Stop the Negative Self Talk

Part two of the "Why Change Now?" Series. Based on a series/sermon of the same name by Pastor Craig Groeschel. Your distorted identity starts to sabotage your success.

Notes

Transcript

Preamble

Welcome everyone

Welcome guests

Introduce myself

It’s April 23,

And the last time I preached on April 23rd:

Was in 2009,

in Palmetto, Florida,

on my oldest daughter’s first birthday.

Today she turns 15,

so will please join me in wishing Candice Marie Northrup a very happy birthday!

Broad River Church is one church in your location.

Can we take a moment to thank God for all of those that are here,

and gathered across town at our Silvermine campus right now,

and for the crowds that will be joining us here, online, and in Silvermine at 11:00 AM?

Come on, let’s give God praise!

Introduction

I wonder how many of you have ever stopped to ask yourself, Why do I do what I do?

Why do you do what you do?

Chances are you often respond with similar actions in similar situations.

Why are we so predictable?

Why do we generally respond the same way to different scenarios?

Let’s take a look at a few examples.

What do you do in the morning?

Show of hands, how many of you usually hit the snooze button when the alarm goes off?

How many of you, when that alarm goes off, you jump right out of bed?

Or maybe you get up before your alarm even goes off?

I love you, but I don’t understand you.

You’re the first one at the meeting, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

Meanwhile, I’m nursing my second dose of caffeine,

and wondering if you’re always this cheery,

or if you ate a cartoon bluebird on the way to work.

Why do you do what you do?

When you go to a restaurant, what do you do?

There’s a healthy choice, right?

And then there’s the better tasting choice.

Show of hands, how many of you usually go for the healthy choice?

A little salmon.

A cob salad.

The wrap instead of the sandwich.

Go for the tasty, where ya at?

The bloomin’ onion

The loaded cheese fries

A Monte Cristo Sandwich

Ya’ll ever had one of those?

It’s like lunch and dessert got together and had a delicious baby.

Why do you do what you do?

When it comes to your finances, what do you do?

Don’t raise your hands for this, but I wonder, how many of you always put God first?

You worship him by giving 10% of your income,

and then you wisely manage the rest.

You’ve seen the faithfulness of God,

and you almost always have money left over.

Or, are you like many people today:

Wondering where it all went.

It was spent before you got it!

And, while you know the Bible talks about living from glory to glory,

you’re too busy living from paycheck to paycheck.

Why do you do what you do?

Let’s explore what I’m going to call secondary reasons.

These are perfectly valid, but they’re not the primary reason you do what you do.

We’ll come back to the primary reason in a bit.

Why do you do what you do? Number one...

You feel obligated to do what you do.

You want to be a good mom,

or a good dad,

or a good son,

or a good daughter,

or a good friend,

or a good coworker,

or a good student,

or you feel obligated to obey God.

You feel like you’ve just got to check that box.

We do what we do because we feel obligated to do it.

Here goes, number two...

You want to do what you do.

You actually want to do it!

You want to please God,

or you want to be disciplined,

or you want to show love,

or you want to make the wise choice.

We do what we do because we want to.

Finally, number three...

You want to be accepted.

You want to be liked!

You want to be accepted!

That’s why you work so hard on crafting the perfect Facebook post,

or taking the same fake selfie over, and over, and over again,

so you can get enough likes.

And I see you rolling your eyes and saying, “Well, preacher, I’m not on The Facebook.”

Okay, fine, but we still put on a facade.

We’re trying to create an image that people would like.

We do what we do because we want to be accepted.

Transition

Today is week two of a series called Why Change Now?

This week and last,

We’re laying a foundation for the rest of this series.

If you missed last week, you can catch it on YouTube or the Podcast app of your choice.

Something that we learned last week, that you’ll hear again throughout this entire series is:

The root of the problem you’re facing is almost always spiritual.

We’re doing an early year reset right now.

You don’t have to wait until next year to tackle your goals!

There are many secondary reasons for why you do what you do.

But, there is a primary reason for why we consistently behave the way we behave.

If you’re taking notes, here it is:

You do what you do because of what you think of you.

The biggest driving force of our behavior is our identity.

We do what we do primarily because of what we think of ourselves.

In the Old Testament, scripture says this (Proverbs 23:7):

“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”

Let’s Pray

Tension Setup

There’s a study that talks about three questions that all of us subconsciously ask in any situation.

