Biblical Responsibilities in Parenting
Notes
Transcript
Scripture Reading
Scripture Reading
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
“Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise:
“that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
I. Children
I. Children
1. How old are we talking?
1. How old are we talking?
a. Notice that Paul directly addresses the children, just as he did wives earlier. This means that the children in question must be old enough to comprehend Paul’s words. But, conversely, they must still be minors, as otherwise they would not be responsible to obey their parents.
Therefore, we can very roughly establish that Paul must be thinking of school-age children and teenagers, at least in our culture that’s the age group this fits with.
2. What do these kids believe?
2. What do these kids believe?
a. Since Paul’s letters would have been read in a public worship service, these kids go to church, the only place they could have heard the letter. In the ancient world, not many adults could read, let alone children. But Christianity has been a religion of the book from the beginning. How does a largely illiterate congregation know how to obey something written in a book? by someone reading it to them. Therefore ancient Christian worship services included a great deal of what we call congregational reading of Scripture. This had the very practical effect of enabling illiterate people to know what was in the Bible. This program obviously goes double for kids, who would be less able to read than the adults.
b. Since Paul commands that they obey “in the Lord,” he clearly assumes these children have themselves believed in Jesus as their savior. If they did not, they would not care about what he said anyways. So only saved children are addressed here. It’s not really controversial today, but less than a century ago the idea that elementary age children could exercise genuine faith was controversial. Lest their be any doubt, here Paul assumes that the faith of children, even quite young children, can be as effective for salvation as the faith of an adult.
c. Catholics and Lutherans practice “confirmation,” which is a ritual designed to cover the fact that they baptize infants, but these kids must believe themselves. it’s usually for about 12 year olds, more or less. We firmly believe in discipleship, but not in a special ritual as if kids cannot exercise faith until they reach that particular age. Instead we believe that teaching children God’s ways cannot be distilled into a particular class, but it must be the habit of your life. We can also teach kids that don’t come from believing households, and sometimes we can make a difference in their lives. Deut 6:6-7
“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.
You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
d. “Teachable moments” are valuable Exodus 12:24-27; Deut 6:20-25; Josh 4:4-7
3. Why should they obey?
3. Why should they obey?
A. Because its the right thing to do. Because these must be believing, church going children, they are assumed to want to do what is right purely because it’s the right thing. It’s the right thing to do because God has placed parents in authority over their children. Parents did not invent this authority structure, God did by making children relatively helpless, ignorant, and weak. He could have made our offspring fully mature so they wouldn’t have to obey; after all, Adam and Eve were created as adults. Quite a few animals are born able to fend for themselves, as well. But he made kids weak and vulnerable, so that their parents would have to take care of them. Responsibility implies authority.
B. Indeed, God does hold parents accountable for how they raise their children, therefore children must submit; if they do not listen the parent’s job becomes very much harder and very much less pleasant.
C. Because that’s what God commands. Paul quotes the fifth commandment Exod 20:12. Now Christians are not under the law, so you might wonder if that’s true then how does this apply? The answer is that God commanded Israelites to honor their parents because it reflects God’s own moral character. So we learn from the law that God wants children to obey their parents; we learn from right here that this command is a timeless one - God always wants all children to obey their parents, because that’s how he wanted the human race to function. It’s why he created children to be vulnerable, weak and dependent on their parents.
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
D. Because if you obey you won’t die young. Now it’s notable that Paul does not quote the last part of the verse, as Christians don’t inherit the promised land, rather, we wait for the return of Christ and the beginning of the kingdom of heaven.
The implication for Israel is that the corporate blessings depend on most people showing honor to their parents, along with the rest of the law. That’s why cursing your parents was a capital crime in Israel Lev 20:9. It could cause the breakdown of society, and the abandonment of the nation by God. For America, we aren’t necessarily subject to the same threat of abandonment; but the danger of societal breakdown is still here. When the basic building-blocks of society fail to function, that nation is not long for this world.
‘For everyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother. His blood shall be upon him.
However, in this case the command is also quite individual Prov 30:17; 6:20-23. The general idea is that honoring your parents will result in blessing and a better life; failure to do this will gradually get you into trouble until you mess yourself up so bad you die early.
The eye that mocks his father, And scorns obedience to his mother, The ravens of the valley will pick it out, And the young eagles will eat it.
My son, keep your father’s command, And do not forsake the law of your mother.
Bind them continually upon your heart; Tie them around your neck.
When you roam, they will lead you; When you sleep, they will keep you; And when you awake, they will speak with you.
For the commandment is a lamp, And the law a light; Reproofs of instruction are the way of life,
4. What are some examples?
4. What are some examples?
A. Negative - the example of Eli’s Sons
They were not merely rebellious, but treated the sacrificial system with contempt 1 Sam 2:12-17
They were rebuked by their rather impotent and spiritually weak father 1 Samuel 2:22-25
They died on the battlefield when the Ark was captured.
