Sermon Tone Analysis

El Edén                        June 3, 2003 Leslie and Anilsa’s wedding

 

ATTITUDES CONDUCIVE TO A SUCESSFUL MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP

Phil.

4:4-8

 

I.

Introduction

A.     This morning we are here to witness the forming of a new home.

For Leslie and Anilsa, this ceremony marks the beginning of a new life together that will continue till death or till Jesus comes.

There have been many couples who have come to the marriage altar with great celebration, rejoiced with a multitude of guests with much festivity, but a few years later the joy, the love in their relationship was gone, and they were simply enduring each other or perhaps even terminated their union with separation or divorce.

B.     Attitudes are capable of making the same experience either pleasant or painful.

C.     With the right attitude, all the problems in the world will not make you a failure.

With the wrong mental attitude, all the help in the world will not make you a success.

Warren Deaton

D.     Marriage is the beginning of a new relationship for life.

A lifetime of experiences – all kinds, a lifetime of living together, planning together, deciding together, working together – and our attitudes toward each other, toward others and toward the experiences we face will make all the difference.

II.

Rejoicing

A.     Today is a day of rejoicing.

And everyday is to be a day of rejoicing.

And to Leslie and Anilsa – it may be hard to imagine days that are not.

B.     Attitude is the EYE of your soul!

Your attitude determines how you view life.

If your attitude is negative, you will see life negatively.

If your attitude is positive, you will see life positively.

If you have a thankful attitude, you will see things you encounter as gifts to be thankful for.

“I may not be able to change the world I see around me but I can change the way I see the world within me!”

No wonder the Scripture says, “Rejoice in the Lord always.”

(Phil.

4:4) Being joyful is not a matter of chance or circumstance.

It is a matter of deciding to rejoice!

And \\ since the decision of whether or not we will rejoice is left up to us, Paul reiterates the command: “I will say it again; Rejoice!”

C.     We think of joy, satisfaction, hope … the absence of complaining, criticizing, worry, disagreement

D.     It is not something that comes naturally—can only come from God and lead to Him.

E.      As we notice some of the other attitudes in these verses…we will understand better the key to a continual attitude of rejoicing.

III.

Moderation – Attitude is the FACE of the soul

A.     Your attitude determines how you appear to others.

Other people mirror the attitude they sense we have.

Jesus put it like this: “The way you treat others is the way you will be treated”

B.     Others should know us for our moderation

1.      “sweet reasonableness” – a person easy to get along with

2.      Moderation,” says Dr. Macknight, “means meekness under provocation, readiness to forgive injuries, equity in the management of business, candor (sinceridad y honestidad) in judging of the characters and actions of others, sweetness of disposition, and the entire government of the passions.

C.     characterized by love — in the marriage relationship

1.      Listen to Paul’s words (1 Co. 13).

In vs. 4 he says, “Love is patient, love is kind.”

Sometimes you will be stressed out.

Sometimes you will be frustrated.

“Love is patient & kind.”

Sometimes you might want to give harsh criticism when your spouse does something foolish or hurtful.

“Love is patient & kind.”

2.      Second, Paul tells us that “Love is not jealous or boastful.”

Sometimes we try to make ourselves look better than we really are.

We may even criticize our partner to make us feel better about ourselves.

a)      Our competitive spirit may get the best of us, & we try to prove that we are better, smarter, more professional, more talented than our partner.

Such selfish behavior in a marriage will prove to be unproductive, even destructive.

b)      May I suggest an alternative that is much more worthwhile & enjoyable?

Build each other up, learn to praise the unique gifts of your life’s partner.

3.      Paul’s next advice is to avoid arrogance & rudeness.

Paul knows that sometimes we treat those we love with less courtesy even than a stranger.

We may take our spouses for granted.

Occasionally we may be rude to them in private.

Even worse, we may be rude to them in public.

a)      Paul would urge that we strive to treat our spouse with reverence & respect just like we would want him or her to treat us.

4.      Of all the ideals that Paul holds up before us, this next one may be the hardest.

“Love does not insist upon its own way.”

Now, Leslie, Anilsa, I’m going to assume there have been times in your relationship with each other, that one or both of you have insisted on having your own way.

a)      Such behavior is present in most relationships.

But it is not helpful.

Marriage is intended to be a journey filled with compromises.

b)      If both of you are willing to compromise; if both of you are willing to respond to the wants & needs of the other, & not just your own, then your marriage will be much more peaceful & productive.

“Me” & “My” need to give way to “Us” & “Ours.”

5.      Paul’s next description of love is difficult to follow.

He tells us that love “is not irritable or resentful.”

I wonder if there is anyone here who has never been irritable or resentful?

a)      In fact, most of us fail to live out this quality of love.

Rather than being pleasant, we are sometimes easily irritated or angered.

Rather than politely answering a simple question of a spouse, we may respond with a loud or hostile voice.

Too often we become argumentative & defensive.

b)      I believe that Paul would urge of all of us, that when we fail to live up to this ideal, we avoid making excuses for our behavior & simply admit we are wrong.

“Sorry, I’ve been in a bad mood today!

Let’s start over.”

c)      Paul’s model of Christian love may even suggest a strange double standard.

When our spouse is irritable, we are to be patient.

When we are irritable, we are to ask for forgiveness.

If both of you live by this advice there will be peace in your home.

6.      Paul sums up his beautiful description of love with these words, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

In other words, love never gives up.

It hangs in.

It holds on.

You can count on it.

This is the type of love you are to have for one another - love that can be trusted.

D.     Characterized by mutual submission

1.      it means that it=s something both of you practice in your relationship with each other.

First of all, it means esteeming or cherishing or treasuring or valuing.

That means that you put each others= needs before your own.

When you treasure something or in this case, someone, you serve them, you think about them, you put their needs and requirements at the top of your list of what==s most important.

a)      Treasure each other

1)      Treasuring each other means that you need to study each other.

You know each other pretty well.

But believe me when I say that people are really, really complicated.

There=s far more to each of you than meets the eye.