When you face any type of situation—in your mind, without even knowing—you subconsciously process three questions.

These three questions end up determining what you do,

because you do what you do because of what you think of you.

The first question you ask is this:

What type of person am I?

You face any kind of situation and you start categorizing yourself:

I’m a believer,

or I take shortcuts.

or I’m disciplined.

The second question you ask is:

What kind of situation is this?

You don’t even realize that this is going on in your mind.

It takes place over a fraction of a second.

And then, finally, you’re asking:

What does someone like me do in a situation like this?

These questions determines what we do over and over and over again.

What kind of person am I?

What kind of situation is this?

What does someone like me do in a situation like this?

You’ll find yourself in any number of scenarios.

You’re taking a test.

And you don’t know the answer.

You can see the answer on your buddy’s sheet.

And you’re tempted to cheat.

Or you’re tempted to take something that is not yours.

Or you’re tempted to make someone look bad by gossiping about them.

Or you’re inclined to be generous and be a blessing to someone.

Or someone hurts you and you choose to forgive them.

Or someone does something that doesn’t seem right and you choose to believe the best about them.

For example, in the morning, your alarm goes off:

What kind of person are you?

Well, you say, “I’m the kind of person that hits the snooze button seven times.”

“That’s the kind of person I am, and that’s what a person like me does in a situation like this.”

Or, you’re the type of person who gets up on the first buzz and attacks the day.

In your mind, that’s the type of person you are.

Or you’re driving down the road and somebody cuts you off:

What kind of person are you?

Some of ya’ll are nudging the person next to you because—they don’t just use their middle finger—they’ve created a whole host of crude hand gestures!

Just take off the Broad River Church magnet, will ya?

Or maybe you’re the type of person that says, “Ahh, they cut me off.”

“I did that to someone yesterday.”

“Maybe they’re in a hurry.”

“Maybe there’s someone in the hospital.”

“Maybe they just stink at driving!”

“Regardless, I’m going to give them some grace because I’ve done the same thing.”

You do what you do because of what you think of you.

So why can’t I change?

Why do I still lose my temper?

How come I still look at things I don’t want to look at?

Why do I find myself going back to the same bad habits again, and again, and again?

This is key, so write this down:

If you want to change what you do, change what you think of you.

If you want to change what you do, it’s time to change your identity and change what you think of you.

I wonder how many of you are like me?

How many of you would say—that when you think about who you are—it is often easier to believe the bad things than it is the good things.

Why is it that we tend to believe the bad things about ourselves?

Well, subtly isn’t my strong suit, so I’m just going to lay the cards out on the table for you.

The Devil is a liar!

He’s been been lying to you since you were born.

Jesus paints a very clear picture of the Devil in scripture (John 8:44):

“...He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

In other words, you have an enemy who hates the truth.

We’ve asked the question: Why do you do what you do?

Well, why does the Devil do what he does?

Because of what he thinks of himself!

Because of his identity.

He is a liar and the father of lies.

Watch what Jesus says next (John 8:45):

“So when I tell the truth, you just naturally don’t believe me!”

Did you catch that?

This is wild!

You’ve been believing the lie from your spiritual enemy for so long that:

when Jesus tries to tell you who you are—

you’ve been so pre-programmed by the lie—

that you don’t believe the truth, and that truth will set you free.

You’re so used to hearing that:

You can’t change.

You’re not that.

You’ll never be faithful.

You're not a real man of God.

You’re not a good mom.

You’re never going to be financially free.

You’ll never overcome that.

And you’re always going to be addicted.

It’s easier to believe the lies.

I know it because I do it.

This past week marks my 20th year in the photo industry.

In high school, I started working in a photo lab processing rolls of 35 millimeter film and then went on to manage camera stores until I was 27.

Then, I packed up our little family—it was just three of us, then—and we moved to Ohio where I spent the next three years selling to camera stores in the Midwest.

In 2017, we moved to Connecticut when I took a job as the Vice President of Sales for a camera equipment distributor.

We planted down roots, had two more kids, and became a part of Broad River Church in 2021.

By every conventional measure, I have a successful career.

From the outside looking in, I’m at the top of my game.

I work for a great company.

My team is growing.

We’re crushing our goals.

I am respected by my coworkers, my customers, and my competitors.

