Matthew 19:1-12 Should I Stay or Should I Go?
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Intro
Intro
John Widle taking care of his wife
The Clash song, “Should I Stay or Should I Go”
There is a line in the chorus that says, “If I go there will be trouble, If I stay there will be double.”
Did you know that Scripture backs this up
But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.
Mark Gungor who wrote Laugh your way to a better marriage has a great bit on this
They come up to him “Pastor Mark there is problems with my marriage
He answer “That’s about right.”
Then he shares this verse
Proverbs 14:4 (ESV)
Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean,
but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.
Many people want a poo free marriage
They want to shoot the Ox
But look at the second part of the scripture
Abundant crops come by the Ox
Marriage is messy
If I leave there will be trouble
If I stay there will be double, but there can be an abundance of love, joy, and laughter
I. Becoming One vs. 1-6
I. Becoming One vs. 1-6
vs. 3 Carefree Divorce?
vs. 3 Carefree Divorce?
This continues the theme of conflict and controversy with the religious leaders.
Previously in Matthew, they had questioned Jesus as He did His work in Galilee.
Now Jesus, in Judea is questioned by them – and their questions were not honest.
They asked this, testing Him. They hoped to trap Jesus.
The Pharisees themselves debated the grounds for divorce implied in Deuteronomy 24:1–4:
Divorce was a controversial topic in Jesus’ day, with two main schools of thought, centered around two of its most famous proponents.
The first was the school of Rabbi Shammai (a more strict and unpopular view) and second was the school of Rabbi Hillel (a more lax and popular view).
The school of Shammai, predominant in Jesus’ day, argued that the passage allowed divorce only if one’s spouse was unfaithful;
The school of Hillel, which eventually won out, said that a man could divorce his wife if she burned the toast
a later rabbi of this school added, “Or if you find someone more attractive”!
In theory, the Jews of that day had a high ideal of marriage. Yet they had a low view of women.
“The Jews had very low views of women…A wife was bought, regarded as property, used as a household drudge, and dismissed at pleasure.” (Bruce)
Today, men also have a low view of women
For just any reason: These words were the center of the debate. Each school of thought understood that the Mosaic law gave permission for divorce
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house,
vs. 4 God made the male and female
vs. 4 God made the male and female
Once again we enter the red letter zone
These are Jesus’s words
He answers the Pharisees not on divorce, but on marriage
He questions their education
From the beginning God made them male and female
He doesn’t think that gender is a social construct
He knows that His Father made them Male and Female from the Beginning
It was Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve
Jesus will lay out why it is supposed to be a man and a woman in a little bit
The dark side of Love is love
The culture says you should be able to love who ever you love
The data doesn’t prove that
Homosexuals will have over 1,000 more partners than a heterosexual
Homosexual men will have up to 10,000 sexual encounters
The divorce rate, even though it isn’t publish is much higher
The physical abuse is 40% higher amongst homosexuals
Alisa Childers writes in her book about a lesbian Lutheran minister who ripped out all of the Bible except for the Gospels and held them near to her bare chest because they were truth to her
Everything else was judgmental towards her beliefs but the Gospels accepted her for who she was
My first thought was what about the hundreds of times Jesus quotes or paraphrases the OT
Next, my mind went to this passage
vs. 5a Leave and Cleave
vs. 5a Leave and Cleave
Next Jesus gets into the issue of procreation
A man and woman have to leave a mother and father
The terminology “leave and cleave” is interesting
It literally means to turn ones back on, or forsake, your parents and turn towards your spouse
You leave the care of your parents and cleave to your spouse
The word cleave or joined literally means to glue one things to another
It’s like taking two pieces of plywood and gluing them together
What’s interesting is that after drying the two pieces fuse together
It is impossible to separate the two without leaving pieces of each on the other
vs. 5b One Flesh
vs. 5b One Flesh
The reason for that?
Because God has made you one flesh
When a man and woman consumate the relationship they become one physically
That is why fornication before and adultery during are so dangerous
The physical act of sex is more than just that
It bonds a couple together
Every couple knows about makeup sex
Lack of intimacy separates and opens to temptation
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Physical intimacy leads to oneness in spiritual and emotional oneness
vs. 6 God Joined You Together
vs. 6 God Joined You Together
Foundational to all of this is that God has joined you and your spouse together
II. A Departed Heart vs. 7-9
II. A Departed Heart vs. 7-9
Jesus addresses the issue of divorce by showing us four issues that destroy marriages
vs. 7 Push Them Away
vs. 7 Push Them Away
The first issue that destroys marriage is that we push our spouse away
The Pharisees wrongly thought that God commanded divorce where there was uncleanness.
One rabbinic saying of that day went: “If a man has a bad wife, it is a religious duty to divorce her.”
But Jesus noted the difference between “command” and “permitted.”
God never commands divorce, but He does permit it.
The Pharisees thought that Moses was creating or promoting divorce.
In fact, he was controlling it.
vs. 8 Hardness of Heart
vs. 8 Hardness of Heart
The second issue that destroys marriages is our hardness of heart
Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds.
They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart.
They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity.
vs. 9a Sexual Immorality
vs. 9a Sexual Immorality
The third issue we see that destroys marriages is sexual immorality
The Greek word here is porneia
It’s where we get our word pornography
It means to commit any sexual sin
vs. 9b Committing Adultery
vs. 9b Committing Adultery
The fourth issue we see is controversial
If you divorce your spouse except for sexual immorality commits adultery
III. The Celibate Life vs. 10-12
III. The Celibate Life vs. 10-12
vs. 10 Better not to Marry
vs. 11 Not for Everyone
vs. 11 Not for Everyone
vs. 12 One Who is Able
vs. 12 One Who is Able