B. Positive - the example of Jesus Luke 2:41-52
Mary and Joseph left Jesus behind because they trusted him. Prov 20:11
Jesus was a bright boy who clearly enjoyed school-work and loved the give and take of academic debate
Jesus was legitimately confused about why they were looking for him. This would have been the first year he would have joined Joseph with the men, rather than staying back in the court of the women with his brothers and sisters. He was trying to start his Messianic mission, since he knew God was his father.
Despite not really being the type that enjoys manual carpentry, when he realized it was his duty to continue to obey his earthly father, instead of started his Heavenly Father’s mission, he immediately submitted to their authority, and ended up working with and eventually running his father’s business for about twenty years.
He, the spotless Lamb of God, the perfectly holy one, could legitimately say that he was always sinless; Mary, and Joseph, on the other hand, could not. Yet despite being more righteous than his parents, he still submitted to their authority.
By submitting to authority, he continued to grow in wisdom as he finished growing up, and in favor with God and man - meaning as he got older he learned more and more about how to live and how to deal with people.
II. Parents
II. Parents
1. Why only fathers?
1. Why only fathers?
A. Parenting takes two people, and the wife is to manage the household 1 Tim 5:14; Tit 2:3-5
B. Fathers are the leaders of the home, so they set the direction of raising the children.
2. How can we avoid provoking our children?
2. How can we avoid provoking our children?
A. Unnecessarily harsh tone will stir up anger. Prov 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
B. Failure to discipline will also do it. The Scriptures are quite clear on this:
Leave a child to his/her own devices and you can expect trouble Prov 29:15, 17
The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Correct your son, and he will give you rest; Yes, he will give delight to your soul.
Discipline, even corporal punishment, is necessary Prov 19:18; 13:24; 22:15
Chasten your son while there is hope, And do not set your heart on his destruction.
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.
C. See the example of Absalom and Adonijah.
Absalom was a man of such questionable character, that though he was the heir apparent and Joab had put his reputation on the line to bring him back, once he did Joab wanted nothing to do with him.
David failed to exercise his role as King and punish Amnon as the rape of Tamar deserved. Absalom’s anger, though initially justified, was not dealt with and became a grudge against his father. 2 Sam 13:22
And Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon neither good nor bad. For Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.
I’d say that if your son is leading an army to try to kill you, he might be a little provoked.
There’s this little note at the rebellion of Adonijah, that indicates David’s complete abdication of his duty as a father 1 Kings 1:6
(And his father had not rebuked him at any time by saying, “Why have you done so?” He was also very good-looking. His mother had borne him after Absalom.)
D. Overprotection
By sheltering your children beyond what their ages require, you do not help them. Laban was just such a parent, domineering and overprotective. To be fair, there was also not a little greed there, but I’ve no doubt that Laban told himself he was making sure his daughters got married off. When Jacob wanted to move on, Laban begged him to stay Gen 30:25-27
And it came to pass, when Rachel had borne Joseph, that Jacob said to Laban, “Send me away, that I may go to my own place and to my country.
Give me my wives and my children for whom I have served you, and let me go; for you know my service which I have done for you.”
And Laban said to him, “Please stay, if I have found favor in your eyes, for I have learned by experience that the Lord has blessed me for your sake.”
By deceiving Jacob, he doubtless thought he had the best of both worlds - he got to keep his genius shepherd for free; he got his eldest daughter married off, therefore ending the worry that because Leah was older, she would end up an old maid. However, his daughters didn’t see it that way. instead, they felt his entire motivation was greed, and that he didn’t care about them at all Genesis 31:14-17
Then Rachel and Leah answered and said to him, “Is there still any portion or inheritance for us in our father’s house?
Are we not considered strangers by him? For he has sold us, and also completely consumed our money.
For all these riches which God has taken from our father are really ours and our children’s; now then, whatever God has said to you, do it.”
Then Jacob rose and set his sons and his wives on camels.
E. Favoritism
Isaac’s household was one where favoritism was practiced Genesis 25:28. Result: Jacob and Esau became bitter rivals; Jacob tricked Esau out of his father’s blessing and had to flee for his life; Esau became complacent, and married a couple of Canaanite girls, which grieved Isaac and Rebecca; Jacob carried this bad habit to his own household, and Joseph, the favorite, ended up being sold as a slave.
And Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.
3. What is the Discipline and Instruction of the Lord?
3. What is the Discipline and Instruction of the Lord?
A. “Discipline” παιδεια
Described by how God treats us Heb 12:5-8; Rev 3:19
B. “Instruction” or “warning” 1 Cor 10:11; 4:14
Now all these things happened to them as examples, and they were written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the ages have come.
I do not write these things to shame you, but as my beloved children I warn you.
C. Positive as well as negative Prov 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
D. To exhort obedience to the Lord’s Commands
Ephesians: An Introduction and Commentary b. Children and Parents (6:1–4)
parents should care more for the loyalty of their children to Christ than for anything besides, more for this than for their health, their intellectual vigour and brilliance, their material prosperity, their social position, their exemption from great sorrows and great misfortunes.’