Did Paul realize later he was wrong?
Was he perhaps too harsh towards Mark here in Acts 15?
Did he learn to value people more as his life and ministry went on?
Very possibly!
Regardless, not every disagreement has a right / wrong.
PAUSE
So how can we determine how we should handle disagreements?
This leads me to our next point,
Choose NOT to fight over NON-essentials.
Repeat
Not every disagreement is a battle we need to fight!
Not every hill is one worth dying on!
Last week, Paul and Barnabas determined that they needed to go to battle over a “sin/salvation” issue.
Today…. whether to take John Mark on this mission trip was a NON-essential?
It is NOT about sin/salvation!
You have heard us talk about this ALL the time at Family Church.
We CHOOSE NOT to fight over things that are NOT about sin or salvation!
We CHOOSE to allow people to have different opinions on things that slip so many churches!
We CHOOSE to NOT fight over NON-essentials.
PAUSE
Have you seen this play out in life????
Marriages that end over differences of opinion.
Friendships that end over some hearsay comment.
Partners in a company break up over a new product idea.
How about next time you face a disagreement with someone, ask yourself that question,
“Is this conflict over an essential issue?
Is this worth me standing my ground….
Or can I CHOOSE to let this go….”
I think that a lot of times we will find that whatever it is that we are disagreeing about is worth applying….Philippians 4:3
I would encourage ALL of you to put this verse somewhere you will see ALL the time…..
Philippians 4:3 “Rather in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.”
PAUSE
Can I encourage you…..
If it is a sin / salvation issue you can’t back down.
But if it is NOT a sin / salvation issue….you can let it go.
PAUSE
Let me give you your life application today…..
Life Application: What is one way you will deal with disagreements differently as a result of this message? Is there a conflict you need to resolve or a stand you need to take this week? I will ___________________.
Write down whatever it is that the Holy Spirit is speaking to you to do, and form that in an “I will” statement...
Share that with someone who can keep you accountable and step out in faith this week...
Let’s Pray…..
Offering