Stick with me, I’m trying to help someone here:

About 13 months ago, I wasn’t at my best for a few days.

And my bosses—with the greatest level of professionalism, compassion, and grace—talked through it with me

And though we didn’t agree on every bullet point, I met it head on with professionalism, dignity, a repentant heart, and a coachable spirit.

Water under the bridge, as far as all parties were concerned.

And yet, I spent the majority of the next 11 months doubting myself.

I’m an imposter.

I don’t belong here.

I’m not good enough.

They don’t like me.

They’re going to fire me.

I knew in my head that this wasn’t true.

But we’re not just dealing with a head issue, here, are we?

Remember, the root of the problem you’re facing is almost always spiritual.

The Devil was feeding me lie, after lie, after lie—and they had taken root deep in my soul.

In Surfing for God, Christian psychotherapist Michael John Cusick writes:

“What a man believes intellectually, theologically, and doctrinally very rarely resembles what he believes about himself—and about God—deep in his soul.”

Last week, while my bride was at a doctors appointment, I brought my teenager and my two toddlers outside to help me paint our front steps.

I know, I know.

What was I thinking, right?

Everything was going fine, at first, until—you know—the toddlers started being toddlers!

What kind of person am I?

Well, I might be a bit of a control freak and a big ‘ol neat freak.

What kind of situation is this?

One lacking control, that is getting very messy very quickly!

What does someone like me do in a situation like this?

Well, I would love to tell you that I handled it with Christlike grace.

I’d love to tell you that I was Matthew 19:14 personified:

Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them!

I’d love to tell you that we laughed, smeared paint all over each other, and then went out for ice cream.

But no.

I’m a control freak.

I’m a neat freak.

And I lost my temper with my son, Liam.

And I lost my temper with my littlest love, Chloe.

And what I didn’t think in that moment was:

I’m a very loving Dad.

I routinely prioritize quality time with my kids.

We’re making memories.

They’re learning something new.

No instead I thought:

I suck.

I’ve failed.

These kids deserve better.

Some model of the Fruit of the Spirit I’ve turned out to be!

I’m a bad dad.

Why am I relating all this to you?

When you do something you’re not proud of:

The Devil doesn’t tell you:

This was just a momentary thing.

or that God is still with you,

or that you’re still really full of the Holy Spirit.

No, the Devil doesn’t tell you that you did something bad.

He tells you that you are bad.

The Devil attacks your identity.

You aren’t worthy.

You should be ashamed.

Your pathetic.

You’re not the real deal.

You’re a hypocrite.

You’re an addict.

You’re a loser.

You can’t change; this is just the way you are.

John Eldridge said it this way:

“The story of your life is the story of a long and brutal assault on your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears it.”

What is the Devil trying to do?

He’s lying to you about your identity.

And here’s what happens:

You can write this down.

Your distorted identity starts to sabotage your success.

Your distorted identity starts to sabotage your spiritual success and your progress along the way.

And you start to think:

Well, I’ve just got an addictive personality.

This is what I do to cope:

I pop the pill.

I drink the bottle.

I look at porn.

This is just what I do.

This is how I have to do it, because this is my identity.

Or you start to think:

I just stink at handling money.

I’m always going to struggle financially.

I’m never gonna get ahead.

I’m always going to be broke.

So I might as well just go to Amazon and start a one-click buying spree.

I’ve never really had close friends.

so I can’t trust people.

So I continue to keep people at arms length,

and put on a false front,

and I never let anyone in because I believe I’m not worthy of love.

Write this down:

Your distorted identity creates destructive habits.

There’s this very deceptive cycle that the Devil tries to do in your life.

He takes your distorted identity and uses it to create destructive habits.

And catch this:

Your destructive habits reinforce your distorted identity.

You think poorly of yourself:

and therefore you do the wrong thing,

and the wrong thing confirms your distorted identity.

So how do you break the Devil’s destructive cycle?

Well, if you want to change what you do, you have to change what you think of you.

And that’s why I want to tell you:

You are not who the Devil says you are.

You are not who others say you are.

You’re not even who that little critical voice in your own head—that tears you down and rips apart your confidence—says that you are.

Jesus is speaking the truth about you

and you need to believe the truth about you.

Michael John Cusick, again:

“In the battle against shame, we must counter its voice with the voice of Love—the voice of God—revealed in the person of Jesus.”

