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DIY # 4 Sex By The Book

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diy - building a life that lasts # 4

sexual purity

31 May 2009

BIG IDEA sexual purity builds a life that lasts

launch pad

“Mum what’s sex?” ok time for the talk – eyes grow wider – how do I fit all that on this form??

National Secondary Students & Sexual Health survey in 2002 found that a quarter of year 10 students & half of year 12 students were no longer virgins. Half of school leavers, therefore, had not had intercourse. The La Trobe University researchers say the unreleased 2009 results are similar, with only a slight shift to permissiveness.

theology of sex eph 5:25-33

Eph 5:25-33 people treat sex as ordinary, it’s not – it’s extraordinary & holy & powerful

Sex is incredibly powerful – people’s guilt – WHY? cos of identity connect & its origins


sex is connected to identity – when you were born your parents named you according to your genitals!


sex is a divine expression of intimacy

God got idea of sex from his own pleasure of intimacy in the Trinity

Trinity – for eternity God has dwelt in a blaze of intimacy

let us make people in our image one nature plural expression – Father, Son, Holy Spirit

GIFT OF SEXUALITY CAN BE misused Eph 5:3-7

Like any gift, sexuality can be misused

In fact, I’d venture that every person here has been damaged to some degree by misuse of the gift


-        immorality …

o      another’s immorality – healing thru friends & pastoral care

o      your immorality - confess your sins, seek help, God forgives

-        abused sexually – get professional help, healing is possible

-        pornography – get accountable,

develop boundaries ahead of time

Sexual temptation is extraordinary strong so develop boundaries ahead of time

Thought boundaries Matt 5:8 blessed are pure in heart

Visual boundaries Job 31:1 movie strong sex scenes – ok to say she’s looks nice

Physical boundaries 1 Cor 6:18 run coffee/meal with another woman besides my family

how men & women handle sexuality?

TRINITY – one in nature but diff expression … thus men & women are different

AROUSAL … men are hares - women are tortoises

Men are wired primarily for sight – get your husband’s attention with flesh, when looking for a wife I looked for modesty
Women are wired for sound & touch – get your wives attention with kind words & non-sexual hugs

Men need to be especially aware of what they say to their wives

Women needs to be wooed


Wives – your husbands physically need to drink water I need a drink not tonite I really need a drink  got a headache I really, really need a drink  got tooo much on  I’m dying of thirst  oh alright!

Husbands – your wife has needs too

Whenever we’ve had 2 cars & one was a bomb, I’d drive the bomb

This tells Dianne she is special, she is unique, she is important & significant – it’s built a a climate of romance, culture of specialness, an environment of attentiveness

Stack the dishwasher – that lights my fire!!

Di’s workload increasing on the church – I do shopping



"How many of you at this point in life are having a great physical relationship with your spouse?" my educated guess would be that 30 percent or less would say they have a vital relationship.

But my main emphasis is on the downside of disobedience: Not "God will never forgive you for that!" but rather "If you don't obey the Lord in this area of life, eventually you'll find yourself in deep weeds." I deemphasize obeying rules for rules' sake alone and emphasize instead the dire consequences of breaking God's rules.

For instance, preaching on "Thou shalt not commit adultery" is a lot easier than giving a message on the positive side: "How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage."

People are sensitive about their sexuality.

In the area of sexuality, the guilt is unbelievable

If I cannot include a word of grace, I may do irreparable damage.

a few women were thoughtful enough to pull me aside and say, "Bill, that's great for most people to hear, but the truth of the matter is, some of us have been scarred by this 'wonderful gift of God.' Frankly, we think sex was a rotten idea."

I need to offer tangible ways for people broken by adverse sexual experiences to find healing.

Particularly in preaching about sex, humor is the perfect counterbalance to the weightiness of the topic. With all that pain and guilt and sin-talk floating in the air, with people feeling nervous or perhaps expecting to be offended, anything I can say that disarms them for a moment is precious.

One sure-fire way to ruin my effectiveness when preaching about sex is to speak as if I'm not subject to sexual sin:

Bill Hybels

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