Sermon Tone Analysis
Overall tone of the sermon
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Opening comments.
Dear Ladies,
We know you mean well.
We know you think you know best.
But enough is enough.
We have suffered in silence for too long.
Having shared our pain with each other, we husbands hereby step out of the shadows and open our hearts.
This year as you shop for our Christmas gifts, please don’t buy us what we need.
We know we need to smell better and look nicer.
We know you like us in warm pajamas and new underwear.
But we do not know what to say when we open these gifts.
How can you fake enthusiasm over house slippers?
How can you look happy holding a nose-hair trimmer?
We’ve lied long enough.
For the sake of integrity on Christmas morning, we offer this guidance.
As you look at any potential gift, ask yourself these questions: Can he play with it?
Does it swing, bounce, shuffle, cast, or roll?
Can you find a trigger, grip, rip cord, or stick shift?
Does it consume oil or dog food?
Does it have a big screen and a remote control?
If it does, buy it.
Doesn’t matter that he already has one.
This is no time to be practical.
When considering an item of men’s apparel, ask yourself, is it brown and green and rain resistant?
You can’t lose with any garment that is.
Realizing that many women prefer to shop anywhere but the gun department, we offer these two questions.
Does it make him look cute?
Does it make him look like a hunk?
If the clothing makes him look cute, drop it immediately.
If it makes him look like a hunk, buy two.
When all else fails, ask, can he eat it?
Note, the question is not, would you eat it?
Or do other humans eat it?
Or is it edible?
Don’t occupy yourself with trivialities.
The question is, can he eat it?
Anytime the answer is affirmative, consider yourself on safe ground.
In closing we extend this offer.
If you will buy us what we want, we will do the same for you.
Without revealing any details we will tell you this.
A large vacuum cleaner company has offered us a group discount.
(And you thought we were insensitive.)
No need to thank us,
Your husbands
Christmas and gift giving.
The two have always been associated with each other for good reason.
The magi gave Jesus the gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
The shepherds gave Jesus the gift of their time and belief.
Mary gave Jesus the gift of her womb.
The offerings seem practical.
The wise men’s treasures could be used to fund the family’s escape to Egypt.
The shepherds’ visitation would keep the family company.
Mary’s womb would protect the growing child.
But there is one gift that might appear a bit curious.
The angels’ gift of worship.
Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others—the armies of heaven—praising God:
“Glory to God in the highest heaven,” they sang, “and peace on earth for all those pleasing him.”
When this great army of angels had returned again to heaven, the shepherds said to each other, “Come on!
Let’s go to Bethlehem!
Let’s see this wonderful thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”
(Luke 2:13–15 tlb)
The angels filled the night with light and the air with music, and, well, that’s it.
They worshipped.
Couldn’t they have done something more useful?
Mary could have used a bed.
Joseph would have benefited from an angelic escort back to Nazareth.
Baby Jesus needed a bassinet.
These were angels.
Didn’t they know better?
Then again, these were angels.
Who knew Jesus better than they?
Those who knew Jesus best loved him dearest.
Those who had followed him the longest gave him the gift of worship.
They placed their love on a pillow of praise and presented it to Jesus.
They did that night.
They do so still.
Heaven at this very moment reverberates with loud corporate worship.
“Day and night they never stop saying: ‘Holy, holy, holy.’”
(Rev.
4:8 NIV).
The word worshipactually evolved from the Old English word weorthscipe.
“To worship, then, is to ascribe worth to someone or something.”1
Worship happens anytime you turn your heart toward heaven and say, “You are worthy.”
When you clear your calendar for prayer, turn the radio dial to praise music, or use your morning jog to recite Bible verses or your lunch break to meditate, this is worship.
Worship happens in neighborhoods, in living rooms, in open pastures.
And, yes, worship happens in churches.
When the people of God make a public and plural declaration of God’s goodness, worship is happening.
God is on the hunt for those who will imitate the angels, for people who will open their hearts and mouths and declare, “Glory to God in the highest heaven.”
“The Father . . . is actively seeking such people to worship him” (John 4:23 ncv).
Perhaps you are wondering, But what if I don’t worship?
Oh, but you will.
The question is, not will you worship, but where will you direct your worship?
We all worship someone or something.
Why, I once worshipped a bicycle!
At the age of eight I asked my parents to give me a bicycle for Christmas.
Not just any bike but a fire engine–red Schwinn bike with a banana seat and high handlebars.
They did! Basking in the light of the Christmas tree, it beckoned me to climb aboard and ride away into the bliss of childhood.
I decorated the handlebars with tassels and bought a reflector for the fender.
I attached a playing card to the frame so it would click, click, click against the tire spokes.
I was cool.
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