Instead of having a distorted identity, you start to have a Christ-centered identity.

I am who He says I am.

When you have a Christ-centered identity, that breaks the Devil’s destructive cycle.

Write this down:

A Christ-centered identity leads to Christ-honoring habits.

Christ-honoring habits reinforce a Christ-centered identity.

Why do you do what you do?

You do what you do because of what you think of you.

If you want to change what you do, change what you think of you.

You are not who your spiritual enemy says you are.

When you believe that, you live the wrong habits which reinforces the wrong identity.

You are who Christ says you are.

And when you start with that identity, it brings about God-honoring habits which reinforce the God-honoring identity.

You swap the Devil’s destructive cycle for Christ’s life-giving cycle.

Let me try to explain this, because, some of ya’ll are looking at me like a deer in headlights.

“The train is leaving the station and I’m just here waving goodbye.”

I’m going to give you an example of how this played out in the life of Jesus, but we’re going to modernize it for fun.

This ain’t in the Bible.

It’s for illustration purposes only.

So a PR guy comes up to Jesus.

“Hey, Jesus, I’m a PR agent. I want you to do a YouTube live event. We’re going to reach millions. It’s going to be amazing.”

And Jesus refuses, “No, no, no. I want to be with the people. I like the gathering.”

And so the PR guy says, “Okay, we’ll do the Sermon on the Mount.”

And they promote it.

And they sell out quicker than a Taylor Swift concert.

Jesus is there teaching, and the Pharisees are their protesting.

“Cancel Jesus. Cancel Jesus.”

So at the end of the event, security says, “Jesus, we gotta get you home.”

But he says, “No, I want to stay and pray with people.”

So he goes to pray with people, but most of the people just want selfies.

That hurt his feelings.

When he finishes, he comes back and regroups the disciples and asked how they thought it went.

And Peter is mad because Jesus din’t tag him in the photo on Instagram.

And Jesus says, “I’m done with ya’ll.”

Don’t go looking for this in your Bible; it didn’t really happen.

So Jesus goes home.

What does he do?

He’s physically exhausted.

People let him down.

He feels discouraged.

What does he do?

Does he binge his favorite Netflix series?

Sounds like a good plan to me!

Does he sneak to the kitchen and finish off the brownies?

Does he turn on some soft music, take a bath, and turn all the water into wine?

What does he do?

He’s tired.

He’s fully God and fully man.

He’s discouraged.

Well, if Jesus asks “What kind of person am I?” what would he say?

“I’m the kind of person who needs intimacy with my Father in heaven.”

“What kind of situation is this?”

“I’m physically exhausted and mentally discouraged.”

“What does someone like me do in a situation like this?”

They go and spend time praying to the Father.”

So what does Jesus do?

This is in the Bible.

According to scripture, he goes to the Mount of Olives.

Not just any place,

but a beautiful place,

330 feet above Jerusalem,

with a gorgeous view of the city,

where he can overlook the people he’s praying for.

And scripture tells us how just often he went there to pray (Luke 21:37):

“Every day Jesus went to the Temple to teach, and each evening he returned to spend the night on the Mount of Olives.”

Ya’ll catch that?

Every day he taught.

Every night he prayed.

This was his habit.

Get this (Luke 22:39):

And He came out and proceeded as was His habit to the Mount of Olives; and the disciples also followed Him.

What I want you to see is that Jesus wasn’t saying, “Oh I better try to pray today.”

No, Jesus is the type of person that prays.

His prayer habit reinforced his identity, which therefore straightened his habit.

How do you change?

If you want to change what you do, change what you think of you.

Write this down:

You have to start with who before do.

Turn to someone next to you and say, “Who before do.”

Who before do.

Instead of focusing on what you want to do, start with who you want to become.

I want to ask you right now—not what you want to do—start with identity.

Who do you want be?

Listen, you might be new to church.

You might be unsure about Jesus and the Bible, and that’s okay!

I am so glad that you are here today.

Broad River Church is a place that you can belong before you believe,

and I think this can help you, too.

Who do you want to be?

Because what you think of you determines what you do.

So we’re not starting with the action; we’re starting with the spiritual, Christ-centered identity.

Let me give you some examples, and hopefully you’ll pick your own:

I am a mom who is fully present and wholly intentional.

That’s a great person to be!

How about this one?

I am a teenager who has found purity in Christ and doesn’t look at porn.

Come on somebody!

Who do you want to be?

I am a man who will lay down my life to serve my wife and my children.

Yes, Lord!

Who you want to be?

I am someone who is sober and is a testimony to the power of Christ to change a life.

Come on, somebody!

Why do you do what you do?

Because of what you think of you.

More specific now:

I am a person who doesn’t skip workouts.

That’s the kind of person I am.

I am a Christian who reads my Bible every day.

That’s the kind of person I am.

Come on:

I am a person who puts God first in my finances.

That’s the kind of person I am.

Another:

I am disciplined. Christ in me is stronger than the wrong desires in me.

Start with who before do.

Let’s play this out:

Maybe you’ve said, “I am a mom who is fully present and wholly intentional.”

Every time you’re with your family, and your phone dings, and you don’t look at it.

What have you done?

You reinforce the identity that you are a parent that is fully present and wholly intentional.

Maybe you’ve said, “I am a Christian who reads my Bible every day.”

Every day you open up the word of God, it strengthens your new identity—who you are becoming in Christ.

James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits, says this:

“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”

Conclusion

Why do you do what you do?

You do what you do because of what you think of you.

Here’s what’s going to happen.

You’re going to start to seek God for a new identity.

You’re going to work to swap the Devil’s destructive cycle for Christ’s life-giving cycle.

Remember last week?

We had a Spiritual Why—God’s purpose for you.

We had a Spiritual How—God’s power through you.

This week we have a Spiritual Who.

This is our identity.

And the moment you start to believe that you can become who God wants you to be,

The Devil is going to tell you that you can’t change.

Who are you going to believe?

Because who you believe will determine what you do.

I want to speak a very powerful scripture over you and let it build your faith (Ephesians 4:21-24):

“Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him,”

Here’s what you do:

“throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.”

That’s not you anymore!

You’ve been forgiven!

You’ve been transformed

“Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.”

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2)

You don’t believe the lies of the Enemy.

You let the Sprit renew your thoughts and attitudes.

“Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.”

You throw off the old self,

You put on your new identity,

and then, when you believe who he says you are, you start to live the way that he says you can live.

No single action changes your identity.

But multiple actions over time will change how you see yourself.

Eventually, this changes your identity.

Real change isn’t behavior modification. It’s spiritual transformation.

Who are you?

Let me tell who scripture says you are:

You are loved and have been loved since before God made the world (Ephesians 1:4)

If you have surrendered to Jesus and called on him:

You are forgiven (Ephesians 1:7)

You are no longer a slave to sin (Galatians 4:7)

You are redeemed (Galatians 3:13)

You are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17)

You are a child of God (1 John 5:1)

You are a co-heir of God’s glory with Christ (Romans 8:17)

You are not who the Devil says you are.

You are not who others say you are.

You are not who you think you are.

You are more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37)

You are chosen (1 Peter 2:9)

You are God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10)

You are the light of the world (Matthew 5:14)

You are his holy priesthood (1 Peter 2:5)

You are Christ’s ambassadors—the highest ranking diplomat—and you’ve been sent by God to bring Heaven to Earth (2 Corinthians 5:20)

You are filled with the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead (Romans 8:11)

That’s the truth!

The Devil is a liar.

Jesus is the the truth.

The truth will set you free!

Throw off that old self.

Put on your new identity.

Be who Christ created you to be:

Like God,

Holy,

Righteous,

For his glory.

It’s time to step in to the truth.

Closing Prayer

Father, I pray that the truth of your word would take root in the soul of each and every person here today.

Help us to focus on who we want to become—who you say that we are, in Jesus name.

Some of you here today might say, “Mike, I’ve never made surrendered to Jesus,” or “I used to follow Jesus, but I’ve been doing life my own way for a while now and I want to come back to God today.”

If that’s you, today, with every head bowed and every eye closed, I want to invite you to raise your hand so I know who I’m praying with today.

If that’s you today, just repeat this simple prayer after me.

Broad River Church, no one prays alone here. Join with us:

Lord Jesus,

Thank you for coming for me.

Thank you for rescuing me.

Thank you for dying for me.

Thanks you for your resurrection.

And the new life I have in you.

Now I give you my heart.

Forgive me of my sins.

I want to follow you.

All of my days.

In Jesus’ name.

Amen.

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